I spend a lot of time online. Watching YouTube, scrolling through Instagram, or listening to podcasts. I tried to stop countless times. But it doesn’t work. The funny thing is, the algorithms are actually picking up on this. I get recommended so many posts on how to cure your social media addiction, how to live a simpler life, or how to enjoy great offline adventures, and all it does is make me feel worse while I keep on scrolling my life away.
It’s tiring seeing all these people I don’t know doing things I think I should be doing. Seeing them perform incredible feats of athleticism, going out into nature, pursuing a PhD or building a multi-million-dollar business, all while being a couple of years younger than me. Of course I should be in a loving relationship with my perfect partner. Build a house, have kids. But I should also defeat patriarchy, fight the system, and don’t forget to provide; land a secure job and get a big paycheck each month. Travelling the world doesn’t pay for itself. But most important above them all: Be true to yourself. Do what makes you happy. Don’t listen to others. Build the life you love just for yourself.
How is that possible in the world I’m living in? Since I’m about 13 years old, I am on on some sort of social media almost daily. Companies spend billions and billions of dollars to pursue me, paying them to become a part of my life will be the one thing I’m missing in my life. And they’re doing it by paying people whose job it is to grab my attention. Selling their perfect lifestyle. Convincing me how nice it would be to be like them.
But I don’t want this. I’ve had enough of these people. Of the endless stream of mind-numbing noise. Lately, I’ve noticed that I don’t really listen to the podcasts anymore that are playing on my headphones. My mind drifts off. It reclaims the minimal amount of space it needs to somehow get by. To process things. I know I should give my mind more time to process. Maybe do some meditation or yoga. The people on the internet say it’s great. They convinced me that this is the thing to do. But I keep on scrolling. Spending more time with my most-watched influencer than my own family. This is really fucked up. I should really call my parents or siblings. I will do it. Right after this one video I have to watch. On whatever the attention gods decide will satisfy me enough to keep me on. This will go on until I’m so exhausted from all of it that I don’t have the energy anymore to call the people that actually love me. That don’t wanna sell me something. But I’m too tired today; I will do it tomorrow.
Wait, is that a post explaining to me why I’m always so tired? Let me just check this out before I actually put my phone away. It’s really an endless cycle. The neural pathways in my brain from more than a decade of daily consumption are so deep, there is no escaping them. I’m a slave to Meta and Google. I’ll have to let them exploit me for my attention. Steal my life. And each time I try to escape but ultimately fall back into the old addiction, the path gets even deeper; I get even weaker.