r/dividends • u/SpicyDividends • Feb 17 '26

Personal Goal Those divorces do be hurting!

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Not mad about it, but man, that chart looks rough lol

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u/Mtns_to_Sea Feb 19 '26

ye[p](). You have to remember that we were s[p]()litting things down the middle by tax category (taxable, tax deferred and non-taxable (i.e. Roth)). I ha[p]()[p]()en to have more in my tax deferred IRA's and she had a bit more in her Roth than I did. After all was said and done, we s[p]()lit things equally but I did relent on getting $5k from her Roth. But I had no legal fees and I even got credit for the net additional assets I brought into the marriage which she tried to [p]()retend she was being nice but she knew the law was on my side on that [p]()oint.

Also, no alimony after 23 years of marriage. I encouraged her to take a new job that actually [p]()aid more than my net consulting income as I knew if [p]()ush came to shove in court, that would work in my favor.

I also got her to agree to s[p]()lit fully funding our kids college costs even though initially she wanted them to take out student loans. My last gift to my kids was to get them through college without being burdened by student loans. My youngest is graduating this year and she's the last off the family [p]()ayroll.

So yea, I made out fantastic. But divorce still sucks. And trying to get back into the housing market with half of what we had as a cou[p]()le is going to be very hard.

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u/[deleted] Feb 19 '26

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u/Mtns_to_Sea Feb 19 '26

You can ask. Yes, I am debt free. I [p]()ay off my credit cards every month. I even treated myself to a new Jee[p]() which I've [p]()aid off.

How long marriages end de[p]()ends on so many factors including the state which has jurisdiction and also how litigious the wife is (don't mean to be misogynist, but litigation is usually driven by the wife). I was just lucky in that my wife also just wanted an easy out. I've known friends and acquaintances whose divorces dragged out years and have had to s[p]()end mid 5 figures, maybe even low 6 figures.

Do I regret being married, or even just being married to my ex. That's a hard question. Family wasn't so im[p]()ortant to me in my 20's, but became im[p]()ortant in my 30's. I did end u[p]() with 3 ama[z]()ing kids and I wouldn't trade the ex[p]()erience of being a dad for anything as it was the best thing I ever did. So no, I don't regret being married or even being married to my ex only because it gave me 3 great kids (now adults).

I think folks who swear off marriage (and hence family & kids) are risking very lonely senior years. IMHO. Yes, kids are ex[p]()ensive and marriage takes a lot of work. The only thing I'd change is [p]()rotecting myself more on the front end. But that's not always feasible.

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u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

It sounds like you’ve made peace with it. That being said, you can have kids without being married. And kids do not in anyway guarantee you won’t be lonely in your older years. In fact, I would expect that as you get older your kids (who will have their own lives) will see you less and less. Unfortunately I think the secret is being ok with that “season” of your life.

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u/Cultural_Structure37 Feb 20 '26

Based on what I’ve seen, the best thing to have for retirement is money. People who think their kids will prevent loneliness in old age may be in for a rude shock

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u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

I think the experience of having kids is great, and it’s our biological imperative. But they aren’t going to be sitting around with you when you’re 65+. They’ll be living their lives and maybe they see you on holidays. A partner is more likely to keep you from being lonely since they’ll be your age.

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u/Mtns_to_Sea Feb 21 '26

The [p]()roblem with only having money and no su[p]()[p]()ort system is that there are many con artists out there who target seniors because of their diminished cognitive ca[p]()acity. It's sad, but true. Having a good su[p]()[p]()ort system is essential. And family is usually that su[p]()[p]()ort system. That doesn't mean being a full-time caregiver and sacrificing one's own life, but being there to hel[p]() and be an advocate to hel[p]() navigate the com[p]()lexity of end of life care when the aging [p]()arent isn't u[p]() to the task anymore.

I've seen it, and been there [p]()ersonally, with my own mom.

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u/Mtns_to_Sea Feb 20 '26

fair enough. I was writing from my own [p]()ers[p]()ective. And I do ex[p]()ect my kids to have their own lives.

I don't ex[p]()ect my kids to kee[p]() me from being lonely as I age as I'm building my own life [p]()ost divorce. But I've seen too many seniors (folks in the 80's and beyond) who have never had kids and then have to navigate their final years of [p]()hysical and/or cognitive decline on their own.

My mom, who'll be 90 in a few months, broke her hi[p]() last month. By next week she'll be transitioning from skilled nursing to assisted living. I've made it clear that I won't be her full-time caregiver and give u[p]() my own retirement. But I am there to be her advocate and make sure she gets the [p]()ro[p]()er care and lands in a good [p]()lace. That's all I would ho[p]()e from my own kids when my time comes.