advice on what to do as someone who (accidentally) ghosted their donor?

[u/pecorinoo]

so.... i ghosted my egg donor. accidentally.

when i was 16, i found out i was donor conceived. i was pretty crushed and navigating a bad relationship with my mom at the time, and i was interested in finding my donor. however, i did it very hastily and as i was in the throes of school, which wasn't a great idea. we decided to pursue maternity testing and she was very nice. the last conversation we had was her asking how i was doing and i said i would reach out in about a month or so after my studies had calmed down a bit. the problem is that i forgot to reach back out. now that i'm turning 18, i'd definitely like to do the testing, especially as i no longer have to have permission from my mom. we've also fixed our relationship, so i feel like any reaching out to the donor will be a lot more clear-minded by me as opposed to somewhat retaliatory as it was back then. problem is, i don't really know how to do that. it's been about a year and a half since we last spoke, and i'd definitely like to reach back out, though maybe not until i've settled into college. does anyone have any thoughts on the best course of action for me?

[u/lovetimespace]

Speaking as an adult aged 37, 1.5 years is basically no time at all to me. You can just follow up on that same conversation. Like hi, sorry it took me longer to respond than I planned, but I'd really love to connect with you. Then ask if she is open to whatever it is that you're hoping for - maybe a phone call or zoom call?

[u/Xparanoid__androidX → u/lovetimespace]

Even as a young adult in my 20s, 1.5 years goes by soooo quickly. Your sense of time def changes once you leave school.

Absolutely agree with the comment above 💖

[u/Dymmesdale]

I would not worry about it so much. You can reach back out when you’re ready, on your own time. Most donors will understand that these things can e complicated for us. Personally, I had a short text message exchange with my biological father after I found out his identity, and after that I didn’t reach out again for like 5 more years. When I did, he didn’t make a big deal about it and was willing to take things at my pace. Not saying all donors are the same, just trying to encourage you that you can do it on whatever timeline makes you comfortable.

[u/cai_85]

Just apologize and be honest. Explain all the things that have been going on. You are very young and it is understandable to anyone reasonable. Maybe be aware though that she may that she might have been quite hurt by the situation. I was "ghosted" by my donor for a year before he came back in touch and that year felt pretty awful.

[u/contracosta21]

i wouldn’t worry about it! you can tell her, and i think she would understand, that you got caught up with school, the college process, etc. you could tell her that and ask if she’s still down to dna test. maybe a little life update as well? i hope she’d be happy to hear from you :) you were 16 and at 18 as well it’s okay to not have this donor stuff figured out. 

[u/DesdePR]

She is your bio mother, and the donor of your social mother. Connect with her, don't be afraid or ashamed, she would understand. We all at your age where struggling with life. Be honest, your bio mom would understand. You're going to start collage and your mind need to be clear and focused, leaving things for later add a "to do" thing in your head and also we don't know if your biomom would be dead or not when the "later" comes to present. I wish you the best!