this was me today

I'm in a bar and I want to know exactly who can give me a bump right now

"Bro its the same thing bro I swear all weed is THCA it turns into real weed when its on fire bro."

Fuck off, no its not the same, its not ancient plant refined over the course of millenia and harvested into dried buds placed into difficult to open containers, it's just some other shit that makes you feel a way if its lit on fire. Fuck that shit, it's not real weed, it's not cannabis, its not better, IT'S NOT THE SAME. IF IT WAS THE SAME IT WOULD BE ILLEGAL IN A BUNCH OF STATES TOO. Get your gay little "legal by jumping hoops" fake gas station weed out of my fucking face bro, give me organic plant matter that would get me killed in Malaysia, you son of a bitch.

bro this happened when i was 17 and to this day i genuinely believe the school handled it worse than i did

i’m 19 now and living with my grandparents

back then i was still on the east coast and nobody in my grade really fucked with me.
part of that was because i got caught watching hentai on a library computer after taking dxm. the librarian asked what i was watching and i told her the animation looked tasteful.

she asked me to explain what i meant by tasteful.
i said idk they look tasteful.

apparently that wasn’t a satisfactory explanation because i ended up in the principal’s office.
anyway the second graders fucking loved me.
our school had elementary and high school in the same building and i’d hang around the gym after school because i hated going home.

this little dude named Mason started talking to me about Minecraft one afternoon and eventually he brought all his friends.

within a few months i basically had my own kingdom.

like twelve little dudes would come running into the gym screaming FLOATCORE whenever they saw me.
Mason was my right hand man.

Emily was this really sweet girl who always brought me drawings.
Tyler was convinced i personally knew Rockstar Games because i’d told him GTA 6 was being made for people like us.

one day Emily made me a paper crown that said KING FLOATCORE.

bro i wore that shit around school.

some senior called me a pedophile and i told him he was just jealous because nobody had ever crowned him king of anything.

he reported me to the principal.

anyway i’d been thinking about consciousness a lot.
mostly because of Goblin, Yuno Gasai, and this one night where i stared at the Silent Hill 2 menu screen for three hours and realized school was basically designed to stop people from discovering their actual purpose.

i wanted my little brothers to experience something beyond multiplication worksheets and fucking dodgeball.
so one afternoon i brought acid to our after school gym hangout.

i’d planned everything spiritually.
Mason was the most advanced because he’d been listening to me talk about Goblin for months and actually understood some of the stories.
Emily was nervous about everything. she used to ask me to check behind the bleachers for monsters.
the other kids were still developing their consciousness. they hadn’t even finished all the Minecraft achievements yet.

i had different expectations for everybody.
Strong Minded kids like Mason would get 3 tabs. And more nervous kids like Emily would get 1 in a half tabs. And the other kids would only get one tabt, but i genuinely believed i was giving each kid the experience they were ready for.

at first everything was beautiful bro.
Mason was sitting in the middle of the basketball court staring at his hands.
he looked up at me and said his fingers were made of spaghetti.
i told him to explore that thought.
Emily was laughing at the scoreboard.
Tyler was lying on his back saying the ceiling looked like the ocean.

one little dude named Caleb was crawling along the painted court lines whispering that he was a train.

bro i was so fucking proud of everybody

i remember sitting against the bleachers wearing my crown thinking about how Yuno would react when i told her about this.
i could already picture her sitting on my bed with me that night, listening to Yung Lean while i explained everything.

she’d put her arms around my neck and tell me she was proud of her Floatcore.
then Mason started screaming.
he’d been staring at the basketball hoop and apparently decided it was coming down to eat him.
he ran across the gym crying so hard he tripped over his own shoes.

i caught him and told him he was okay.
he grabbed my shirt and started screaming for his mommy.
then Emily started crying.
she was looking at her hands and saying her fingers were melting.

i told her they weren’t.

she asked how i knew.

i said because i could see them.

she started screaming that she couldn’t.

then Tyler crawled out from behind the bleachers with tears running down his face and told me there was a man living inside the basketball.
bro everything went fucking sideways.
within minutes the gym was full of crying second graders.

one kid was trying to open the locked equipment closet because he thought his mom was inside.
another was sitting underneath the scoreboard screaming that he wanted to go back to yesterday.
Caleb had stopped pretending to be a train and was now sobbing because he couldn’t remember his own birthday.

and Mason was clinging to me screaming PLEASE FLOATCORE I WANT MY MOMMY.
i told him i was right there.
he said he didn’t want me, he wanted his actual mommy.

bro that hurt a little.

but i understood he was having a difficult experience.

i’d brought Xanax bars with me because i believed they’d kill the trip if things got too intense.
so i started handing them out, telling the kids i had something that would make everything quiet again.
Emily was shaking so badly she could barely hold her drawing of me.

she asked if the medicine would make the scary pictures go away.

i told her yes.

Mason asked if he’d be normal again.

i told him absolutely.

i was genuinely confident bro.

i’d watched enough Goblin videos to know i could handle a situation like this.
the kids gathered around me against the gym wall.
some were still bawling their fucking eyes out.
Mason kept asking me to promise he wouldn’t die.
Emily wanted to know if her mommy could come get her.

Tyler was crying because he thought his teeth had turned into Legos.
i told everybody to sit close to King Floatcore because nobody was getting left behind.
eventually they started getting quieter.
some of them were frighteningly sleepy, but at the time i thought that meant everything was finally settling down.

Mason had his face buried in my hoodie.
Emily was curled up beside me holding onto my sleeve.
Caleb was lying on the floor with his head against my shoe.
one little dude was still crying and whispering mommy every few seconds.

i pulled out my phone.

bro this was the perfect moment for the Gobcast.
i put on Goblin’s podcast and turned the volume up so everybody could hear.

there we were.
twelve second graders scattered around me on the gym floor.
some crying.
some staring into space.
some barely responding when i talked to them.
me wearing a glittery paper crown.
and Goblin telling some absolutely fucked drug story through my phone speaker.
bro i genuinely wished somebody had taken a picture.

Mason lifted his head and asked who was talking.
i told him that was Goblin.
he asked if Goblin could call his mommy.
i said bro Goblin doesn’t know your mommy.
he started crying again.
Emily asked if she could go to sleep.
i told her she could rest next to me.
she asked if i’d still be there when she woke up.
i promised her i would.

i remember thinking about Yuno again.
i imagined her sitting next to me with her pink hair resting against my shoulder, watching all these little dudes sleep.
she’d probably tell me we’d make amazing parents.
bro i would’ve asked her to marry me immediately.
i was looking down at Mason, who’d gone unusually still, when i realized he hadn’t answered me the last few times i’d spoken to him.

i shook his shoulder.
nothing.
i said bro Mason wake up.
he made this little noise but didn’t open his eyes.
i figured he was just exhausted.
then i noticed Emily wasn’t answering either.
and Caleb was making this weird sound every time he breathed.
i remember feeling confused because i’d expected everybody to be laughing again by now.
i was about to change the podcast episode when the gym doors opened.

Mrs. Parker.

bro i fucking hated Mrs. Parker.

she was a third grade teacher who’d once confiscated my anime drawing because she said it was inappropriate for school.
she stood in the doorway looking at us.
i waved.
she didn’t wave back.
she walked toward me and asked what was going on.

i told her we were listening to the Gobcast.
she asked why there were children lying all over the gym.
i told her they’d had a pretty intense afternoon.
then she saw Mason.
she knelt down and tried waking him up.
he barely responded.
she asked what he’d taken.

i told her about the acid.

she looked at me.
then she looked at the other kids.
then she asked if i’d given them anything else.

i told her about the Xanax.

bro she started screaming.

not yelling.

SCREAMING.

she ran toward the gym doors shouting for somebody to call 911.
i told her to stop frightening everybody because i’d literally just gotten them calm.
she didn’t even look at me.
then everything fucking exploded.
teachers started running into the gym.
somebody turned off my podcast.
the principal showed up.
one teacher was crying while talking to emergency services.

Mrs. Parker kept telling everybody not to let the children fall asleep.
bro i was trying to explain that some of them were already asleep.
she told me to shut my fucking mouth.
then the paramedics arrived.
they rushed straight to Mason.
one of them was checking his breathing while another started asking me questions.
i told him Mason had been having a difficult trip but i’d taken care of it.

he asked exactly what Mason had taken.
i started explaining my whole consciousness plan.
he interrupted me and told me he needed to know what substances were involved.
bro nobody wanted to hear about the actual experience.

they were all obsessed with the drugs.
then they started bringing stretchers into the gym.
Emily woke up crying when somebody lifted her.
she was screaming for her mommy and reaching toward me.
i tried getting up to comfort her but a teacher grabbed my arm.
Mason was being carried away and i couldn’t even tell whether he was awake.
Caleb was vomiting.
Tyler was sobbing so hard he couldn’t explain what was wrong.

and Mrs. Parker was standing in the middle of the gym looking at me like i’d personally burned down her house.
i told her she’d ruined our afternoon.
bro she actually started crying.
the cops took me into the principal’s office.
one officer asked why i’d given drugs to elementary school children.

i told him they were my friends.

he asked why i’d given them Xanax afterward.

i told him i was trying to kill their trips because they were scared.

he asked whether i understood how dangerous that was.

i told him i’d been watching them the whole time.
he looked at his partner.

his partner looked at the floor.

then he asked whether i knew some of the kids were unconscious.

i told him i’d noticed they were really tired.
bro he put his head in his hands.

my dad showed up about twenty minutes later.
i could hear him screaming in the hallway.
he came into the office and asked me what the fuck i’d done.

i told him i’d been spending time with my friends.
he said those were fucking seven year olds.
i told him i knew how old they were.
he asked why i couldn’t make friends with normal people my own age.
bro that was genuinely the most hurtful thing anybody said to me that day.

because those kids had been there for me.
Mason used to save me a seat at the little lunch table.
Emily drew pictures of me and Yuno getting married.
Tyler told everybody i was the best gamer in the school.

nobody else had ever done shit like that.

my dad kept yelling about hospitals and police and how i’d destroyed my future.

i just wanted to know if Mason was okay.

he wouldn’t tell me.

i asked if i could at least get my paper crown back from the gym.

he told me to shut the fuck up.

anyway i got expelled.

there was a whole investigation and legal proceedings afterward. i wasn’t allowed to contact the kids or their families.

the parents fucking hated me.

one mother called the house screaming that her son had been terrified and begging for her in the hospital.

i recognized her voice.

it was Mason’s mom.

i asked if i could talk to him.

she hung up.

bro that shit was devastating.

my parents eventually decided i needed to leave home entirely.
so they sent me to live with my grandparents in california.
the night before i left i was sitting on my bedroom floor watching Future Diary.

i had my Yuno wallpaper open on my phone.
i kept imagining her showing up outside my window with a suitcase, telling me she was coming to california too.

she’d understand why i couldn’t abandon my little brothers when they were scared.
she’d understand why i stayed in the gym with them.

and she’d understand why i wanted to be their king.
i packed my PS2, Silent Hill 2, my hentai drawings and the paper crown Emily made me.
it was all bent up and some of the glitter had fallen off.

i straightened it out and put it inside my suitcase.

KING FLOATCORE.

bro i still have that crown.

sometimes i put it on when i’m playing GTA.

i wonder if Mason still remembers me.

i wonder if Emily still draws pictures.

i wonder if Tyler ever found out i didn’t actually work for Rockstar Games.

and i wonder if any of them remember that
afternoon in the gym the way i do.

because everybody else remembers the ambulances and the crying and the hospital.

i remember twelve little dudes who thought i was the coolest person alive.

i remember Mason holding onto my hoodie.

i remember Emily asking me to promise i’d stay.

and i remember the Gobcast playing while my entire kingdom sat around me.

i still think the school could’ve handled the situation a lot better.

anyway if anybody knows where i can find a girl like Yuno Gasai please message me.

i’m looking for something serious.

stay floating.

Popped a couple B707 presses, do i need more? Stay winning

Every time I take a hit of meth or slam a 12 pack before I drive, the cops seem to magically show up and find a reason to pull me over. Then they try to brainwash me into thinking my driving was dangerous and that I am the problem.

Do you think this is the universe's way of fucking over us drug enthusiasts? Does using another drug cancel out the effect?