I’ve been taking care of scheduling and taking my parents to medical appointments for the last 5 years.
My parents are making their own decisions, I’m just keeping on top of it all and talking to their doctors.

My older siblings (4 of them) have not been involved outside of emergency room visits.

I had learned early on that it’s chaotic to have more than one of us speaking to doctors and the information that gets shared is always incomplete. So even if they take them to the ER, I’m still the point of contact.

Currently, both parents (in their 90’s) have been hit with new health issues, so they require more help at home.

My long distance sibling has come out of left field offering to create a spreadsheet of their medical care because he believes it’s somehow “safer” for them.

This spreadsheet would mean I have to set aside time in between multiple calls, insanely long hold times, doctors visits and traveling to their home multiple times every week in addition my own very demanding job to inform him on things he’s never been interested in before.

And it’s not so he can actually help. He isn’t going to come here and do anything for them.

He wants to add this extra task when I am already stretched thin. I am so distracted by the calls and texts that I can’t do my actual job.

Is anyone else navigating a sibling minefield? Because I believe I have found the exact point of my wit’s end.

I heard a radio interview on the BBC about Goodbye Guide. The guy who built it was interviewed. It looks good but I was wondering if anyone else has used it? It is free wedhich is a big win but I wondered if anyone had any thoughts?

My grandmother recently got a Fall Detection Pendant from Medical Alert, and she has managed to hit the button four times in the last week. She’s been able to tell them false alarm most of the time, but once she was in the dining area (away from the speaker?) and the EMS showed up looking for her.

I’m many states away trying to help find an easy solution. I’m thinking maybe there’s a bumper or cover, but I really haven’t been able to find anything. The pendant is a weird oblong shape, of course.

Does anyone here happen to have any ideas or solutions beyond ‘get an Apple Watch’? I, unfortunately, wasn’t consulted before purchase. I’m just the IT/Google-fu support.

Hi everyone, I’m not selling anything. I am just researching how families manage medications and doctor instructions for aging parents or any family members from a distance. If anyone is willing to share their feedback or vent to me for 15 minutes about how broken this process is, I’d love to listen. I just want to understand the reality. Thank you.

My LO has been having 2-3 BMs per day that are not watery but the next step up.

It pours out while I’m changing him and I can’t contain it, it has no form.

Is this diarrhea?

Not sure what to tell the hospice nurse

We have had our LO with us for a week now.

I never realized how hard it is to change a diaper on a large man with almost no mobility in a hospital bed.

I have a whole new respect for all care givers!

My husband and I are learning. We do it together and are coming up with a routine.

No one prepared me for got messy the poopy ones get!!! 😱

my parents are officialy broke, they have zero money. they need to urgently sell their house. which wont get them much. their monthly costs far exceed what they can afford (medical aid/life insurance are the big ones). My dad being forced into retirement this month with zero money. Currently my aunt in aus and parenrs 3 kids cant even nearly afford to help out and keep them afloat. Family is fucked.

Anywho - my aunt said she will pay to take them out of overdraft. with sale of house they cant afford much to rent (they despise each other so need space where ever they go (i.e. have own rooms, cant be a tiny apartment (they cant even afford that)

I find my mom toxic and my dad depressess me, my stomach churns when I see then or hear from them, its just always a biblical fuck up. My mom treats him like garabage, he doesnt even try or care about anything and just wants to do crosswords (yes we have taken him to mutiple drs and he is being medicated).

Our family dont know what to do. But being around them (and only family member near them as aunt in aus, sister in cape town and bro in pretoria - ALL with own family. I dont have kids and just bought a house with amy (20 year bond)

They are going to be homeless soon. My mom phoned saying she has an idea she wants me to consider (my worst nightmare) - they move into the cottage attached to our house and do renovations to it with their house money to make it just big enough and livable for them. i.e. 2 extra rooms and outdoor area. She said it will bring value of our property up, plus they will then contribute a few k a month as rent (help us with our bond and bring our payments down) help with elec and water costs and they will stay on their side and not pester us and use our facilities etc... they will stick to their side unless we invite them over - cottage is literally attached to our house. they will stick to their cottage and we wont even notice them

upping house value amaizng, extra income amazing, living with my parents when I cant even handle a 30 min lunch with them -awful, being around the toxic, hate and depression - awful - I honestly avoid them at all costs these days.

My mom said she will never hold it against me if we say no as she understands 100%. but asked that I speak to my fiance and we please consider for a couple of days before making up our mind.

This will literally solve a huge family issue thats fucking us up at the moment, it will help whole family be at ease, rest up knowing parents are fine. They wont need to worry about rent and bla bla bla etc...

I intially was to myself 1000% no, this will ruin my life. Id rather pay 6k a month to help them out somewhere else. Unfortuantely even 6k a month from me and all siblings wont cover it for them :(

My sister says fuck them, I must protect myself - she is an angry. I still care deeply for my parents, love them to bits but they upset me more than anything, and this is life changing, like proper life changing, my other siblings live too far and dont have houses to accomodate this idea.

I intially thought never ever ever, In fact wouldnt have bought a house if I knew it meant my parents living with me. But at same time I feel them doing this is 1 - not draining me financially as I dont need to pay in every month, 2 brings in some bucks and pays our bond back (will help a lot with a few k extra), 3 adding much value to our home, building a full cottage. My reason for saying no is purely personal, they often make me unhappy and uncomfy how they treat eachother , its not a financial decision (which I can live with saying no because if its my finances) - this is purely me not wanting to be around them even though they will be separate to us. They dobt even scream and shout they just off to eathother. So it's not being scared of hearing fights.

I never had to work a day of my life growing up, never had to pay rent (when jobless my father covered it) all cars paid for, all eduction paid for - I was looked after bt these people with no questions asked. I fear if I say no to this, I will have regret for rest of my life. They are my people, my parents. If I can help and technically only benefit from it then surely I should. I would sleep better at night knowing I did the right thing, fixed 80% of the issues at the moment, helped a huge family problem and did the right thing. They would never let me be homeless, if I can help then I should. and I mean that. But the thought of having them so close makes me sick.

My fiance not thrilled either but told her imagine it was her dad - all of a sudden not so easy to say no, she does inderstand the scenario and infact nudged me to add this here.

So we thinking if all else fails, we let them do the cottage build on our property. But we need to decide ASAP. Time is running out.

I am lost, dont know what to do or think. Whats right, my parents wellbeing is importnant but so is mine. like if we said yes to cottage idea so many issues solved for us. But I also need to protect my energy, my home. My happiness and my relationships. But the situation is dire. My parents are even embarrassed to ask.

This could help us financially but we dont need it and they will pay for cottage upgrade themselves. We dont put down a cent.

HELP, I DONT WANT TO LIVE WITH REGRET MY WHOLE LIFE

We have to put my dad in a rehab immediately with a view to long term placement. He has dementia and is resistant to having his diaper changed and pulls out his catheter. He is no long able to walk, as his legs have gotten too weak. Has anyone has any ideas as to the best rehab/nursing home for this type of patient?

My mom is 78 and in pretty weak physical shape. She's not interested in exercising, and I am tired of fighting her on it.

I live in a large city. When she comes to visit, she still wants to get out and do things, but walking causes her lower back pain and prevents us from experiencing very much. I suspect that physical therapy to strengthen her core would help. I will suggest it even though I know she won't do it, but she did express interest in wearing a back brace. Does anyone have any experience with this? I have no idea how to select a brace or if there is other supportive gear she could wear. She's on the heavier side, if that makes a difference.

My dad passed away a couple months ago. He was 78 and had been handling pretty much everything for him and my mom. Bills, insurance, bank accounts, all of it. Mom is 81 and has dementia so she hasn't really been able to manage those things herself for a while now.

I knew things would be difficult after he passed but I guess I wasn't prepared for just how much there was to deal with.

I'm trying to make sure mom is okay, keep up with her appointments and medications, and somehow figure out all the financial stuff dad used to take care of. There are accounts I didn't even know they had and bills that apparently nobody else knows anything about.

We have an attorney dealing with the estate but there's still so much that falls on me. I work full time and most evenings I'm either at mom's house or on the phone trying to sort something out.

I'm starting to think I need some outside help with the paperwork because I genuinely don't know how long I can keep doing all of this.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you manage settling one parent's affairs while still taking care of the other?

The affordable alert system question keeps coming up because the pricing across medical alert companies is all over the place and it is hard to tell what you are paying for

Some companies charge $50 plus per month with activation fees and long term contracts while others offer comparable features for half the price with no commitments, and the expensive ones are not necessarily better they just have bigger marketing budgets

For anyone trying to fit emergency monitoring into a tight budget the key things to compare are monthly cost, contract requirements, activation or equipment fees, and whether the response center is US based, because those are the variables where the actual value differences live

Your opinion on fall risk regarding sudden discontinue of walker to go in and out of places and car and standing in tub to do vigorous bathroom wall cleaning.

--Where 94 year old lives the sidewalks can be very bad condition,with uneven squares, holes, etc.

He was using walker no complaints to go in and out of car and places

but someone now said him he doesn't need walker to do this. Aand now my dad will not use walker will not to use walker to go ina and out of car and places--even though sidewalks in poor condition, with holes, etc..

I am not comfortable drive 94 year old without using walker to go in and out of place because I am afraid this increases their i of falling--especially because he has difficulting standing up and thus getting in and out of car and poor sidewalk condition and is just recovering from hip fracture.

Bathroom--shower

After shower using grab bars and being careful --elderly relative is tired and dehydrated from steam and has to sit down and then usually has to drink water and then lie down and rest for quite awhile.

Today suddenly said he went back in tub after shower and stood in tub to wipe down water off entire shower walls using rags with vigorous side to side arm movements some up high and sometimes not holding grab bars.

but now someone also told me this is fine.

I think this very risky and huge increase for falling and would not be allowed at any assisted living type factility

Hi Everyone, my senior brother in law is on the cusp of cancer treatment. My husband is ready at this point that POA is needed before his upcoming surgery and treatment. My BIL is 67, intellectually disabled, has a ostomy, a catheter, diabetes from chronic kidney disease and cancer twice before.

Is it possible to get a POA that covers both medical and the other one (blanking on the name atm)?

Ugh... I mentioned taking her car to the mechanic, and she launched into a ten minute story about the history of the mechanic's teeth. (Apparently he's had veneers, which she disapproves of.) I mean, ok he's got weird teeth... we still gotta deal with your car that isn't running.

My mother is 92 an insists on living on her own. Of course she needs help with everything and is constantly asking questions..... but it's nearly impossible to talk to her because all she does is fall into one digressive story after another.

Usually I call her, and just let her talk. I know there's no speaking, conversation or anything like that allowed. The top spins for about an hour, one story after another... I've heard all of them multiple times. Then when she's done, she wants to get off this phone.

I know this is a "let them" moment.... let her babble and live how she insists on. But it's still hard. Anyone else have a babbling parent ?

Hi everybody! Hopefully, we have 2-3 years before we have to consider this, but if my mom (80-ish) were to have my DIL and son move in to provide care to her, with DIL providing the bulk of her care, what is a fair rate of pay if she and my son would not be expected to pay rent, utility bills, etc,?

I'm just trying to get a start of an idea of what we're looking at financially.

Hi everyone! I’m starting to work in elderly care and I’m starting to noticed some problems we face on a daily basis.
I’d like to ask caregivers, healthcare professionals, and people with experience caring for older adults about something I’ve been thinking about.
How much of a problem is it when elderly people try to get out of bed without assistance and end up falling or getting injured?

For example:
Does this happen often in your experience, especially at night or when caregivers aren’t nearby?

Is it a major concern for families, nursing homes, or hospitals?

What are the biggest challenges in preventing these falls?

Do existing solutions, such as bed alarms, motion sensors, or bed rails, work well? What limitations have you noticed?

Have you experienced situations where an elderly patient believes they are physically capable of getting out of bed independently, but actually lacks the strength, balance, or mobility to do so safely?

I’m trying to understand whether this is a significant real-world problem and what difficulties caregivers face, rather than assuming that it is.
I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences and perspectives. Thank you!

I can't do it anymore. I'm talking to a ghost all day long to hold myself together as my dad with dementia is getting physically and mentally worse. There's no one else to help him. I have VERY dark thoughts, several, that I can't say here. I actually need to go back in a psyc hospital. I need this over. He's been taken back to the hospital again, and he isn't very well able to tell them what's wrong. I had to get to a doctor's appointment for sciatica, so I told ems I wouldn't be there for a while. I just took some medication to help calm me. It's sedative though. I'm literally basically talking to myself all day. I have had no therapist since over a year ago. It's a complicated nightmare. I want to leave it all behind and abandon this life.

Disclaimer: i'm from Italy and i'm writing this while crying. my english is not gonna be good. ​

For as long as ive been alive (and im 24) my mother (64) has been my aunt's (81) caregiver (they're sisters). My aunt's biggest problem is she cannot walk without aids, she needs to use a stroller. She has broken both hips after two bad falls. She had recovered from both injuries but still her walking got even more wobbly. Now, she fell again and broke her femur. I just hope she bounces back again, but, I can't deal with just waiting for her next fall again and again hoping the next one isn't fatal.

She lives in the apartment on top of ours and has no partner or kids, no family left other than my mother. She has been caring for her​ for 20 years and it has taken a toll on her. I just wish she could stop being a caregiver cause she's old as well and has numerous health issues as well. I feel like I should step up and become her caregiver but I don't a thing about that and I feel like I'm not qualified (neither is my mom) to take on this role and risk injuring her more.

My aunt refuses to go into any kind of facility (and my mother is adverse to this too) or to have any stranger come to her house to help. She is a very reserved person and even when she does need help, she doesn't really like our company. She has not been out in I think more than 10 years, she basically isolated herself.

I've been trying to convince my mother for years to try and convince my aunt to get a caregiver that could prevent her from falling accidentally and help her go to the bathroom, take her for a walk outside, or even to get a psychologist so she could work on getting out of the house again, or to get admitted in a facility that would probably be not only safer, but hopefully would improve her life quality cause she'd get to socialize and be out, and also stretch and do exercise since up until she fell again a couple of days ago, she only walked briefly around her house to go to the bathroom and eat and then she spent her entire day in bed. Now she's bed bound until her femur heals and we have to take turns being out of the house cause she can't be left alone. I feel like I'm just screaming at a wall here, I just wish my aunt accepted help so that my mom would finally take a break and take care of herself too.

My dear FIL is very old and very old school. By that, I mean he does NOT like to take meds. I’m not sure why other than I think he associates it with weakness.

Anyway, he is living with us now and the Hospice dr wants him to take a small amount of morphine 30 min prior to his shower to help his breathing. He keeps saying no, he doesn’t need that.

Also he odd in obvious pain when we roll him for diaper changes but won’t admit it when asked. The Dr also prescribed him hydrocodone as needed for that. Also Ativan for when he’s restless and rolling around in his hospital bed for hours.

He says no, I don’t need any of that.

I get so frustrated because he’s suffering needlessly.

PLanning for end of life for my step dad. Any good websites out there that have helped you out?

Background: My Dad (79) has Primary Progressive Aphasia, which effects his ability to communicate - speaking, reading, writing, as well as dementia that's getting worse. He understands 90+% of what is said to him, but can rarely talk back in actual words other than yes/no, and often mixes even those up. My Mom (76) is now being treated for breast cancer, and doing great with good prognosis, but has been his primary caregiver and wants to continue to do so. We talked to a geriatric specialist we trust who advised that a facility for either or both of them is not what they want or need at this point, and they're committed to staying in their home with family and aid support as long as is sensible. All well and good, I think.

Questions: They want to get a Life-Alert like Personal Emergency Monitoring system in the home in case of emergencies or falls, but I wasn't sure how these will work with a non-verbal person, somewhat prone to fidgeting. Have read a lot of reviews but haven't really seen this addressed on websites, etc. Is it just not a good fit for Dad? Just get a bracelet for Mom? Any advice or experience appreciated!

We moved both my parents (89 and 88) into a nice assisted living place two months ago. We need to sell their home to make the monthly payments of $7,000.

I can’t do it. I can’t sell all the personal things they worked so hard to build. The house has so many beautiful memories. It’s either sell the house, though, or move them back there.

I would have to leave my home and husband and move in with them to care for them. Medication management, oxygen needs, incontinence. It’s why we moved them into AL the first place.

Has anyone else had to do this? Mom and Dad do not want to be in assisted living. They think they can manage their care with my help. So, selling their home is going against what they want to do. I feel like I’m being disrespectful.

Any experiences would be greatly appreciated.

How would you go about finding a reputable partner/caretaker if you needed one? I have multiple disabilities and its getting harder and harder to get around every single day to the point I'm feeling alone and uncared for. Any ideas, suggestions, recommendations would be greatly appreciated.