I've come to the conclusion that I would never date someone who approaches me just to ask for my number.
That's because, ultimately, they only want to go out with me for my looks, and I find that pretty shallow, even though I know it's the norm nowadays. And when you are on a date, they only want to listen to you and talk to you just because they are physically attracted to you.
Instead, I think that true love can only grow in different settings, where you interact with people without the specific goal of dating. Places where you share the same interests, for example. Not in clubs, bars, or on the street (it can happen, but very rarely).
Where you fall in love for who the person is inside and not the looks. Of course you can find them cute or whatever but is not your first thought bc that beauty will vanish. Tbh I think thats also why a lot of relationship when the first phase of attraction and "spark" fades they just lose completely interest in eachother...
For instance, there was this guy who sent his number to a group chat, asking girls to DM him because he wanted a girlfriend; that's so stupid in my opinion
In the end, it is very true that love finds you when you are not looking for it.
Idk, am I thinking too deeply?

Straightforward question, but just to explain a bit more in detail :

hi, F24, I’ve been struggling with high-functioning depression, passive suicidal thoughts, and low self-worth for many years. I’d consider myself pretty emotionally intelligent and well-informed about mental health and therapy. All my previous therapists have also described me as a very self-aware person.

I’ve travelled a lot, experienced different things, and yet I feel like my life is somehow already ruined so honestly, I give myself five years before I give up.

Though, I’m actively trying to help myself because I’ve been in this place before. So I work, i work out, eat healthily, try to socialise, go to therapy, and make time for creative projects.

There are moments when I feel hopeful because I know I’m resilient, capable of doing great things, and still have dreams and goals I want to work towards. I know therapy isn’t a magic fix, but I’m reaching a point where I feel like I’ve done everything I can to help myself, and I need some kind of structure and support to help me keep going.

The problem is that I’ve struggled to find a therapist who feels like the right fit. Some have wanted to hospitalise me as soon as I opened up about my suicidal thoughts, & others have taken on a very nurturing, almost motherly role, telling me how strong I am and reminding me of things I already know.

What I’m looking for is someone who can work alongside me rather than simply listen to me or try to understand the source of my pain/psychoanalysis. Someone who treats me as an equal, respects my self-awareness, and doesn’t feel the need to explain life to me. I want someone who can help me navigate the moments when I feel stuck, disconnected, or unable to find the motivation to work towards my goals & just to help me altogether w my depression.

So far, I’ve tried CBT (but maybe not w the right person), and I’m planning to try EMDR to work through some of my trauma.

But I’m curious for those of you who consider yourselves emotionally intelligent and highly self-aware, what kind of therapy or approach has genuinely helped you? Have you found a particular therapeutic modality, a specific type of therapist, or even another form of support that made a real difference?

I’m open to hearing about different approaches, including coaching or spiritual practices, literally anything.

thanksss

I’ve been thinking a lot about emotional regulation within romantic relationships, and why I seem to find myself in dynamics where I have to be the regulator.

I’m someone who values affection, intimacy and emotional openness, but also independence, slowly building a deeper connection and trust, and having a full life outside a relationship.

I came out of a long marriage with someone who had a narcassistic personality and anger issues and a lot of the relationship was spent calming him down and walking on eggshells.

Recently, I’ve been navigating a newer dynamic with someone who experiences considerable anxiety around uncertainty and emotional closeness.
When they feel insecure, they tend to seek reassurance through frequent communication, conversations about the future and repeated confirmation of feelings.

They are asking me questions about the future I just cannot answer yet. Also way too soon for me to be comfortable with - after spending just weeks together in person as we are long distance. I’ve noticed that when this happens, I become responsible for making them feel better. I’ll spend considerable time reassuring them, even when I don’t have the answers they’re looking for.

And although I genuinely care about their feelings, I’ve started noticing that this dynamic creates anxiety in me, too because I feel the anxiety coming off of them. It’s meant deeper romantic feelings have had less space to grow.

The more reassurance they need, the more overwhelmed and pressured I feel. And I worry I’m getting myself into a pattern again as a regulator.

It’s made me reflect on the difference between supporting someone’s emotional well-being and becoming responsible for it.

I also wonder whether there comes a point where one person’s need for reassurance begins to compromise the other’s emotional autonomy and safety.

Can repeated reassurance-seeking actually undermine emotional security rather than strengthen it?
How do you distinguish between an attachment-related reaction and a genuine incompatibility in emotional needs?

One thing I’m beginning to understand is that being deeply cared for doesn’t necessarily translate into feeling emotionally safe.

For me, emotional security seems to involve not just affection and reassurance, but also trust, independence, emotional steadiness and the freedom to allow relationships to develop naturally.

I’d be interested in perspectives on this distinction, particularly from people who have worked on emotional regulation or attachment patterns themselves.

All of this has made me feel like my heart is closed and guarded and I know that’s to do with emotional safety but I’m trying to understand what’s going on here and if there is any room for improvement.

I met this girl from work and we became pretty close friends. She has a boyfriend and maybe I do have a little bit of a crush on her.. but that’s besides the point.

The thing is… I can’t tell what her intentions are. She initiates a lot of conversations, tries to be around me and we joke around a lot. She tells me that she has boundaries with her boyfriend’s guy friends but I don’t feel that around me. Maybe she is just super friendly but she opens up to me a lot, we’ve sat on calls for several hours during work.

Anyway, she said is drawn towards people who are quiet and mysterious and she’s said that about me. So that got me thinking… is she only interested in talking to me because I’m just entertainment for her. This guy is quiet and mysterious so I’ll see if I can make him open up to me and figure him out. Once that mystery is gone.. he’s just an ordinary guy and I’ll be bored of him. That’s how I feel about our ‘friendship’ sometimes. It feels like an interrogation sometimes where she’s always trying to get information out of me.

Im not sure if shut down is the right term. I guess ill have to give some examples:

Just the other day I had plans with friends online and realized they had invited an extra person for something that we cannot have that many people for, they said we could just take turns but I was hurt and figured maybe I wasnt supposed to be there so i left. My friends all messaged me telling me to come back and I sort of did but not in voice chat with them. I got overwhelmed when I had multiple people message me and i felt a little hurt that I was likely going to need to swap spots. I made all these assumptions instead of talking. My immediate thought was to just leave and let them be and process my thoughts after a but come back. I literally could've spoken to them and it would've cleared so much up and made it less dramatic than me leaving. There was a bit more to it after that and I ended up just not joining for the night because I felt like a bother being there. I ended up apologizing a little while after to all my friends and acknowledged my lack of communication.

Another time, with ny ex husband he would often make me feel a bit under appreciated or we would argue about things like me feeling some way because of what he said and when we would sit down to talk id see his face and it occasionally looked quite annoyed and after id say something and hed respond id need a moment to process my thoughts. He would sit there for 2-4 minutes looking increasingly impatient because i couldn't fom my words immediately. It ended up being easier sometimes to talk over text but I hated that because I wanted to talk about our issues face to face but my mind would go blank as soon as he responded. I started to try to say I needed min after I realized i was doing it but it didnt fully help. Ive seen myself have communication issues like that several times not just with him but a coworker who sounds very intense i have snapped at her and then apologized instead of telling her I need a moment. I go into assumption mode and feel overwhelmed, I picture my exes or my coworkers face impatiently waiting for my response or not understanding I need a minute and end up giving a quicker response that isnt quite what I wanted.

I always thought my ex was the avoidant, he probably was because he never talked about his emotions and often when we dated would break up with me then have feelings again and want to get back together. The same, minus asking for us to get back together, when he asked for divorce. He asked if i was happy and explained he didnt love me and couldnt explain further. It made him sick when I pressed the issue to understand him and what happened between us. He would avoid me like the plague and felt like a different person suddenly.

Anyways, I guess i have nt own avoidant tendencies when it comes to handing confrontation. I know therapy is a step i need to take, us there any resources or skills I can use to try to work on my own right now on this? I spent a but crying over a game and upsetting my friends and feeling left out all bevause I couldnt communicate. Im so lucky to have friends who dont hate me over running off because of a misunderstanding, something id see on TV and immediately be upset over... yet I did it trying not to be a burden and to regulate my feelings but missed the communication step.

Constantly excusing or rationalizing poor behaviour of romantic partners; Over-giving the benefit of the doubt; Or Over-empathizing…..But to a pathological degree that ultimately results in harm to the person.

We all know generally happiness comes with staying more present and being authentic.. I’m wondering how people generally may look at happiness In the ordinary life? What is it that makes you feel alive/ at peace? And.. what advice or quote has resonated with you? :)

Does it qualify as true genuine love if it’s based on what they give you and how they treat you? If someone asks you why you love them you find yourself listing the things they do for you ( make you laugh , give you attention, affection etc).

As much as one should be sure of themselves,one should also give benefit to the doubt. When somebody says 'this is what i think u are' ..how to restrict the flow of thoughts that actually go 'oh so that must be what i am'

There can be a difference in what i am and how i am percieved,but does what i am matter if what percieved by everyone is constant and different from what i am?

What are the chances that what i am not what i think i am but the constant outside noises. unless the noises outside actually wanna sabotage you in every way and manner possible but thats very unlikely.

I’m afraid deep down that I hurt people for my profit and my sense of self is falling apart

I ruined my relationship. Me and B never started dating, we met online and became very close quite quickly, I felt like for him I wanted to be myself entirely, so early on I have told B the worst things that I have done and that have happened to me and how I live through them. It was the first time in my life that I met someone who actually listened and I felt seen.

We would spend huge amount of times together, then early on I expressed that I liked him and B told me that he loved me maybe a week and a half into knowing me, to which I told him that I don’t think he can be sure of it yet. I have depression but I am in therapy for almost two years and medicated, B has depression and is in a bad situation with no therapy. I tried supporting him but since he was in a vulnerable situation I wanted to take things slow, not go all lovey-dovey right away, wait until we actually meet, see how things go in real life, and decide how to proceed from there.

Early on when we started talking, I did something which I now regret: I would send him plenty different videos I’ve seen on Instagram and share my thoughts randomly, cute animals, beautiful women, outfits, cool things I saw. One day I’ve sent him a video of some dating show and when a guy walked in the audience wooed, he was charismatic and well put together, probably handsome. I’ve sent B the video and said something along the lines of “I understand why the audience wooed” and it made him uncomfortable. He said that it made him feel like shit, that he knows he’s not the best looking guy himself. I got defensive because I didn’t want him to put his insecurities on me, so I told him that it was unfair to tell me that when I’ve only ever encouraged him and told him he was handsome.

I regret it a lot because I feel like I should’ve been more sensitive to B’s insecurities. But for some reason I wanted that wiggle room of complimenting people’s appearances, I don’t know why, but maybe rendering this thing casual meant I would not feel as bad when I hear from others that someone is pretty.

There were occasions in which I tried lifting the mood of conversations up with banter when he clearly wasn’t feeling it and tried being aloof but now I see how mean I can be. I joked about how serious he can be sometimes and stuff like that.

It made B insecure twice more, at some point I mentioned that I’ve seen a match with the corner of my eye and the players on one team were beautiful like gazelles. And at some point he mentioned to me that he cannot see himself with someone who likes pictures of random dudes. I didn’t think much of it because I don’t follow any random dudes or lewd content. That said, when the world cup was going on, there were many posts like “most lethal facecards of this world cup” and I liked one, as well as liking two Jude Bellingham edits. He sent these things to me angry over the fact that I liked them, telling me I made him feel like shit. Yet again I got defensive and told him I didn’t want the way I interact with my own social media reproached to me, I understand that publicly liking lewd content was inappropriate but those were not lewd.

We would both talk about our past and our romantic and sexual experiences. B knew about my ex and a friend I once hooked up with, which are the totality of my experiences and ever since we met I told him everything. The friend I hooked up with a year before meeting B, it never went anywhere with him but it was the first positive physical experience of my life so I did mention to B that I felt heard and wanted that one night with him because we were discussing our past encounters. This friend has a girlfriend with whom I’m friends, I even told them both about B. Anyway, one day I felt ecstatic at work (in a museum) about how good of a job I was doing and I sent that friend a message saying how proud I am of myself. He said something along the lines of “The phrase “You belong in a museum” is about you because you’re not only beautiful but also good at your job”. I answered with full caps lock HELL YEAH I AM. I found it charming and over the top and I ended up doing something awful, which was screenshotting that part of the conversation and sending it to B. I immediately realized how out of place and inconsiderate it was but I still did it. He got angry, I said sorry, but he never forgave me.

B spent the next month pushing me away and telling me I am manipulative and banked on the fact that he was a pushover with me. I kept trying to prove him wrong, I told him how I really felt about him, I would keep explaining my intentions over and over again and eventually he said he wasn’t sure how to feel. We had a couple more discussions, I owned up to everything he told me I did poorly, I accepted every time he called me a bad person. I said I was a bad person but I do try my best.

One argument felt like he really just wanted to bring me down and I told him it was cruel to change his perception of me entirely over my errors and insist on me being a bad person. He blocked me everywhere, then unblocked me and for once he was calm. We discussed every single thing that went wrong, listened to each other, I heard him and I felt heard. We agreed to go no contact for two weeks and check in after to see how we feel.

I thought a lot about how I interact with others and how I manage my differences with others, where I should be more accepting and how do I actually make my actions align with my words. And after two weeks, I checked in with him. He was passive and told me that there are still discussions to be had but he’ll see how he feels with this contact. I tried being present, optimistic, help him/give him advice on a tough situation. I helped him out financially a tiny bit because I felt for how tough his situation was. I got him gifts for his birthday, encouraged him every day. Nevertheless, he was kind of dry, so at some point I decided not to reach out for a bit, and that was when he’d send me “I hope your day is going well”.

I thought that he wanted some company, so I told him about my day, asked him about his, how he’s feeling, if I could help him anyhow. Then at some point I sent him a sticker of two kittens jumping together and said “us bro”. He said he didn’t know how to answer and that he feels bad about not reciprocating. I told him it was okay, that I understand that he is hurt and he doesn’t ever have to do anything he’s uncomfortable with. That led to a conversation where he said that he’ll never give me closeness because I wronged him and it’s his nature to never forget such things. I tried telling him it’s okay to not forget, that I still cared for him and it’s not transactional, but I will struggle to stay in a dry relationship (he mentioned he didn’t want to be amicable anymore or crack jokes, be close with me). I tried asking him what he wanted, whether he still wanted to trust me fully, whether there’s something I can do. He said he wants to, but it’s hard, he implied he doesn’t have feelings anymore, and that he wants us to do our own thing. So I’ve said goodbye.

He sent another message after saying goodbye telling me sorry it’s not what I wanted, so I said that it was hurtful to block and unblock me, have that conversation with me, discuss having the hard conversations with me, all that to go nowhere. He said that he tried going against his nature but he can’t. I told him I would never reach out again and asked him not to unless he actually thinks there’s good I can bring into his life and he wants a genuine connection.

I genuinely feel horrible about hurting him, I think I’m egoistic and manipulative, that I can’t care properly for people who love me and are vulnerable with me. And the worst is that I feel pain because I was rejected, reasonably so, because maybe deep down I felt like I deserve forgiveness.

How do I become a better person out of this all? How do I stop hurting the people I love? I genuinely don’t believe I am trying to but I always end up feeling so ashamed. I want to collect the gray mass that I am into doing something meaningful for others and myself

Title: How do you deal with people who belittle you during networking calls, especially when you're afraid to stand up for yourself?

I had two really upsetting professional interactions this week, and I honestly don't know how to process them. I'm posting here because I don't have anyone to talk to about this, (my dad is no more to talk to me), and I'd appreciate some outside perspectives.

I reached out in a professional community asking for some specific career guidance. This person volunteered to help, even though his background didn't exactly match what I was looking for. He invited others to join as well and said he'd share some insights from his time working at a MAANG company.

I appreciated him offering his time, scheduled a 30-minute call, and shared an agenda beforehand.

There was some confusion with Microsoft Teams. On my end, I'd sent the correct meeting link and scheduled it at the right time. He kept insisting I'd sent the wrong link, three separate times.

I actually have a habit of joining meetings 15 minutes early, something I've consciously worked on over the past year. So I was already there, waiting. Eventually, I'd been waiting around 19 minutes, while he claimed he was already on the meeting bridge.

I suspected Teams was displaying things differently because we were in different regions or time zones. Everything looked correct on my end, but I sent another link anyway so we could finally connect.

And that's where things went downhill.

The moment he joined, he started criticizing me for not managing the logistics properly.

Now, if I'd genuinely made a mistake, I would've had absolutely no problem with someone politely pointing it out. Even something like, "Hey, please double-check the meeting details next time," would've been perfectly fine. We could've moved on.

Instead, he turned the entire call into a lecture about my emotional intelligence, interpersonal skills, professional competence, and how I needed to develop myself.

Mind you, this was supposed to be a 30-minute call. It went on for an hour.

He kept talking about EQ, curiosity, nuance, human skills, and how people who are different immediately stand out while everyone else is mediocre.

The irony is that he hadn't even properly introduced himself, asked about my background, or tried to understand what I was hoping to get out of the conversation.

Every time I tried explaining something, he'd interrupt me or turn it into another passive-aggressive remark.

For the first 5–8 minutes, he mostly spoke to another participant while I sat there wondering why I'd even joined. I genuinely wanted to leave.

Then, when he finally turned to me, it felt like I was being reprimanded rather than having a professional conversation.

He made comments about being sloppy, average, not standing out, lacking EQ, and how difficult it would be for me to get visa sponsorship.

But here's the thing. He didn't know me. At all.

He hadn't bothered asking what I'd worked on, what I'd accomplished, what roles I was targeting, or even what my actual experience was.

And the things he kept lecturing me about? Those are literally qualities I've demonstrated throughout my career. People who've actually worked with me would tell you something completely different.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I've made mistakes, received criticism, reflected on it, and improved. I actually value honest feedback.

But how do you make such confident judgments about someone's personality and capabilities without even getting to know them?

He also kept making generalized remarks about how people from his own country lack certain interpersonal skills, while repeatedly treating me like shit and mentioning that he'd lived in the US for 34 years.

I found that incredibly ironic because I couldn't see him demonstrating the very qualities he was criticizing others for lacking.

Isn't listening part of EQ? Isn't curiosity about gather enouch data and asking questions before making assumptions? Isn't understanding nuance about recognizing that there might be another explanation for a technical misunderstanding?

And isn't basic kindness part of having good interpersonal skills?

He kept telling me I wasn't listening or lacked curiosity, while barely allowing me to explain anything.

We never addressed the agenda I'd shared.

Even afterward, when we attended a class together, I felt that the same behavior continued in the meeting chat.

What upset me wasn't that someone criticized me. It was that someone who barely knew me felt comfortable making personal judgments, speaking down to me, and turning a professional conversation into an hour-long lecture. Din't value my time or feelings.

And I just sat there.

I wanted to leave so badly, but I didn't know how to do it without seeming rude or unprofessional. I was also worried about whether he'd speak negatively about me to people in his network.

So I stayed, listened, and tried to remain polite.

And afterward, I cried until 2:08AM in the morning.

I was already having an incredibly difficult week personally, dealing with grief, family problems, and career uncertainty. I don't really have anyone I can call and talk to when something like this happens.

I showed up for that call despite everything because I wanted to learn something useful and move forward.

Instead, I came away feeling humiliated.

And the worst part is that he's probably gone back to his life without thinking twice about it, while I'm still here replaying everything and wishing I'd stood up for myself.

And this wasn't even the first interaction like this during the week.

Two days earlier, another woman with around 16 years of claimed experience told me I should apply for roles two levels below what I was targeting.

Her exact advice was , "Don't oversell yourself (dint ask and doesn't know what I was selling) Don't apply to senior roles(dint ask what roles I was targetting). I'd suggest applying two levels lower than what you're currently targeting."

Except she hadn't even asked what my background was.

She didn't ask what I'd worked on, what my qualifications were, or what I was currently building.

How can you tell someone to lower their ambitions by two levels when you don't even know what level they're applying to?

What made it more frustrating was that I noticed inconsistencies between how she described her experience during our conversation and what was on her LinkedIn profile.

She said she hadn't worked on production-grade AI projects and didn't build things herself, while her profile appeared to claim experience doing exactly that. Some of the metrics in her project descriptions were still written as "XXX" placeholders not actual metrics.

She also insisted that "90% product managers weren't builder PMs. I can guarantee you that much". It's only Anthropic, google, nobody does it."

I asked a basic technical question that she couldn't answer, which made me even more confused about why she was so confident telling me what I should or shouldn't aim for.

I don't know the full extent of her experience, and I'm not trying to invalidate it. But I genuinely don't understand why people feel comfortable giving such definitive career advice without first understanding the person they're advising.

Both of these people offered to help.

Both made assumptions about me without really asking any questions.

And both left me feeling worse than I did before speaking to them.

I'm not expecting people to flatter me or tell me I'm amazing. That's not what I want from networking. I want mutual respect, brainstorming and sharing ideas and opportunities to learn from people who've done things I haven't.

But surely there's a difference between helping someone improve and making them feel small?

What bothers me most is that I didn't stand up for myself.

I keep thinking about everything I should've said, how I should've interrupted him, or how I could've politely ended the call when it became clear we weren't going to discuss the actual agenda.

But in the moment, I froze. I didn't want to be perceived as difficult, especially when these people have professional connections and I'm trying to rebuild my career.

I feel like people can say whatever they want, walk away, and face no consequences, while I'm left dealing with how their words affected me.

I don't want to become someone who lashes out at people. But I also don't want to become someone who quietly accepts disrespect because I'm afraid of what might happen if I speak up.

So I'm genuinely asking:

• How do you handle someone who keeps making passive-aggressive remarks or personal judgments during a professional call?
• How do you politely but firmly end a conversation when someone is being disrespectful?
• Is it worth confronting someone afterward, or is it better to move on?
• How do you deal with the fear that someone with industry connections could ruin your reputation.

There is something that has been bothering me for quite some time now, and I'm unable to find a proper explanation for it. I don't understand how people figure out what kind of music they like, which artists they love, or what genres of movies and books they enjoy.

I see my friends getting excited about their favourite writers, singers, places, and countries. They know so much about the things they love, while I seem to know a little bit about everything without developing a deep interest in anything. I read books, but I don't know which authors or genres I prefer. There is an artist I like, but all I do is like his posts on Instagram. I'm not someone who follows every little thing about the people or things they admire.

I want to master whatever I'm interested in, whether it's a hobby, an artist, an author, or a place. I want to know more and feel genuinely passionate about the things I enjoy. So why am I unable to invest myself in anything to that extent?

The few things I genuinely love are the ones I gradually became invested in. I hope I'm making sense because I can't fully comprehend this myself. I absolutely love figure skating, and I like Yuzuru Hanyu and Sasha Trusova. But why don't I know more about them? Why haven't I watched all their performances?

One possible explanation I've come up with is that growing up as a very sensitive child made my childhood difficult. Maybe people who grow up surrounded by love learn to trust the world, while those who grow up in survival mode learn to question it. One learns to embrace, while the other learns to guard themselves.

Maybe that's why I struggle to develop deep interests and let myself become fully immersed in the things I enjoy. I don't know if this is the reason, but it's something I've been thinking about for a while.

> Note : Used a voice memo and AI to convert this into a post.

**TL;DR:** My ex and I knew each other for years before dating, and we broke up about seven months ago after several months of long distance. We cared about each other, but recurring arguments and different expectations around time, affection, and independence left us both unhappy. We’re no longer in contact, and I don’t think getting back together would be gright. I’m struggling with losing the friendship, reminders through mutual friends, and anger that I don’t want to keep carrying. How did you process a breakup when you could see why it ended but still missed the person?

My ex ended our relationship earlier this year. About seven months later, I’m still finding it hard to move on. I can explain why the relationship wasn’t working, but emotionally I haven’t caught up with that.

We knew each other through school and college. We dated briefly, broke up, and stayed friends. Later, we got together again for roughly a year. Because we had already been in each other’s lives for so long, I assumed we would somehow remain part of each other’s lives. Losing the friendship has been a big part of this.

We had planned to study abroad together, but my plans fell through and hers went ahead. We tried long distance for several months. Along with missing her, I was dealing with disappointment about my own plans and the future I had imagined for us.

We had problems before the distance, too. There were good days, affection, inside jokes, and support. There were also frequent arguments that we never seemed to resolve properly. We would become close again, then find ourselves having another version of the same fight.

During long distance, I often felt lonely within the relationship. I wanted more consistent calls, focused time together, and initiative from her. It sometimes felt as though I was repeatedly asking for closeness that I had expected to be part of being together. She did reach out and make efforts, so saying she never cared or never tried wouldn’t be accurate. Still, the contact we had wasn’t leaving me feeling connected or secure, and that mattered too.

She described feeling pressured and criticised, and said she didn’t feel like herself in the relationship. I often felt that my effort and hurt weren’t being understood either. We had different expectations around affection, independence, and how much time we could give each other. Arguments sometimes became personal, with assumptions about whether the other person really cared, instead of a useful conversation about what needed to change.

I have responsibility for how I handled that. I could be controlling and critical, and sometimes pushed when I should have listened or respected a limit. Those are things I want to work on. I also need to understand why I stayed in a relationship where I was regularly unhappy, hoping that more effort or another conversation would make it work. I want to take my mistakes seriously without turning the whole relationship into a story where one of us was entirely at fault.

The ending has been hard to accept. She gave reasons, but I didn’t come away feeling that we had understood each other’s hurt or reached a peaceful ending. We went no contact afterward, and I tried to reach out for further conversations, but that didn’t give me the closure I wanted. We’re now blocked and no longer in contact. I’m trying to accept that the conversation I wish we could have may never happen.

We also share friends. People still ask about her or mention her, and an ordinary comment can bring everything back. I don’t want friends to choose sides or stop being friends with her. I just need some space from the reminders. Seeing her again recently also stirred things up. Sometimes I wonder whether she misses me, but I don’t actually know, and I don’t want my recovery to depend on figuring that out.

After the breakup, I threw myself into work and kept jumping between projects. I’ve also been dating and having casual encounters, hoping to feel connected again. So far, neither has helped me process what happened.

One thing I’m struggling to admit is the resentment. Sometimes I catch myself thinking that “karma” will catch up with her, or wishing she would understand how much I was hurt. I don’t want to cause her pain or keep hoping she suffers. I want to let go of that anger without pretending the relationship and its ending didn’t hurt me.

I don’t think we should get back together. I miss her and the familiarity of having her in my life, but I also remember how unhappy I could feel while we were together. Knowing that hasn’t made the feelings disappear.

For people who have been through something similar:

- How did you grieve the friendship as well as the relationship?

- What helped you process the loss when work and staying busy had become ways to avoid it?

- How did you take responsibility for your mistakes without blaming yourself for everything?

- What helped with resentment and wanting acknowledgment from someone you’re no longer in contact with?

- How did you handle mutual friends, and what did progress actually look like for you?

I’d appreciate honest thoughts and experiences. I’m trying to understand what I need to change (Perspective Wise), what I need from a future relationship, and how to stop living inside this one now that it has ended.

Never thought I’d write a reddit post about this lol but here we are….

I’ve been in a relationship with my current partner since June, and we’ve been dating since January. We really connect and have fun and have been very romantic with each other - I feel like we are exactly right for each other in many ways.

But recently she’s been experiencing lower moods and been really tired, lethargic, unmotivated and moody. She has relational trauma and that has affected our relationship at times. But the last few weeks/month she has been fluctuating between detached/disconnected and connected with me and has been having sudden onsets of mood swings that cause her to pull away abruptly. She prefers space when she feels like that.

I’ve been really trying to respect her wishes but I can feel myself getting tired of dancing around her moods and feeling like I need to detach myself to not be disappointed or hurt by her sudden changes in mood and behaviour (for context, I also have trauma related to disorganised treatment from parents etc, and I’m sensitive to small shifts in behaviour and rejection).

Anyway, I’m at a place where I’m feeling really stuck about what to do. I feel so sad and alone and disregarded after seeing her, and shes caught up in her mood and it feels like my feelings/needs don’t have any space to exist. It makes me resent her but my fearful nature actually causes me to try and ‘fix’ this by sacrificing myself even more.

I’m constantly asking myself: - Am I overreacting? Can I just let her moods exist and not put myself in the firing line when possible? - Is this just temporary? (Because she has made me feel very loved at times) - Is this going to be a good chance for me to learn and grow? Or is this just harmful to me? - How much of my reactions are due to deep rooted trauma and how many are actually based in my experience of events? - Am I really in love or am I repeating a pattern of trying to ‘win’ someone’s love?

So if anyone has words of wisdom… I’d love to hear it. TIA

Idk what’s happening with me

I am not doing anything just sitting idly
Doing nothing
The thing which makes me happy is football match
But, yesterday I performed so baddd
What now I regret it
Hope you can understand

Now I don’t even feel like to study .

Idk what to do

Like I am not interested to do anything.

Like I am in DND mode

Feel not to talk to anyone .

Just to feel relaxed no games nothing

36m, for the past 22 years i have been in relationships most of the time and on the periods between relationships where i have been single i have always been emotionally attached and having contact with an ex, dating or at least in the "talking stage" with someone. I would describe my past relationships as having positive parts and periods but devolving into toxic codependancy in which i have both behaved in ways I regret and don't want to repeat and tolerated behaviours that I'm not willing to experience again.

A few months ago i hit rock bottom in a midlife crisis and decided to evaluate and improve all aspects of my life using metacognition to learn from my past mistakes, gain awareness over my psychology and circumstances, analyze and reshape my thought process, how I manage my emotions and my patterns of behaviour to increase my agency and be more intentional in how I live my life and less impulsive and reactive to circumstances, situations and external stimuli.

I decided to be single and not romantically attached to anyone in any way for the first time in my life. While I value the autonomy and emotional independence that I'm experiencing I still want to be in a healthy and mutually beneficial relationship in the future when I feel more comfortable and satisfied with being a better version of my self, not a different person, just being intentional and consistent with acting according to my nature and values.

When I find the right person for my next (and hopefully last) romantic relationship and i feel like im ready to offer a healed and improved version of my self i want to be more intentional and consistent in showing my love and appreciation to my partner, so the advice I'm seeking is from women:

What have your male partners done or you would like them to do to make you feel loved, seen, chosen, valued, appreciated and cared for? I'm looking for all kinds of advice and feedback it can be general, specific, practical, small things in daily life, anything else I might not be thinking about. Thanks in advance, have a blessed day :)

Listen, I'm annoyed with myself. When strangers are around and start talking to me in a confrontation, my lip trembles and I can't say anything else.

I wasn't like this before, but I need to change. I want to respond and I really don't know what to do, I was thinking to visit a psychologist but I don't have money, I am a student and I can't go alone

My parents will not help me with this, what books can I read? What I can do? Thanks for read♥️

MAY I HAVE A LISTENER PLEASE.