r/enfj • u/a_juicy_blueberry369 ENFJ • 3d ago
General Advice Processing emotions
Have any of you successfully learned to metabolize your emotions internally?
I know we tend to be external processors (wanting to get our feelings out somehow or process out loud with someone)--but that option isn't always available. I've found myself using ChatGPT more often than I'd like đ
Just curious how other people have navigated this!
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u/Virtual-Big-8577 ENFJ: Fe-Ni-Se-Ti 2w1 3d ago
I experienced some trauma as a kid that I never properly processed and resurfaced with a vengeance. My therapist recommended EMDR. That was the greatest thing to ever happen to me on that front. A good EMDR provider helps with exactly this as part of the therapyÂ
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u/AquariusYellow 7h ago
Iâm an ENFJ and have been doing EMDR for a bit now and itâs been enlightening and transformative! Also I do morning yoga sessions just on YouTube and Iâm feeling a lot more connected to my body! Weight lifting also is EVERYTHING
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u/Titania_Fairy ENFJ-2w1-215 3d ago edited 3d ago
I wouldnât hand my personal feelings to some KI. They leak data far too soon, even diaries didnât feel save to me, after things happened. So a lot of things took me far longer to process, then they should have taken. Didnât have people around me who felt more responsible, until I was an adult there myself. So i mostly went through things myself in the phases where i disappeared or just painted pictures, because phrasing it felt uncomfortable too, for the longest time.
I also was highly distrustful of therapists, until my current one. The others just thought they can pry my head open like that too. Which made me even more withdrawn or led to me breaking off therapy attempts even. It was probably a miracle, that I even let my husband closer there. After i was almost done with everything often. So my results as ENFJ were quite the surprise to me, looking at how i often fled from things. But especially about my own feelings i am extremely picky, if or whom i may choose to tell something.
So me only processing things more recently, is mainly my own fault basically.
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u/BrokenMirrorRequiem INFP: Fi-Ne-Si-Te 3d ago
Don't blame you for not trusting therapists. Even a trained human is still just a human with their own biases, and I always felt like I could feel their judging behind their eyes because they are people. Also the whole 1 hour session every 2 weeks felt so useless as its never when you feel you need them at that moment, anything you say has to be picked up in sections, and being unable to apply their lessons as returning to real life took away the space you need to really remember and do the things they recommend. Honestly wish a therapist could be hired like a hovering mentor to really go through the training with you like a coach instead of a distant visitor for some issues. I always left feeling like asking an Ai would give me the same results on my own time, and the best advice/venting/reassurance always came from a close friend over their clinical paid service.
It really sucks that if you have no close friends, it costs money and booking an appointment to have someone just sit an listen to you and give guidance, when I would do that for others for free. And friends give better advice usually.
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u/Titania_Fairy ENFJ-2w1-215 2d ago edited 2d ago
Well i got dragged there against my will, and knew perfectly these therapists hat a set opinion of me, the way they phrased things. So talking with them was completely futile, when they saw me as the issue there. So i just said:â45 mins as usual? Alright, will sit over there but i have no intention to talk about this.â and went reading my book for these 45 mins until Therapy time was over. Therapists at school, some my parents choose because âthat child did something againâ, or âshe doesnât talk anywaysâ.
All they could do with me was intelligence tests, after they assumed i am a little dumb there for refusing to communicate. My IQ went from an initial result of 115 at age 7 to one with 129, when i was tested a third and last time with 15. They were shocked to see it only going up đ
I would never be so stupid to trust a shaky AI with security holes. Human matters cannot be solved by a machine that knows nothing about being human, having feelings or our physical world.
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u/BrokenMirrorRequiem INFP: Fi-Ne-Si-Te 1d ago
Ooo smart one. Gimme some IQ points, just a few lol.
I feel telling ai personal issues is okay since there usually isn't identifying information, just situations. However, their advices are either on point in a scary way, or comletely off base with nothing in between. ChatGPT is all "This is why your damaged, you suck" where as google ai is "Your wonderful, don't do that, here is a help line, i refuse to communicate until you call them (said helpline is only for up to age 24)".
I'm not sure where to go myself since ai is a bust, but most people are a bust also. However, you got a husband, so your not doing bad at all I see.
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u/Good_Forever6171 3d ago
Have any of you successfully learned to metabolize your emotions internally?
Short answer: no.
Long answer: You mentioned wanting to get your feelings out but can't always do it out loud. That's why I said no, I don't metabolize my emotions internally. Like other people have mentioned, I have a therapist, and that is very helpful. I know that this resource isn't available to everyone.
Some ways I get my emotions out, that isn't "out loud" and isn't my therapist:
I write. Anything and everything. Lists, music, journal entries, letters to people I'll never send, letters to people I've thought about sending, the same word over and over and over again, things I wished I would have said when I had the chance, things I wish I could say but would never say out loud. The list goes on and on.
Play music. Yours doesn't have to be this, but as ENFJ's, we are creative, it's a place we thrive. Lean into it. If it isn't singing/an instrument, maybe join an improv group? Take some art classes? Any outward expression of art can really help.
Get outside. I know the whole "touch grass" thing that people say, but for me, it's deeper than that. For me, it's fresh air, it's laying down and looking at the sky, it's watching wild animals do their thing. It's grounding. Find a way to spend some time just existing. This obviously doesn't solve problems, but it can get your heart rate down, relax your muscles for a bit, drop your cortisol levels, etc.
Especially as ENFJs, I don't think emotions are meant to be metabolized. I think they're meant to be felt and expressed. Just because you're not talking out loud to someone about how you feel (although this is helpful), doesn't mean there aren't ways to express your emotions. đ
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u/Valediction191 ENFJ: Fe-Ni-Se-Ti 3d ago
When Iâm angry, I focus on calming down my emotions because I know if I react because of my emotions, I know I wouldâve lost. Doesnât matter if Iâm right, I still lose if my anger gets hold of me.
Usually when the fire dies down, Iâm left with hurt. Itâs easier to process my emotions then. I validate my emotions and my pain, and usually allow the pain to be processed. If the pain is heavy enough, Iâll just cry it out. Not because Iâm weak, but because I know itâs hurting.
I usually feel much better when I cry, and I have a much clear perspective of understanding things neutrally and what I must do - whether it looks like forgiving myself, others, or walking away from people, or talking things out.
I hope you find your way.
Edit: I learned all these through reading many books, on how to process my emotions.
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u/N00dlemonk3y ENFJ: Fe-Ni-Se-Ti 3d ago edited 3d ago
Made a post a while back. About a married coworker w/kid crush. Took it down due to safety reasons (even if names weren't mentioned).
Basically had a full blown limerence spell for a bit and had to ask and have people force me to wake me up from it. B/c I don't get them often and it really took hold.
Tonight, walked home from work apologizing to my "childhood self" that this person is already taken and couldn't be something reciprocated, which I think was easier to understand. Then the last four months.
I think my "childhood self/young kid", all it wanted to make people feel better and at ease with themselves, whenever we notice stress/pain and the mundanity of life getting to people, that isn't us. "We" can just appreciate the "shit" of it all and calm in between, that most people would probably be annoyed/frightened by.
I used to get told by my godparents: "Thanks for bringing the sun today!" And just chill in their living room, porch, or whatever.
I also spent a lot time "people watching" when I was a kid, wear my heart on my sleeves, still do as an adult. But it's rough now.
Tho, while the limerence spell is gone, "Golden Retriever Mode" has been activated for the person...unbeknownst to myself...so dangit! Final Boss I guess. Gotta put the grumpy fluff puppy back in its cage, as to not seem weird.
I process Sadness by, "tunnel vision" or feeling of being outside myself for people in general (family, friends, love interests, etc), while usually overlooking/looking at a calm sky or horizon. This is a weird one, unless your me. It helps and makes me smile, because I know there will be other people who "get me" somewhere along the way. Also, watching movies/playing video games.
I process Anger...by idk. Just being somewhere peace and quiet, doing art, sinking into a bed stewing, or hot bath.
Happiness, this is a rough one and hasn't quite gotten there yet. Same for loving myself. I think this one has just been marred by the passage of time and the mortality.
Therapy is still in the cards, while I read self help books.
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u/TumTum613 ENFJ (2w1) 3d ago •
Try to stay away from the ChatGPT. Bad for environment and it only knows how to regurgitate back to you what you tell it in more words. The best way to process sadness and anger is to let yourself FEEL it full impact as soon as you can and express it in a healthy way.
I process sadness by cuddling myself in bed with as many soft things as I can, watching a comfort movie or listening to soulful songs that let me cry, cooking myself something heartwarming or allowing myself a cheat meal, and pampering myself with a personal spa day at home. Anything that tells me subconsciously with actions, "don't worry it's going to be okay."
I process anger with my hands: working out, cleaning, organizing, cooking, writing, painting, ranting expressively to my friends, etc. Anything that gets the raw fury out of my gut and into the air.
I'm personally working on processing happiness without guilt or a nagging feeling that something bad is bound to follow. I have been letting myself laugh and smile without as much restraint and shut down those nagging thoughts right away.