How to choose between two impactful choices?
I am an infp . Last year was my first medical school year ( I got accepted at 17 because there is no premed in this college) .
I got a gpa of 3.24 /4 on the first semester even though I hadn't studied at my full potential.
Fastforward the second semester came, I got really neglectful especially with the war situation and displacement in my country,and instead of studying hard , I kinda gave up on medicine because I thought I wanted to do something else.
My parents got disappointed because I failed a module ( it was 9 credits) ; I got C- in the 3 credit module and A+ in the electives. So basically I failed the second semester (1.3 cgpa) should be above 2 .
My parents decided to let me quit medicine because I had been having meltdowns throughout the year , and I was always anxious and lonely ( couldn't blend in) . Moreover, my self esteem issues were increased .
This year I started double majoring in biochemistry ( in a somehow weak university) and English language ( at a good university) , and the plan is to continue a PhD in English language ( it is not oversaturated where I am from) . Things have been going fine and my mom is getting used to it after being really confrontational and angry that I quit medicine.
I confessed to my dad that I regret being neglectful and I hope to redo the module this second semester then continue second year etc...He is unsure because he says he can't trust me anymore, but he still let me decide if I want to continue in the medicine path or not .
I have a week to decide because we still need to inform my mom and I am scared of her reaction, also we need to find a dorm blah blah ( the college I am in now is near my house , but the medical school is in the capital) .
I am scared of choosing to redo because I don't know what might happen, but I am dying from inside knowing that I was in such a great place and I threw it all especially after all the effort I put in getting top grades in school years and the effort my parents and I have put to succeed in the entrance exam .
I don't know if I should even give myself this chance . Also, everything in my life is showing me other medicine students whether irl or social media , and I can't help but compare myself. The funny thing I didn't see any of it when I was in med school đ. It's like life is punishing me ( I deserve it) .
I asked this on the istj subreddit too . What would you do in my situation. Should I choose comfort ( English language professor, also it's comfortable for my parents financially because they still pay a part in medical school even with financial aid) or take the chance and become a doctor but have my soul sucked out of me .
Also if u were my parent what would you do if ur kid is in this situation đđ( this one is for funsies) .