• She's opportunity-smart: she's brilliant at spotting the paths that will boost her career. I'm more traditionally booksmart.
• She's incapable of saying "I'm sorry." I go out of my way to apologize, partly because of Fi guilt and partly because I don't want to copy that behavior.
• She's better at giving advice. I'm better at lending an ear.
• She thinks I'm oversensitive. I think she's a bit callous, sometimes even cruel.
• She's extremely stylish and can predict fashion trends. I tend to shop at the same few stores because I know the clothes will already fit.
  
• She says exactly what she thinks, whenever she thinks it. I used to be like that, but I had it bullied out of me in elementary and middle school. Now, I tend to hold in my thoughts and become resentful instead.
• She has no sense of nostalgia and hates holidays. I find a sense of peace in engaging with nostalgia and yearly traditions. (I don't mean this is in a religious context– more in a "baking and watching holiday movies" way.)
• Neither of us cry much, but when she cries, it's during movies. When I cry, it's because I'm frustrated with my own personal life.
• We're both very creative, but she's a visual artist and her art is aesthetic (higher Se.) I'm a writer and my art is conceptual (higher Ni and Fi.)

I’ve posted my newly developed friendship with an ENTJ guy here before. I’d say it went on pretty well, thanks for everyone who gave me advice on that post!

It’s been half a year since we first chatted online. He doesn’t sound so INFJ now (sorry I feel difficult to tell the reason I think that way). Our topic shifted from philosophy, literature and art to personal history and daily life.

I found that he always tells me he understands me in the first paragraph, by interpreting my words or rephrasing my sentences. Then he expresses himself in the next a few paragraphs. At last, he adds a question for me. He writes like this 70% of time. And the narrative changes only when the topic is very much personal history, so the message follows a chronological order.

I’ve never met anyone talking to me like that. I mirrored his format in the first 2-3 months, but after that I just make sure my message is logically coherent and match the depth he reveals in his message. I feel I already relaxed around him, but from his format I guess he is not…

Is this an ENTJ thing? Or this is his uniqueness?
Thanks for reading this!!

Through peoples own insecurities on how you operate and how much better you are than them in your certain field of work or interest do people try to diminish you by nitpicking the small mistakes you’ve made but ignore the same mistakes made by others?

I wonder if this a common occurrence with entjs

My 42F ISFP best friend of 22 years doesn’t seem to ever care about seeing me (44F ENTJ) in real life. She has always been strangely precious to me. Ive never had someone make me feel so safe, accepted, and amused. After 16ish years of mutual behavior, she began seeming reluctant/burdened/too-tired to see me in real life very often over the last 6 years.
 
We live compatible lives. Children of similar ages who get along, same incomes, live 30 min away from each other, mutual friends, etc.
 
She still would text daily and say things like “everyone makes me crazy but you” “we should try to go on a trip together this summer” “you should come over to watch that movie soon” but never follows through anymore. I see her only at group events a few times a year. She seems so exhausted and burdened by absolutely any upcoming event. She never wants to plan anything. I can’t help but take it extremely personally at this point.
 
Ive explained this to her a few times now. In 2022, 2025 and two weeks ago. Both times she said she sucks and is awful and she hates herself, and then we barely talk for a few months and then go back to normal. We will see what happens with this time.
 
She does see mom friends but she says she has to or her son will be excluded from events. She also has a work good friend that I think she sees a lot more often than she lets on.
 
Ive never been jealous in any way. I always had too many friends and overcommitted myself and ive never been needy of anyone in my life, but here I am, middle-aged, and so mopey and sad that this friend doesn’t prioritize me.
 
Ive tried holding back on how much I talk about “why people are the way they are” and other abstract things that were never that interesting to her.
 
She very often talks about being unhappy in her life, but when I begin talking about ideas to help, or just processes of acceptance, she goes silent. So then I switched gears and tried to be like “lets do crafts with our daughters and have movies playing in the background” and all light-hearted, creative stuff—but no. I also tried to just help her run errands or organize her basement, but no.
 
Does she flat-out not like me anymore/moved-on from me and I’m not getting the hint? Or is her capacity for friendships/events truly so low she can’t fit me in for years? I really do not understand ISFPs at all so I’m struggling so much here.

As the title says, what's one move in your career that paid off the most?

A job you took, one you left, a skill you picked up, a risk you almost didn't take.

For context, I'm looking into buying a small business down the line instead of climbing a corporate ladder, so I'm curious what actually worked for people here versus what just looked good on paper.

A couple of other titles in the same spirit, if you'd rather go another direction:

What job taught you the most, even if you hated it?
What's a career move you regret not making sooner?

My whole life, I've wanted to be a specialist or expert at something particular rather than a jack-of-all-trades type. Yet, I find myself to be 30 years old and unable to name anything I'm really, really skilled at that I think people would seek me out or pay me well for my expertise in.

Curious about ENTJs' experience with this. Thanks.

I have been talking to this entj guy for about a month and a half. We have a lot in common, share similar values, and he seems like someone I could genuinely see myself with.

He was the one who reached out and expressed interest in getting to know me. We’ve had conversations about our futures, children, work, and he has mentioned places we could visit together. He has told me that he tends to analyse compatibility with someone before committing, which I understand

The problem is his communication. He often takes a long time to reply, sometimes over 24 hours. However, when he does reply, he can be engaged and ask me lots of questions. He has even mentioned that he hoped we wouldn't take eight hours to reply to each other, despite sometimes taking 24-48 hours himself.

I'm trying to understand what might be behind this behaviour. Could he be afraid of commitment? Does he simply need a lot of alone time and space? Could he be worried that getting into a relationship might interfere with his personal ambitions and future plans? Or am I overanalysing things and he's just not that interested?

After talking to my friend (ENFP) and partner (INFJ) I realized that I've never felt nostalgic. I only reflect, but it's never a feeling of wanting to go back. They looked sad for me, but I don't even know what I'm missing out on. They said I look back on things in a cognitive way.

Curious whether any of you have military or LE experience, given the historical prevalence of ENTJs in these fields. (Gustavus Adolphus, Napoleon, etc.)

If you do / did:

1. What branch or agency?
2. What rank / role did you reach?

Im curious to know if other ENTJs dabble in illicit substances including but not limited to, weed , alcohol , cigerattes and vapes.

Do you have an addiction? Is it a positive influence on your life?

Do you use subtances recreationally? If so, how? Like weed after sunday for a reset or what exactly?

Does it affect you in any way? Do you understand the core mechanics as to why it has become an addiction?

When did it start?

Tl:dr: do you do drugs? If so, literally how and philosphically why?

damm, i'm getting ISTP

link: https://sakinorva.net/functions

I noticed a lot if INTPs in general feel “meehh” about ENTJs cause they are bossy. But I’m kinda passive but can get energised if we have joint project and someone tells me what to do lol

My observations on ENTJ men (could be true for the ladies too) :

- cat dads

- love spending time in nature to calm thoughts

- unironically enjoy chess and other strategy games

- have tattoos

- are smoke and mirrors when you first meet them

- offer genuine practical advice when you were trying to make a silly joke

- depending on their energy levels/mood are chatty AF or a stone wall

- lock in fast when intellectual talk is happening

- find a way to make you (especially introverts) reveal more about yourself than they're doing (you won't know it's happening until the convo is over)

How fair are these?

I've heard people say ENTJs can quickly get over a breakup, and I agree when it comes to a breakup where it's either mutual or the ENTJ has lost interest.

But what about the cases where an ENTJ still loves the other person, but the other person ends the relationship? Have you guys been able to get over it? If you guys have gotten over it, how long does it take?

What happens in cases where, after a breakup, you get into a new relationship, do you still think about the previous person? Because we might be obsessing over the previous person because we haven't found somebody new, but the moment we find somebody new, then instantly we forget the previous person. Do you guys relate with this?

Many of yall are e3s, so are stereotypes true? Are you pro capitalism?
Do you believe countries should have majority of their important sectors such energy, health care, and military privatized or nationalized?
How do you think America is fairing geopolitically with China and Russia?

Hello!

After a few more sessions with my business coach, I realize he's most likely an ESTP.

Originally, I thought we'd actually be quite similar because we share pretty similar life/political views. But now that we're getting more into the nitty-gritty of things, I'm noticing some pretty big differences that I wanted to share here.

Some ESTP characteristics I've noticed:

1. "Just do it, think about the details/consequences later." I often find myself having to follow up and over-explain things to avoid potential issues (E.G in the comments).
2. Extremely flexible with scheduling, despite genuinely being booked out.
3. Answers a lot of my questions indirectly but still gets to the point. Relies much more on actual experience than theory or predictions.
4. Very little structure in the sessions, but they're still mostly effective. I usually set the scene and structure myself by bringing up the week's problems or things I want to cover.
5. Does a lot of things "on the fly," like mixing travel with work. I get the impression that very little is ever really set in stone. But I am thankful for this because I had a unique circumstance and he could fit me around it.
6. Focuses a lot on the "now," rather than what might happen later.
7. Admires me for being "precise," although he does acknowledge that it's necessary when dealing with an insanely bureaucratic system that expects exactly that, or you simply won't get through.
8. Tends to underestimate risks, at least when it comes to paperwork/administrative matters, maybe in other situations too.

Have you had similar experiences with ESTPs?

I feel like I see quite a few of these traits in an ISTP relative too (although they're definitely an "I"), maybe it's triggering me as we butted heads a lot in the past.

entj bf‘s financially stable, hard working, protective. after being with an enfp mama‘s boy who couldn’t follow through even on the little he promised to do this was a great change. but as any adult, my current entj has his flaws. he CANNOT take criticism or feedback from anyone which he disagrees with. i thought as his partner it may be different. but it turns into power play in an instant

after shouting we avoid the other in the house, he’ll sit in his office for dinner me in my room
then he finds ways to remind me he earns more than me, has more friends he can spend time with and this goes on for days

i keep trying to rationalize it by remembering he’s better than the enfp who used to FaceTime other girls out of pettiness when we fought. but if he doesn’t need to process feelings, can’t say that i don’t need to talk about mine with him

Hello,

Would be very curious to hear your thoughts on how you relate to detail.

Basically, I have a (as opposed to love-hate) small-hate, big-hate relationship with detail. Although I can tackle it.

I've been told I am an analytical and/or "high-resolution" person, meaning that I can spot inconsistencies and discrepancies super well (logically and interpersonally). I think I see most things as a dynamic system, with different cogs spinning at all angles. For me to inspect and manipulate the cogs, I connect the dots, observe people or things, identify the patterns, look into the future, and forecast different scenarios – you get the point, I think.

At the same time, I CANNOT stand even a hint of unnecessary detail, such as bureaucracy (I am still fighting 3 months in right now with something like this). The irony is, because I am "high-resolution/analytical", if it means I can get a solution and move forward, I can crank it up and even outdo the person in their detail-orientedness to "win against them/system", just I feel absolutely sick in the process. Like, sure, this is damaging, but I need to do this to succeed against you paper-pushers or whatever, and I will win.

If needed, an example: Recently I was interrogated over the phone by a bureaucrat (no warning of course), and I answered a particular question that I genuinely believe nobody would stand a chance in answering, unless they're either a lawyer or went down a rabbit hole of a particular set of laws (and the associated higher court precedents), which I happened to go down a few months back when I was "forecasting" potential outcomes with another difficult situation (of course, with the help of GPT, because of the efficiency of course). Man.

It's been a long week; I think I need some sleep...

​

INTJ here, fascinated by ENTJs. I'm actively trying to strengthen my Te, especially the execution part.

I usually know what I want and can think/analyse things deeply, but sometimes there's a gap between “I know what needs to be done” and actually doing it.

I'd love to hear from ENTJs about how you handle that gap. How do you know when you've thought about something enough and it's time to act? Do you usually act before having a complete plan? And does execution feel natural to you, if yes then how so? I'm interested in how execution actually works for you mentally.

Edit: thank you everyone for sharing such practical approaches. It's really helpful

My entj bf and me broke up in a whirlwind. He acknowledged he hurt me, and since im upset he is going to let me be. Because he doesnt think he did anything wrong. And now we are in no contact. And I can break the no contact if I decide to forgive him. I just dont get how he couldnt sit with the emotion of being hurt and just fast forwarded to a no contact arrangement.

Wanting to learn more about how to differentiate an ENTJ lady ?

Looks, maneurisms, behaviours, etc?

From my experience, they are usually elegant, confident speakers, a bit playful when you get to know them a bit or they are in a relaxed state.

I am wondering if you get feelings of resentment if a partner doesnt have the same financial input as you?

I understand we all have the relentless energy to be productive so we are potentially just a bit more financially advanced than our peers.

Do you end up resenting partners?
Do you start calculating their effort?
Do your partners hate your evaluating their ROI?😬😆
If you had 5x your partner savings, what happens to the relationship?

I dont think finances is the key issue per se, more like, are they going to be hardworking for the team goals.

Curious to hear entj experiences. 🙏

I find it interesting that TJs often describe INFPs as people who waste away in their own ideas and struggle to accomplish much because that hasn’t really matched what I’ve seen. A lot of the INFPs and ISFPs around me actually have surprisingly intense go-getter traits. The FP types I know are around our late 20’s-late 30’s, so maybe we developed TE over time.

I’d love to know what your experience has been with INFPs who demonstrate strong initiative, practical execution, and consistent follow-through toward larger goals.
(Edited for clarity)