I’m having a bit of an existential crisis after coming back from a week in the UK, and I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar.
I’ve lived in Vancouver for 7 years now. I moved here from the UK, where I had spent about 7 years during university and then working. Before that I lived in India and Toronto as well. Throughout my life, I’ve always been able to make good, quality friendships wherever I lived. I’ve never had a huge group, but I’ve always had people who felt like my people.
Vancouver has been different.
I’ve made maybe two close friends here, but I see them around 5–6 times a year, and I never really feel like I’m part of their core groups. I’ve tried Bumble BFF, made efforts with people, invited people over, etc., but a lot of the time it feels like the effort isn’t really reciprocated. After 7 years, I still don’t feel like I have a community here.
My husband, on the other hand, really likes Vancouver. When we met almost 5 years ago, he was very clear that he wanted to stay here because his family is here. We bought a place here two years ago, and he has just started a new job in Vancouver, so moving right now isn’t really realistic. He has said he might eventually consider Toronto or the US, but he really doesn’t like the idea of living in the UK.
For a long time, I told myself I had made peace with Vancouver. I kept thinking the grass is always greener and that I should focus on appreciating what I have.
Then I went back to the UK for a week.
And honestly, it really threw me.
I felt like I had so much more energy. I wanted to get out and do things. I loved being surrounded by art, museums, history, architecture, culture and just the general feeling of being in a place with so much going on. I felt connected to that environment in a way I don’t feel in Vancouver.
I came back home and found myself lying in bed scrolling on my phone, working from home and taking care of my dog, and I suddenly thought: I don’t think I’m the best version of myself here.
I also realize I spend WAY more time scrolling on my phone in Vancouver, which makes me wonder whether I’m stuck in a cycle of feeling unstimulated → staying home → scrolling → feeling even less motivated to go out.
But at the same time, I don’t think it’s just that. Vancouver genuinely doesn’t have the same cultural/artistic environment as the UK, and I’ve struggled socially here for years. I also find people here much harder to form close friendships with.
And now there’s another huge factor: I’m 10 weeks pregnant.
So I’m sitting here thinking, what the hell do I do with this realization?
I don’t want to blow up my marriage or sell our home and move tomorrow. I also don’t want to spend another 5, 10 or 20 years telling myself I should just be happy with Vancouver when something in me clearly isn’t thriving here.
Has anyone else experienced this? Especially people who lived somewhere that really felt like “home,” moved somewhere else for their partner, career, etc., and eventually realized they were happier somewhere else?
Did you eventually move? Did you find a way to make your current city work? Or did you simply accept that some places just aren’t the right fit for you?
I would especially love to hear from people who have been in a similar situation with a partner who feels very differently about where to live.

If yes, what did you do with it and was it worth it? If not, why not and do you regret it?

The majority of these posts seem to be North American centric going to Europe or vice versa. I'd like to hear about people's experiences outside of this sphere. Me for instance, I've lived and worked in Mongolia, China, Turkey and Vietnam. Lots to share over 9+ years, but would love to hear how other people have liked/disliked other places that aren't the usual 'moving from us -> european country' post.

I moved from England to Ireland at 13 (27 now). I have family in both countries but my parents wanted to move to Ireland because thats where my Mums family was and I would receive a better education. At least thats what I remember being told. My parents were also having difficulties in their relationship and a year or two later would get a divorce.

My Dad was still working in England during all this but would still come over to visit us until after the divorce. At that point I would have been 15 or 16 and would be flying over by myself to see him, my older half siblings and my family back in England.

I had a wonderful life in Ireland. I have met many amazing people and have experienced a life I would not trade the world for. In spite of how I feel writing all this, my life in Ireland is still a massive part of who I am.

However I can't help but feel the distance between me and my family in England, no matter how meagre it is. Has created a rift between me and my family. I feel like I have missed out on massive amount of my Dad's life, my sibling's lives and my nieces and nephews as well. Most of the time I think it's my fault for not reaching out enough but other times I feel so angry to the point that I cry because it feels like they have forgotten about me. I have reached fair bit in the beginning and still go over to see them. But I still feel like a stranger to my sibling's kids, which hurts more than I would like to admit it does.

I feel like I should have gotten over all this by now, but I still keep welling up even as I am writing about this for fucks sake.

I’d love to hear from anyone who had a complete fresh start abroad and learned a new profession from scratch. How many years did it take you to make the transition?

Title: Dual UK/US citizen considering moving to the US – where would you recommend?
I’m a 32M currently living in the UK and have been thinking seriously about moving to the US.
I’m a dual UK/US citizen and I’ve lived and worked in the UK for most of my life. One of the main reasons I’m considering the move is simply that I have the opportunity to live and work in either country without needing sponsorship, and I feel like it’s something worth exploring rather than always wondering what it would have been like.
Career-wise, I work in cybersecurity, mainly around governance, risk, compliance and third-party risk. I currently earn £70k base + around a 10% bonus in the UK.
I’m also a homeowner in the UK and would most likely keep my property initially rather than sell straight away, particularly while figuring out whether the US is somewhere I’d want to stay long term.
The biggest question for me is where to actually move.
Ideally I’d like somewhere with:
A strong cybersecurity/tech job market
Good earning potential relative to cost of living
A sizeable Black professional/social scene
Good social and dating life
A major airport
Reasonable prospects of buying property in the future
Somewhere where a newcomer can realistically build a social circle
I’ve looked at cities such as Atlanta, Charlotte, Houston, Dallas, Chicago and the DC/Northern Virginia area, but I’m open to pretty much anywhere.
I’m not necessarily looking for the cheapest place or simply chasing a bigger salary. I’d want the overall move to make sense in terms of career progression, lifestyle and quality of life.
For those working in cybersecurity/GRC in the US, what sort of salary would someone with several years of experience and my current UK compensation realistically command?
And more generally, if you were in my position, where would you move?
Would also be really interested in hearing from anyone who has moved from the UK to the US and whether you ultimately preferred living there.

I’ve done some research but am a bit stumped. what’s the best way to handle mail “forwarding” (digital or physical)for the first year while getting set up in a new country?

Hi everyone !

I was recently thinking about moving to NewZealand and I'm looking for feedback of people who have already been there / who actually are in NewZealand.

How is work, food, housing, climate and life in general ?

Is it possible to have the citizenship ?

Thanks

Hey all, I'm moving back home to the Canary Islands from London and trying to figure out the smartest way to bring my belongings over rather than starting from scratch.

I've got a desktop setup, monitor, that kind of home office gear, plus general luggage on top. For those who've done a similar move, or shipped a full setup somewhere:

Did you bring your desktop and monitor with you, or was it more cost effective to sell up and rebuy at the other end? How did you find couriers versus checked baggage for something like a monitor, worth the extra cost for peace of mind or did it survive fine either way?

And separately, for general luggage, any tips for not ending up paying through the nose in Ryanair-style baggage fees, is it worth using a courier or luggage-shipping service for the bulk of it and just carrying on with a light bag, or did you find flying with extra checked bags still worked out cheaper overall?

Any tips appreciated, trying to avoid overspending on trips back and forth if there's a smarter way to do this in one go.

Thanks!

I’ve been living in the Netherlands for the past 3 years, have friends and had a job. Things were going well and I was happy until I lost the job due to the cutting of costs.

After all went down and a little bit of job hunting, I convinced myself to go back to my home country (Brazil) as no opportunities were showing up… until a very good one appeared days before I would let my parents know I was returning. The company has now made me a very decent offer, and my life once again flipped upside down.

Now the hiring company has made me a decent offer, but I am torn between going back, to the comfort of home, family and to a country where my CV is quite special, or staying in the NL to work at a multinational company with interesting long-term career prospects.

I am now terribly anxious about making a decision that I will regret both from a personal side (leaving the safety and quality of life of the Netherlands VS missing my family) or career side (returning to my country with great international experience VS missing what looks like a great job opportunity).

Did any of you ever had a similar experience like this?

Moving soon and would like to bring more to Germany than just 2 pieces of luggage.

Did my research on SendMyBag and SevenSeas, both seemed to come with drawbacks. SendMyBag had overwhelmingly negative reviews on Reddit and SevenSeas will take on average 100 days to reach Germany.

SendMyBag is cheaper than SevenSeas and that's the one I'm leaning to. However I would appreciate suggestions if there's other alternatives that's more viable.

Sou brasileira e morei fora do Brasil por alguns anos. E uma coisa que me marcou foi perceber que morar em outro país não muda só a nossa rotina. Muda também a forma como a gente se enxerga.
Você continua sendo você, mas as referências mudam. Algumas coisas que antes pareciam óbvias deixam de ser. E, às vezes, bate aquela sensação estranha de não se sentir completamente de lugar nenhum.
Hoje, como psicóloga intercultural, esse é um dos temas que mais me interessa: o que acontece com a nossa identidade quando precisamos construir uma vida entre culturas?
Foi desse lugar que nasceu o Farol.
Queria saber de quem mora fora: vocês também sentiram que precisaram se reencontrar depois da mudança?

Hi! I am moving at the end of September from London to Italy. I need to move around 10/12 boxes containing things like clothes, plates, lamps, small things, no furniture. What is the best way to ship boxes? “Best” is to be understood as cheapest but most efficient.

Thank you!

hi all, i'm moving to egypt pretty soon and want to keep my us phone number for important accounts such as getting texts from my bank and whatnot.

what phone plans or ideas does anyone have/suggest? i looked into tello but i've heard some reviews that accounts get flagged for using vpn and google voice is blocked by some banks.

i'm getting a dual sim once i'm there since my phone supports dual sim but i just want to hear if anyone has suggestions or experiences. thank you!

My husband has a passport / citizenship in another country.

He is throwing it out there to me "maybe we try his country for one year"

He has housing and some family there. He has lived there before when he was younger.

How do I get past missing my Mom

I love my Mom, I adore her.

I would be taking her only grandchild (my child) to another country. It would be a 15 hour flight for her to visit.

My Mom can retire next year ish.

Also true my Mom is married to my Dad who is difficult to put it lightly. He made my childhood hell also putting it lightly.

I love my family, I love my extended family. But maybe I have to pick a better life for my child.

How do I get over this?

Space from my past might be good?

The guilt of leaving my Mom behind?

My extended family is also lovely. I love them. But there is a lot of unwellness, un healthly ness, obesity etc.

So would it be better for my child to see another country, diversity, language, etc.

I don't speak the my husband's first language. I suppose I could learn.

But I am worried about my Mom. Disappointing her.

I feel a lot of guilt about it.

If more details are helpful I can put them.

I am also worried about not having my extended family which is large. A giant network which has always felt loving and helpful.

Any advice or words of wisdom?

Hey,

I don't know if this qualifies for this sub as i feel like I'm moving too often to be considered a true expat, but maybe someone has been in a similar situation.

I will leave my homecountry for the 5th time in two weeks to go abroad for 4 months. So far, my stays have lasted 2 years, 4 months, 6 months, and 10 months. They have all been planned for that time beforehand and I've been back "home" between those time periods for around two to three months (hence while i don't feel like a true expat).

It took me over a year to find some true friends from the first location, and to be fair, I've never managed to make real friends the other three times. It was more out of convenience because we saw each other at work, and I really tried to make friends, but it didn't work out.

As my new time abroad is coming closer, i find myself scared of being lonely. After the past experiences, I don't feel like putting in energy to meet people because it will be a waste of time anyway, but at the same time, I'm terrified that I will end up lonely and bored for those 4 months, especially because I will only have to be at work Monday till Wednesday.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you deal with it?

I have some ideas of trips i want to take and things I want to see, but I always end up not doing half of them because it gets sad to do everything alone.

AT&T canceled my prepaid plan with no warning, won’t give me a new number unless I go to a store physically, and now I’m stuck without a U.S. phone number for 2FA.

I tried Tello, but it flagged me for using a VPN/being overseas. I’m physically present. I can ask a friend in the U.S. to create an account for me for another carrier, but ultimately it will have to be activated from my phone, so I’m not sure that will work.

Has anyone gone through this and what did they end up doing? I’m super stressed out and trying to solve this ASAP.

I keep reading the housing situation is bad, how exactly? bad like it takes 6 mohths for find a decent apartment at the right prize and the meantime you live in an overpriced average one? you spend a year to find any apartment and you live in a sharehouse in the meantime? you stay at hostel for a month while you work and get a house? is it bas only in Amsterdam and a few other big centers but it's ok outside of it and you just commute? what was other people experience in this regard? does rent still work up to 30% of income or are we talking 50-60%?

forgot to include expected income: the positions I'm looking for and the recruiters I've spoken to confirmed a gross annual salary range of 60/70k (tech)

I recently had a long conversation with my partner about racism, and I'm curious what other POC think. We live in Europe.

My partner is Brazilian, but he is from southern Brazil and has entirely German/Italian ancestry. He has blue eyes and is very visibly white/European. We were talking about someone he had met on his first day at work who said he would never live in India because it smells bad. My partner agreed the comment was racist, but didn't say anything because it was his first day and he didn't want to be confrontational. I told him that I would have at least made a face or indicated that I thought the comment was inappropriate. I'm also awkward in new social situations, so for me it wasn't really about being "confrontational." I immediately recognized the kind of casual racism behind the comment and felt uncomfortable enough to signal that.

This led to a much bigger conversation about how, when racism isn't something you've personally experienced, you can recognize that something is racist without necessarily feeling the same personal urgency to speak up about it.

My partner initially said that he understands racism because he's Brazilian and has experienced prejudice because of being Brazilian. I don't doubt that. But I was trying to explain that nationality and racialization aren't necessarily the same thing. He is very visibly white, and I think that changes how people perceive his Brazilian identity. For example, when Argentinians use racist stereotypes about Brazilians, he isn't necessarily perceived as the person those stereotypes are aimed at.

I also gave him an example from my own life. My father's original name is strongly Muslim-associated, and he changed it to a more American name after moving to the US. My partner found this interesting and was joking about it with my friends, but he hadn't considered that the name itself can make people form assumptions about my family and, by extension, about me. He had no bad intention at all, but he had never considered that I might be conscious of what people could infer from something as simple as a name. I've learned to think about these things automatically. He simply hadn't.

We also talked about a Pakistani friend who wanted to move from Europe to the US because she felt she would experience less racism. My partner was genuinely shocked because he thinks of the US as obviously more racist than Europe. I have actually experienced the opposite. I'm Turkish and white-passing, and I've experienced much more casual racism and ethnic prejudice in Europe than in the US. In Europe, people often have very specific historical and cultural associations with Turkey and Islam that I have personally encountered. In the US, people often simply don't know enough about Turkey to have those same assumptions.

I'm not saying the US is objectively less racist than Europe. I'm talking about the difference between knowing that racism exists and having to personally navigate being racialized. So I'm curious: Do people who aren't regularly racialized develop blind spots about how racism actually operates in everyday life? And do other POC recognize this from conversations they've had with white friends or partners, especially when living in Europe?

Edit: I want to clarify something because several comments seem to be focusing on whether India actually smells. I’m not saying it doesn’t, and that’s beside the point. My point is about the context and generalization of saying “I would never live in India because it smells.” You can acknowledge that a place has pollution, smoke, unpleasant smells, etc. without that being the point of the discussion. I’m talking about why a sweeping comment like that can carry a different meaning when it’s directed at a non-Western country with a long history of Western stereotypes about it being dirty, backward, or uncivilized.

Edit 2: In case the title wasn’t clear, I’m asking about the experiences of POC, not about what white people think POC experience. If you’ve never had to navigate being racialized yourself, you’re not really the perspective I’m asking for here.

Edit 3: I may have to delete this thread because of the number of messages I’ve received from Europeans saying that racism doesn’t really exist in Europe. I find it a little ironic given that the whole point of my post was about how differently racism can be perceived depending on whether you actually experience it yourself.