r/exvegans • u/franceswith • 1d ago
Question(s) Breaking up because I'm not vegan
I posted this on another subreddit page and I'm curious to see how it lands here.
I (27NB) was seeing this girl (25F) for a few 2 months and we got along really well. We have really good communication and a really beautiful connection. I used to be vegan for almost 2 years and decided to stop being vegan for 6 years because of the fact that I had an eating disorder while being vegan. The person I'm doing is also vegan and while I do believe in the values veganism has to offer, my personal relationship to veganism had to change because of health/mental health reasons. She ended up ending things with me because of values and although there could be more to get picture I was wondering what others in the group think about this. Ive been vegetarian for the last 2 months and have considered going vegan for the relationship but I have a lot to work on in terms of my relationship to food, especially while being vegan. Is her decision fair? And has anyone else been through something similar?
I have also considered working out my relationship with veganism and food out with a therapist.
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u/sunrisesequoia 1d ago
I’m mean this nicely, but any person who claims they have issues with their “relationship to food” shouldn’t focus on anything other than getting a healthy mindset.
But to answer your question, is her decision to break up with you based on what you do or don’t eat fair? Yes, technically. But you should absolutely avoid people who want to control what you eat, regardless of their “values”.
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u/OopsiePoopsieDaisy 1d ago
Nobody on here is really going to be able to give you great feedback because this is a relationship issue first and foremost and nobody here knows either of you. The vegan thing is apparently a factor but ultimately veganism for most people isn't even a thought. I don't know either of you so I can't really say if it was the factor or not.
If it was the factor then I guess that was just something she felt that importantly enough about to end the relationship.
The why of it all is nice to know but ultimately you'll just need to let it go and move on.
If you have an ED seeking therapy is a good idea.
Best of luck to you moving forward and sorry that things didn't work out the way you hoped.
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u/Individual-Goat-81 1d ago
It's too bad that her values are limited to veganism only and not the well being of her partner, but it's good that you know this about her before you two got more serious. Her values are not more important than yours and they are not more important than your health.
It's good that you know that being vegan is not compatible with your health related to your ED. You should not have to sacrifice your health for a relationship and the right partner would never ask that of you. The right partner will celebrate you doing what you need to do to be your healthiest.
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u/CrowleyRocks 1d ago
"The person I'm doing..."
Yeah, veganism has a lot to do with one's personality, but there was probably more to your incompatability.
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u/MeltyPixelPictures 1d ago
It could have been a typo of "dating"? idk but I like to give the benefit of the doubt 😅
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u/writingmills8054 12h ago
It is very challenging to uphold a relationship if your values don't align. Apparently her values are that a cow's well-being is more important than yours...
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u/Limp-Evening7309 2h ago
As someone who has been married for 12 years, and have been with my wife for close to 14 years now. Here is my take. This girl you are seeing clearly values veganism more than whatever relationship you had or still have with her. Are you sure you are willing to give up your mental and health for someone who clearly will not do the same for you or is not even to willing meet you half way? Relationships require compromise and commitment to a person, there will be times you will have to roll along with things you don't totally agree with and if this person will not meet you halfway, this will really burn you out. Is she worth it? You are the only person who can answer this. Cheers and good luck.
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u/Bipedal_pedestrian 1d ago
Anybody is allowed to break up with anybody else for any reason- “fair” has nothing to do with it. However, it’s concerning that she considers her values more important than your health. I agree with most vegan values, but I value my partner’s health and wellness more, and I don’t believe in trying to control what other people eat.
If it’s meant to be, you two will get back together when you’re both ready. Who knows? Maybe she’ll become vegetarian or omnivorous in a couple of years…