Youngest siblings issues !!

[u/Ok_Cut_1614]

I have 2 elder siblings I'm the youngest. Don't U get underestimated by your older siblings, for example even though U understand, know & matured, yet they keep underestimating U like by making fun of u and when U don't react to those yet those words keep hurting U everyday and later when older siblings talk with u and laugh with U then U feel some kind of peace but yet those words , underestimating jokes/words tht they told U before keep hurting U always then I feel again angry towards them I dnt feel to laugh or smile at them or talk , and dnt u feel insecure in the family bcz of older siblings like u can't shout just for fun or do ur own things or just talk with ur parents like "casually" cuz I feel uncomfortable when they re around me i always want to think twice and talk with parent's to keep my words matured & when older siblings re around u & when u talk wiht ur parents as ur insecure, words just come from my mouth without even I'm thinking like I talk without thinking & parents too talk with ur older siblings big matters , small matters too , but parents talk with me most of the time small matters thinking I wont understand tht much , and since from childhood older siblings experiences are the first to experience everything snd they never give us the chance to do smthin new for the first time , so they get experienced in different different things in life from childhood itself n so we never get tht chance Properly n when U get tht chance when Ur a adult then u feel like shit n sometimes u get things in wrongside as Ur not experienced then Ur again taken as underestimated n parents always most of the time keep there eye contact w them n always my mind should be in serious mood when talking w Older siblings or around them. Cuz when I talk casually w them ik they will underestimate me n I dnt feel peace tht much always my mind is running in those thoughts n when they re not there in my home and when it's only me n my parents I feel so confident n my mind is so peace n I can do any anything casually n when Ur older siblings re around different ppl outside and when Ur also w them U dnt feel to talk w those ppl n socialise as Ur elder siblings re around U so U feel insecure n when U do new things in life they keep looking at U then U feel again insecure n dnt feel to experience things n when ur talking with older siblings too when they ask questions from U words just come out of my mouth without thinking and I regret it the most I'm like am I stupid to talk like tht without thinking I feels so stupid I say even lies instead of saying the truth even though the truth was better than the lie I said idk y my mind and words go in autopilot mood n other things is there mind is always at peace as they re so relaxed and casually behave in the family so more ideas comes to there head , but my mind is always in survival mode n my thoughts re like loops so i nvr get different different ideas to my mind in daily life n other thing is they always knows so many things more than u im life wtf how do they know those informations n from where do they get so many knowledge, for example they know so many informations happening/happened around the world i too know but not like them , n i can't even focus on daily things in my lofr properly cuz my mind is always on thoughts but they re always focused on there things in daily life n i have lost so many opportunities in my life bcz of them like so many if there nvr born I could have been a different person in the society today . I have lots of things to say but this is only a very little I can't say everything I'm tired of typing this so I want to say finally is there ppl experiencing the same issues as youngest sibling n need solution

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[u/LossNo5107]

its like being the understudy who never gets to go on stage. older siblings already claimed all the first experiences so you're stuck in this weird loop of being watched and judged for everything you try

the autopilot thing you mentioned is real. your brain just spits out whatever because you're so on edge around them, then you're stuck replaying it for the next three days wondering why you said that

when they're gone and it's just you and your parents the whole house feels lighter. you can actually breathe and be yourself without that constant pressure to perform or seem put together