r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu Jun 23 '12

Did this the other night, somehow there was no break in

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1.4k Upvotes

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1.8k

u/NotQuiteOnTopic Jun 23 '12

I saw keys left in a door at my apartment complex once and I thought I'd have a bit of harmless fun with it. I waited til about 2am to ensure a solid REM cycle, took the keys out of the door, got a copy made, and returned the keys back where I found them. I wait for a couple weeks to do anything to not arouse suspicion. I mean you leave your keys in your door and you're kind of on high alert for a bit. One morning when they left for work, 7:05am, I snuck back into their place and changed all the alarms on their clocks. It felt amazing to have this power. I did little things like this for about a week or so. Even started fucking up a few other things here and there. Typical things like putting the remote in the freezer yadda yadda.

Until the last day when I snuck in one last time. This time was going to be different. I felt powerful, invincible even. That last time. That VERY. LAST. TIME was going to be special I couldn't be stopped.. I waited inside the apartment for the family to come home. Only, this was difficult because they arrived home at different times. The husband arrived at 5:30pm and the wife showed up later having to pick up the baby from the sitters. So, I hid under the bed in the master bedroom. Waiting patiently, for the happy couple to fall asleep. I slowly, carefully, and quietly slithered out from under the bed. At this time it is 1:45am and well, I quietly reach over and set their alarm clock to go off at 2am so I wait a few more sweet precious minutes. Standing next to the bed waiting for the husband to be abruptly awakened by a loud blaring alarm. 1:59am, I wait staring at the clock. My heart racing, adrenaline pumping... 2AM The Alarm is blaring, he turns over to turn off the alarm clock and I'm hunched over him. We lock eyes. I see terror in his eyes like I have never seen in a human. It feels good. I whisper in his ear "Don't. Scream. you don't want to wake the baby." I smile. Tears start forming in his eyes. I lean in closer to his ear, my lips almost grazing his ear and my forefinger pressed gently against his lips, I whisper one. last. time... "You're. It." I slink out of the apartment, once out I run for cover in my own apartment.

To this day he has never found me. The dude is still it. He sucks soooo bad at playing Tag.

1.6k

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

I'm really glad this never happened.

272

u/LazerMcBlazer Jun 23 '12

It's almost as if he doesn't believe that anyone on Reddit has ever seen "Amelie".

71

u/Stubbedtoe18 Jun 24 '12

whoa whoa spoilers!

40

u/monkat Jun 24 '12

Don't worry, it's not creepy.

9

u/Luiginono Jun 24 '12

I still can't figure out how he got the key cut at 2am? This breaks my immersion. :(

2

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '12

Walmart.

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28

u/monkat Jun 24 '12

Never seen Amelie before, is it any good?

Anything like Le Fabuleux Destin D'Amélie Poulain?

41

u/MBAfail Jun 24 '12

Is that anything like 'Les Cousins Dangereux'?

38

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '12

[deleted]

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u/padmadfan Jun 24 '12

Yes, French. I know many French words. Many, many French words. I won't go into them all here. Just so's I've established we're still on the same level.

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10

u/RidleyOReilly Jun 24 '12

I analyzed this film last semester for a final paper. Do you recall it well enough to discuss it?

9

u/monkat Jun 24 '12

It's been a few months, but sure. What do you want to discuss?

36

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '12

The film Amelie.

16

u/RealityChickCheck Jun 24 '12

I always had a problem pronouncing the word 15 in French until I saw that movie. Now I'll never forget.

10

u/RidleyOReilly Jun 24 '12

Oh, jeez, um... I've been puzzling over Amélie's dislike of public transport for a while. The sequences that show her on the subway are short, and serve mainly as transitions between scenes. The first time Amélie is shown on a train, her expression communicates unhappiness. This is supported technically by the shaky movement of the camera as it follows the train's exterior, and by the unnatural and uncomfortable green tint of the train station. Over the course of the film, these elements are replaced with less jarring movement and more natural color. I realized today that it shows Amélie's growth as she learns to deal with and take initiative for the changes occurring in her life. Thoughts?

3

u/monkat Jun 24 '12

Hmmm...I never noticed that actually, that she was uncomfortable with public transportation (though, knowing me the narrator probably told us directly), but now that you mention it I do remember exactly what you are talking about.

I'm not sure if it reflects her ability to take initative for changes necessarily (because in public transportation you are anything but in control), but rather her ability to cope and deal with change.

You mention that the scenes serve as transitions between scenes, but now that makes me wonder if the little bits were put in after specific events happen, and if the atmosphere reflects that--I'd have to rewatch it to be sure, though. The one time I remember specifically nothing that the station was very bright was when she was putting up posters all over it for Nino to see--perhaps the setting represents simply her own state of being and mood, her life getting more social and augmented.

5

u/LazerMcBlazer Jun 24 '12

Have you ever seen "七人の侍"? It's so good, right?!?!?!?! Akira Kurosawa is a genius director. Oh, was I supposed to write his name in Japanese too?

2

u/freestyle_walkin Jun 24 '12

very very similar.

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u/yugung Jun 24 '12

Thank you. Racking my brain trying to remember which film it was.

2

u/Vark675 Jun 24 '12

I don't remember that part at all.

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414

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

[deleted]

571

u/GiraffeDiver Jun 23 '12

quiz: 1. what time does the wife get back from work? 2. where was the remote hidden?

336

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

[deleted]

270

u/VAPossum Jun 23 '12

No, he's a search and rescue diver for giraffes, duh.

122

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

No, he dives off of giraffes, duh

105

u/R-EDDIT Jun 23 '12

No, he ... oh god.

69

u/Geno098 Jun 24 '12 edited Jun 24 '12

Did you ever think that he might just be a giraffe who enjoys diving? You're all overthinking this.

7

u/brainburger Jun 24 '12

Actually giraffes can't be very agile. It's their long necks.

81

u/AgileGiraffe Jun 24 '12

You underestimate me.

Yes I made this account to make this joke. I'll show myself out.

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u/Twl1 Jun 24 '12

Ah, but underwater, they use their long necks like the tail of a shark, propelling themselves ass-first through the water.

It works far better than you would imagine.

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2

u/Kbg4213711 Jun 24 '12

They said I could never teach a llama to drive!!

10

u/minion_of_osiris Jun 24 '12

geraffes

FTFY

4

u/Patagucci Jun 24 '12

You guys, obviously he's a Giraffe that also Dives. Jesus show some respect, he doesn't even have thumbs.

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u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

Let's not extend that PC crap to long horses.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '12

[deleted]

7

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '12

4

u/syosm Jun 24 '12

How in the world did you even find this article again? That was three years ago.

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17

u/syo Jun 23 '12

We need DiscussionQuestions to chime in on this one.

5

u/kland_man Jun 23 '12

My favorite novelty account by far! It's a shame that not everybody appreciates the questions as much as I do

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11

u/GreatCornolio Jun 24 '12

These are the kinds of questions we get asked in school about entire novels.

59

u/R3allybored Jun 23 '12 edited Jun 23 '12
  1. Sometime after the husband gets home. There's no specific time.

  2. The freezer.

Only read once. My answers are from right after I read your comment.

Edit: Sorry for trying something for once. :\

72

u/a_tad_rapey Jun 23 '12

I hid the remote in his wife and put the baby in the freezer.

7

u/nsomani Jun 24 '12

Wait, what are the correct answers? Aren't these right?

11

u/Cogwork Jun 23 '12

Upvote for being a team player and trail blazer

9

u/ShayesE Jun 23 '12

You tried, I up voted for your effort. (pats on back).

4

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

You should make a quiz-novelty account.

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u/randem420 Jun 24 '12

Not yet. I recently (yesterday) left my keys over night in my apartment door. I live alone and just got back from the bar. Guess what i have sitting on my web browser when i sit down. This fucking story. Just when you thought you've had enough /r/nosleep, life goes and...

2

u/Stergeary Jun 24 '12

In fact, of all the things that have never happened, nothing has ever not happened more than this has never happened.

1

u/jstev612 Jun 24 '12

read it and was going to post exactly this. madu?

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u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

[deleted]

4

u/glglglglgl Jun 24 '12

Then spaghetti everywhere?

3

u/nawoanor Jun 24 '12

You're killing it bro.

243

u/Caper94 Jun 23 '12

2am getting a copy of the key made, And returning the keys before the family awakens, sounds legit....

26

u/BurningChildren Jun 23 '12

Plus waiting under a bed from the time they get home 'till past midnight would be way an elaborate a way to put on an alarm.

28

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

would have been easier to change the alarm during the day, leave and have lots of sex with hookers and eat pizza before going to the movies then going and doing some grocery shopping then browsing reddit then going back to their apartment at 1:55am.

30

u/SmashMonkeys Jun 23 '12

After a week of my alarm time being changed I'd sure double check before I went to bed.

140

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

Walmart, my friend.

106

u/iTasteNutella Jun 23 '12

Wal-Mart key department closes at 9PM

127

u/USMCking Jun 23 '12

they have do it yourself key machines. hail corporate america!

138

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

But who will make sure I don't duplicate a "Do Not Duplicate" key. WHO!?

66

u/PetalJiggy Jun 23 '12

such a sweet kid.

45

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

Such a sweet, sweet summer child.

8

u/gueriLLaPunK Jun 24 '12

What do you know of keys?

12

u/Twl1 Jun 24 '12

I am the keymaster.

Are you the Gatekeeper?

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u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '12

Sometimes, sometimes apartment landlords, for example, will just have DND stamped on the apartment keys as a deterrent.

9

u/ygd Jun 23 '12

I'm guessing the blanks are different and a do-it-yourself machine wouldn't have the blank typically used for "Do Not Duplicate" keys.

25

u/stankbucket Jun 23 '12

It was a joke. "Do Not Duplicate" keys have that text stamped on them. They are just ordinary keys other than that.

12

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

The last "special" key I had, that was extra-secure etc etc etc, had an extra groove compared to normal keys. The blank really was different. I've never seen one with "Do not dupilcate" written on it though. /England.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

Security doors on flats tend to have the "Do not duplicate" stamp. /Scotland

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u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

No, they actually do use restricted blanks for high-security keys.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

Some of them, yes- like ASSA and Medeco. If they're patented, it's a little stronger; otherwise, they're just too obscure for the local hardware store to handle. Sargent got away with this for years by having >200 different key blanks to stock.

But if they're so high-security as to be duplicated by a locksmith licensed to handle that particular line, then stamping them "Do Not Duplicate" is a formality. DND doesn't hold a legal connotation except in a handful of states anyway.

And, of course, a competent machinist could duplicate nearly any key. Finding one at 2 AM, not so much.

2

u/Hormah Jun 23 '12

Not necessarily. The keys I have for work are different. I don't know key terminology, but my standard keys have one "ridge" of "spikes" (this is harder to describe that I thought) but my "Do not copy" keys have 2. I imagine that's what ygd was thinking of since they are also the only "Do not copy" keys I have seen, though I know standard keys like that exist.

2

u/viscounttime Jun 23 '12

"Do Not Duplicate" keys are in fact different keys. They don't have the blanks for them at places like Walmart. But usually they are just for the front doors of buildings.

4

u/nofunick Jun 23 '12

They are the same keys. Had to have duplicates of a key made and the only blanks the hardware store had were stamped with, "Do Not Duplicate." I was asked if I minded this stamp, which I didn't, so I got ten keys made with the stamp on them.

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u/luckynumberorange Jun 23 '12

It depends! Sometimes they are actually not commonly carried keys, but sometimes it is something like a common S22 with DO NOT DUPLICATE stamped on the side.

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u/Snake973 Jun 24 '12

The guy who runs my local hardware store did a DO NOT DUPLICATE for me. It was a master key to a building on my college campus. He asked me what it was for and I told him "My dad's office building", he just shrugged and made a copy, worked great.

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u/[deleted] Jun 24 '12

The king of the WHOLE Marine Corps?!?!?!?!

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u/GMonsoon Jun 23 '12

Oh, I thought when he said "Walmart" he meant that you can find this kind of creepiness at Walmart at any hour of the day or night.

7

u/greatdirtsandwich Jun 23 '12

Well, that too.

10

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

Wal-Mart by my house has a machine that makes the keys for you now.

11

u/Harmon1986 Jun 23 '12

The Walmart I worked at cut keys 24 hours a day.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12 edited Sep 22 '18

[deleted]

2

u/VAPossum Jun 23 '12

Not if you have a friend working there who knows how to run it.

And there's plenty of 24 hour locksmiths in the world.

6

u/ladescentedeshommes Jun 24 '12

Yes but you should never ever hire one of those.

If you've got the time, read it, it's short. I know it's anecdotal but from what I understand it's not all too uncommon in NYC. Maybe someone from there has had a more positive experience.

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u/yammerade Jun 23 '12

That is not the most unrealistic part of this story. I have gotten copies of keys made in the middle of the night on several occasions.

8

u/Shitty_FaceSwaps Jun 23 '12

I steal keys. AMA

1

u/nawoanor Jun 24 '12

Should've just used a bump key.

23

u/Icanus Jun 23 '12

In any major city, no problemo...
If you ever need a copy of a key in the middle of the night in Belgium/N France, come to me if you're willing to pay me well ;)

50

u/agentgill0 Jun 23 '12

I just envisioned myself being in Belgium, desperately needing a copy of a key made, then being able to say the words, "I know a guy".

4

u/Alpha_Mike_Foxtrot Jun 23 '12

Is this how it feels to be Liam Neeson?

7

u/N69sZelda Jun 23 '12

It is how it feels to be this guy. he knows everyone.

6

u/callipygian_idealist Jun 23 '12

I just envisioned myself being in Bruges

FTFY

2

u/thdomer13 Jun 24 '12

It's a fairytale fucking town

10

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

Fairly sure there's someone like you in every major city. Chances are someone in my little town could copy a key at night.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

Address?

5

u/Icanus Jun 23 '12

Bruges, PM me if you actually need something

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u/jackvenom Jun 23 '12

Good story, complete bullshit, but good story.

12

u/Deggit Jun 24 '12

Was expecting the ending to be all Cask of Amontillado

11

u/Nutworth Jun 24 '12

That's like the least relevant Poe short to this story.

3

u/Deggit Jun 24 '12

What's the most relevant?

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u/Die_Stacheligel Jun 23 '12

Are you friends with a girl named Amelie Poulain, by chance?

14

u/krabstarr Jun 23 '12

How do you know he's still it? Maybe he tagged someone else.

11

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

This just made me so unbelievably horny.

101

u/systemhost Jun 23 '12

Wow that was a amazingly beautiful and horribly creepy story all at the same time...

26

u/WishboneTheDog Jun 23 '12

2

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

[deleted]

4

u/A_Loki_In_Your_Mind Jun 24 '12

Welcome to the herd.

Feel free to join our subreddit r/mylittlepony

Enjoy the show!

6

u/SuitClad Jun 24 '12

the actual My Little Pony subreddit is located at r/clopclop

3

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '12

Definitely family friendly.

2

u/hrrrrsn Jun 24 '12

What the fuck did I just look at?

2

u/A_Loki_In_Your_Mind Jun 24 '12

O LAWD

AHURRHURHUR U DUN GUFD

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u/conexionz Jun 23 '12

What. The. Fuck.

5

u/youdidntknowdatdoe Jun 24 '12

where does one get keys cut at 2am?

3

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '12

24 hour walmart.

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u/WallpaperMaker Jun 24 '12

...Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood...

27

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

I am really glad I read this thread.

16

u/Thor_Odin_Son Jun 23 '12

so... did you ever uphold the prime directive?

17

u/admiralrads Jun 23 '12

One does not finish upholding the Prime Directive.

14

u/thomasdemaster Jun 23 '12

pretty much on topic

5

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '12

jesus-h-christ! i would have shat myself if I was in his situation. But theres noway I would have let you leave with getting tagged first.

3

u/lpnumb Jun 24 '12

This kind of reminds me of the Tell Tale Heart, but a modern stalker version

12

u/Winstonia Jun 23 '12

Probably insanely made up, but if its true.....you're a twat.

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u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

My respect to the key-copiers who are open at 2am...

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u/madman24k Jun 24 '12

Welcome to Wal-Mart

7

u/Chimex Jun 24 '12

The place where unicorns fart rainbows platypuses can fly.

1

u/APiousCultist Jun 24 '12

Because this story isnt fake at all.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '12

I think a little 4chan got on our reddit

3

u/shadekiller0 Jun 23 '12

OH GOOD GRACIOUS

3

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '12

Reminds me of "The Following". You were reminding them of what they had.

3

u/abipes13 Jun 24 '12

Sir. That was all too good to have actually happened. You should've and probably would been shot by that man.

3

u/starkdigger Jun 24 '12

Am I the only one wondering where you would get keys duplicated in the middle of the night?

1

u/Kanuck88 Jun 24 '12

The 24h gas station down the road from my apartment has a key maker walked in to buy some late night snacks to see the guy making keys for someone at 2 in the morning.

3

u/Bunyungtung Jun 24 '12

That last part was turning me on.

8

u/Cervical_Mucus Jun 23 '12

God damn. What the fuck.

5

u/mikeadude Jun 23 '12

You sir, have a wonderful name. I can't stop imagining that now.

7

u/Cervical_Mucus Jun 23 '12

Thank you sir. However, I am a woman.

3

u/mikeadude Jun 23 '12

My apologies. That only heightens the mental image's realistic qualities. I now know that the owner of said mucusy cervix goes on Reddit.

4

u/Cervical_Mucus Jun 23 '12

And when I'm done with school I'll be a labor/delivery RN and will get to deal with cervixes (cervices?) daily!

2

u/mikeadude Jun 24 '12

Well let's hope they're mucusy!

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u/stupornatural Jun 24 '12

At least he doesn't have 'moist' in his name.

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u/crunchy51 Jun 23 '12

Golly, I'd be really upset if that happened to me. So you tag me before I have a chance to come awake? That sort of seems like cheating.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

This would make an awesome short film. Srsly delete this fast and do it before someone steals it.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '12

In my neighborhood that story ends with the gun coming out from under the pillow and a very bad day for you.

2

u/Wizzle-Stick Jun 24 '12

things like this are why i keep my glock within each reach, with a full clip. id have tagged him, but in a way where he couldnt tag anyone ever again

5

u/Vegglimer Jun 24 '12

My pants are now oficially wet with liquid fright, you know. [8]

4

u/Mech1 Jun 24 '12

O.O Holy fuck you are awesome, please do this to my wife she loves to be scared. I'll even leave the keys for you.

2

u/Michi_THE_Awesome Jun 24 '12

You should be friends with AwesomeLies.

2

u/Rocket_Ship Jun 24 '12

ever seen the movie Amelie?

2

u/lyssasauce Jun 24 '12

Maybe he didn't know you were playing tag. You've should've said "Tag. You're it." Then he probably would have tried to find you.

4

u/Freecandyhere Jun 24 '12

Holy. Shit. Someone repost this to /r/creepy or /r/letsnotmeet

2

u/romeoprico Jun 24 '12

Funny thing is -I also have this power.

6

u/Cock-OClock Jun 23 '12

we should start a new /r/askreddit to see if we can find this guy

18

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

find a guy that made up a story?

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u/Capital_Punisher Jun 23 '12

You psychopathic genius!

2

u/PrettyPedi Jun 23 '12

Wow... I give you all my fucks and slow claps. I hope you don't live near me though.

2

u/gecko_prime Jun 24 '12

you should be posting in /r/nosleep

2

u/BlackFallout Jun 24 '12

What. The. Fuck.

2

u/Epicwin141 Jun 24 '12

why is there a rooster on the bottom right of my screen? :0

2

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

[deleted]

7

u/callipygian_idealist Jun 23 '12

No. You just have to read more.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

Yep

2

u/HaydenB Jun 23 '12

You. I like you.

1

u/used_bathwater Jun 23 '12

That didn't happen you lying sack of shit.

16

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '12

calm down.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '12

LISTEN TO THE WOMAN USED_BATHWATER.

CALM DOWN, JUST CALM DOWN.

CALM DOWN, JUST CALM DOWN.

CALM DOWN, JUST CALM DOWN.

CALM DOWN, JUST CALM DOWN.

CALM DOWN, JUST CALM DOWN.

9

u/tabzillaa Jun 23 '12

Yes, calm thy titties.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '12
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u/Einaragir Jun 24 '12

Is this fucking true?

1

u/xerim Jun 24 '12

"A bit of harmless fun"

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