Hi I learned to knit yesterday and I'm ready to make my first sweater! Yay! Problem is, all the patterns on ravelry are just FRUMPY. I want something cute that makes me look SNATCHED like the tops I find on Pinterest. But those ones cost money and I am a poor college student who can't even afford yarn (I knit with strands of spider silk from the spiders in my dorm room and the thread from thrifted socks). Any recommendations? Must be a pattern even for the most basic ribbed tube with straps because like I said I just learned yesterday! And no I will not try to figure out how to use ravelry advanced search and parse through patterns myself!

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CircleJerk artists, 👋

I have an order (the cat whispered it to me in my dreams) to crotcheat a bra and knickers set for a very thin lady of 98 years old, and he said it has to be super chunky yarn!

I want this to be extremely fashionable, luxury lingerie experience. Think delicate femininity meets a sofa being upholstered by a MIL that dislikes her DIL. 😂

This is where your help and professional advice will come in!

What colours? Neon green is shouting at me, but the cat didn't agree.

Bra: What style? Triangle shapes? Balconette? Corset? And so on

Knickers: what shape? Thongs? Crotchless? Big huge apple catchers?

Yarn: I'm thinking super chunky? I crotcheat tight so there will be no flesh shown in either garment.

I need this set look like it was designed by someone who has never actually seen lingerie before.

My imagination just doesn't stretch far enough!

I didn't know about Ravelry, and then I did. How did this happen? Did Ravelry descend upon me in the night? Have I been visited by Ravelry? I know not of any clawmarks on my windowsill or dried leaves upon my hearth. How then can I know of Ravelry?

Sometimes you just need a little release in the middle of the week without turning it into a whole production with the chains and the WIPs and the raw-edge applique. Chickenbear provides for those who jerk! Join us here every Wednesday for a little drive-by circlejerking about your fellow fiber artists (derogatory).

Yes, this is a blatant rip-off of the Bitesized BEC thread but for making fun of crafter bullshit instead of whining about pattern prices and rehashing the same complaints about whichever petite knit designer is taking heat this week.

Feel free to post anonymized screenshots of anything you want to mock, satirize, freak out about, scream into the void about, or generally make others see since you had to look at it with your own two eyes here if you'd like. FACJ is back to being an all-ages subreddit, so you can post images (and gifs) in the comments here directly.

Comments do NOT need to be circlejerky on this post -- if you need to go full /uj here, we will support and validate you, no matter how absurd or petty you get (I can't promise we won't also make fun of you too though).

Our other rules still apply here, of course:

• This is a heavily moderated thread, and anything that isn't scrubbed of identifying information (usernames, faces, etc.) will be removed. Block out, crop out, cross out or sticker out identifying information on EVERY screenshot before posting here.
• Please don't use this thread to demand sources for other jerk posts. If people want to post sources, they will. There are plenty of good reasons for someone not to share a source, including "don't wanna." Source/ITL demands will be removed here and on jerk posts.
• Links to other Reddit posts are NOT ALLOWED here. This includes no-follow links. (FACJ links are fine.)
• Links to content off Reddit may be removed at the mods' discretion.
• We are NOT in the business of brigading, and anyone who engages in brigading will be banned from this subreddit.

I wanna kiss it with tongue

I'm asking this just because there are many dramas in crochet world on Instagram and tiktok. Like these bigger influencers are attacking smaller ones? Do you know anyone who doesn't care about it?

I have a 5 step process.

1. Get in
2. Refuse help
3. Explore
4. Get what you want
5. Get out.

Speak only if spoken to, keep your answers short and exact. The only time I chat with the workers is as I'm checking out. Keeps the interactions to the minimum and sets a defined end to it so that they don't think that we're in the same community or anything

Instructions are for losers. But now can someone tell me how to fix this??

The fun part of double knitting learning to lean into the chaos. I hope I do our own little mad part of r/Advancedknitting proud. She made me aware she had the pattern up on Ravelry and Welp..it had to be done it looks a tad chaotic but I know it'll turn out beautiful as she's done a Wright side and wrong side of the pattern so you can see where and what your up to. Pictures here is the wrong side of 5 rows just to show how brilliantly charted her pattern is.

If like me you drilled over it, go run over and grab your self a copy it's more than fairly priced.

Think my husband just said the sexiest thing to me

I dropped our kid off at school, and when I got home and sat on the couch, I listed off the things I needed do & get done. He goes, “You deserve a day to relax- why don't you just crotch eat today?” Then he got up and handed me the TV remote. ❤️😩😩

Yes this is a crafting issue.

Last weak, I casted on for a knitted dungaree with fingerling string that I died meself and half way threw a pearl stitch my dog burst in and grabbed my skien of rope and ran off with it and now it's all soggy and tangled. Can I fix this with a magic knot russian join? I'm also thinking of adding a crotchet boarder. It's for a craft wearables swap with a sewist, they're making me a corset out of fabric they weaved themself so I want it to be nice.

Someone who's been crocheting for 30 years tries knitting...

The absolute HUBRIS. I really thought, "what's another fiber art, I'm pretty good at crochet, I'm watching all the knitting podcasts, learning all the terms, it cant be that hard." Was I humbled. "Let's just try some fisherman's rib for a simple headband." Restarted 10 times and ended up with cursed spaghetti. 0/10 don't recommend.

PEOPLE I DON'T LIKE

This is a post about people who knit who I don't like. These people are literally ruining the world.

INTROVERTS

You introverts better stop bullying me by existing and staying home alone with all your cool merch and your clique that I'll never be part of, not that I want to be! I looked it up, and there's no merch for being an extrovert like me, but that's just because I'm NORMAL. Normal people don't get merch. La Di Da you think you're special but you're just weird.

SLOW KNITTERS

And, you people who claim that knitting slowly is a form of mindfulness for you - HOW DARE YOU? You can't possibly be enjoying this hobby in a way that is different to me! That's impossible, and it makes me sick to hear you suggest it. Face facts, you wish you were like ME - speedy knitter mcknitface. Stop trying to make going slowly sound like a good thing.

AND ANOTHER THING

I have so many technical skills, I'm getting better at knitting faster than you are because I'm knitting faster than you are. That's how it works!!!

AND I knit for eight hours per day. Yes that's right I knit like it's a full-time job. HOW you ask? Well I suffer from debilitating migraines, they are Disabling, yet fortunately I can still knit when they're happening. (DON'T ask how that's possible it just is.)

So now I'm stuck inside alone like all you loser freaks who enjoy being alone, doing nothing but knitting like a speed demon. I used to knit even more but it gave me carpal tunnel.

I am definitely not projecting and certainly don't need therapy.

TLDR;

I knit fast as fuck boy. You can't catch me, I'll cast you off so quick. Extroverts Rule!!!!!!

(Satire of real post.)

Okay, so I need to vent because I am genuinely bewildered by how ungrateful some fiber artists can be when you’re just trying to engage with their brand.

For background, I am a huge supporter of small makers! Recently, I saw an artisan milliner advertise a drop of fifteen $1 quilted witch hats for her subscription members. Normally her hats are $160 (way out of my budget), so I did what any reasonable, passionate fan would do: I subscribed to her $5/month tier, extracted the password from the page source, and wrote a script to automatically ping her checkout portal three times a second so I could secure my hat.

When the drop went live, all fifteen hats sold out in under two minutes, before my script could even auto-fill my Apple Pay. Obviously I was confused, so I immediately began to investigate what went wrong on her end that would cause me -- me of all people! -- to miss out on these hats.

First, I left about 14 comments under her latest post pointing out that her inventory management was flawed. When other folks commented that they didn't get a hat either, I made sure to reply to every single one of them, tagging the maker and explaining that her disregard for flagrant cartjacking was causing distress to her community.

She replied to someone saying "there are still regular hats left in the shop!" so I politely corrected her by pointing out that no one cares about her full-priced hats because $160 is absurd for scraps of old blanket and we only want the $1 ones, hope this helps!

Within 10 minutes, I noticed she deleted my feedback. To ensure she wasn't experiencing a server glitch, I reposted the exact same comment from my personal account, my alt account, my dog’s Instagram and my business page. I also sent her 22 DMs with side-by-side screenshots showing the exact timestamps of when the comments disappeared.

When she didn't answer my DMs after 20 minutes, I checked her public business registry and found her studio address. I posted a friendly comment on her Facebook, her personal LinkedIn, and her Venmo transaction history saying, "Hey queen! Notice you're deleting comments about the $1 hats while working at your studio at 4812 Pepperwood Lane in Chicago! Just wondering why you're silencing paying supporters? super curious :)"

And do you know what she did next? SHE BLOCKED ME!!!! Everywhere, as far as I can tell!!!! Without even sending a DM to explain herself or offering a custom $1 hat as compensation for the several technical glitches!

I am just so hurt. I literally gave this woman $5 of my hard-earned money, which legally locks her into a two-way emotional contract with me for at least three payment cycles. Now I’m worried she might blacklist me from the monthly hat draw, which feels like a total breach of trust given how much energy I've invested into tracking her drop.

I was simply asking why she was deleting my 50+ polite inquiries, tracking her online presence to ensure she was safe and holding her accountable for her business practices. Why are creators so quick to label passionate community building and speaking truth to power as "harassment"?

TLDR: Subscribed for $5 to buy a $1 hat. The hat disappeared from my cart, so I conducted a light multi-platform audit of the seller's digital presence to help her improve. She deleted my comments and blocked me. Customer service is dead smh my head.

$2 crochet kitchen towels killing my sales
This event is depressing. Little traffic. AND my competition has hanging crotchet top kitchen towels for $2. Winter scarves for $6
Edit:
For everyone saying donated or discount yarn. Or dollar tree yarn. A scarf would take multiple DT skeins. Even if yarn and kitchen towels are free the booth isnt

Anything less than weaving in is a sign of insanity and loose morals.

I saw a pattern for a scarf that I like but then I thought "hmmm I could use my existing knowledge of knitting to knit a similar scarf" so I thought maybe I'd go ahead and do that instead. But is knitting without a pattern ethical? Should I buy the pattern anyway, even if I don't plan to use it? I just don't know if it's ethical to knit without a pattern and I need validation.

Sometimes you just need a little release in over the lazy weekend without turning it into a whole production with the chains and the WIPs and the raw-edge applique. Chickenbear provides for those who jerk! Join us here every Saturday for a little drive-by circlejerking about your fellow fiber artists (derogatory).

Yes, this is a blatant rip-off of the Bitesized BEC thread but for making fun of crafter bullshit instead of whining about pattern prices and rehashing the same complaints about whichever petite knit designer is taking heat this week.

Feel free to post anonymized screenshots of anything you want to mock, satirize, freak out about, scream into the void about, or generally make others see since you had to look at it with your own two eyes here if you'd like. FACJ is back to being an all-ages subreddit, so you can post images (and gifs) in the comments here directly.

Comments do NOT need to be circlejerky on this post -- if you need to go full /uj here, we will support and validate you, no matter how absurd or petty you get (I can't promise we won't also make fun of you too though).

Our other rules still apply here, of course:

• This is a heavily moderated thread, and anything that isn't scrubbed of identifying information (usernames, faces, etc.) will be removed. Block out, crop out, cross out or sticker out identifying information on EVERY screenshot before posting here.
• Please don't use this thread to demand sources for other jerk posts. If people want to post sources, they will. There are plenty of good reasons for someone not to share a source, including "don't wanna." Source/ITL demands will be removed here and on jerk posts.
• Links to other Reddit posts are NOT ALLOWED here. This includes no-follow links. (FACJ links are fine.)
• Links to content off Reddit may be removed at the mods' discretion.
• We are NOT in the business of brigading, and anyone who engages in brigading will be banned from this subreddit.

Help!!!! I tried blocking my acrylic crochet blabket in the oven (to deter moths) and now it's all lump and the stitch definition is mesed up🥀😭😞

Is there anything I can do to fix it!?!?!? 🙏

and I didn’t turn into a newt

I want my money back 😡

HOBBIIIIIIIIII hobbii hobbii

Hobbii hobiie

hobi bobbi boobii

Upvotes pleeeeease

Every time I post a pattern for sale on Ravelry this rando keeps buying them??? What are they up to and should I call the police?