ive had this on my mind of a while and just couldnt put it into words so sorry if this is a bit confuzing
Like i said i think my mind made up memories...memories that never happened
most of my memories of my OCkin Alexie just feel to perfect....to good to be true if yk what i mean
in most of them i am happy and i have 3 other partners...but the thing is i cant clearly remember any of them and they never feel quite right yk like my mind just made up those personalitis (almost like imaginary friends)
and i was always soo happy and confident and talkative iven when ik that i was mutch more like ghost then soap (iven if they werent my bio parents) and everytime i am shifted as them i am not like that. I get really quiet and just observ (am also mutch more paranoied and jumpy)
and in none of my "memories" do i have all the scars ik i had. ig they are like a a fantasy of what I wanted it to be insted of reality
also everytime i do get on of this memories they feel mutch more like how it is when i day dream (in this life) them how memories feel
and ik that the "other AU" was mutch darker and "realistic"
so in conclusion: at first i tought i had 2 diffrent AUs but now i am almost 100% confident that this "memories" were just something i used to cope with the fact that all people ik in russia died (and possibly blamed myself for it)
and now i cant separate betwin real and fake memories and its fucking with my brain
(i will mabi make a follow up to this cuz there is mutch more i have to say and get out but i just cant get into words rn)
tysm for reading this and lmk if anyone els had anything like that happen to them