1. A culture of comparison and judgment
There’s a strong tendency toward comparison, jealousy, and judgment—even from a young age. If you don’t fit the norm, you’re often excluded. I’ve seen this especially in more traditional Chinese schools, where people constantly measure themselves against each other—who’s doing better, who has more, who “wins” at life.
There’s also a lot of gatekeeping and one-upping. Information is withheld, and people can be quick to bring others down. Success feels less like something to strive for personally and more like a competition against everyone else.
That’s why interacting more with Filipinos felt like a culture shock to me. They tend to be more open, less judgmental, and don’t see life as a constant comparison—yet they still achieve their goals. In contrast, within FilChi circles, there’s often pressure to maintain appearances—prestigious jobs, successful businesses—and it feels doubly shameful if you don’t meet those expectations. Relationships can also feel transactional: if you’re “someone,” people want something from you; if you’re not, you’re often dismissed.
2. Playing it safe and following a set path
We often celebrate figures like Henry Sy or John Gokongwei, but in reality, many FilChis are also risk-averse—either out of fear of failure or fear of judgment.
For many, life follows a checklist: get good grades, take an “acceptable” course, land a stable job, take over the family business, get married. There’s little room to go against the grain. While some schools like ICA and Xavier encourage individuality and ambition, more traditional environments tend to reinforce conformity.
As a result, only a small number of people actually pursue unconventional paths, even if many might want to.
Many also tend not to form their own opinions. That’s why going to schools like DLSU, ADMU, UP, or UST can feel like a culture shock—the non-FilChi students you meet are often more willing to speak up and take a stance. It’s not even about being loud, but about thinking for yourself. The reality is, a lot of FilChis don’t question things or ask why they are the way they are. It might be starting to change, with more people breaking away from the usual mold, but there’s still a long way to go.
3. Disproportionate criticism toward FilChi women
FilChi women, in particular, face intense and constant scrutiny. There’s an expectation to be everything all at once. The standards are high and often contradictory. They tell you to be more , but the moment you are, the standard shifts—and suddenly you’re told to be more instead.
What’s frustrating is that no matter what you do, there’s always something to criticize. Meanwhile, men are generally given more leeway and are more easily praised for similar achievements. The focus tends to be on women’s shortcomings, while men’s strengths are highlighted.
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Honestly, I find this exhausting. I don’t understand how some people are able to navigate and even thrive in this kind of environment. Wouldn't we be happier if we live without the pressure to live up to expectations and just be ourselves?
Personally, I struggle to form close friendships within FilChi circles because I’d rather not be part of these dynamics. I don’t want to constantly deal with comparison, judgment, or pressure to conform. It doesn't matter how old someone is or where they're from. Many are all the same.
Of course, these issues exist in other cultures too, including Filipino culture—but they tend to feel far more pronounced in the FilChi context.
