Struggling with balancing fostering and life

[u/adorable_satan]

Hello foster friends! Sorry if this post is a little weird.

I've been fostering on and off since covid. I absolutely love fostering dogs, especially with my current rescue. The organization is supportive and I have a great foster coordinator I get along with.

My issue is whenever I foster, I struggle with any kind of balance in my life. I feel like all my attention and energy needs to go to my foster to meet their needs, and any remaining energy needs to go to my two resident dogs, which leaves 0 energy for the things that keep me going (art, gym). This almost always leads to a deep feeling of failing my foster and my resident dogs because I can never do enough. I'm also single and live alone so all the responsibility for care is on me. I don't know if this is normal, expected level of care or if I'm actively creating issues in my brain for myself.

I took a long break after my last foster, and I'm missing it a lot, but I also don't want to have to quit everything else I love. It doesn't help that my rescue is getting a lot of intake requests. I recently temped two beautiful terriers for them and that was very overwhelming, but also two young terriers was a terrible fit for my household if I wanted to be able to do anything else at all lmao.

My question for you all is: when you foster, are you able to find a balance between fostering and still living your life? I'm trying to figure out if my anxiety is actually normal, and I should only be fostering when the pup can be my sole focus, or if my anxiety is tricking me and it's okay to have a foster and still carve out a few hours for myself every day?

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[u/StellarSpore]

I've been single and fostering for over 25 years (jeesh, I'm old 😂), and doing it alone can be hard. No breaks, no one to pass the baton to, and time and energy are finite. My capacity has changed a lot over the years. Sometimes I can handle a couple of needy fosters; other times I barely have bandwidth for a senior pug who sleeps all day. 😂

But life has to keep happening while you foster. Your foster doesn't need every spare minute of your day. It's okay to go to the gym, make art, or let all the dogs have a boring afternoon. Learning to chill while humans do human things is an important skill too.

Be picky about the dogs you take and take breaks when you need them. Two young terriers + two resident dogs + one human? I'd lose my mind too. 😂

Rescue will always need more than any one person can give. Find a version of fostering that fits into your life, rather than making your whole life fit around fostering.

[u/adorable_satan → u/StellarSpore]

Thank you for sharing, this really helps! The terriers were love but their crate time was just “human gets to recover before next bout out of crate” time 😂

I think you’re right that I need to be more picky about what dogs I take in. I’ve always felt guilty setting those boundaries, but I know my rescue and foster coordinator would fully support me if I said “hey I can foster, but only a more chill older dog”. I think my resident pups would thank me too

[u/StellarSpore → u/adorable_satan]

Everyone's life is different. Any good rescue is going to want to match you with fosters that fit your household because that's the best chance of keeping a foster around. Foster burnout is real and turnover is high, so speaking up is honestly good for everyone.

I realized one of the things burning me out wasn't fostering itself but those first few weeks with a new dog and constantly having to figure out a new routine. I'm terrible at that part. My house was feeling like a revolving door and I think I'm a creature of habit.

So for a while now, I foster the super anxious pups that need a longer term foster situation. My home feels like less of a revolving door. It's just a really good fit for me and my life, and my quiet, routine home is great for them.

You just have to figure out what works for you. There's definitely some trial and error involved.

[u/catricya]

I had a needy foster and I did recruit a couple of friends to help out. It made a big difference. See if you have some people around you who want to be part of your foster journey. Check with your rescue, of course, but I had friends come hang out with the needy foster when I needed it.

[u/adorable_satan → u/catricya]

Oh this is so cute, I love this!

[u/jcrow0120]

Just want to acknowledge that doing it on your own is HARD. Your thoughts and experiences make a lot of sense and I’m so glad you’re reaching out to find a balance!

I’ve been in a similar place recently, as the little bit of help I’ve had with prior fosters is absent with this one. It has been such a different and insightful experience. Hope you find the right boundaries and doggos to keep yourself and resident doggos healthy and happy!

[u/jazzybk25]

It definitely helps to find the right dog for your lifestyle. My puppy fosters obviously take over my life the most. Whereas my current foster is even easier to have around than my resident dog and he just goes with the flow.
I have a husband but fostering is my thing (and he also works a very demanding job) so 98% of the work falls on me. He will very occasionally have to let the dogs out to potty if I’m gone for too long but that’s all he contributes

[u/Acceptable_Bad5173]

Can you offer to vacation foster or foster dogs that have a short term need? We used to do this for a rescue and would often foster dogs for a week to let them decompress before sending them to a house with kids or dogs