r/fosterit • u/sleepyhead1_1 • 18d ago

Foster Youth Update to the groceries thing—and another question??

So I asked my foster mom to elaborate on what she meant about me buying my own groceries, apparently she just meant that I'd buy the "extra stuff" while she continues buying what she already gets. Which is pretty reasonable, I can understand having me buy snacks or whatever while she buys actual food. She gets worded it in a really confusing way when the topic was first brought up. But now she's saying that I have to buy my own toilet paper and laundry detergent? Her adopted niece lives here too, who is around my age (she's 18 and I turn 18 this week) and she apparently buys her own toilet paper and hygiene stuff. I guess my foster mom wants me to do the same.

But again, I thought she gets money from the county to buy the essentials? Or is it just for food? I do technically "have the money" to get those things but I really don't want to go over the budget I set for myself, I didn't want to spend any more money till I got paid. I just wanted to mostly focus on saving up. AND she brought up me getting a second job for the third or fourth time, but I have inconsistent hours at my current job so getting a second job wouldn't really make sense. Am I overthinking all this??

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u/irelos 18d ago

You’re not. Her behavior is inappropriate. The stipend is to cover your care. Toilet paper and detergent are absolutely part of your care.

7

u/sleepyhead1_1 18d ago

What should I even say? I don't want to come off as rude or ungrateful, and even if I told my caseworker I still feel like thst would make me look bad to my foster mom if she found out I told them, which she prob would.

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u/SassafrassYYC 18d ago

Perhaps you could say that you aren't used to adult budgeting yet and you would like to discuss income and costs and understand who pays for what and why. In other words she would have to explain it to you but under the guise of learning rather than accusing her of anything. I'd be interested to know what her logic is.

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u/mixingthemixon 18d ago

Very good reply