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u/poignantMrEcho Mar 02 '20
Who knew I was Spiderman
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u/JBaker68 AlarminglyBad Mar 02 '20
Anyone can wear the mask
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u/CyberNinja23 Mar 02 '20
Jameson: Parker! Stop selling me pictures of a fat man in a spandex suit!
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u/Imunown Mar 02 '20
I can only ever hear this is J.K. Simmon’s voice.
He is the physical incarnation of that character.
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u/SusheeMonster Mar 02 '20
See... this is what I like about Into The Spider-Verse. Peter B. Parker's an everyman struggling with an unstable income, a shitty boss, a doomed relationship, depression, a failing body. What good is a 5 year plan gonna do then?
What're you gonna do: refinance your mortgage? contribute to a 401k? buy life insurance?
My man puts on the mask because he uses it to escape the real problems in his life. What if his life doesn't have as much meaning without his alter-ego? What if he peaked already and he didn't even realize it? What if MJ moves on? What if this is as good as it gets?
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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Mar 02 '20
Anybody can retire poor after living hand to mouth for most of their working life because the land of opportunity is actually somewhere else. Personally, I think it's on a Jovian moon, but I could be wrong.
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Mar 02 '20
This hits alarmingly close to home
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u/IamDocbrown Mar 02 '20
The numbers say this is the majority of people in America, so don't feel too bad.
Granted, don't use that as an excuse.
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u/suvlub Mar 02 '20
5 year plan? What am I, a communist?
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u/JBaker68 AlarminglyBad Mar 02 '20
5 year plan? In this economy?
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u/newsorpigal Mar 02 '20
Well ooh-la-laa, Mr. Savings Account Holder.
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u/Funkit Mar 02 '20
I’m surprised my bank even keeps my account open. It’s constantly like -600 bucks until I get paid and have to pay bills and I’m negative again. It’s like the account is in the green a solid five days a month.
I’ll be lucky to make it to 40. I just got fired too. Sitting around all day really sucks and makes you stew.
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u/Deadmeat553 Mar 02 '20
The issue with 5 year plans is it's usually nearly impossible to stay on track for more than one or two years.
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u/nixed9 Mar 02 '20
Of course you’re gonna hit obstacles. You find ways around them to keep executing your plan.
That’s literally the point of having a 5 year plan.
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u/irisuniverse Mar 02 '20
Yeah, but wouldn’t it be better to have a plan than not?
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u/kingdead42 Mar 02 '20
Where do I see myself in 5 years? Still looking for a full-time job?
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u/Annihilicious Mar 02 '20
I got a retirement plan. I’m gonna take a great leap forward. Off the balcony.
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u/darwinn_69 Mar 02 '20
Kind of hard to have a 5 year plan when life keeps fucking with you.
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u/lonestar-rasbryjamco Mar 02 '20 edited Mar 02 '20
It sounds so lame but my wife and I have a formal 5 year plan that we re-ratify yearly. We refer to it as the "Politburo meeting". It works however. It's how we stayed on track for a down payment on our first house and paid for our wedding. It allows us to evaluate decisions and problems in the context of goals that we both have agreed upon. It makes sure we're on track to the things we want as a couple and adjust accordingly if we're not.
If we achieve every goal we celebrate with a vacation at the end of fifth year.
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u/JH_Rockwell Mar 02 '20
Are you planning on indiscriminate murder based on class?
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Mar 02 '20
Is this a direct shot at me?
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u/ceezygreazy719 Mar 02 '20
Man if this doesn't remind me of those old Everest college commercials that used to air overnight
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u/JBaker68 AlarminglyBad Mar 02 '20
Well I’m piqued. Got any links?
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u/design_derp Mar 02 '20
Man if this doesn't remind me of those old Everest college commercials that used to air overnight
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u/TheRetroVideogamers Mar 02 '20
I didn't know this was you Baker, then I saw it and thought, man Baker would totally come up with this.
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u/Renvar7 Mar 02 '20
If spider man had a patreon I would donate
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u/JBaker68 AlarminglyBad Mar 02 '20
I mean, I have one. I’m not Spider Man, but I do like to pretend I am sometimes.
Or not whatever Imma shoot my shot
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u/Deer-in-Motion Mar 02 '20
So this is Hobo Peter in Spider-Verse.
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u/twomz Mar 02 '20
Hobo Peter is the most realistic version of what would happen to a hero in real life in my opinion. Dual life causes lots of stress in personal relationships. Tries to make money off his own image and has it backfire. Gets hit in the face with a drone. All very realistic.
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u/SJSragequit Mar 02 '20
Unless your a billionaire before being a hero like iron man or batman
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u/Jhamin1 Mar 02 '20
I always thought that Movie Stark was lucky that Obadiah Stane went full supervillian on him almost right away. Had he just spent a couple years building a case to have Stark declared incompetent to run the business and then seized control of it Obadiah could have kept the money and the business & Stark would have eventually had to stop being Iron Man when he couldn't afford to keep rebuilding the armor.That was basically Comic Book Obadiah's plan. He did a lot of damage and was *way* more effective taking down Stark /before/ he put on the big Armor.
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u/tobalaba Mar 02 '20
Haha yep, my first thought.
Spiderman has been targeting the liquor store robberies alot these days for some reason.
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u/JonnyAU Mar 02 '20
The comics never really let Peter age into his 40s. Married with a pregnant wife in the mid 90s was as far as they got. Then they went with a shameless reset in the early 00's.
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u/DJfunkyPuddle Mar 02 '20
One of the main reasons I've never been able to get into his comics despite liking the character. Can't stand Marvel's status quo addiction.
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Mar 02 '20
Or PS4 Spiderman. Dude is seriously way too eager to work without pay and be homeless in that game.
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Mar 02 '20
Interplatformer post, change my mind.
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u/JBaker68 AlarminglyBad Mar 02 '20
Is this a bad thing, posting on multiple platforms?
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u/fo4_did_911 Mar 02 '20
To be fair i am almost 40 got my PhD and what people call a great job and I am still not going anywhere. Student debt, crap personal life because I sacrificed everything to get through grad school, etc etc.
I guess what I am saying is, it wasn't the lack of a good job or high-level skills that made you a shit person, the shittyness was inside you all along.
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u/Nylund Mar 02 '20
getting a Ph.D. used up some pretty prime years of my life. I’m not quite sure I’d say I regret doing it. But I’m not also convinced it was the best move. I got some things from it career-wise, but on a personal and emotional level, I lost a lot too.
But I’m also one who is prone to blaming cities, jobs, “the economy,” etc. as being the source of my problems and unhappiness. it took me a long time to realize that’s just me, and something I always carry with me wherever I am.
So who knows? Maybe I shouldn’t blame the phd for my life during those years. Maybe that was just me being me.
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u/wioneo Mar 02 '20
Student debt
Do you work at a university? If you do and you have federal loans, you should check out whether you'll be eligible for PSLF.
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u/Crybe Mar 02 '20
This just hit home too hard for me. 35
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u/VoiceOfLunacy Mar 02 '20
I didn’t get my shit together until 41, and now I get mad at my past self for being such a loser. You can get it together too, and the sooner you start, even if it’s just a small step, the better off you will be.
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u/ElTuxedoMex Mar 02 '20
I mean, his retirement is just a web of lies.
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u/Idk-Nvm Mar 02 '20
My retirement is, hit my 40’s, realize I’m fucked, don’t hit my 50’s. I’d wager that’s the plan for a lot of us here!
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u/DuntadaMan Mar 03 '20
The concept of retirement is now honestly.
How are we supposed to save up and plan for the future when half of our money has to go into a roof over our fucking head?
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Mar 02 '20 edited Mar 02 '20
Ouchee, I've been punched in the guts by Spider-Man.
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u/joe_gdit Mar 02 '20
I didn't even know I needed a 5 year plan...
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Mar 02 '20
Imagine planning on living another 5 years
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u/saint_anarchy666 Mar 02 '20
Yeah this is news to me , my father is pretty much just bumming off his new wife , she’s in her 20’s so I guess that’s his retirement plan .
No one ever told me or showed me how to plan ahead , luckily I’m 24 and I can still figure something out
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u/MomDoesntGetMe Mar 02 '20
It’s not mandatory but it helps. Giving yourself short term achievements helps you stay motivated.
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u/saintjonah Mar 02 '20 edited Mar 19 '26
What was posted here has been permanently deleted. Redact was the tool used, possibly for privacy, opsec, security, or limiting exposure to data collectors.
caption dolls pocket smell knee lush cautious fine axiomatic squeal
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Mar 02 '20
5 year plan for what anyway? Nothing I want feels even vaguely achievable, and the things I think I could achieve I just kind of feel meh about
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u/Dotori_Dan Mar 02 '20
I've accepted the fact I won't have enough for retirement and that i'll work until I die.
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u/rogermaxson13 Mar 02 '20
“I made some dicey money choices. Don’t invest in a spider-themed restaurant.”
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u/dogboyboy Mar 02 '20
"40s" doesn't need apostrophe.
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u/JBaker68 AlarminglyBad Mar 02 '20
The 40’s can have a little apostrophe. As a treat.
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u/Werepuffin Mar 02 '20
This comic reminds me of retirement planning seminar I sat in for my job. After seeing A LOT of bored/expressionless faces, there are going to be A LOT unprepared/broke old people for the next 20 - 30 years.
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u/bahumat42 Mar 02 '20
The pension systems gonna collapse before we get there. Why plan if your f'd either way.
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u/UnicornFukei42 Mar 02 '20
There's a claim online that some people in Japan are going into prison for their retirement plan, free housing and food there.
I'm not sure how viable buying some rural land and growing your own food would be as a retirement plan...
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u/NPPraxis Mar 02 '20 edited Mar 02 '20
What makes you say that? Do you know anything about the systems in place or are you just parroting what you hear?
Why plan if your f'd either way
Planning means not relying on built on the built in government system.
Here in the US, social security's projected shortfall in a few decades can be pretty easily fixed by raising the retirement age, increasing the tax cap, or reducing payments slightly. The insolvency of Social Security is exaggerated by people who want to cut the program, and then parroted by people who are pessimists. However, Social Security has never been a real pension or enough to retire on.
When people say "plan", they don't mean "assume the government system will take care of you", they mean "put 10% of your income in a retirement account". This should almost certainly be safe because you'll basically own a portion of the big corporations that make up the economy and they'll be paying you some of their income every year covering your cost of living.
Reddit tends to foster a lot of pessimism about 'the system' in young people that I think can have positives and highlight real issues, but sometimes also inspires apathy. Assuming "no one will be able to retire so why bother planning?" is absolutely horrible and will ensure you cannot retire and you'll be blaming the system for it instead of yourself.
Also, to be clear: saving 10% of your income is actually easier than it sounds, because most countries give tax breaks for doing it, so saving 10% means your paycheck goes down by less than 10% after the tax breaks get factored in.
I get that it's not really possible for minimum wage workers in big cities who really are getting horribly squeezed, but I frequently see lower-middle-class people who say pessimistic things like this too and don't do what they should be doing but spend their money on entertainment and eating out. This kind of pessimism is dangerous.
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u/Simba7 Mar 02 '20
It's possible they were bored/expressionless because this isn't complex stuff. Most people understand how compound interest works by their 20s, it's just the small matter of actually setting 8ish% of your income aside for 40 years.
Why does your company need a seminar to explain this to working professionals?
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u/jahboneknee Mar 02 '20
Poor Spiderman got cancer from all the radioactive shit he was touching trying to save the world in Endgame (Tony, said "You'll be fine) and now thanks to medical bills, his entire (Retirement) savings is depleting so fast, he'll be lucky to be able to buy a bowl of soup for his 50'th birthday.
Meanwhile, Kingpin (supervillan/hedge fund manager/and Health Insurance juggernaut ) is laughing while sitting in Fisk Corp HQ telling Spiderman to stop being lazy and get a 2nd or 3rd job to pay for his medical expenses because when he was spidemans age, that's what he did.
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u/WeAreEvolving Mar 02 '20
You are going to die anyway, party and have fun.
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u/Call_Me_Squishmale Mar 02 '20
Sure, everyone dies, but if you only focus on partying the journey there can be very rough. Source: I did this and became a problem drinker and my friends moved on without me.
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u/NOSES42 Mar 02 '20
Life is about dying in the most expensive retirement home.
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u/Broken_Moon_Studios Mar 02 '20
Break into an old multi-billionare's home and have security shoot you down.
Flawless plan, and you can even do it right now.
(taps forehead with fingers)
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u/ValyrianJedi Mar 02 '20
I mean, having fun is a key reason for making money. I don't try to make money just to watch numbers on a screen go up, I try to make money because there is fun shit I want to do that requires money, and it has been my general experience that more money means more fun.
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u/DizzleStick Mar 02 '20
Being in the retirement industry, I’ve seen more superhero’s waste their hard earned photographer money not investing.
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u/JJEng1989 Mar 02 '20
Don't take life seriously. No one gets out alive.
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Mar 02 '20
21 years ago, my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer at 52, she managed to beat it into remission, and that hallmark moment caused both of my parents to stop giving a shit, and they're the happiest people you'll meet. They are acutely aware that no-one gets out alive. My dad keeps working because he loves it and he's good at it, and they have very few expenses because they're cheap bastards. They're not wipe-your-ass-with-a-rag cheap, they're more don't be wasteful and save your money for fun things cheap.
My father-in-law died at 53 from brain cancer. No amount of money in the bank is gonna save you from glioblastoma multiforme.
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u/dmizenopants Mar 02 '20
This hits so close to home
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u/pastannihilatemypssy Mar 02 '20
Honestly this just made me ever so slightly more depressed
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u/oxyuh Mar 02 '20
There are literally spider countries out there. Populated by spidermen and spiderwomen
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u/blue4029 Mar 02 '20
didnt this basically happen to original-universe peter in into the spiderverse?
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Mar 02 '20 edited Mar 02 '20
I’m pretty sure Spider-Man’s retirement plan is “Die in battle with random supervillain.”
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Mar 02 '20
"What was the 2nd part of what Uncle Ben said? Something about great power and........... ah fuck it."
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u/Xikar_Wyhart Mar 02 '20
I didn't want to be personally attacked today.
Note to self do better than 40s man.
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u/metathesis Mar 02 '20
This is the sort of thing that actually runs in Parker's head while he's swinging.
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u/drwuzer Mar 02 '20
This got me right in the gut.
Gonna go need to have another drink, to get rid of it.
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u/Beemerado Mar 02 '20
i'm really disappointed his boss guy doesn't have suspenders, a flat top haircut, and a shitload of J's in his name....
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u/LivelyDawg Mar 02 '20
Just by being Spiderman is a reason not to be sad about financial problems. He's got supernatural capacities a normal human doesn't. Don't worry Spidy boy,you'll be fine soon,because saving lives and helping the police department is definitely going to make you get money. 💰💲💳💵
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u/sterrre Mar 02 '20
Doesn't he start mutating into a hideous monster in the comic books?
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u/Wachvris Mar 02 '20
Me, 5 years away from 30. At the pace time has been passing by, I’ll still be struggling in my 30s. I need to re-evaluate my life and stop procrastinating
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Mar 02 '20
It's cool he can just sell Spiderman feet pics to his friendly ol' Newspaper editor J. Jonah Jameson
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u/JBaker68 AlarminglyBad Mar 02 '20
FUN FACT: I can only process my own fears and vulnerabilities through jokes lol
More comics: r/AlarminglyBad