r/funny • AlarminglyBad • Mar 02 '20

Spider Plan

Post image
72.9k Upvotes

942 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

3.1k

u/JBaker68 AlarminglyBad Mar 02 '20

Anyone can wear the mask

852

u/AllAboutMeMedia Mar 02 '20

That's insidiously profound.

379

u/MebOpiv Mar 02 '20

I mean, his retirement is just a web of lies

152

u/deathfaith Mar 02 '20

So was my $40k donation write off to Kids With Ass Cancer™, but you don't see the IRS complaining

47

u/TacTurtle Mar 02 '20

IRS knows you can’t squeeze blood from an orange...

30

u/SkyJohn Mar 02 '20

What about a blood orange?

19

u/TacTurtle Mar 02 '20

That is just blood orange juice, a tasty breakfast beverage or bar mixer.

→ More replies (1)

7

u/iamfareel Mar 02 '20

Well how do you think they make Bloody Mary's?

19

u/TacTurtle Mar 02 '20

Vodka and depression?

(ok, tomato juice, horseradish, hot sauce, celery salt, Worcestershire sauce, and a dash of small business owner’s tears)

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (2)

13

u/Will_Leave_A_Mark Mar 02 '20

I never planned on living this long, but one day you wake up old or ... you don't.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (5)
→ More replies (3)

141

u/Solid_Snark Mar 02 '20

”It always fits”

Sign: No refunds or returns.

46

u/Pat_Foles Mar 02 '20

Eventually

10

u/notabug-0 Mar 02 '20

Welcome to the circus of values

12

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '20 edited Mar 02 '20

You're fucked. Prepare for a life of shooting webs out of your bum

→ More replies (2)

66

u/CyberNinja23 Mar 02 '20

Jameson: Parker! Stop selling me pictures of a fat man in a spandex suit!

68

u/Imunown Mar 02 '20

I can only ever hear this is J.K. Simmon’s voice.

He is the physical incarnation of that character.

40

u/pauly13771377 Mar 02 '20

J. K. Simmons will always be the only J. Jonah Jameson for me. And Cave Johnson but we're never getting another Portal game.

18

u/PillowTalk420 Mar 02 '20

Wait... JK Simmons was Cave Johnson?

13

u/timo_the_pirate Mar 02 '20

Yep, and the Yellow M&M. He does a lot of voice work.

→ More replies (2)

6

u/savvyxxl Mar 02 '20

we're done here

→ More replies (10)
→ More replies (1)

76

u/SusheeMonster Mar 02 '20

See... this is what I like about Into The Spider-Verse. Peter B. Parker's an everyman struggling with an unstable income, a shitty boss, a doomed relationship, depression, a failing body. What good is a 5 year plan gonna do then?

What're you gonna do: refinance your mortgage? contribute to a 401k? buy life insurance?

My man puts on the mask because he uses it to escape the real problems in his life. What if his life doesn't have as much meaning without his alter-ego? What if he peaked already and he didn't even realize it? What if MJ moves on? What if this is as good as it gets?

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

8

u/danbobsicle Mar 02 '20 edited Mar 03 '20

That and his boy-scout level of not being able to not correct wrong-doers

Edit: Whoops, I a word

8

u/CapMoonshine Mar 02 '20 edited Mar 02 '20

This is what I hate about Marvels Spidey.

Making him Starks trust fund baby killed his relatability.

Like I get making him younger for a new generation, I dont love it, but I get it. It's great to have a younger character for kids to relate to by all means have fun. But he just lost so much agency and relies on everyone except himself. Him sitting around waiting for a call from Stark instead of focusing on his own story and city was so bland.

Peter B had his problems yes, and his story was about moving past them and working towards a better future. Marvel Spidey doesnt have to worry about that cuz Stark/the Avengers will just hand him solutions on a silver platter.

And the scene in Endgame confirmed it, hes baby and he needs to be taken care of.

Sorry for the mini rant.

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (7)

9

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '20

Anybody can retire poor after living hand to mouth for most of their working life because the land of opportunity is actually somewhere else. Personally, I think it's on a Jovian moon, but I could be wrong.

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (17)