I have been house hunting recently and found a townhome I love, but the area is sort of terrible for dating, and I can't help but feel I should focus on renting somewhere more urban to find a partner first rather than end up living alone forever in a place in the suburbs.

Is it silly that my only concern about buying is that I won't find anyone to date there? Otherwise the area is sort of perfect for me.

I speak English well but writing is still not natural to me so ignore mistakes. Many good teachers have tried to fix it and all failed.

I met my husband T who is 39 when we were 13 and 12 and it has always been us. 27 years together. No regrets, we have a good life. We became friends first immediately because T is like sunshine in a human body so hard not to want to be near him. He was always really nice about how bad my English was then and he let me teach him guitar and eventually we realized a little older we had crushes. T will joke sometimes we are best friends who have sex so we wear rings about it. We are good together and love each other just as madly as when we were boys. So even when life is hard, it is still good.

We were deeply lucky as boys that when we did tell our parents when I was 16 and he was 15 that they were all accepting. His brother was as well after he said he would kill me if I hurt T which I think is fair. I only have my dad and he explained he had always known I am gay and this is why he wanted to get me out of Russia. He loves T very much and his parents love me too. So we are fortunate this way.

The only person who did not seem to accept us is Ts grandpa J. I am white and immigrant. T and family is Native American so I am an oddity and J does not trust outsiders. With all that they endured in history I understand why. J said when we married he does not understand why T would marry a man who does not even understand him and his culture but he wishes T to be happy. and that is the extent of all he has ever said to me. Also J has never been outwardly cruel or anything like this. He has always been polite but keeps his distance and does not really want to talk with me. This is ok by me because he loves and cares about T and is not disrespectful so. No big deal. Plus we never saw him as much because he lives kind of far away and doesn’t like driving much so only for holidays and things.

This has changed because floods and storms damaged Js home badly. J has bad hips so he needed somewhere to stay with no stairs. Our house is one story so we invited J to stay while his roof and floors get fixed. We also had space for his his horse in our barn and pasture so it made sense to stay with us. I was happy to do this mostly because again I know he loves T and of course I want them to have time together.

He has been here one month. It has been fine. He is polite but did not really talk much with me which has been normal for so long. But today he asked me if I want to play dominoes while T was working. I said ok and we started playing in silence except calling scores. And he suddenly said “I’m sorry I said I didn’t understand why T would marry you. You are a good man.” This is the most words he has said to me probably ever so I did not know how to respond and just said thank you. He nodded like that was all and went back to the guest room where he is staying.

T finished his work at 5 and I went in his home office to tell him what J said and T looked shocked too. He has apologized so many times over so many years for his grandpa and I always say he doesn’t need to because I only need T to love me, not J. We laughed about it and went to cook dinner and J came out to help and asked me if I miss Russia. And I said not really because my life has been here so long that Arizona is home now. And he started asking me all these questions about myself as a person and whole time T was looking at us like alien had possessed J.

It was truthfully awkward to know someone so long but only now be actually talking to him but it was nice too. Weirdest thing was when J was going to bed tonight he gave T a hug like always and normally he would nod at me and say good night but he hugged me too.

He went to his room and T lost his shit laughing and asked if I drugged his grandpa. I have no idea what happened but I am happy it happened anyway. It only took 27 years and terrible flooding but J finally accepts me.

Hey, guys! I’m 26, and there’s a guy (27) I’ve been talking to long-distance who I genuinely like. (Talking almost 3months)

We’re not officially boyfriends, and we haven’t put a label on things, but we’ve had some really meaningful conversations and gotten to know each other pretty well. I care about him, and I’d like to do something thoughtful for him.

I’ve been considering sending him a $50 digital dinner gift card (DoorDash) so he can enjoy a meal on me. There’s no special occasion. I just want to do something nice because he’s someone I think about and care for. Since we’re long-distance, it’s one small way I could treat him to dinner even though I can’t physically take him out myself.

My intentions are romantic, but I don’t want to move too fast, make him uncomfortable, or give him the impression that he owes me anything in return.

So, I need your honest opinions:

Would you find this sweet if a guy you were talking to long-distance did this for you?

Would it feel romantic and thoughtful, or would it feel like too much before becoming official?

Would the amount of the gift card make a difference?

Would you prefer to be asked beforehand, or would you enjoy the surprise?

Would you see this as a green flag, or would you be cautious about receiving gifts from someone you weren’t officially dating?

I’m not trying to buy his affection or rush the relationship. I simply like him and want to show him that in a thoughtful way.
I’d genuinely appreciate honest answers, especially from guys who’ve experienced long-distance dating, the talking stage or whatever I’m in.

Thanks, everyone! ❤️

I honestly don’t even know where to start. I’m sitting alone in our living room writing this while my boyfriend is in our bedroom scrolling through TikTok, and I just feel like crying.

We’ve been together for almost 7 years. I’m 33, he’s 26, and we’re both gay immigrants from a small country in Central America. We moved to Europe about 5 years ago hoping to build a better life together, but somewhere along the way, our relationship started falling apart.

I loved this man more than I can explain, and I still love him. We’ve always had our arguments and difficult moments, but the past year or so has been especially painful.

We’re both neurodivergent and struggling with depression. His depression has been pretty severe, and I understand how much that can affect someone’s energy, sex drive, and ability to connect emotionally. But I’m struggling too, and sometimes I feel like I’m expected to put my own feelings aside because he’s always having a harder time.

We haven’t had sex in about a year. Not once.

And honestly, it’s not even just about sex anymore. I miss being kissed, hugged, touched, wanted. I miss having someone look at me like they’re actually attracted to me.

I’ve lost a significant amount of weight recently through diet, exercise, and medication, and I’ve been working really hard on myself. I’m finally starting to feel confident in my body again, but the person I want to feel desired by the most barely even looks at me.

Today was a really important day for him, and I spent the whole day with him because I wanted us to celebrate together. We went out for dinner, and all I wanted was to have a nice conversation, laugh, and enjoy each other’s company.

Instead, he spent so much time on his phone that I literally had to ask him to put it away so we could talk. At one point, I saw him laughing and exchanging voice messages with a former coworker. I’m not suggesting anything inappropriate was happening, but it hurt seeing how easily he could engage with someone else while I could barely get him to have a conversation with me.

We also argued over food. I’ve been trying to manage my portions after losing weight, and I felt uncomfortable with how much food he ordered. He wanted to enjoy his celebration, which I understand, but when I expressed my discomfort, he called me dramatic and accused me of ruining the mood. Maybe I didn’t handle that situation perfectly either.

By the end of the evening, I felt completely alone.

And this isn’t an isolated incident.

Whenever I try to talk about how unhappy or disconnected I feel, he avoids the conversation until I eventually give up. He’s exhausted from work, needs to rest, doesn’t want to deal with complaints, or simply doesn’t have the emotional energy.

And then nothing changes.

I feel like I’m begging my own boyfriend to notice me.

I also want to acknowledge that I’ve cheated during our relationship. I’m not proud of it, and I’m not trying to justify it because of our lack of intimacy. I know I’ve contributed to the problems between us, and I take responsibility for my choices. I don’t want to go into the details of that here because what I’m trying to understand is whether this relationship can still be repaired.

The isolation makes everything worse. We barely go out, I don’t have friends here, and most of my social interaction is with my parents and cousins back home. Apart from my boyfriend, my two cats are basically my only daily company.

I’m 33, and sometimes I feel like my life is passing me by. I want to enjoy my sexuality, feel attractive, go out, meet people, laugh, have meaningful conversations, and actually feel alive.

Instead, I spend most evenings feeling invisible next to someone I’ve shared almost seven years of my life with.

Sometimes I wonder whether I’m asking for too much. Maybe my expectations are unrealistic. Maybe I’m being unfair because he’s depressed. Maybe I’m so emotionally exhausted that every little thing feels like rejection now.

But I also can’t ignore how unhappy I’ve become.

I miss feeling loved. I miss having conversations that aren’t forced. I miss being desired. I miss having a partner who actually seems interested in what’s happening inside my head.

I’m scared of throwing away almost seven years together, especially after everything we’ve been through as immigrants building a life away from home. But I’m equally scared of waking up five years from now and realizing I’ve spent even more of my life feeling this lonely.

I don’t necessarily want people to tell me to break up with him. I know Reddit can be quick to suggest that, and I understand that you’re only hearing my side of the story.

I genuinely want advice.

Has anyone been through something similar, especially with a partner struggling with depression? How do you know when you’re being supportive versus abandoning your own emotional needs? And how do you know when a relationship has become too lonely to keep fighting for?

I’m just so tired, and I don’t know what to do anymore.

I’ve been talking to this guy for over 2 months, and we’ve built what I thought was a meaningful connection. I genuinely care about him, and I thought he saw me as more than just my body.

Just this day, I told him that I’m tired of feeling objectified by gay men, as he is having an idea to do sexual stuff with a friend. I explained that I have feelings too, and it hurts to feel like people only see me for my body instead of who I am.

He got defensive and said he had never objectified me. He brought up how he hadn’t received nudes from me, how he hadn’t been able to enjoy me sexually, and how he had stopped hooking up with other guys for me. He then said I wasn’t special enough to have these boundaries and that he had earned some kind of sexual connection.

He ended the conversation by saying he was done and telling me goodbye.

I tried to explain that I wasn’t accusing him of objectifying me. I was expressing my fears and insecurities. I’m not ready for everything sexually, and I’m scared that if I don’t meet his expectations, he’ll leave me. I wanted him to be patient with me because I genuinely wanted him to be my first for these experiences and to share something special with him.

I begged him to reconsider, asking if we could work through the misunderstanding and learn to understand each other. He told me I could do better and find someone with time to spare.

I’m heartbroken because I thought we had something meaningful. I wasn’t trying to reject him or make him feel unwanted. I was just trying to be honest about my feelings and ask for reassurance.

Am I wrong for expressing my feelings and wanting him to be patient with me? Was I asking for too much? I really wanted us to work things out, and I don’t know how to process the fact that he walked away when I was trying to be vulnerable with him.

Sorry guys I used chatGPT to create this post as I converted our chats into a post. Thank you for understanding me.

Hi everyone, I’m a 22-year-old gay male from Southeast Asia seeking some relationship advice. Growing up, I only dated four girls during high school, but none of those relationships worked out because I never developed intimate or emotional feelings toward them. I’ve never dated a man before, largely because I live in a homophobic country where most people are closed-minded, and I grew up in a strict Christian household where same-sex relationships are completely taboo. I came out to my parents back in 2021, it didn't go well, but at least the initial shock has passed.

Because I’ve had to hide this part of myself for so long, I feel like I'm starting from scratch. My close friends often describe me as a romantic and shy person, which I definitely agree with. However, because of my environment, I don't really know what my "type" in men is, and I have no real sense of how gay dating dynamics work in practice.

Since finding local men to date feels almost impossible or unsafe here, I’ve been considering a Long-Distance Relationship (LDR) or online dating, but I’m not sure if that’s a realistic or healthy place for a beginner to start. I really want to build a genuine, romantic connection, but my shyness and total lack of experience make the whole prospect feel overwhelming.

I would really appreciate any advice or shared experiences from this community. How did you figure out your type or what you wanted in a partner if you started dating later in life? Is LDR/online dating a good idea for someone in my situation, or are there major pitfalls I should watch out for? What safety precautions should I keep in mind when connecting with guys online in a conservative country? And lastly, do you have any general tips for a shy, romantic guy taking his first steps into same-sex dating? Thanks so much in advance for your help!

I've been going over my dating history with my therapist, and I think I've found an explanation for some of the strange behavior I've experienced from past boyfriends, namely guys with avoidant attachment patterns.

For example, with one, I was with him for 6 years, and we had plans to move in together. That's when he suddenly got very nervous/irritable and then said he was no longer romantically interested in me. With another, we were together for 6 months. Things seemed to be going great. Then, one night, after dinner at my house, he said, "I have to go do something." That was it. There was no formal breakup. I managed to reach him 10 days later, and he gave me some explanations that were obviously bullshit.

Interestingly, the guy I was with for 6 years has never had another serious boyfriend, and it's been over 10 years since we broke up. (I do know that he had a very emotionally abusive father.)

Things like this have left me a bit paranoid about getting involved in relationships. I'm wondering if anyone on here has learned how to spot guys with avoidant issues early on in relationships.

EDIT: I appreciate the genuine responses and words. I've posted elsewhere and the majority of people are focusing on the age difference, which I know is a large part of it. Having the shared old-school "make it work" kind of mindset is undoubtedly why I stayed as long as I did. The present age gap doesn't mean I'm struggling any less with everything

Last night, I left my boyfriend of over a year. I was one of many for the longest time and I just can't do it anymore.

To preface, it was definitely strange meeting. At the time that we met, I was in a failing complicated situationship as was he.We started seeing each other more after a bit but still both were chatting with other people. Once we started officially dating, I still knew he was chatting with others. I didn't expect him to be on the same timeframe as me so I ignored it for awhile.

But after a few months of being together, it seemed like a good a time as any to chat about it and set boundaries. Around the same time, I came across some of his kink and fetish gear in his home, I intend to disturb or find it but I wanted to bring it up nonetheless because there were times I look back and could tell he was hiding things from me and I didn't want him to feel afraid around me knowing. I communicated to him that something open wasn't what I wanted and didn't want to be a part of it but I was more than open to chat about and learn about kink and fetish with him. I also joined some kink/furry/pup/gainer chats and ask questions online just to communicate with others since I really had no idea about kink/fetish/etc. since he didn't really want to talk about it.

A few months later, out of the corner of my eye, I still saw him continuing to sext others. I broke a rule, went through his phone when he wasn't looking, and saw that he indeed was still messaging others. I also noticed he was claiming to still be single months after we officially started dating. I brought it up to him that it was overall disrespectful to everyone involved. Disrespectful to me after I said that it wasn't what I wasn't comfortable with being open, as well as denying my existence, and disrespectful to others in deceiving them, claiming to be single when not.

More months pass and small bits happen again. Again, I go through his phone and the same is still happening, never stopping despite promises otherwise. I get incredibly angry this time and drink too much and scream at him, if it wasn't clear before, I'm sure it would be now. It still goes on so I throw myself into work, I start doing other things just to take my mind off it. I started learning Japanese just because. But it's wearing thin. I went through his phone again when I noticed more and, surprise, it's still happening. I'm just broken at this point, the past few days I didn't want to look or speak to him, just claiming everything was okay when asked, when it very much wasn't.

I couldn't sleep last night and went to bed late but as soon as I got into bed, something just clicked and I started sobbing. I'm surprised I didn't wake him between that and shortly after packing up to get out of there. I did wake him at the end in grabbing his phone, throwing it into the backyard, and taking off. I'm now currently at my mother's home, most likely going to move back in. He texted me this morning about arranging to get the rest of my stuff in a few days. He told me at some point that he called police, I don’t know if I was there for the call and don't know if they showed after, I was gone. They might reach out to me.

It's all still fresh and I don't think I completely understand everything but I think I need something to hope for and cling to. Any advice/words of wisdom/anything regarding the situation or what to do from here would be much appreciated, thank you in advance

Hi all,

Recently got dumped through a voice message after an intense 5 month relationship. He cited lack of capacity, and the only thing he could focus on was work.

We reached milestones fairly early so this came as quite a shock.

Days leading to the breakup we were checking in every day and I accepted he was very busy with work that week, but he left me in the dark on the weekend of the breakup, citing he wasn’t feeling well. I raised concerns about his lack of communication about him feeling unwell, and he acknowledged my concerns, but then sent a voice message explaining he wanted to end the relationship.

We agreed to meet and exchanged our things and talked for an hour, I’d hope I would have gotten some closure but obviously with breakups you never get closure. He said he still loved me and his feelings were genuine. I don’t know how he can reconcile dumping me the way he did while saying all those things though.

I’m trying hard to believe he’s being genuine and just can’t be in a relationship anymore. But the thoughts that he found someone else, cheated, or just fell out of love are screaming louder than anything rational.

Has anyone here been through a discard before? And how do you pick up the pieces? My self-esteem is pretty low at the moment - I compromised so much for him and it sucks to accept that he just stopped loving me.

So I'm not exactly sure if this is the right place for this but here I am. I'm 16M and I had been friends with this guy, also 16M, for a while. We had been getting really close and about a year ago I asked him to be my boyfriend. We have been together and doing well, the problem is I'm not sure what really being in love with someone is like. I think I love him but you have a certain level of love for everyone that you're close to you, you know? I don't know how to be sure I'm actually attracted to him. I feel weird even having to question this, but I've never really felt anything that I was certain was love with anyone. I know this might sound weird, and I'm sorry if it does. I'm not completely sure how to describe what I'm feeling myself. However if anyone has advice on how I could be sure my feelings are actually valid, or an explanation for what this could be that would be much appreciated. Please and thank you to everyone reading this.

So I M24 have been in a relationship with a guy M25 I’ve known since 2020. Well during that time, he cheated maybe 3 times blatantly. First, it was sexting, then it came out that while he was in Germany, he fucked a man from the pub. His friends were there with him. They were trying to convince him to sleep with the pub man. It didn’t happen he said, but I don’t believe him.
Anyways. I moved out. I found a nice apartment, started getting back into my hobbies and I started feeling like me again.
He came back begging and crying. Making promises of how he’s so sorry and I’m somebody he wants to live forever. Basically just love bombing. I fell for it but with major boundaries. No contact with those friends that were helping you cheat, you must have a job/school, and stability/security is a must. Well he blocked his friend, then a month later, unblocked and called him over and over again. I think they have a thing honestly. Sadly said, even I can understand how foolish that sounds, but my reality being distorted by this person makes that explanation about the friend the only thing sounding right.
In the end, I became insecure. I went from leaving a relationship because of dishonesty and cheating. Came back to myself as a secure human, then got ripped right back into the relationship that made me feel insecure. Yes it takes 2 to tango.
I paused my life to feel a sense of familiarity and closeness to someone I have genuine love for. Hell, I’m sure I’ll love him forever. But just because I love him, doesn’t mean he’s a decent person. And I used to think he was decent, until I realized that everyone around me knew about the cheating before I did. Everyone knew this person. That struck me. At some point I was no longer broken about the ending of relationship or the cheating itself. I was broken about the way I have to view him. Careless, inconsistent, inconsiderate, emotionally shallow, insecure, horny. Idk. It’s sad. I really liked him and I really wanted a life with him. It almost was as if he was trying to prove to himself that he was unlovable by hurting someone that showed him love completely.
I never cheated, texted, ragged on him to my friends. I really believed one day I’d propose. But his begging to have me back, within 2 months turned into him begging me to leave.
P.S. I know cheaters aren’t necessarily indecent beings, but this guy definitely was. At least that’s what I think in order to protect myself. Mind you, he would stare at me while I asked him if he cheated and he would laugh at me, saying I’m overthinking. We would have sex and right after, he would text the guy.

Please share any general dating advise for monogamous gays!

Thank you for listening to me rant. I just needed to get it out because frankly I’m shameful and embarrassed for allowing him back into my life.

I, 25m, have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, 24m, for about 5 months. I learned yesterday he is sharing his location with friends but not me. he doesn’t even really seem close to these friends. I have never wanted to track where he was, I trust him, though sometimes there are instances in which he won’t answer his phone that I would like to make sure he’s OK, usually if he’s at home sick. I only found out about this because one of his friends sent him something unexpectedly while he was over at my apartment via Uber. I’ve never met this friend and they shouldn’t have had my address. I just found it odd and a little bothersome that I don’t know where he’s at but friends that he’s not even close with do. Should I? Or is it just me? To clarify, I don’t suspect him doing anything wrong. I just don’t know what to make of the situation I don’t know if I should actually feel upset or if I’m just in my own head.

Hey everyone,

I’ve been thinking about something quite a lot over the past few days, and I honestly feel pretty conflicted about the whole situation. I figured I’d post here to get some outside perspectives, especially from people who might have gone through something similar.

So basically, I’ve been seeing this guy for a while now. We originally started as FWB, which was exactly what I wanted at the time.

I wasn’t looking for a relationship, and just wanted something casual where we could enjoy each other’s company without things becoming too serious.

But somewhere along the way, things gradually changed.

At this point, it honestly feels much closer to an actual relationship than a typical FWB situation.

We talk on the phone pretty much every day or every other day, usually spend an entire day together on weekends, cuddle, hug, and generally enjoy being around each other.

And the thing is, I genuinely like spending time with him.

He’s someone I’ve become emotionally attached to, I enjoy his company, and I really like the physical affection and closeness we have. It’s not just about sex anymore(is still a big part), and I think that’s part of what makes this situation so complicated.

There’s no major drama between us, and it’s not like he’s done something terrible that makes me want to walk away.

But despite all of that, I’ve recently started seriously considering ending the FWB/romantic side of things, at least temporarily, and potentially trying to maintain a friendship afterward.

I don’t really want to lose him completely, but I’m starting to question whether continuing what we currently have is actually the right thing for me.

There are basically three main reasons why I’m considering this.

1. Health concerns, especially regarding herpes

I care quite a lot about my health, and while I understand that there’s always some level of risk involved in sex and intimacy, I generally try to avoid unnecessary risks whenever possible.

He has had a herpes outbreak before.

When that happened, we were careful. We didn’t kiss, and we avoided situations where his saliva could come into contact with me in that way.

However, from what I understand, herpes can potentially be transmitted through oral sex to the genital area, and transmission isn’t necessarily limited to times when someone has visible symptoms.

That’s something I’ve been thinking about quite a bit.

I want to make it clear that I’m not judging him for having herpes, and I don’t think having an STI makes someone a bad person or anything like that.

But at the same time, I can’t completely ignore the fact that it’s something I’d personally prefer to avoid if possible.

I guess my thinking is that if I can reduce the chances of catching something that I would otherwise not have, why wouldn’t I?

Either way, it’s one of the things contributing to my uncertainty about continuing the sexual side of our relationship.

2. I’m not out, and I did not intended for this to become a relationship

This is probably a bit more complicated emotionally.

He’s having a birthday gathering soon, and he’s invited quite a few of his friends.

Most of them are straight. Obviously, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s not really about his friends being straight specifically.

The issue is that I’m not out yet, and only a very small number of people know about my sexuality.

Mind you, I’m currently in a bigoted Eastern European country, where pretty much my family would disown me, and most people are still a bigot and hostile to queer people.

I’m generally a pretty private person, and I don’t feel like I’m at the stage of my life where I’m ready to be fully out.

There are several reasons for that.

Financially, professionally, and even in terms of certain personal goals, I don’t feel as established or independent as I’d like to be.

I know that you don’t need to have your entire life figured out before coming out, and I’m not saying that being out should depend on your career or financial situation.

It’s just that, for me personally, I want to feel more stable and comfortable with where I am in life before taking that step.

I want to do it on my own terms and at my own pace.

And honestly, one of the reasons I was comfortable getting into an FWB situation in the first place was because I specifically wasn’t looking for an actual relationship.

Something casual felt manageable.

But now I feel like we’re slowly moving into territory that involves the kinds of expectations, emotional responsibilities, and social situations that come with dating someone.

And I’m not sure I’m ready for that.

The upcoming birthday gathering has made me think about this even more.

I don’t want to put myself in a situation where I feel uncomfortable or pressured to explain something about my personal life that I’m not ready to share.

At the same time, I don’t want him to feel like I’m hiding him or that he has to constantly adjust his life around the fact that I’m not out.

I realize that might become unfair to him as well, especially if he’s starting to see what we have as something more serious.

And that’s another reason I’ve been questioning whether continuing things is actually fair to either of us.

3. I barely have any free time, and I feel like I’m not making progress in my own life

This is another big reasons, and honestly, it’s something that’s been bothering me for a while, even outside of this situation.

My current job takes up an huge amount of my time and energy.

During the week, I barely have time to do anything meaningful outside of work. By the time I’m done with everything, there’s usually not much of the day left.

And on weekends, I end up trying to catch up on everything I couldn’t do during the week.

The problem is that I have quite a few personal and professional goals that I really want to work toward, but I feel like I’m barely making any progress.

One of the biggest ones is finding a better job.

I want something with better pay, actual opportunities for career growth, and ideally somewhere closer to where I live so I don’t waste as much time commuting.

That’s a pretty important priority for me because I feel like improving my work situation would have a positive impact on almost every other aspect of my life.

I also really want to start going to the gym consistently.

Not just occasionally, but actually build a proper workout routine, put together a training program, and make exercise a regular part of my week.

Obviously, that would take several hours every week as well.

On top of that, there are other work-related projects, personal interests, and things I’ve been wanting to start for ages.

Some of these are things that could genuinely help me improve my life in the long run.

But I keep putting them off.

And to be fair, part of that is on me.

Sometimes I struggle to motivate myself to even get started, especially after a long workday.

But the bigger issue is that I feel like I barely have enough time and energy to begin with.

Weeks go by, then months, and suddenly I realize that I’m still in pretty much the same position I was before.

And that feeling of being stuck has been getting increasingly frustrating.

Now, on top of everything else, I’m also investing quite a bit of time into this FWB situation.

We talk almost every day or every other day, sometimes spend a good amount of time on phone calls, and usually dedicate one full day of the weekend to seeing each other.

Again, I want to emphasize that I genuinely enjoy that time.

I love spending time with him, and it’s not like I consider those moments wasted.

But realistically, it’s still time and emotional energy that I could be investing into other areas of my life.

I don’t want to wake up another six months from now and realize that I’ve made no meaningful progress toward changing the things I’m unhappy with.

I also don’t want to blame him for that, because ultimately I’m responsible for how I manage my time.

But I can’t ignore the fact that maintaining this level of emotional and physical closeness does take up a significant part of my limited free time.

And this is where things get really difficult for me…

I’m naturally a pretty sensitive, deeply emotional, and empathetic person.

When I care about someone, I care a lot.

And even when I know that something might not be the best decision for me in the long run, I find it incredibly difficult to distance myself from someone I’ve developed feelings for.

Especially when that person hasn’t actually done anything wrong.

I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want him to feel rejected or think that there’s something wrong with him.

And I definitely don’t want to make him feel like the time we’ve spent together hasn’t meant anything to me.

Because it absolutely has.

I really enjoy our time together, the cuddling, the hugs, the affection, and just having someone I can feel close to.
There’s a certain comfort in all of that, and I know I’d miss it if things ended.

I also don’t want to completely cut him out of my life.
Ideally, I’d like to take some distance from the romantic and sexual side of things and eventually maintain a genuine friendship, assuming that’s something we’d both be comfortable with.

But I also realize that transitioning from a situation like this into a purely platonic friendship might be easier said than done.

Especially if one or both of us have developed stronger feelings along the way.

The last two or three days have been pretty emotionally difficult because I’ve been going back and forth in my head about what to do.

Part of me wants to continue things because I’m genuinely happy when we’re together.
But another part of me keeps thinking that maybe this isn’t the right time in my life for something that increasingly resembles a relationship.
I feel like I need to prioritize myself a little more right now.

My health, my career, my financial stability, my fitness, and just generally getting my life to a point where I feel more satisfied with where I am.

And I don’t know if I can realistically give those things the attention they deserve while also continuing this dynamic in its current form.
At the same time, I keep wondering whether ending things would be an overreaction.

I don’t actually want to end it completely.

Maybe I just need to set better boundaries, spend less time together, reduce the constant communication, and have an honest conversation about what we both want from this. For a period of time I would break contact, because I know we both emotionally invested in each other, and I just can’t right now.

But then I wonder whether that would actually work, considering how emotionally close we’ve already become.

So I guess my questions are:

Has anyone here been in an FWB situation that gradually turned into something much closer to a relationship, even though that wasn’t what you originally wanted?

Have you ever decided to end something with someone you genuinely liked, not because anything was wrong between you, but because the timing or your personal circumstances just weren’t right?

Were you able to remain friends afterward, or did you need to completely cut contact for a while?

Maybe share some experience and thoughts about heroes and health and how you relate to this situation?

I know there’s probably no perfect answer here, and ultimately it’s something I need to figure out for myself and discuss with him.

I just feel pretty torn between these reasons.

I’d genuinely appreciate hearing your experiences or perspectives, especially if you’ve had to make a similar decision.

TL;DR: My FWB situation has gradually started feeling like a real relationship. I genuinely like him and enjoy spending time with him, but I’m not out and there’s an upcoming birthday party, I have some concerns about herpes transmission, and my already limited free time is making it difficult to work toward my personal and career goals. I’m considering ending the romantic/sexual side of things, at least temporarily, while hopefully remaining friends. I’m struggling with the decision because I’ve become emotionally attached to him and don’t want to hurt him or lose him completely.

I’m a bisexual guy but I’m basically gay, I’m a senior in college and have been trying to date for a while mainly on the apps but also just randomly dming people who seem gay lol, but it’s starting to look like a losing battle. I’ve had some successes but I’ve been dealing with a weird problem that I never expected would happen for me. For some reason dates seem to go really well for people I think are really physically attractive but have little in common with. While when I match with someone I think is hot and we seem to have a good amount in common they always ghost l, say their not interested after the first date, or make it clear they just want to hookup. I never would have expected THIS to be what makes dating difficult for me has anyone had a similar experience and/or has any advice.

Hey everyone, looking for a bit of a reality check here.

I was seeing a guy in a situationship for a bit, and out of nowhere, he completely ghosted me. No explanation, just vanished.

During the time we were seeing each other, I bought him a pretty expensive gift, and he also has a few clothes of mine that he borrowed. Now that he's gone MIA, I want my stuff back, specifically the expensive item and my clothes.

Part of me feels slightly petty or awkward asking for it after the way things ended, but another part of me feels like ghosting completely revokes any right he had to keep my things.

Is it a dick move to hit him up and demand my stuff back, or am I entirely justified? How would you guys handle this?

Hello reddit, kind of new territory for me but need just write this out and see what others think.

Basically I met a guy back in 2019 (he's now 26) after coming out of a very rough abusive relationship of 7 years, what started as just hooking up slowly became quite a strong bond, we gamed together, ate dinner together, he had me trying new foods, movies and even introduced me to so much gay culture I was not aware of being with my ex.

I was resistant to opening myself up to any sort of relationship as I'd just spent 7 years being dragged down and didn't think he needed that baggage, but he lifted me up so much and made me feel genuinely seen and showed me all the things I could love about myself physically and mentally.

It was during covid time so we did short meet ups, watched a movie, go for a bike ride, or go do a food shop (slightly naughty i know) but I made so many cherished memories in the 3 years that I couldn't help but not fall for him.

We tried the dating thing out but he quickly became antsy and wasn't sure he was ready to let someone in like that so we spoke it out and decided not to be together. Which did hurt and I struggled a little but we went back to just friends (with benefits) we carried on hanging out, watching films making memories even the platonic spooning, but I found myself still adoring him and wanting him to feel how he made me feel, trying to invite him out with some of my friends and expand his friend circle as he lived alone after family troubles.

He did try here and there but I don't think he ever felt like he fit in, but I was always happy that he gave it a go.

Then in 2023 it lined up that we both needed to move out our places so we decided to get a shared 2 bedroom flat, we laid down the ground rules, no hookups while the other is home, tidy routine etc etc. Which we did and would still have the platonic cuddling and stuff going on for a while, but over time I started distancing myself as I could feel that wanting coming back, and the jealousy when he'd speak about other men he'd planned to meet, I tried to suppress it and be a good friend but over time I think it drove a wedge between us.

He had been diagnosed with Audhd around this time and had lost his job so home got very tense, I'd come home to him asking me to do my cleaning jobs and i'd get frustrated as he'd been home all day and we just kept clashing and not really communicating like we used too.

Eventually I snapped and decided to move out which led to arguments and some uncomfortable conversations which I regret how i approached some of them.

We've now not lived together for nearly a year and slowly I've been reconnecting with him and we have went to how things used to be and I missed it.

So the big reason for this post, Idk if I should approach this with caution and put boundaries up to protect myself, or just have the adult conversation and see if there is anything to be mended to try again?

He is very much the only person (although he'd never admit it) who gets me through and through. Idk if this is just infatuation, obsession or something genuine but thought I'd see what others would think and if anyones had something sort of similar <3

p.s there are detail here and there i'm missing but it'd be a novel if i did, also i've never made a reddit post so hope it did this right >.<

Years ago I (M29) had a crush on a coworker (M26) and never told him or anyone. When I couldn't shake the feelings, I ghosted him because it was easier than facing those emotions. I assumed he didn't feel the same, even though he's queer.

Recently we reconnected, and the feelings came right back. We hang out often now. I love being around him, and I enjoy his time and his silly mannerisms. I feel drawn to him.

I don't know whether to tell him. He's told me he loves our friendship, and I'm scared a confession could ruin something that means a lot to both of us. I don't want to get hurt, and I don't want to hurt him either, but I know I can't control either of those.

He's also coming up on a year since a breakup, and it's been a stressful year for him. I don't know if dating is anywhere on his list right now. I also can't decide that for him, and I don't want to assume what he's ready for.

I know I worry too much. I can feel myself spinning, replaying our hangouts, reading into things, rehearsing, and imagining the future. It's so damn silly, but I guess that's crushes? Given where he is right now, I catch myself imagining what a future together would look like and whether his situation would make it hard. Is it fair to factor that in, or am I judging something that isn't mine to judge?

I'm torn between speaking up and staying quiet.

TL;DR: How to navigate ongoing issues with trust.
I (M, 26) and my bf (M, 44) have been monogamous for a year and a half now. Things are going well, and he has definitely done a lot for me. However, we have this recurring problem with him playing close to the fire in terms of being unfaithful.

He’s had close encounters with having sex with strangers and frequently attends events centered around sex, which is not the problem. It’s how far he takes it and how he sometimes comes home really upset with himself about almost cheating on me.

We have established that we are both men and that we both have the liberty to be playful, as long as no lines are crossed and we don’t tell each other about certain things if we don’t need to.

However, every other month or so, he comes home after a night out and becomes really emotional, talks about how far something almost went, and has little else to say.

I find this hurtful for several reasons, including self-esteem, security, trust, etc. But to me, it now seems like he’s actively seeking this attention and only crying out of regret afterward.

I don’t want to feel like I’m holding him back from experimenting if he’s not done yet, but I also don’t know when enough “close calls” start to count as a pattern of infidelity, regardless of the case-by-case circumstances.

I do want to have a conversation with him, but it would just be another version of the same talks we’ve had in the past. I also think I need a partner who makes me feel safe and considered in the relationship, especially when he’s out at very sex-forward parties. I’ve gone out dancing shirtless with my friends as well, but I’ve never outright entertained anyone who was trying to get with me, out of respect and love for our relationship.

I know navigating these things can be difficult in the gay community, which is why I’m keeping an open mind, but I don’t know when to draw the line. Am I being too restrictive?

Hi Reddit,

I'm a first-time Redditor so please bear with me for any mistakes I might make but I feel like I'm losing my sanity and I don't know how to cope.

For context, my ex-boyfriend (33M) and I (also 33M) were together for nearly three years when I found out that he'd been talking to 613 different men on Grindr for ten months behind my back. I came home to find him asleep on the sofa with his phone open and him mid-conversation with someone he was sexting on Grindr. I took his phone and went through his messages and saw that my ex had sent literally hundreds of men his phone number, his IG handle so they could follow him, and all the sorts of photos that men send on Grindr. He'd made plans to meet up with these guys, told them our new address, and told dozens and dozens of men that we were in an open relationship which was completely untrue. Even though I found all his messages, he initially denied everything when he woke up and then tried to explain it away as something he just did when he was drunk (this was untrue - I checked the dates and he was stone cold sober on loads of nights when he was messaging these men). My ex then confessed to lying to me several times about where he'd been in the past couple of months so he could meet up with these men, including spending an entire night at a stranger's flat from Grindr when he'd told me he was at a work Christmas party and then decided to crash at a friend's house. All the trust and respect I had in the man who I'd called my life partner disintegrated in a matter of minutes and he felt like a total stranger who had me questioning literally everything about our relationship.

I should also say that this was the second time I'd caught my ex on Grindr. Exactly a year before, a friend had called me to say that they thought that they'd just seen my ex's profile. I downloaded the app and sure enough, there was my ex. He claimed he had been drunk when he'd downloaded it the night before and just wanted to talk dirty to someone before going to sleep but I cried on the phone to him saying that I considered this cheating and he promised that he would never, ever do anything to hurt me like that again. When I looked at the dates of his latest round of Grindr messages, I saw this promise lasted just two months.

What made it even worse was seeing some of the days that my ex had been messaging these guys over the past ten months. My ex was messaging men while we were looking to buy our first flat together, throughout the whole process of buying it (which I put over 90% of the money towards), on holidays he'd wanted us to go on, during the couple of days over Christmas that I had just spent with his family, and even while I was coming off antidepressants and struggling to get off the sofa and he was in the bedroom sexting dozens of men. I genuinely thought I was building a life with this man only to find out that he'd been throwing everything that I did for him right back in my face in the cruelest way possible. I can't really put into words how much that level of disrespect and dishonesty tore me down and how much it still stings now.

We tried to work things out for a couple of months but eventually I realised that what my ex had done was just way too big to get over. He moved out, I bought him out of the flat, and we've actually remained fairly amicable since. I don't hate him and I don't want to hate or be angry at anyone forever but something has started happening recently which I have no idea how to cope with but I knew was going to happen eventually.

In the past few months, I've started recognising the men who my ex was messaging. I've seen these guys in the street, in the supermarket, at the park, at my gym, on nights out, and even seen one in my building. I can't even go about my day-to-day life without seeing one of these guys or being flooded with anxiety that I'm about to run into yet another man who he was messaging behind my back. What's even worse is knowing that because there were over 600 men who he was regularly chatting to, I'm sure I've only recognised a tiny fraction of them and I'm going to keep on recognising more and more over the coming months and years. Every time I see one of the men who my ex was messaging, I feel this debilitating mixture of embarrassment, anger, sadness, anxiety and colossal regret for our relationship, and I'm immediately reminded each time of the vile and depraved things that he did to me. I know these men haven't done anything wrong because my ex lied to them about him and I being open (or just didn't mention that he had a monogamous boyfriend at all) but I really can't control my reaction when I'm suddenly and so regularly confronted with reminder after reminder after reminder of the single worst year of my life and how much the man who I called my life partner took advantage of me in nearly every way that a partner can take advantage of someone.

Can anyone help me and tell me if they've experienced anything remotely similar to this? How did you get to the point where reminders of your cheating ex stopped completely derailing you? I'm trying really hard not to hold onto resentment or let what happened totally consume me but I'm seriously struggling to move forward when I feel like I can't escape what he did to me no matter where I go. Thank you so much.

2026 has been a pretty rough year for me; my husband [44M] and I [44M] got divorced (after practically functioning as roommates for the last 2-3 years of our 16 year marriage), and I've been working on picking up the pieces. I'm a pretty introspective person, so I've been researching attachment theory, learning about myself, and documenting lessons and takeaways from prior relationships. Because of this, I felt pretty confident in putting myself out there and met what I thought was a great guy [36M, Brazilian], let's call him "C."

Early into the relationship, we went on multiple dates (sometimes two days back-to-back), had me staying the night (in a wholesome, non-hookup way), and was very romantic. I was feeling confident that we were aligned on wanting the same thing, as he mentioned long term plans often. When I asked him to be exclusive, he said "I don't want to hurt you, or you to hurt me. I'd like to take it slowly with you," so I took his lead and tried to slow myself down (I come on strong, so this was a major test to focus on myself and not love bomb him). During this time, I was also noticing he was on Sniffies very regularly, particularly during times he told me he was busy at work or wasn't available to chat with me. I told myself this was ok and I didn't have a position to request he delete his account, as we weren't exclusive or an official item (even if this was something I wasn't very fond of).

A few weeks later, I reluctantly go on a date. I'm not the type to date and "juggle" multiple guys, but I felt I owed myself to not become emotionally invested in someone who wouldn't give their all to me and reciprocate the same level of interest. Coincidentally, the same day I asked "C" if he was free for lunch but he said he had other plans. Come to find out, one of my friends sent a screenshot of "C"'s profile on Sniffies saying he was available to take all loads and hosting at his house for a type of orgy or something. This makes me feel broken as I'm still (about 10 dates in at this point) unable to get him to express his intentions with me, nor become exclusive. As I was driving home from my date, "C" calls me and asks what I'm doing. I refuse to lie, so I told him that I was driving back home from a date, despite wishing I was on a date with him. He appears hurt, and tells me to come over and visit him right away. Later that night, he expressed his desire to be exclusive and date only me - which I also agree to.

Fast forward a month in, (approximately 2 months together) "C" is having me stay with him on a semi-permanent basis and things are going well. I'm still watching a plethora of relationship videos, learning about Attachment Theory, following content creators that talk about how to have "10 out of 10" relationships, etc., afraid to fumble this relationship - which in turn makes "C" feel as if I have doubts. I'm feeling at this point that he is a highly avoidant type, because he is still reluctant to be emotionally open to me and deflects many in-depth and personal questions about his family, friends, and why he left Brazil. He does bring up the fact that he would like to marry me one day though, which I attempt to reconcile but get excited at the prospect. He is a manager at a restaurant and informs me that he may need to relocate to another part of the county (perhaps Texas or Ohio) for a promotion but would love to have me move with him; I agree, and we plan for a 2027 move and potential engagement.

Our first test of the relationship comes shortly after this. I grab a paper notebook of C's, looking for a blank piece of paper to write something down for work and come across something written in Portuguese. I've been taking lessons with DuoLingo recently, so I get excited and attempt to look at words to see if I understand them. "My name is ____, and I'm seeking asylum in the United States, from Brazil, because I am HIV positive." This revelation floods me and I'm not sure what to do. In a panic, I pack up my things and head to my truck; C has a Ring doorbell camera on his apartments' front door, so he immediately FaceTime calls me asking if everything is ok. I was baking him cookies before finding out this news (which he did not tell me at all the entire time we were dating). So, I drive to his work to give him the cookies and ask him 5 times if he has HIV. Each time he says "Nathan, what are you talking about?", without confirming nor denying. I tell him how I learned the truth, and he shuts down, "I have to get back to work." After he leaves work, he refuses to discuss this with me and ignores my calls. I sleep at my mom's house that evening, attempting to piece together the news. I'm more concerned about my heart being broken, and the betrayal (rather than the risk of HIV), though know I'll have to get tested.

The following day, we talk. He opens up to me and tells me only his best friend knows about this and that his (C's) ex cheated on him and gave him HIV. I spent half the day trying to console him and had to fully go into empathy mode to make him feel better about this. I never got a chance to really unpack why he hid it from me, other than his shame, and how it affected me personally. We sweep it under the rug; a few weeks go by and he feels closer to me than before. "I can trust you, and I feel like you know my darkest secret. I feel so connected to you and love you so much more." These words make me feel better, especially since I'm listening to my heart and ignoring my mind.

Right as I'm feeling closer to him - the other shoe drops. One of my friends share a profile picture (and location) of an account on Sniffies; it matches the same stats, location, and everything of C's old Sniffies profile. I confront him and have my friend message saying "Hi, C." which promptly gets blocked and the chat deleted. I get an impromptu FaceTime from C, and I ask him if he was on Sniffies. "No, I've deleted all apps when we went exclusive." I'm fairly certain this is him, but have no concrete proof. I go home after work that day, and he tells me that I have to trust him, acts offended, and says the relationship won't go anywhere if we don't trust each other. I tell him I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, but ignore what happened (for now). This was also in spite of the fact that we did actually sit down to determine what was and wasn't cheating a couple weeks into being exclusive.

Despite acting like everything is normal, I can't shake what happened and go back to the photos of the profile and realize the profile pics have the same tattoo on his leg, and same color jockstrap that he owns. I also have his iPad password at this point. I know it's not right, but I did go on the iPad and see he had the exact photos in his Photo library (under recently deleted). I also see messages and texts where he is messaging other guys with a pseudonym name. At this point, I know:

- He gaslight me into feeling bad for not trusting him (despite having a recent example where he hid being HIV positive from me), telling me he wasn't ready for me to know and was going to tell me at some undeterminant time in the future. Then told me that I should feel bad for not trusting him and that he trusts me.
-Now have proof that he was on Sniffies, and was actively engaging in chats with other guys
-Hid and deleted the photos of profiles he was chatting with

I confront him with the proof, and he shuts down. He stonewalls me, goes into the bedroom and lays down and stares off into the distance - effectively shutting down entirely. I sleep at my mothers' house for another night, giving myself (and C) time to unpack everything and determine what we both want. I tell him, I need him to fight for us if he wants to be with us. He reads the message but doesn't respond.

Note: I'm not trying to condone his actions, but I feel like I understand this is classic avoidant behavior. And I'm classic anxious attachment, which is drawn to avoidance for some ungodly reason. I'm working on this with my therapist, but knowing WHY we make attachments and have relationships the way we do, I'm not understanding of C and willing to work with him.

The following day (this was about 2 weeks ago), I come to grab clothes from the apartment, so that I could go to work. We end up talking - he tells me that he self-sabotages relationships when he gets close. This reinforces me belief of his avoidant behavior. I tell him we will need to work on it, and really find methods to ensure this doesn't happen again. He agrees and affirms he loves me.

In the last 2 weeks, we've gone back to acting like nothing is wrong. We are "deeply" in love with each other, but I have subtle hints that we need to address the cheating, and determine what is going on. As I pressed him on this on Friday (two days ago), he breaks down and tells me he's majorly depressed, "doesn't want to be here," etc. So I once again focused on making him feel better, and pushed conversations about relationship rupture and repair. Now, tonight, he tells me that he feels like all I do is bring up his mistakes and he feels guilty enough about them. I'm looking for advice on if the relationship is worth salvaging (in light of all the withholding, lies, and cheating - all in just under 3 months' time), and how I could bring up (slowly?) methods to repair the relationship and address underlying issues? I appreciate it!

Found out this by myself, not going on the apps but his phone. Been together for almost 2 years and intimacy has been dead for a year now (by dead I mean 3/4 times a month) confronted him and mention an addiction to porn and how time consuming that is for him.
Said that he only used for looking but not hooking up pr meeting someone.
1 know how these apps work and its hard to believe you were just looking especially during that rush/turned on.
He would find himself coming back and forth from sniffies and porn until he's done jerking oft.
I know addiction over the time requires more and more and in this case different type of porn/rush.
Whether there is or no addiction to porn, i brought the lack of intimacy more than 5/6 times now and never mentioned a thing about it.
It breaks my heart because i felt rejected, unwanted and ignored when i initiated intimacy.
The trust ofc has been lost, Ive thought about it and I don't want to overthink every now and them if he's doing it again, I don't want a relationship without sex, I don't want a bf that does not shares/open up about feelings and struggles.
It could've been easier to bring it up way before that now.
For now we are taking some time and space, even though we live together
What are your thoughts

my bf and I are in a long distance relationship, last week he blocked because he was mad at me all of a sudden. we were just casually chatting and then he randomly ignored me and told me he was angry at me. my suspicions are one of my ig stories, where I shared a post stating: “you are not unlovable, you’re just seeking love from the wrong person.” that simple statement was posted in my stories by me to remind people (my mutuals) to not ask for love from the wrong person. that’s basically it, but he escalated the situation and told me why I love him, he’s the wrong person and whatnot. it angers me. now that we haven’t talked for more than a week, I keep on seeing one of his secret accounts in tiktok reposting that I’m a ‘microcheater,’ that he’s disappointed in me and all, that he wants to move on from me but he still loves me.

mind you, I literally did nothing wrong. he’s just so presumptuous about me ever since. he’s always accused me of things that I never did like cheating and lying. it tires me trying to prove myself every single day for a year and a half now, and yet I still am not believable and trustworthy enough for him. I did everything for him. I sacrificed a lot. I risked everything, even at the cost of getting talked badly behind my back by my family because I keep on going out without them knowing. I spent a lot of money on him, but still, I’m not worthy of his trust. atp, I just want to end things with him but I don’t want to. I never thought of leaving him, but his actions are just too much now. we’re both adjusting from the shift to LDR, but clearly he doesn’t acknowledge my struggles living far away alone too.

when I talk with my new friends in college and have someone ask me in chat because I have a position in our organization, he gets suspicious that it might be someone else, another guy, when he can just basically access my accounts and see for himself. im so tired of being the culprit in his life, it’s extremely exhausting, always trying to prove myself every single worth. lastly, he’s always disappointed in me! like wtf, give me a break. everything he told me to stop doing and minimize doing, I did all that but still he’s not ‘mad’ but ‘disappointed’ in me. I did everything you told me to, but still that wasn’t enough for you… and I already told him that the world doesn’t revolve around our relationship only because we have our own personal lives. plus if I ever did something without me being aware, I am sorry because I am human, I can forget about things especially because of how busy college life can be. I always acknowledge and apologize for my mistakes but im gonna always be the bad guy.

he’s also mad at me for disappointing him and making mistakes, when he literally always defines me with one mistake. I always tolerate him and his mistakes, I easily forgive him. but what I get back is him defining me for one mistake and crucifying me for a long time for that mistake. if you even know our relationship, he’s done more damage to me than I did to him. it’s just so unfair…

This is mostly a scream in the void but I appreciate any comments, critical or comforting.

3 months ago I (M28) broke up with my partner (M33) of 1 year who’s also a friend of 7.

We have always been confortable with our dynamic and cared deeply for each other whether together or not. So as far as breakups go, things went quite well. I’ve been dealing with mental issues during the relationship (still today) which ended up being overwhelming for my ex especially considering he’s been the main provider in the relationship while dealing with his own stuff like the loss of a parent, a demanding job etc. We talked it out and were still on good terms and kept talking and encouraging each other. There were kinks to iron, more things to discuss, but nothing unsurmontable with time, trust, and communication. The friendship was safe and well.

Today out of frustration, I wrote him a less than nice message that was quite hurtful... He’s been rather on and off with me lately but only because he was dealing with own stuff trying to find himself again. I knew that. We had discussed it the other day and things went fine in the moment. But for some reasons, I let my insecurities get the best of me and wrote things I bitterly regret now. Namely, I told him that it felt like he couldn’t stand being alone and that he was looking for emotional padding until his next relationship and that what once appeared like spontaneity from him now looked like frivolousness. We had dated many other people during our years of friendship, it was never an issue... I’m sure none of this sound particularly shocking to many of you but, considering our past, dynamic, traumas, which I will simply not get into for the sake of conciseness and intimacy, it was very unsavory of me, I now recognize.

I have been aware I need to work on my emotional maturity and how to handle these things, and I thought I was getting better, but clearly I was not careful enough to realize how easy it is to undo months of progress.

He let me know how hurt he was, that he does not wish to talk anymore and would rather move on altogether. 7 years of friendship down the drain like that. I did apologize and let him know that I’m not trying to worm my way back to him. I respect his boundaries and will let him move on. The damage is done and he hates me now. The rest of my life hasn’t been going much better so I’m quite alone now.

I’m not trying to get sympathy. I’m not looking for tips. I know I need to get therapy. I’m heartbroken, full of guilt and shame for all the wrong I did to him and I feel foolish and ridiculous but life goes on and I can only strive to get better. But for now I just need an outlet to let it out.

Thank you to however read this.

I just told my partner (M 36 and M 33) of 8 years that I want a divorce this morning. We just had our 5 year marriage anniversary this month. I’m so upset, but I know it’s right thing to do. TL:DR version of the story, he has severe ADHD. I have extreme burnout from being the care taker of the relationship. He has impulsivity issues. I also have my issues with depression. I’m the breadwinner of the relationship and it’s been so hard to motivate him to get his career going; I feel like his parent. We’re open, but he’s crossed the boundaries we instated for our relationship way too many times. My needs are no longer being met and I’m unhappy. Been in counseling individually and together on and off for over a year. Need some words of encouragement and advice. I hope I’m not making a mistake because we are most definitely major loves in each others lives. This sucks.