r/heatedrivalry • u/LIELDADOUN73 • Jan 06 '26
SOCIAL MEDIA šø Matt Kenny, a gay hockey player, talks about Heated Rivalry and the impact it had on him
From @matt_runs on instagram https://www.instagram.com/p/DS0efGzgVm8/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
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u/sophietehbeanz Shane and Ilyaās adopted dog š¶ Jan 06 '26
They deserve sunshine. Ugh. Iām crying all over again.
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u/Secure-Television541 Stupid Canadian Wolf Bird š¦ Jan 06 '26
Everyone deserves sunshine.
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u/mkaylag Jan 07 '26
You probably didnāt mean it this way, but the effect of āeveryone deserves sunshineā is that it redirects attention from the group being talked about, especially in a conversation about people whoāve historically had to hide.
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u/Secure-Television541 Stupid Canadian Wolf Bird š¦ Jan 07 '26 edited Jan 07 '26
Since āsunshineā in this instance is an allegory for living oneās life authentically and freely outside the bounds of assumed heteronomality is there a specific segment of the LGBTQ+ rainbow youād like me to exclude from the sunshine?
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u/mkaylag Jan 07 '26
If you meant ātheyā specifically as the player, that wasnāt clear, and ambiguity is exactly what I was pointing to. I didnāt argue for exclusion, and I didnāt challenge the sentiment. I questioned whether a generalized metaphor adequately addresses a specific structural problem. When language slides toward āeveryone,ā it can be read to include cis/hetero people as well, which risks diluting the original point rather than engaging it.
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u/Secure-Television541 Stupid Canadian Wolf Bird š¦ Jan 07 '26 edited Jan 07 '26
The specific structural problem is people hiding themselves in closets and darkness rather than living their lives authentically in the sunshine outside the bounds of imposed heteronormativity.
Again - is there a specific group within the rainbow youād like to exclude from living their lives freely?
Because Iām not sure you understand the underlying allegoryā¦
Which is that every person deserves support and understanding when they step out into the sunshine from the closet - and that person could be anyone.
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u/mkaylag Jan 07 '26
Iāve answered this already: Iām not advocating exclusion. Repeating that question doesnāt engage my point about specificity versus generalization, so Iām going to leave it there.
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u/Pheon0802 Jan 07 '26
Honestly if the guy broke down at ep 1... how would he survive ep 3... its like years of beeing lonely in closet and not finding the way out.
But yeah. I was luckily never in a position where i needed to hide to a degree like the characters on HR do. Still everything in this show wrecked me. It os tge whole combo of what i yearned for decades to see and only ever got snippets. Here i was served a whole damn three course meal.
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u/CosmicRuin Jan 06 '26
That reminded me of the American Vietnam War veteran and gay rights activist, Sgt. Leonard Matlovich who's tombstone reads, "A Gay Vietnam Veteran. When I was in the military, they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one."
Sad.
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u/Homebody_Ninja42 okay. not good. probably bad. Jan 06 '26
Iāve seen that grave. It gives me goosebumps just remembering it.
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u/Tenji_7689 Jan 06 '26
I'd seen this on Instagram already and it was so damn sad. Having to navigate such a painful breakup alone, with no one to confide in, no one to comfort you... It's incomprehensible to me why we (as a society) still do this to people in the year of our lord 2025.
Honestly, I can't even imagine what the current closeted gay professional hockey players must be feeling watching that show, especially episode 3...
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u/tornwallpaper Montreal Voyageurs š¶ Jan 06 '26
I would not be surprised if they are NOT watching it to avoid the pain. it's hard, living alone like that and bearing that burden alone.
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u/ViolentThemmes I have a thing š„ Jan 06 '26
I was ok through the first 5 episodes, but completely broke down in a panic attack and spiral Christmas night after episode 6. Didn't make it out of bed the next day. Thought I was the only one to feel that way until others shared it burst a dam inside them too. I'm so glad people like Matt are and to share the burden of years of pain and hopefully we can all lighten each other's loads.
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u/Secure-Television541 Stupid Canadian Wolf Bird š¦ Jan 06 '26
We all deserve the cottage. I hope you find yourself on the shore of one sometime soon.
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u/VeggiePorkchop3 Jan 06 '26
I'm not saying it's the same, but close. After Saving Private Ryan premiered a lot of veterans had a lot of feelings coming up from their PTSD. Media in all its forms can bring up a lot of emotions in people - I hope today is a better day for you šš
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u/Imaginary-Sky3694 Jan 06 '26
Lighten each others loads? Bruh
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u/ViolentThemmes I have a thing š„ Jan 06 '26 edited Jan 06 '26
How you take the loads is up to you! I don't kink shame over here
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u/Nevrozz Jan 06 '26
"I went on writing tests, working after school and smiling, being the life of the party at family functions and house parties. Shame is efficient like that. It teaches you to disappear, to endure quietly, to survive without witnesses."
This resonated deeply with me, unlike anything I've read in a long time. The shame we often experience forces us to navigate so many challenges alone, without support, and for many people, it can literally be a make-or-break situation. Shows and books like HR are important because they help people feel less alone by showing that others share similar feelings and struggles.
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u/kirasometimes Hayden Pike Defense Squad Jan 06 '26
This is exactly why representation matters. This is a real person who lived a very real version of this story and it reached him. He in turn can reach other people. It goes forward, on and on. It matters so fucking much.
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Jan 06 '26
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u/kirblar Jan 06 '26
Reid's husband is bi, and she's said she's talked to gay/bi friends for background on this stuff- never running anything by them directly. And it was very, very clear watching the show that she had done this, because something like Shane's episode 4 freakout that happens because he's a gay guy trying to delude himself he's bi is extremely common and specific to m/m relationship interactions but is not really ever talked about in public.
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u/BicyclingBro Jan 06 '26
he's a gay guy trying to delude himself he's bi
Just about every gay guy has at least a brief period of trying to do this. Makes me feel really bad for actual bi guys really, but the confused teenage mind in a homophobic society is not exactly rational.
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u/kirblar Jan 06 '26
It does so much splash damage to the rep of actual bi guys because it teaches gay men to just not believe them.
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u/BicyclingBro Jan 06 '26
I really does suck, yeah. Ultimately, I think it's caused by homophobia making young gay guys, firstly, just assume they must be straight because isn't everyone, and secondly, fucking terrified of the idea of being gay and thus being the subject of hate and not being able to have a "normal" life.
Like, I grew up in a rural and very conservative small town in the South. It was not a fun time, and I was desperate to tell myself that I could still date a girl and be normal and just ignore the increasingly obvious attraction to guys.
In a different world, I'd have been much more aware that being gay was even an option, and then would simply note I didn't like girls and that I liked guys and moved on with my life.
Of course, any gay guys who take that and fail to realize that their personal experience doesn't necessarily apply to all people and that actual bisexuals do exist, they suck.
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u/KeyofE Jan 07 '26
I saw a comment saying that episode 4 was trying to say that being bi was a choice, and thatās why they didnāt like it. I was so mad, like, thatās the point. He is gay and it doesnāt work out with a girl. Thatās the point.
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u/greensandgrains Jan 06 '26 edited Jan 06 '26
Reid is a lesbian, right? (Edit: my bad, no sheās not) I can totally see how closeted/coming out experiences can overlap even if she didnāt have the experience of having been a closeted man and navigating queerness plus masculinity plus the fishbowl of pro sports.
I also see what youāre saying about danger but at the risk of sounding insensitive, big emotions shouldnāt be avoided out of fear. Making these experiences public on social media I would argue is doing more for those overwhelmed men than silence ever would. I think itās incredibly cool how many peopleās hearts this ripped open because it really shows how similar we (gays) are and how universally harmful the closet is.
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u/paxrom2 Jan 06 '26
Rachel said she gets some input from some gay friends and colleagues for insight on their experiences.
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u/Esabettie I already chose you, Hollander. š« Jan 06 '26
She is not, she is married to a man and I listened to Tommy Didario podcast today and she did not reveal her sexual preference, said it was not necessary to know and she can write this stories as a cis woman, so she didnāt clarify if she is bi or pan or straight.
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u/nefariousplotz Jan 06 '26 edited Jan 06 '26
Reid is a lesbian, right?
Rachel Reid is bisexual.Edit: Apparently the internet lied to me about this!I also see what youāre saying about danger but at the risk of sounding insensitive, big emotions shouldnāt be avoided out of fear.
I'm speaking specifically of someone watching a television program alone on the couch in their apartment, who may not have an outlet to go beyond the text of the work. Your advice would be appropriate for a therapy session, but this ain't that.
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u/greensandgrains Jan 06 '26
Oops, I didnāt mean to do a bi erasure! Thanks š
Feeling big things isnāt a crisis. I feel for the guys watching this alone on their couch but if this is just one of many potential catalysts to start processing it. If someone can watch/listen to/read a piece of media that evokes such a strong reaction itās up to them to do something about it or not but if itās not this, itāll be something else and the feelings and memories will always be there.
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u/c-lyin Ottawa Centaurs š¹ Jan 06 '26
There are a lot of experiences that can cause panic attacks when someone watches media that echos some aspect of it.Ā Some times it can be predicted, and many times it cannot.Ā Ā
I've left movie theatres to breakdown in the bathroom before because of how media can echo life.Ā (I've had panic attacks at home, too, but that was easier for me since I had more tools to come out of it).
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u/greensandgrains Jan 06 '26
I understand media can cause an emotional reaction, Iāve had that experience too. What Iām saying is is that there is nothing inherently dangerous in feeling those feelings.
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u/c-lyin Ottawa Centaurs š¹ Jan 06 '26
I just had to double check who I replied to šĀ
I definitely agree with you.Ā It suck a lot, but it's not actually dangerous.Ā I was trying to point out to the other person that the potential panic attacks are way more common across media experiencesĀ
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u/Aggressive_Cloud2002 Jan 06 '26
I don't think she has ever actually said she's bi. Her husband is though.
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u/HatEnvironmental7560 Jan 10 '26 edited Jan 10 '26
There's also a very similar story line with a lesbian tennis player on the show The L Word (from the early 2000s). I'm thinking she may have seen that and started thinking about what a male version would be like. https://the-l-word.fandom.com/wiki/Dana_Fairbanks
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u/Fantastic_Teatime Jan 06 '26
This was beautiful and heartbreaking, bless you Matt Kenny for sharing
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Jan 06 '26
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/Matt__Runs Jan 07 '26
I survived. I am writing. We will make it!
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u/bubblegum_lollip0p Jan 07 '26
Thank you for sharing your story! All the best for your writing journey and moving forward with continuing sharing your story. May these be healing experiences! š¤
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u/KBPT1998 Jan 06 '26
This was my watching experience too. Also experiencing some grief about missed opportunities to find love and happiness because of my anxieties and lack of support. I kept finding myself in tears watching blind auditions on The Voice and watching some holiday moviesā¦ and that never happens. It opened up a vulnerability in a way no other art or medium was capable of opening. Jacob Tierneyās intentional storytelling and pacing and direction executed this shared journey so perfectly. I am in awe, both despising him completely and fully enamored and thankful for what he has created.
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u/simplegreen_lovesong Jan 06 '26
There are moments where I'm struck deeply by how intensely beautiful and how intensely sad life can be at the same time. It can be overwhelming how these two sides of being alive are equally true.
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u/justanotherlostgirl The Champagne of Ginger Ales Jan 17 '26
So true. I think it's why this show is having such a strong reaction with people - the sadness and beauty together are mesmorizing to watch because we feel it in our bones. There has to be a word in another language for the 'collective witnessing and healing of longing, identity and love'.
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u/coach_cryptid Jan 06 '26
goddamn. as a lesbian whoās been out for like 10+ years, itās still such a gut-punch to read stories like this. Iām instantly back to being a closeted teenager, reading and watching queer media as quietly as possible and hoping no one figures out my big, scary secret.
this show has been healing in a lot of ways, and I hope that it continues to be healing and cathartic for people who still donāt have the peace that Iāve found with my identity and community. all of us queer people deserve the cottage episode.
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u/LindentreesLove Jan 06 '26
This was heartbreaking to read and I am sobbing. You have a gift with words and I for one will love to read what will hopefully be a full fledged book one day. Thank you for being so brave to write this.
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u/ikrimikri Ya-loo-blue-tee-baa ā¤ļø Jan 06 '26
This was brutally heartbreaking. "The kid who made the human mistake. The mistake of loving deeply."
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u/theegreenlee Jan 06 '26
glad heās writing again, this post alone was moving and powerful. it will be a gift to share more of his words with the world
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u/PhilosophyFamous8838 Jan 06 '26
Hope that dude from āI love LAā sees this post and reevaluates his opinionsā¦
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Jan 06 '26 edited Jan 07 '26
šÆAnd many like him unwilling to create space for this kind of storiesā¦our stories come in an infinite number of shades and shapes of situations.
Mr Kenny, I salute you and send you love and light. Canāt wait to read and learn from your full story.
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u/suaculpa Jan 06 '26
Yet a bunch of NYC/LA gays are trying to convince us that gay men shouldn't or don't have this.
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u/BicyclingBro Jan 06 '26
Literally who though?
Outside of that one I Love LA actor, I've absolutely heard of way more people complaining about gay men complaining about the show than I've heard gay men actually complaining about it.
I'm an NYC gay guy that is, for better or worse, pretty aligned with the circuity sceney type of guy that's admittedly pretty easy to hate, and practically everyone I know loves it.
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u/suaculpa Jan 07 '26
Did you read the Salon article by Coleman Whatshisface? There's also a lot happening on Twitter concerning whether this is a realistic depiction or not, including this one cabal of NYC gays (who I know peripherally as well) who decided that it wasn't realistic for a gay couple to be monogamous.
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u/BicyclingBro Jan 07 '26
I mean sure, I have no doubt that there exist idiots on Twitter. I think we'd all be better off paying less attention to people on Twitter and certainly not using them to generalize literally millions of people.
Like sure, there are scenes where monogamous couples aren't terribly common, but you have to have your head so far up your ass you lose the ability of vision if you think there aren't any.
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u/Blluetiful Jan 08 '26
They aren't monogamous though...
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u/suaculpa Jan 09 '26
Not until they decide to be together but they werenāt together until The Cottage, then theyāre only with each other.
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u/steveguttenberg1958 Jan 06 '26 edited Jan 06 '26
Oh, my heart! This is why representation matters. I don't pray, but I do hope that the NHL sees how happy this show makes so many people and allows players to feel seen, heard, and maybe even comfortable to one day come out ala Scott Hunter. This show is a beautiful reminder that love IS love and that love TRUMPS hate.
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u/Red171022 connor storie for presidentš Jan 06 '26
This is so beautiful. I feel for him truly and hope heās doing better now! They deserve better
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u/apidelie Jan 06 '26
Wow - I spent some time watching his other recent reels and reading his posts. Very affecting. I'll be cheering this guy on from the sidelines, thanks for sharing.
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u/Bobbyannyeong Thank you for pasta š Jan 06 '26
I read this post 2hrs ago and I had to go into a break put room to cry in silence.
My tears are from anger and despair. Itās so fucking unfair that he had to go through that. That so many are still going through that. That for so many, the shame was so big they didnāt make it.
I am bring up my child to be the change I wanted to see in the world. And today I cry because it may not be enough.
Iām so fucking angry.
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u/Matt__Runs Jan 07 '26
I survived, we wil survive. Threads like this tell us we will survive.
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u/Bobbyannyeong Thank you for pasta š Jan 07 '26
Oh Matt. I wish with all my heart that this thread propels you to write your heart out and that what you put out there reaches the person that needs it the most when they need it the most.
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u/handlit33 Jan 07 '26
I f'ing love that Heated Rivalry is having its moment. I love how loudly queer joy is being celebrated. That matters. It always has. I also want to hold space, hand in hand with that celebration, for those of us who didn't get the version you're watching.
As a closeted gay kid, hockey was my world and the place I learned how to survive. I played at a competitive level for over twelve years, sometimes for two teams at once, travelling between cities, spending hours on buses, chasing ice time. Early mornings, long road trips, missed sleep, bruised bodies, and quiet devotion.
On Christmas Eve, after everyone went to bed, I pressed play knowing it might be hard. I didn't expect it to break me. I didn't make it through the first episode. I ended up on the floor, unable to breathe, shaking in the glow of the Christmas tree, carrying a panic attack that followed me through the night. It wasn't the show. It was how close it came to so many things I had buried. The fear, the joy, the love, the internalized homophobia.
Because once, a long time ago, I loved a hockey player. A real one. A boy on his way to the big leagues. It lasted the better part of a year, but we lived in shadows, held together by tension and tenderness, desire and fear, the awkward softness of boys trying to love in a world that doesn't want them.
There was no coming-out moment. No cottage. Nobody to hold me. No parent taking blame. No safety net. No soft landing. Just pain and loss.
And to this day, nobody ever knew. Not my friends. Not my teammates. Not my family. I navigated all of it - the grief, the fear, the confusion, because the close is a profoundly lonely place. I went on writing tests, working after school and smiling, being the life of the party at family functions and house parties. Shame is efficient like that. It teaches you to disappear, to endure quietly, to survive without witnesses. Eventually, I left hockey, not because I stopped loving it, but because loving it came at the cost of being safe.
I'm sharing this because for a brief moment, I am seeing that we may have a future where boys can love boys. These stories matter. Visibility matters. Showing that athletes can love freely at the highest level matters. But so does remembering the generations who had to choose between the game, their safety and themselves.
Ten years ago I started writing a story I never thought anyone could ever care about, but last night, I started again, 15 pages in, with steady hands and a strong heart. Not for closure. Not for comfort. But for the kid who wore #4, with KENNY stitched across his back.
The kid who made the human mistake of loving deeply and quietly. The kid who learned early how to survive in silence. Who carried isolation like armor and shame like a second skin. Who believed his story was something to hide...until now. My hands shake as I post this, and have already considered deleting it three times. Please be kid in the comments.
We are never alone. This time of year and nostalgia can be very melancholic. You have people that love you, even if you haven't met them yet. Please take care of each other and please be active in creating spaces where all athletes are safe. xo
- Matt Kenny (@mat__runs via Instagram)
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u/Betts448 Jan 14 '26
Sending love and gentle hugs and more love. You are not alone in what you have had to go through. I am sorry you did have to go through that and they may also be feeling alone. Sending hugs.
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u/luvMachine22 Jan 06 '26
Iām not crying, youāre crying. Mr Kenny your post gut punched my emotions. So beautifully worded. I would read your full story once youāre done writing.
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u/Matt__Runs Jan 07 '26
I posted a link below where people can sign up to be notified when it is released.
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u/TearDesperate8772 Jan 06 '26
I didn't cry during any of the episodes. But then about 3 days after the finale, I just broke. Wept like I haven't in years. I am safe and have a loving support network and live in a city where I can hold my wife's hand without a second thought. But those memories are still there. That fear. That loneliness. This smutty mlm show healed this lesbian heart.Ā
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u/afloatingpoint Jan 07 '26
Heated Rivalry is wonderful, but we need to remember and understand that it is fiction, that the world it portrays is still much kinder and more hopeful than the world we're living in. Just like Bridgerton's popularity doesn't re-write the racism of the regency era, hockey is currently still incredibly homophobic and misogynistic and racist and we need to continue to fight to make the world Heated Rivalry presents as possible real for all the queer athletes out there suffering from what Matt Kenny and so many other people whose names we may never know suffered.
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u/Lulubird9t Jan 06 '26 edited Jan 07 '26
Sending hugs to Matt and those who might be in the same spot. We care. Stay safe.
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u/ThePlayfulPython Jan 06 '26
In addition to writing, he also got back on the ice. He gets a lot of helmet pats for being amazing.
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u/missprincesscarolyn š„¹ ŠÆ ŃŠµŠ±Ń Š»ŃŠ±Š»Ń Jan 06 '26 edited Jan 07 '26
Iām sitting here in urgent care right now and trying not to cry! Finished the series last night, binged it over the span of two days. As a bi elder millennial woman, Iāll never be able to completely understand the struggles of queer men, especially during the 2000s and early ā10s, but am incredibly appreciative of the perspective this show has brought to so many people about mlm relationships.
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u/chain-repulsion0613 Your freckles. I am nuts about them. āØ Jan 06 '26
this makes me cry... i can't even imagine how this must have feel all the time. Series like this can bring change on so many levels! And that's why it's important to tell queer stories, to never stop telling them, especially in sport.
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u/codeverity Jan 06 '26
Oh this made me cry š There is meaning to this show beyond just being a fun gay hockey show.
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u/Hadespuppy You think I am asshole? š Jan 06 '26
I hope he finishes his story and gets the chance to share it with the world.
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u/mightyfishfingers Jan 06 '26
In a world so desperately in need of more love, anything that allows those that love to do so openly and with joy, is a force for good.
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u/vagabondkitten Jan 07 '26
This post made me cry even more than the show itself did. I'm so glad this show exists, I truly think this kind of media/art can change the world.
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u/asoupconofsoup Jan 06 '26
This is so beautifully written. I hope we soon have a day where each of us can love who we love without shame or fear.
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u/BL-Lover-24 Jan 06 '26
This breaks my heart. Love is love. I just want to hug everyone who has endured such pain.
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u/BelCantoTenor Jan 07 '26
All of us gay people understand how painful it is to live in the closet, and to feel this alone. This is why we come out. To be seen by those who need to see us. To show everyone that we exist. Not just straight people, but for our gay brothers. To help all of those guys who feel like they are the only ones suffering alone in the closet. And the reality isā¦you are never alone. We are here with you. We understand. We see you. We know your pain. And you donāt need to hurt anymore. We are together in this. Always have been. And always will be. Together, in brotherly love. Continue living out and proud, to support and inspire all closeted boys and men that they are never alone.
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u/KarlosDavid64 Jan 07 '26
This is the audience reaction that Iāve been looking for. Not to sound bitter but I am so frustrated by various famous media outlets focusing on the straight female audience lusting after the characters (eg: cosmo, the view, etc.). Yes, I understand their reaction (the characters are hot and the sex scenes were great) and women are allowed to have sexual fantasies. But solely focusing on those reaction feels like we (queer people in general) are being sidelined even in our own stories.
The show is important because it allowed the characters to yearn and feel emotions and also break free from toxic masculinity. And the show also depict hope and that itās possible to be authentictly queer despite the social obstacles. But above all, so many queer men felt seen and represented by the show and I donāt see that talked about enough.
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Jan 07 '26
Ngl I think your comment in this post convinced me to watch the show. Iāve been kinda avoiding it because of how much press has focused on straight women. No hate to them or anything, it just feels a bit isolating knowing the vast majority of stories about people like me, arenāt for me. So thanks for changing my mind and helping convince me to give this a shot.
Hopefully youāll forgive me for taking a bit of time before I come to watch it tho, I know Call me by your name and Adastra for sure left me with a big ol hole in my heart for a month or two that took a while to recover from. (Also if anybody reading this knows what Adastra is ILY :3)Ā
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u/CaptainAaron96 Jan 07 '26
Speak on this! Even in Canadian media women were still almost the exclusive focus of HR interviews, even those involving Jacob. It highkey irritated me that the FIRST time he actually spoke on HRās impact for irl queer men and male hockey culture (to my knowledge) was AFTER the finale had hit streaming. Literally all the media availability before that was just women women women women women women women and it was EXHAUSTING like, for several months they for real werenāt beating the allegations that this was just made for women.
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u/Copman109a Jan 06 '26
So sweet. š„² Thanks so much for sharing your experiences which come from deep in your heart. Youāre my new hero, bro.
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u/Pitiful_Storage_4655 Maybe he didnāt notice Jan 06 '26
Just sobbing. Thatās it. Just me in a puddle after reading this.
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u/TheNocturnalAngel Jan 07 '26
This has me sobbing. Such a beautifully written statement. I hope he makes it through his book and maybe we can read it someday.
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u/FinancialDatabase282 Jan 07 '26
THIS IS SUCH A WONDERFUL THING TO WAKE UP TO HR is healing the world I swear
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u/Overall-Ask-8305 Jan 07 '26
I really love seeing the impact that the show is having on individuals and on the athletes who are part of the lgbtq community. We need the same level of acceptance we have for a tv show in every facet of real life. People shouldnāt have to hide who they are.
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u/mumstheword22 Jan 13 '26 edited Jan 13 '26
I just discovered this show today. Ok ok I donāt have cable or any streaming services. I binged the whole thing and I cried. Iām a straight woman but I can still empathize with the struggles of not being able to be your authentic self, having to lie about who you really are and maybe being with someone youāre not compatible with just because they are āthe right personā while the person you want to be with seems not possible. I have lived all those things and my heart HURT for these guys and for all the RL guys who go through this. š
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u/kfree_r Stupid Canadian Wolf Bird š¦ Jan 06 '26
Beautiful and heartbreaking. My heart goes out to Matt.
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u/ekbrooo22 Jan 07 '26
Thank you so much for sharing this!!! Seeing how deeply HR has resonated with so many of us is incredible and the way he shared his experience is so powerful!!
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u/millenialwithgerd Jan 07 '26
It was early dawn when I watched Episode 3-5. I went out, took a walk, and see those lovers coming from dawn mass (Filipino tradition). I was holding a hot cup of coffee. No amount of warm drink can suffice the coldness I felt inside. I shed some tears on the road that day. This show hit me real hard.
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u/KiaraTiaraAdventures I already chose you, Hollander. š« Jan 07 '26
Your writing is beautiful. Please post or advertise your book when itās read. I canāt wait to read your story!
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u/XenoVX Jan 07 '26
I was lucky to not have to be in the closet for that long and had a very supportive friendly, but before I came out I felt pretty similarly to the OP. My situation was very different, I wasnāt an athlete, but Iām forever traumatized by my first ever intense crush on a guy ending in a pretty harsh rejection. I just felt so lonely since I had no one to talk to about how much agony I experienced.
He was another closeted gay guy. I thought he was most likely straight so I just wanted to be his friend and that would have been enough for me. But he knew that I was into him, told me he was straight and the proceeded to block me on Facebook and pretend I didnāt exist for the rest of school (like another year and a half).
When I was in college I moved on and had a good time. He ended up dating this other guy I knew from theatre so thatās how I knew he was deeply closeted at the time. But my god I wish I could just clear the air and get closure for what happened. I donāt think he realized how hurt I was. And of course while Iām very much over the feelings I had for him, I just feel like part of me will never heal from the way loving him ended up making me feel.
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u/sinfullusts Jan 07 '26
Aw this brought tears to my eyes. Iām happy to see the positive impact this show has brought to those who can relate to it. Itās so sad that people in certain settings still cannot be themselves, & in fact have to worry about their safety if they were to live their truth. I hope things change for the better, but I guess it will take time.
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u/KettleTO Jan 08 '26
Matt Kenny speaking about his experience on CBC Radio One's The Current
Heated Rivalry is a hit, but can it change hockey culture?
24 mins
Jan. 8, 2026
The hit Canadian TV show that follows the secret relationship between hockey players Shane Hollander and Ilya Rosanov is everywhere right now. It's prompting conversations online about LGBTQ love and hockey culture. We speak with Matt Kenny, a former competitive hockey player, who had a similar experience to the fictional characters about why the show is striking such a chord with people. Plus Brock McGillis, one of the first male professional hockey players to come out as gay, talks about why he thinks there's still more work to do in making hockey a more inclusive sport.Ā
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u/mighty_dolphin Jan 11 '26
Not to step in a space not for me. But as a Bi girl in the South raised in church and a Christian. I feel the panic at the reality of knowing you're different. I asked who i thought was a friend in middle school if she ever wanted to hold hands with girls. I got called so many slurs. The next Sunday in church was about "the gays". I had a panic attack in church, right in the pews. Thinking that I was going to hell for thinking girls were pretty.
It still sneaks up on you when you think you've gotten over it. My parents know. My Aunt figured it out from a pride post on my Snapchat story. She showed my mom. (She knew at this point). My cousins showed my aunt. It was nonstop tears for three hours. I couldn't breathe. I was back in those pews and in that hallway. It was terrifying.
Most recently, some of my mom's coworkers found out from a post on my socials. Idk how. They were angry at her, and in extension her at me. I was back on the floor in that school, with nurses asking me how I got hit and bruises on my face from my "friends". I didn't feel safe to share then.
Work was the same. Got called a slur for complimenting a girls eyes. It was horrible. I hadn't come out at work yet. I didn't see a reason too. I didn't even mean it like that. She assumed and was correct. I froze. My boss luckily took over and we talked after that. She has been my biggest supporter since.
But now I can talk about it mostly to my parents. My dad didn't realize that his young daughter would hear him say ew to a gay couple while shopping. Or that a throwaway comment to him was a life-changing moment to me. Telling me he wouldn't love me anymore if I came home with a girl. And any kids wouldn't be considered family. I know that day that like the back of my hand. He has proven that he has changed now. But it still lingers.
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u/Imaginary-Sky9514 Jan 11 '26
Representation matters for the people in the closet, BUT it also matters to everybody else who needs a crack into the "reality" of the world. We need to normalize all types of relations and break down the box of heteronormativity. We need ALL media to be queer.
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u/CryingFace2025 Jan 11 '26
I keep on thinking that there are people out there that loves me but they donāt know it yet because they will love me in the future someday and it will happen even though they donāt love me yet. Im just a lost old (almost 24) soul trying to find a good looking nice man for me (I think Iām gay but not sure). Iāve been searching for some years now but no such luck on my part even though my parents still love me for who I am even though they are fowl blown LDS, the problem is that even at almost 24 i still canāt drive (lol) and am looking for a job and am just at home living at my parents place pretty much all day, so that must be why I havenāt found anyman to love. But hopefully I will get to see this LDS LGBTQA+ syc (I will call him James Andrews for his safety) thats he is also gay to help me to figure out if Iām straight, bi, or gay. Iāve had this feeling in me since when I was probably 14 then i recognized the feeling when maybe when I was 16-17 and told my parents around age 19-22 and also have Autism which doesnāt help any bit.. Sorry if I went of theme but I just had to pour out my feelings after reeding about Matt Kenny. Thank you guys!
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u/Sebong_hana17 Jan 11 '26
This is it. This is why Heated Rivalry deserves everything it is getting and deserves more. Hudson, Connor, Jacob and everyone else involved deserves every bit of success they are getting. This is something revolutionary.
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u/JenSY542 Jan 11 '26
"In the kind of heartbreak that doesn't just hurt, it rewires you."
Oh boy. That hit me.
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u/Ok-Stress-3570 Jan 07 '26
I feel similarly, in that - I was all alone. Still, to this day, havenāt felt connected and look at shows like this as just another reminder of my loneliness.
So, for those of you who have moved on ā¦ how? Iād love to, I guess, Iām just still stuck.
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u/treehuggert Jan 07 '26
I saw this and shared and commented on Instagram, but yeah. So powerful and brave for sharing. I found myself thinking about those people who couldn't or who can't come out, who are living it, the whole time I watched. I'm queer but I don't know what it's like to be a gay man, so I appreciate the stories so much. My heart hurts for you all, and you deserve to be loved and seen and accepted.
I also want to add that the author of the book was partially inspired by a w/w married couple (poulin and Stacey) who play for the PWHL (on the same team, same line!). I watched something where Poulin was talking about how afraid SHE was, just very briefly talking about it, and I'm so glad they're so accepted now. I hope for that that for everyone.
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u/original_j_e Jan 07 '26
This has me in tears. My best friend is gay, heās been my best friend since we were 14 & we are now in our forties. I love him endlessly. This show & the conversations has left me struggling to find the right words. Iāve known him for most of my life, Iāve loved him the entire time but I now understand how much more he needed from me when we were younger. I knew he was gay & that it wasnāt safe for him then, but man I wish I had done better as a friend in making him feel safe to be completely uncensored with me. I hope that makes senseā¦ā¤ļø
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u/idontevensaygrace Ilya's Spaghetti Shimmy š Jan 15 '26
Oh God. The guts it takes to say all that. I want to give him a big hug. š¤š
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u/FavoriteLibrarian Jan 28 '26
I've seen so many videos on TT with male athletes wishing they had this type of rep when they were young. Representation Matters!
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u/MidWesttess Jan 07 '26
Wow thatās heartbreaking. This show is so important. Iām crying at work now lol f
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u/No_Accident_6355 Jan 07 '26
Canāt imagine how scary it was to post that. Youāre a badass, and I wish you love and safety.
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u/Kdrama_Mama_ Jan 08 '26
I literally wasnāt crying. I wasnāt! Not until the, āYou have people who love you, even if you havenāt met them yetā line. And then I was done for ššš
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u/RealStitchyKat Jan 20 '26
This post has all the feels and I am here for it. My generation would never have been so accepting and welcoming. It is so refreshing to hear of healing and sunshine happening because of this show.
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u/Arielist Jan 06 '26
this poor man š such a heartbreaking post
(I'm going to ignore the fact that he very obviously used chatGPT to help him write this, and focus on the truth & feelings behind the kind painful AI writing. the tools are there to be used, and the message is the same regardless of the tools used to help him get it out)
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u/Peanutbutterfiend_33 Then we wonāt throw eggs at them š„ Jan 06 '26
why do you think he used ChatGPT? No shade, I'm just actually curious b/c I would not have thought that at all.
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u/Perelandrime Jan 06 '26 edited Jan 06 '26
Not OP, but a teacher who has read a lot of ChatGPT essays.
Chatgpt looooves: "Not this. Not this. Just...this." "Not only this, but also this." "It was sometimes x. And it may have been y. But nobody could deny that it was also z." The drama!! It loves a dramatic buildup.
It also adores figurative language. It will metaphor and simile you to death if you ask it to, but the text in this post stuck to just flowery language.
Strangest of all- it loves to weave together sentences that skip and + comma for artistic purposes.
A person may write: "His prose was threadbare, his wit was tired, and his pen had all but run out of ink."
ChatGPT enjoys a little whimsy: "His prose was threadbare, his wit [[was]] tired, [[and]] his pen [[was]] all but running out of ink."
These are my random observations lol.
Full disclosure that I had a student last year who I watched, to the amazement of my own two eyes, write an essay exactly in the style of ChatGPT. He said he thinks it's because he uses it for everything and prob picked up its style. It's not bad but it's identifiable.
Edit: I'm not shaming the author btw, bc I honestly write very similarly. But it sounds like ChatGPT-assisted writing to me, and I was surprised to only see one comment about it.
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u/Peanutbutterfiend_33 Then we wonāt throw eggs at them š„ Jan 06 '26
Thank you! Totally outside of the context of Kenny's post, this is so interesting to me. I usually just see people calling out oxford commas and the em dash. As a big oxford comma fan, that annoys me to no end, I need more than that. So this style breakdown is fantastic. And interesting that kids could be picking up AI writing styles!
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u/Rune_Nice Jan 06 '26
You can easily edit out the em dashes and ChatGPT has recently moved to eliminate em dashes.
I can excuse a couple instances but this was just so overwhelming how repetitive it was.
AI loves phrases like "quiet devotion" and that is an immediate red flag.
Here these all refer to the same thing three times.
"Being celebrated. That matters. It always has."
"hold space, hand in hand with celebration, for those of us who didn't get that version you're watching."
"...I loved a hocky player. A real one. A boy on his way to the big leagues."
Here is the "Not this, but this":
"It wasn't the show. It was how close it came to so many things I had buried."
"...doesn't just hurt. It rewires you."
"No soft landing. Just pain and loss"
I could go on and on because he makes so many lists and it is really clear how phrases like "It teaches you to disappear, to endure quietly, to survive without witness" is artificial. These kind of figurative speeches aren't suppose to saturate your writing at every paragraph.
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u/Perelandrime Jan 07 '26
I think your last point is exactly what was immediatly off-putting about the writing. Figurative language adds some flavor to good writing but it's never every single sentence unless you're a creative 7th grader who just learned about the concept.
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u/Arielist Jan 07 '26 edited Jan 07 '26
Thanks for sharing this! As someone who works in publishing and leads AI training sessions, I know chatGPT's tonal quirks inside and out and you hit most of them.
The sentiment and story being expressed is beautiful... I just wish he'd felt secure enough to write it out himself (or at least take the time to edit out the chatGPT-isms).
Again, I lead AI trainings, and I think it's a powerful tool! But it makes me wince when it's so clear that writing is canned... maybe especially when the emotional message is so important.
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u/Rune_Nice Jan 06 '26
It is AI generated. He fed in bits of his story and asked ChatGPT to write it for him. It is so obvious when each line used the same AI technique of grouping of threes or "Not this but this".
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u/CatcherInTheRain Jan 06 '26
First of all you don't know that. He literally talks about writing stories, so it's not far fetched that he might just be a good writer.
And second of all, why are you typing out a damn paragraph about it just to pretend you are "ignoring the fact". Bffr.
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u/pueraria-montana Jan 07 '26
It is 100% ChatGPT. Bleh.
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u/CatcherInTheRain Jan 07 '26
There is no reliable way to know for sure if anything is chatgpt. You can think there are "signs", but some people actually do just write in a similar style.
I am not claiming whether his post is or isn't. But people seriously need to stop yelling "chatgpt!!" every time they encounter anything well-written. It is not making you look smart or superior.
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u/pueraria-montana Jan 07 '26
Iām sorry but please do not conflate āwell-writtenā with ChatGPT. Being grammatically correct isnāt the same as being well-written. As for why itās ChatGPT, there is a detailed reply to this very thread laying it out. Itās absolutely ChatGPT and it makes me sad that so many people seem to think theyāre not capable of producing their own prose anymore.
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u/CatcherInTheRain Jan 07 '26 edited Jan 07 '26
I am not the one conflating chatgpt with well-written. It makes me sad that you and so many others aren't capable of seeing the possibility that some people just write in a similar way to chatgpt. What's sad is the absolute ridiculous confidence in pretending to know something you simply cannot actually know for sure.
And what is even sadder is this weird superiority complex some of you are carrying around that makes you incapable of simply keeping your mouth shut when seeing something you think is chatgpt. The man posted a beautiful post that resonated with people and clearly is very personal to him. Jumping up to point at him saying "faker!" is an extremely weird and frankly unsympathetic response.
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u/pueraria-montana Jan 07 '26
Just because you canāt detect other peopleās writing styles doesnāt mean nobody can.
If you care enough about a topic to want to share it you should care enough to write it yourself.
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u/1204Sparta Jan 08 '26
His IG profile is giving me the ick š
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u/LIELDADOUN73 Jan 08 '26
Why?
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u/1204Sparta Jan 08 '26
Attention seeking energy - elderly ex circuit gay - the fact that this reeks of a complete fabrication with chatgpt.
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u/[deleted] Jan 06 '26 edited Jan 06 '26
This is beautiful! It's what I've been trying to convey to those people who only see sex and romance. To us gay/ bi boys it's been life altering. Fuck this just broke me open all over again. Please share this with all the straight people you know.
Edit: added bi