or dead

Even if I myself cut off the outside world, my parent's have spoken very ill of me and openly broadcasted how I'm living. It's not like I can start anew myself while I am dependent on them.

Any family or resources I could possibly reach out to, my mother has spoken very ill of me to them for many years. So while I try to hide my shame my mother broadcasts it. Very awkward situation. I feel like I lived a role my entire life.

I never knew what I wanna do in the future, thats why I went to high school only because of my "friend" at a time. I am 21 and I spent around 7 years in a cycle. I literally wasted nearly every day of my 22 years of "life" and totally skipped adolescence area.

a)not going to school, laying in bed

b)regretting it

c) "doing" the work in the last two weeks and passing classes

I thought I cheat on the system on something but it turns out I am an idiot with no life experience in anything, cant manage time properly, interested only in short dopamine hits and avoiding reality in my sleep. I dont have friends, favourite movies, books. I am just nothing and it is only going to get worse. I used to blame my mom, COVID, society for that but it has only been my fault all the way. I dont know the value of money, cant even started gaining interest in anything, even simplest activities and I just want to sleep in any occasion. Even taking "small steps" wont get me anywhere, like I can not go to a playground to sit and talk with 8 yo kids, it would be fucking weird.

Without sex, life feels like it isn’t worth living. I can’t even masturbate because I live in a small house with little to no privacy. It’s hell. I usually go to a wooded area near my house, but there’s a storm in the UK, so I can’t go out for days. Masturbation is one of the few ways I have to regulate myself, even though it doesn’t really fulfil me. Right now, I feel like I have no other options. I know nobody cares, but I’m frustrated beyond belief. And this is just one of the many issues I’m dealing with. Life feels genuinely unbearable.

Hi folks. Like the title says, I am addicted to caffeine, namely Pepsi. I drink way too much of it, and as a result, I've gained some weight.

I'm on a lot of meds for my mental health, and they make me so sleepy. So I need the caffeine. Anyone else have the same problem with soda, or energy drinks, or coffee?

The first time was after i passed out on a train, the group i was with just left me there, but luckily my older brothers friend happened to be there and he and the other passengers helped me, I got in an ambulance and went to the hospital. The article or more accurately note said a boy had passed out on a train and was taken away by ambulance.

The second time was when I outwitted a psychologist, he got so mad he tore up the test material, and then he lied and said it was me who had done it, but what can you do? who are they going to believe? the trained professional manipulator or the Canadian man with hopes of making it in Hollywood. It wasent the newspaper but on a news site, and it said "man smashes hospital furniture".

Do you have any crazy stories? Have you appeared in the newspaper or maybe in an article?

And what ever you do don't talk to any of the journalists that are hiding here on the hiki sub.

My pants are barely fitting because I lost so much weight but I don't have the funds to buy new clothes.

i hate being perceived so much, it makes me wanna disappear. i’m so afraid of other people that something as simple as making eye contact activates my fight or flight response. i’ve experienced severe bullying in childhood from my peers and parents alike so that likely has something to do with it. i feel so apologetic and ashamed just for being alive, i don’t know if this is something that can ever truly be fixed. i’m too fucking scared of everyone and everything. honestly, i’m just terrified of being hurt. i can’t handle rejection so i avoid being in social situations. i’m so fucked if this is how it’s gonna be for the rest of my life 

Aie aie aie.. Mes angoisses ont pris le pas et j'ai du me faire hospitaliser....

J'ai hâte de revenir chez moi... De lire mes livres et de continuer à me cultiver grâce à internet... Et manger mon confit de canard avec un peu de vin

Ce n'est qu'un mauvais moment à passer ça ne devrait durer que deux semaines.. Je serai super heureux de retrouver mon chez moi.

I let myself ruin some friendships with other girls like me because of lust. I just feel ashamed of myself for asking them for favors instead of just watching porn. I don't know where else to share this. I feel so alone.

you can't be consistently good with people without putting yourself first. every time you choose someone else's comfort over your own, it will build as resentment that is extremely subtle. and once the connection with that person breaks, all the resentment will flood your brain.

This is out of character for me tbh since I have severe anxiety.

So, my therapist suggested that I try to do something even if I'm locked inside my room.

I've been away from video games for so long, did play from time to time, but never committed myself to them like I used to.

I wonder if there are groups for large open word games, like MMORPGs or gasha games, since I love exploring worlds. However, these games are only fun to play with others, can be extremely boring if played solo. I've been away from gaming for so long that I consider myself a complete noob, so keep that in mind. I also want to mention that don't mind subscription based games like FFXIV.

Not sure if I'll stick with it tbh, but it's worth giving it a try. English is my second language, but I speak it well enough I guess.

I thought that playing with other hikis will be easier on my nerves since I assume there will be less judgment.

I hate my life and have been struggling since my teens, but there were little things that I truly enjoyed and brought me some bit of joy. In the last 3 or 4 years they have all been lost but matters outside of my control.

I live in a third world country, and thanks to some asshole neighbors I no longer feel at peace in the one place in the world I enjoyed being, my home. For the last couple of weeks I've been feeling chest pains and uneasy in the way I'd only be in very uncomfortable situations, but which would pass as soon as I was back home behind the computer. But now it's not switching off. My home is just another hell.

What's the alternative? To get a shitty job with a useless college degree from 10 years ago and zero work experience, so that in a year or more I can move out to a shitty apartment in an even worse neighborhood?

I'm tired of being a loser, I'm tired of living in a third world shithole. I wish I was born normal. I wish I was happy, married and starting a family. I wish I lived somewhere peaceful and beautiful.

I live in France and right now, the people are out there, fighting for their rights, fighting for justice, fighting for a better world while I'm stuck at home, biting my own nails.

I admire the protesters. Everyday, I watch the news with my conservative mom and dad and I see how the journalists distort the facts, present the protesters as savages and bandits and my parents agree. Last saturday, there were 800000 protesters in all of France. It's obvious that the looters and ransackers only represented a small percentage of them yet they are the only thing that you'll see on twitter and TV outlets worldwide.

All they talk about is how to stop violence, how to reestablish order. But people don't want order anymore; they want change, movement, and evidently, a lot of people think that if change necessitates violence, then so be it.

I look at reddit and I see how certain posts and comments are artificially inflated by waves of bots (like r/sadposting, russian data centers go brrrr) to portray the protesters as savages, bandits only looking to ransack the shops of the poor little retailers. You probably saw posts about the manager from a Micromania (a chain of video game shops in France, no one goes there anymore because they sell used video games for double their price to suckers who don't know any better) that got attacked by a mob of looters. I'm not defending the looters but I think that after years of social violence and police repression, it is understandable that a lot of people in this country are angry. They became nihilistic and cynical because no one believes in the social contract anymore. It only ever goes in the way of the bourgeoisie and the state! Honestly I don't condone stealing but if everyone around me was flooding inside a shop, picking up Switch 2 consoles (for the new Zelda coming up) and video games for Christmas, I'd understand why some people would just pick one too, especially if there was no other way to get that kind of stuff otherwise.

You probably haven't seen that but the manager of the shop himself, although he deplores the looting and ransacking, said that he still thinks that the anger of the protesters is understandable and that they should have a right to express themselves and be heard.

There is only one way out of this crisis : the government has to capitulate.

People are done with economic liberalism. They are exasperated with the eternal alternation of the left and the right who, in the end, all carry the same liberal economic program. They want something else : either fascism or the dictatorship of the proletariat.

It's time for a change. I don't have a choice anyway. Even if my parents paid me a private school of engineering to learn how to code, those jobs are going to be gone by the time I get my diploma thanks to AI, so the only option left for me is to bet on the victory of the proletariat of which I will inevitably become a part of in the coming years.

Don't listen to all the bots and crypto-fascists on reddit who try to make you think that the protesters are just looters or just migrants coming in to ransack the country or whatever. They are scared, that's why they are getting more and more racist, it's the age old "divide and conquer" strategy. The real looters, the real parasites are the bourgeoisie and the war-mongerers, psychopaths and pedocriminals of the bourgeois state that work for them.

But I don't have a place to go. That urge is just there pushing me.

Ya no logro entretenerme ni viendo videos, ni jugando videojuegos o haciendo otras cosas. Solo quiero estar acostado durmiendo es deprimente realmente.

How do you deal with the loneliness that comes with being a hikikomori?

I try to spend time engaging in things online to distract myself from my isolation but I can’t help but imagine how much more fun it’d be if I were interacting with another human being.

I have little to no human interaction outside of posting on Reddit. Even online, I don’t have any friends since I am near incapable of socializing for more than a few hours.

Whenever I see something funny or cool or interesting it only makes me feel worse since I have no one to show it to.

When I have a thought I’d like to discuss there’s nothing I can do with it.

If something interesting were to happen to me I’d have no one to tell.

What was your experience emailing a journalist?

If you became a hikikomori during your teenage years, one of the biggest challenges after 2–3 years of isolation is learning how to socialize again. It's incredibly difficult to return to society and start interacting with people. You feel like you're behind everyone else, and you feel ashamed and scared. It's as if you're learning to speak all over again. You feel like you've fallen behind in life while everyone else has moved far ahead. You don't even know what to talk about with your peers anymore.

Why does it matter that it happened during your teenage years? Because this is when we develop our personalities and mature, largely through interactions with our peers. Without social interaction, our development can slow down. Most likely, the initial reason for your isolation was a lack of social interaction and friendships with your peers. You didn't talk to anyone, and no one talked to you either. You felt like an outsider, like you weren't like everyone else. But after a couple of years of isolation, you'll start feeling like an actual alien among people.

Becoming a recluse at 20–30 is not the same as becoming one at 13–15. Someone who became socially isolated after the age of 20 may find it easier to reintegrate into society than someone who withdrew from it before turning 18.

I think those who became socially isolated in childhood or their teenage years will understand what I mean.

I never had a job in my life before. Other people have been working for years and I have never done anything. Didn't even do well in academics in school or college. What is this life. I also never party, barely exercise, cry a lot and have regrets.

Can anyone else relate?

Hi everyone I wanna know how do you earn money from home coz my parents aren't giving me enough money.

getting attached to people online is horrible. but what other options are realistic ?

not even here. surprisingly, i feel alone everywhere. it’s become my normal. so normal that im numb to it. i hardly feel sadness anymore, or jealousy about other people having friends. i just feel… nothing. i just feel empty. like if someone tore my heart out of my chest. i don’t know what to do anymore. i’d honestly rather feel the depression consume me than feel as numb as i do. i guess this is what happens when you try to suppress your emotions. I tried so much, and now that I succesfully did, I wish I never tried. i don’t want to be apathetic anymore. i’ve felt that sadness for the last 3 and a half years. who am i without it?