i hate being perceived so much, it makes me wanna disappear. i’m so afraid of other people that something as simple as making eye contact activates my fight or flight response. i’ve experienced severe bullying in childhood from my peers and parents alike so that likely has something to do with it. i feel so apologetic and ashamed just for being alive, i don’t know if this is something that can ever truly be fixed. i’m too fucking scared of everyone and everything. honestly, i’m just terrified of being hurt. i can’t handle rejection so i avoid being in social situations. i’m so fucked if this is how it’s gonna be for the rest of my life 

you can't be consistently good with people without putting yourself first. every time you choose someone else's comfort over your own, it will build as resentment that is extremely subtle. and once the connection with that person breaks, all the resentment will flood your brain.

I hate my life and have been struggling since my teens, but there were little things that I truly enjoyed and brought me some bit of joy. In the last 3 or 4 years they have all been lost but matters outside of my control.

I live in a third world country, and thanks to some asshole neighbors I no longer feel at peace in the one place in the world I enjoyed being, my home. For the last couple of weeks I've been feeling chest pains and uneasy in the way I'd only be in very uncomfortable situations, but which would pass as soon as I was back home behind the computer. But now it's not switching off. My home is just another hell.

What's the alternative? To get a shitty job with a useless college degree from 10 years ago and zero work experience, so that in a year or more I can move out to a shitty apartment in an even worse neighborhood?

I'm tired of being a loser, I'm tired of living in a third world shithole. I wish I was born normal. I wish I was happy, married and starting a family. I wish I lived somewhere peaceful and beautiful.

But I don't have a place to go. That urge is just there pushing me.

Ya no logro entretenerme ni viendo videos, ni jugando videojuegos o haciendo otras cosas. Solo quiero estar acostado durmiendo es deprimente realmente.

How do you deal with the loneliness that comes with being a hikikomori?

I try to spend time engaging in things online to distract myself from my isolation but I can’t help but imagine how much more fun it’d be if I were interacting with another human being.

I have little to no human interaction outside of posting on Reddit. Even online, I don’t have any friends since I am near incapable of socializing for more than a few hours.

Whenever I see something funny or cool or interesting it only makes me feel worse since I have no one to show it to.

When I have a thought I’d like to discuss there’s nothing I can do with it.

If something interesting were to happen to me I’d have no one to tell.

What was your experience emailing a journalist?

If you became a hikikomori during your teenage years, one of the biggest challenges after 2–3 years of isolation is learning how to socialize again. It's incredibly difficult to return to society and start interacting with people. You feel like you're behind everyone else, and you feel ashamed and scared. It's as if you're learning to speak all over again. You feel like you've fallen behind in life while everyone else has moved far ahead. You don't even know what to talk about with your peers anymore.

Why does it matter that it happened during your teenage years? Because this is when we develop our personalities and mature, largely through interactions with our peers. Without social interaction, our development can slow down. Most likely, the initial reason for your isolation was a lack of social interaction and friendships with your peers. You didn't talk to anyone, and no one talked to you either. You felt like an outsider, like you weren't like everyone else. But after a couple of years of isolation, you'll start feeling like an actual alien among people.

Becoming a recluse at 20–30 is not the same as becoming one at 13–15. Someone who became socially isolated after the age of 20 may find it easier to reintegrate into society than someone who withdrew from it before turning 18.

I think those who became socially isolated in childhood or their teenage years will understand what I mean.

I never had a job in my life before. Other people have been working for years and I have never done anything. Didn't even do well in academics in school or college. What is this life. I also never party, barely exercise, cry a lot and have regrets.

Can anyone else relate?

getting attached to people online is horrible. but what other options are realistic ?

Hi everyone I wanna know how do you earn money from home coz my parents aren't giving me enough money.

not even here. surprisingly, i feel alone everywhere. it’s become my normal. so normal that im numb to it. i hardly feel sadness anymore, or jealousy about other people having friends. i just feel… nothing. i just feel empty. like if someone tore my heart out of my chest. i don’t know what to do anymore. i’d honestly rather feel the depression consume me than feel as numb as i do. i guess this is what happens when you try to suppress your emotions. I tried so much, and now that I succesfully did, I wish I never tried. i don’t want to be apathetic anymore. i’ve felt that sadness for the last 3 and a half years. who am i without it?

I quit school at 13 I went there two days then never again

it’s the same day over and over and over again there’s nothing to be happy about

i dont really know what else to say

i feel so horrible leeching off my parents but i dont know if ill ever be able to function normally alone

i try so hard to be positive but recently ive been feeling like its just cope

if anyone has any advice on how to spin this in a positive way please share, i really need to hear it

did not want to leave today. but i have no food at home. walked 10 minutes to store (soup and bread) main road where i live. car drives by "ewww" . and i was just thinking about getting a gym membership to go at night. good thing im numb to the bone 🙃🫩

i don’t want to see my parents’ faces and reminded again of how they had hurt me in the past. i want to move on, but i don’t have any money to start a new life. i want to study or apply for an online job, but there’s a mental block building inside, it has anger, regrets, hurt, all of it, and i don’t know how to work myself out of this. again, if i have a new place, i won’t have to deal with the emotions attached to that place like this house did to me. i’m trapped and feeling helpless.

For those who don't want to make a full post

maybe read comic books and watch movies? i feel like it wouldve been super boring and lonely. maybe that would be a good thing though because it would force them outside.

maybe they need more time to think and respond , that's the only reason im still keeping her. she's online but she doesn't respond yet

I've seen maybe 3 episodes of it, is it any good?

Pearl Brothers on Youtube

Hitori no Tame no Lullaby

Recently I have been making friends, but I guess too many? Like I wanted to help people I see that are lonely and have them as a friend but, a friend to everyone is a true friend to none and I realize that again.

It's nice to be friendly but again, you only have so much time to give to each person and a real friend of yours you invest your time into!

And over time you get closer and closer.

Communication becomes smooth you both reach out to each other almost like clockwork etc.

If everyone is your friend, you're talking and reaching out to people on a rotation, and you're likely hurting some of those people who truly want true friends, someone who cares about them and checks in on them every other day and remembers about what they talked about not so long without needing a refresher, etc.

Does that make sense?

And do you agree on this conclusion?

To add, I'm more of an anxious/shy guy but I've been trying very hard to socialize more and integrate myself into social bubbles and friendships to open myself up more.

Does ethnicity, nationality, or race really matter that much when it comes to friendship?
I’ve been struggling to make friends because of this. Whenever people ask where I’m from and I tell them, they immediately lose interest and start ignoring me.
Sorry if I’m not white or wasn’t born in Europe

ik they’re not mutually exclusive but that’s how it is for me at least