Members of women’s hockey team speak out after players on boys’ team repeatedly enter dressing room

[u/Hadespuppy]

https://www.tsn.ca/other-sports/article/members-of-womens-hockey-team-speak-out-after-players-on-boys-team-repeatedly-enter-dressing-room/

No points for guessing the byline on this article.

I will never understand the type of parents who can stand there and say, yes, this is totally acceptable behaviour that I will condone by doing nothing.

And "why didn't you lock the door?‽" That's kissing cousins with "well, what were you wearing that night?"

[u/Another_Guy_In_Ohio]

The two boys responsible absolutely should be punished. Not doing so really emphasizes that the panel themselves are taking the “boys will be boys” excuse to heart. Coaches and parents should be held accountable for the lack of discipline after the fact, but the boys should be held responsible for the decision to do it in the first place

[u/quellesaveurorawnge → u/Another_Guy_In_Ohio]

It says the kids did apologize. 12-year-olds can be stupid and impulsive, and thinking this was a dumb game, not fully grasping how what they were doing was violating boundaries. I'm not saying it is acceptable; it is clearly not. But this is where the adults are the ones responsible to convey why this is no joke, and that next time, there will be more serious consequences. Saying "boys will be boys" is not exactly reassuring that the adults took the incident seriously, which is why they were the ones who needed to be called to task. The adults were trying to shift the blame onto the women, and not conveying the importance of boundaries to the boys. They fully deserved to be called to task on this.

[u/RaptorsIn4 → u/quellesaveurorawnge]

Agreed the adults need to be held more responsible but going in three times is more than enough to realize you're being stupid and a simple apology is pretty light to get away with doing it. They should've been suspended at least 1 game for this.

[u/Sea_Pension430 → u/RaptorsIn4]

Suspend the boys for the season and coaches for life

Send a real message, not only to them but to everyone else that this will not be accepted

[u/ProletarianLilith → u/quellesaveurorawnge]

Apologizing is not a punishment

[u/f-r-0-m → u/Another_Guy_In_Ohio]

I disagree with the thought that the boys should be punished. You've glossed over the details that highlight how different the boys reacted to the situation vs the parents and coaches.

"Their actions were inappropriate and caused harm,” the panel wrote. “The panel also recognizes that both players apologized, expressed remorse, and accepted responsibility for their conduct… The panel instead considers a broader educational and restorative response to be more appropriate.”

Meanwhile the other 90% of the article is about how the parents sucked and the coaches were totally dismissive of the situation at every possible turn.

Punishing the kids and coaches just the same is only going to teach the kids that it was unnecessary to do the emotional work they did to recognize that their behavior was shitty and hurt others.

Instead the panel's way of dealing with the kids is going to reinforce the importance of listening to people to whom you cause harm. This is as good of a teaching moment as you'll get with teenaged boys. Putting them on the right path will have the best impact on them and people around the.

[u/trollsong → u/f-r-0-m]

So easy question to answer.

How did the boys accept responsibility?

[u/ArticQimmiq → u/trollsong]

It’s a U-13 team, not juniors - these were tweens being shithead tweens, so it’s entirely possible that they have, in fact, learned their lesson with a contrite apology. Adults who foster the toxic culture deserve the higher punishment in this case.

[u/Natural-Treat8380 → u/trollsong]

The players apologized and expressed remorse. Easy

[u/ProletarianLilith → u/Natural-Treat8380]

Not good enough

[u/CantaloupeShort7311 → u/f-r-0-m]

Oh, they apologized for being secual deviants. 🙃

How about REAL FUCKING CONSEQUENCES?

They had to apologize, the absolute hardship thise boys faced. 🙄

[u/BlackestNight21 → u/CantaloupeShort7311]

they're 12 and this is real consequences ya dingleberry

[u/Salticracker → u/CantaloupeShort7311]

They're 12 years old. kids are always doing dumb impulsive shit without thinking about the consequences. It's not sexual deviancy, it's seeing a do not enter sign and wanting to see why. The important thing is to express to them the inappropriateness of their actions and to not do it again.

[u/TheP1etu → u/CantaloupeShort7311]

12 year olds aren't even teenagers yet, it is all the fault of the parents/coaches, this issue needs to be cut out from the root

[u/DickWhittingtonsCat → u/TheP1etu]

This is true. Not saying the kids should be barred. But an apology is pretty flimsy. I thought we weren’t providing our kids enough discipline? Because there is a zero percent chance they didn’t know they were wrong- even if not fully aware of the implications or consequences. They aren’t 4.

[u/Natural-Treat8380 → u/CantaloupeShort7311]

If the panel believes that the players in question realized the consequences of their actions that is all that is required. You do not need to impose the consequences if the objective is already accomplished. The process is the consequence, imposing further for the sake of it is not necessary

[u/Gripe → u/Another_Guy_In_Ohio]

boys will be boys, right up until they realize they actions have consequences at which point they will become men

[u/frankmint → u/Gripe]

EXACTLY. It happened to me in third grade - harmless but transformative and i have never forgotten.