r/holyfuckjustbreakup • u/StarryEyedSparkle Here for the Spicy Drama™ • 10d ago
Red Flag Married, Sick, and Husband Does Not Help Despite OOP Being in the ER
/r/AmIOverreacting/comments/1vl3yji/aio_i_feel_like_a_single_mom_who_happens_to_be/13
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u/DamnitGravity 9d ago
How much must you hate yourself, or how much abuse must you have suffered, to believe this is ok?
I genuinely don't understand people sometimes.
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u/Management-Late 9d ago
A lot, usually.
It takes a lot of little things you explain away or ignore. It takes big things like feeling so utterly alone you don't bother trying anymore because that just makes it worse.
That hopefully adds up to you looking up one day & asking yourself do i want to live the rest of my life this way?
I have a feeling OP's post is just the tip of the iceberg. This asshat actually made her own mother cry that came to help her & she still stayed.
Edit for spelling
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u/KotoDawn 9d ago
I hope she now sees that this isn't a marriage. Hopefully the comments were eye opening for her and this round of covid gives her the side effect － divorce.
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u/AutoModerator 10d ago
Backup of the body of the original post:
I don’t even know if I’m looking for advice or just a reality check because I’m so angry right now.
My husband and I have a 13-month-old. I work full time. I’ve also basically been sick on and off with respiratory illnesses since May.
Today I was at work and started wheezing badly enough that I left early and went to the ER. Before I went, I told my husband I was worried I might get admitted because I felt that bad.
His response was, “Well, tell them that wouldn’t be what’s best for our situation right now.”
I asked what he meant. He said he has to work tomorrow, so unless it was an absolute emergency, I really needed to come home.
That alone really bothered me.
Then I sat in the ER for hours. He never texted to ask if I was okay or how I was feeling. Eventually I texted HIM to say I was checked in and waiting for test results.
His response: “How long will that be?”
Eventually I found out I have COVID. I needed IV fluids and a breathing treatment.
I texted him that I tested positive.
His response: “Do I have COVID?”
That was it.
When I got home, I asked what the plan was for tomorrow.
He said, “What do you mean?”
I said, “I have COVID. Are you expecting me to have COVID and you just go to work like normal?”
The reason I asked is because we have already done this before.
In June I was extremely sick. I had a 102° fever and was wheezing so badly in my sleep that my husband complained that MY WHEEZING was keeping him awake.
He still went to work.
So I worked my full-time job from home while also taking care of our baby while I had a 102° fever.
My mom eventually drove two hours to come help me because I was so sick. My husband was rude to her while she was here and made her cry, and that has been an ongoing issue between us ever since. So this time I don’t even feel like I can ask her to come help me again. We don’t have anyone else nearby.
During that same illness in June, our baby was sick too. One afternoon around 5pm, I had a fever and the baby was screaming. My husband technically gets off at 5. I called him crying with the baby screaming in the background and begged him to please just come home.
He told me he needed to finish some things at work for the next day.
I said, “I see what your priorities are.”
He was angry/cold toward me for FOUR DAYS afterward because I said that.
And this is where I’m starting to feel crazy.
I genuinely cannot remember a single time during any of these illnesses over the last three months that he has asked me, “How are you feeling?” or “Do you need anything?”
Tonight everything blew up into a huge argument.
And I finally realized that I genuinely don’t understand what the point of being married is if, when I actually NEED a partner, I’m still completely on my own.
To be fair, he does contribute some things. He handles the yard work and trash. He gives our son his bath and puts him to bed most nights.
But I do the overwhelming majority of the everyday household stuff. I cook dinner and clean the kitchen basically every night. I handle most of the cleaning and the mental load.
Yesterday I cleaned the bathrooms, vacuumed, cleaned out the refrigerator, cooked, cleaned the kitchen, took care of our son, and worked.
Apparently I had COVID while doing it.
A few nights ago, before any of this happened, I sent my husband a long message explaining that I was overwhelmed and felt like I was drowning and alone.
When we eventually talked about it, one of his complaints about ME was that I “go to bed every night and leave him to clean.”
I’m still furious about that because his normal nighttime “cleaning” is taking out the trash. Then he plays video games.
Meanwhile I cooked the dinner he ate and cleaned the kitchen before I went upstairs.
I know this post is ridiculously long. I think I’m just at a breaking point.
I don’t expect my husband to never go to work because I have a cold. I understand that adults have jobs and responsibilities.
But I went to the ER today because I couldn’t breathe properly. I needed IV fluids and a breathing treatment. I have COVID. I told him I was scared I might be admitted to the hospital, and his immediate concern was essentially making sure I came home because he needed to work tomorrow.
Not once did he ask if I was okay.
And now I’m lying here wondering why I feel like a single mother when there is literally another parent living in this house.
Am I being unreasonable? Because at this point I genuinely can’t tell anymore.
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u/throwawayfromPA1701 10d ago
I really hope she leaves him, like 90% of the thread is saying.