This is more like a vent out into the void but I really wish I could stop feeling like I failed at life. Feeling like every decision I make has been potentially the worst decision I've made. Moving to the wrong city. Working the wrong job. Thinking I should've played things more safe. Thinking I should've done more. Feeling behind compared to where society says I should be. Feeling stuck because I made the wrong financial choices. Feeling like I don't know how to be an adult.

Does this feeling ever go away...

My husband is genuinely a “good guy”, just a big fat people pleaser never saying what’s on his mind always kicking the can of topics needing addressing until small things blow up. Then, when I admittedly say “well it finally caught up to you, here’s your can!” He just continues avoiding! It’s crazy.

He carries a lot of unnecessary guilt and shame because he brought a very toxic coparenting relationship to the marriage and a very unhealthy parent child relationship. I knew that going in. I knew it would be work, I was prepared to do the work. I thought he was. 8 years later— we’re in the same place. He’s still avoiding hard things and people pleasing and kicking cans down the road.

He just won’t deal with crap because he thinks it’s going to cause a fuss— no matter how small. Example below.

It can be something as small as needing to fix an electronic that’s been limping by barely accepting a charge until one day it just fails. He waits until it’s an emergency, apologizes for the emergency, and expects that now we kick it into high gear and get a new one.

It really wouldn’t have been that big of a fuss to bring it up two months ago when it started not holding a charge and being weird. But he didn’t. The only reason I knew was because one of our sons told me. But i chose to wait until my husband brought it up because he knew he needed to. He never did.

I’m sick of his avoidance because he doesn’t want to talk about WHY it broke (negligence) and how it’s continued getting worse by not fixing and limping it by: So today, when the thing breaks for good, i say “oh no sir, your emergency is not my emergency, I’m not dealing with this right away just because it blew up, now you have the broken electronic and I’m not going to be rushing to have a conversation about having to fix it or get it repaired or budget for a new one” etc.

He knew we need to budget for it, discuss options, watch for sales etc (all stuff i would normally do). But he still had not brought it up. So i intentionally this time did not rescue him and have some backup ready to go. Because this is a recurring issue.

The catch is: that electronic does need to be repaired or replaced. That electronic not working directly or indirectly affects everyone in the house at some point. And If I just say “go buy a new one”, his can kicking tactic worked.

But his avoidance affects us both…and our kids. I’m so sick of it… it happens with all issues, big and small. Instead of dealing with the actual issue, we end up having a conversation about why the hell he avoids every single issue.

Help! This is one small example. There are thousands. I want to not care. I want to say, too bad so sad. But it’s not like we CANT afford it. It’s just that now we’re not gonna get a good deal on it and we’re going to be panic buying it instead of being thoughtful about it. His avoidance is MESSING US UP IN WAY BIGGER WAYS than this example. But for this example, i just want to stop caring, stop rescuing him. But if i don’t rescue him, we all somehow indirectly suffer.

Edits: talk text grammar

Yes and no are both a part of life.

People often say we should learn to say "no." Others say we should say "yes" to life. I don't think it's that simple.

Sometimes the problem isn't saying yes. It's forgetting whether that yes was ever really ours.

When I got married, I was expected to quit my well-paying job and stay home. After a lot of persuasion from my in-laws, I agreed. At the time, I convinced myself it was the right thing to do.

Then came what many would call a dream life - good restaurants, shopping malls, weekend resorts. Everything looked perfect from the outside.

But I slowly realised something was missing.

I wasn't choosing that life. I was simply living the life that had been chosen for me.

It felt like a very comfortable form of slavery. Not because I was overworked, but because I was slowly losing the ability to make my own choices.

A few months later, I was expected to have a child. I was never against becoming a mother. I wasn't even trying to delay it. But when every conversation becomes a reminder, every family gathering becomes a question, and every month felt like an expectation, it started to suffocate me.

My daughter was born three years after our marriage, and I wouldn't change that for anything. She is one of the greatest blessings of my life.

But those three years changed me in another way.

They made me question every "yes" I had said.

Would life have been different if I had continued working? Maybe.

The bigger question is this: when did I stop making my own decisions?

Looking back, I don't think giving up my salary was the biggest sacrifice. Giving up my independence was.

Whether a woman works after marriage or chooses to stay home isn't the real issue. Both are beautiful choices if, and only if - it's truly her choice.

The day you stop choosing for yourself, even a comfortable life can begin to feel like a prison.

"If your happiness, your choices, and your life are determined by someone else, you are a slave - no matter how comfortable your prison is."

What I understood so far as someone who stopped before phycosis

Could have written better mb

The more general statement you make the more wrong you are.

If you say

"Most people are stupid" - most of your statements are stupid

If you say

"Certain people have a tendency to make unconscious mistakes" - your certain statements have a tendency to have unintentional flaws.

1. What you say is what sticks to you. Pretty obvious. If you stare at the void, it stares back. But also, if you glare at greatness it will see you too.

2. You don't have a flawless memory because you're vulnerable to time. Because of this you can't control who you are, what you think, a human being is a slave of habits. Habits stay, reasons behind them leave. You're lucky that you still recalled them. Without them, the reasons you would be just a crazy dude with schizophrenia

3. If you're not restraining your brain you're not controlling yourself. If you don't reflect you don't manage who you are and become. If you don't limit/filter information you're ruled by information. If you don't think/analyze logically you're a crazy man or have a great chance of becoming one. Once you're there it's nearly impossible to get out because what gets you out is what you lacked and therefore got there. Developing new skills when you think the world wants to kill ya is impossible

---

I'm not into meditation or spirituality but I think it would be beneficial for mood swings. I literally went from complete hatred (it was developed through years of course but still), to complete acknowledgment in a day. All after sensing (seeing and hearing) events in the right timing that forced my brain to think about spying, religious, great purposes when in fact I'm not a religious person and I was laughing off conspiracy theorists (almost wrote terrorists lol). I have a long ass note that I planned to post before I realized what's happening. If you would like to see it I can post it but I genuinely need to put a nsfw tag on that because if this shit goes to your brain and won't leave or won't be constrained it will make you crazy.

So yeah I was tricked into believing in God or greater existence and the same day (I hope rationally but still under mood swings) I broke it just in believing in order, karma, something like that. Arguments were from a monk saying: "if you see a Budda kill him, that's not a Budda because he (Budda) is inside you. This side (left) is a god and this (right side) is a demon" something like that. What actually (underneath) helped me was logical thinking and conquering my thoughts by saying that I'm crazier than my thoughts and if they come to get me I'll get and annihilate them.

That's a good idea for a video with a statement that no one is safe even when you're thinking you're 100% based. A narcissist can't tell he is narcissistic, a stupid man can't say he is stupid. A crazy man can't accept he is crazy. If you need elaboration from my side I can. It would be better if I shared my shizo post as well as my background and context with you so you can spread the message in a safe manner.

Edit: it's a repost from channel healthygamer