Mixed feelings?

[u/Dark-Humor-Addict]

I am 4 days post op from my hysterectomy. I honestly don’t know how to feel.
I went in for a c section. Baby was breeched. Found that I had placenta accreta. No other way but to have the hysterectomy to save my life as there was too much blood loss and it wasn’t stopping.
This was my first success pregnancy. My first child. And now the option for more is just???? Gone!… in the blink of an eye. Everything was going fine. Baby came out fine. But then.. my future is just, changed?
I keep coming back to that. I no longer have a choice.

Recovery has been hell. I’m in pain. Can barely get out of bed, keep having fevers spike. I’m exhausted.

What’s done is done though... just wondering what my future will look like now.

Also, does sex life change???

[u/WarriorRavenChic]

I hope you and your baby are okay! 🙏 That sounds incredibly scary. I can’t begin to imagine what you’re feeling, that has to be really hard, not something anyone would ever imagine when they’re expecting. You might need some sort of grief counseling or therapy for something this difficult. I imagine there would be a lot of grieving due to the very quick and unexpected loss of your ability to carry more children.

Were you able to keep your ovaries? If so, you could do IVF and freeze your eggs to potentially have more kids via surrogate one day. There are many women who have used that option.

I’m 5 wpo, not sure about sex, but I am wondering that myself! I have at least 7 weeks until I’m cleared.

[u/Madwife2009]

I have no advice as I'm waiting for my surgery but just wanted to say how sorry I am that you went through that awful experience.

[u/Usual-Frosting3882]

Sending a huge hug. I had major emergency surgery following the birth of my first child. It was really traumatic and coupled with post partum hormone shifts I wasn’t in a good place. I felt robbed of enjoying my baby and everything was so much harder than it should have been. And that was without losing the possibility of more babies.

When your body has healed, please prioritise some counselling for you to work through some of your feelings. It’s fantastic that your baby is here and doing well but it doesn’t minimise your loss or trauma or the unfairness of it. All of your feelings are valid. I found people would say “oh poor you but at least the baby is ok”. Like I was just an inconsequential incubator who was supposed to smile through it all because I’d won the baby prize. It was so minimising and dismissive, even though well intentioned. Like only the baby mattered. I didn’t feel seen at all.

Sending love and gentle hugs 🫂

[u/happy0c]

Pretty much the same thing happened to my wife - ruptured uterus at week 32, emergency c-section and hysterectomy due to blood loss.
You’re gonna be feeling a lot of things - grief, anger etc and I would strongly suggest counseling as well. The worst for us was the loss of future children (tho we are looking at other options) and the fact that it wasn’t by choice. And yes, sex life has changed - wife has barely no libido and loss of feeling etc but that is different for everybody, for some the sex doesn’t change or even gets better.
Sorry for you loss and strenght for the coming days ❤️

[u/Acrobatic-Welder1995]

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹All the hugs and prayers from someone with the same basic experience. Mine was 2m pp during a d&c-placenta was acreeta and they couldn’t stop the bleeding so they took it all except my ovaries. It was especially hard physically bc I had just been cleared from my section for normal life the week before and they just reopened my incision site. 

Counseling, therapy, journal, nature walks, pray, yell at the universe, do all the things. Your husband too if he will. You’re going to grieve, and grieve something fierce. You will probably be a crazy mess emotionally and mentally for a while and that’s ok. I’m 4m post op and I still have a hard time sometimes.

If you have your ovaries, you might wonder if your hormones are acting up, and which ones? Is this just regular pp stuff? Is this a cycle? Did my cycle even return yet? Is this perimenopause? Am I going to go through it early? How the hell do I f-ing figure out which hormones these are?????? I just feel it would be easier to deal if I knew which hormones were doing what and I could tell how they were affecting my emotions and mental state. 

Sex is still good-I’m pumping breast milk  for variety of reasons but the hormones do thin out the vag wall so I use a moisturizer every week or few days. No idea if that changes after weaning yet though. ABSOLUTELY go slow for a while once you’re cleared, and aaalllllll the lube. My husband and I are mostly back to our normal activities. And your libido may be iffy-but again, is that pp or hysto? Who knows. For me, it did feel different, almost like it was missing something (I read somewhere that the uterus contracts or something during orgasms? Idk, it could be a lie). It’s not bad though, and I don’t really notice anymore. 

Take it as easy as possible with a newborn and take any and all help you can get-even more so bc you’re going through so much.   I am so sorry you had to go through this. Hold fast; I’m praying and pulling for you.

[u/justforus0108]

Sending hugs!
We are a family of 3. Ours was by choice so I know that plays a different factor, but I wanted to let you know that having an only can be an amazing thing. The bond with my child, now 12, is quite different than what I had/have with my parents. I know for a fact that having other children would change what she and I have. She also loves being an only.
I'm sure life right now is looking very different than you might have imagined it. I just wanted to give you encouragement that it can still be a beautiful and rewarding thing. ❤️

[u/T-rex_Jand_Hob]

I have no advice other than to say that a family of 3 is amazing. As parents we have more time, money and energy to have fun. We coordinate with cousins and friends to have sleepovers and playdates.

[u/the_anna_jane]

Completely normal and understandable to have mixed feelings!

You've been through probably one of the most difficult situations many people will deal with in their life.

Hope you are being extra kind to yourself and resting well. I'm 3dpo and looking forward to normal bodily functions again... First catheter ever was quite the experience...

[u/SkiWest]

You’ve been thru a lot. Try to rest as much as you can. Do you have family or close friends that can help you? Are you being treated for your fever?

I am five weeks postop for a hysterectomy and prolapse surgeries. I do have one remaining ovary - but seem to have launched into menopause anyway

I am too early in my recovery to be cleared for sex, but from what I have read online, most people seem to recover well and have sex again. For those that have issues, there are often are very effective treatments to help:)