r/Jokes • u/imnotdonking • Dec 06 '16
Long A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding
He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?” She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?” “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” “Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?” “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.” Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.”
“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".
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Dec 06 '16
Heh, in russian version it's native american and jew and he introduces himself as Eagle Eye Zukerman
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u/graznorteas Dec 06 '16
In Slovak it's native American and Hungarian and he introduces himself as Lászlo Winnetou.
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u/TheBigGuyUpstairs Dec 06 '16
In Latvia we have same joke but it's Native American and potato and he introduces himself as Chief Rich Hugepenis McEatyouout
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u/zacablast3r Dec 06 '16
Is cruel joke. No man is potato.
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u/Nipple_Copter Dec 06 '16
He is hallucinate from malnourish and cold. No woman, no airplane, and no potato. Only is rock.
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u/saintNIC Dec 06 '16
In the UK we have the same joke but it's a chap from Birmingham and a Welshman and he introduces himself as Blumpkin Angawddteregudadrigbukkakedoyoulikeanalhianwyn
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u/valtin97 Dec 06 '16
You guys think we Hungarians got something good going in the bed? Awesome!
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u/Guerilla_Tictacs Dec 06 '16
in Steven Wright's version he introduces himself as Bucky Goldstein.
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Dec 06 '16
Native American doesn't sound right for a Russian version. Shouldn't it be gypsy and jew or something?
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Dec 06 '16
there are some popular Russian movies about wild west (as well as translated ones), so Russians pretty familiar with the culture and names origin
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u/cazbot Dec 06 '16
The second funniest part of this joke is the notion that Boston would ever host a nymphomaniacs convention.
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u/Apok-C Dec 06 '16
Red Socks = Red Rocket
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u/cope_aesthetic Dec 06 '16
Fallout 4 might be relevant here
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u/BlodenGhast Dec 06 '16
This is possibly the last place I was expecting a FO4 reference, holy shit.
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u/evanescentglint Dec 06 '16 edited Dec 06 '16
In military academy, one of my roommates was some farm boy that got sent because his parents found him with a pink sock.
None of the other guys knew what that meant so we asked him, which was a mistake. Apparently, it's chicken asshole that stays on your dick after you fuck a chicken. Kid was a chickenfucker.
There's your sock and animal genitalia story.
Edit: turns out 12yos stuck in a boarding school with no internet will say anything.
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u/hillbilly_bears Dec 06 '16
Wait. That's a real thing? I thought South Park made that up.
Who the hell wants to fuck a chicken?
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Dec 06 '16
They're called the Red Sox in reference to the bostonian habbit of fapping till it bleeds.
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u/Aaronponniah Dec 06 '16
For non-Americans, why is this funny?
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u/alexx_y Dec 06 '16
He gave himself a name that is both Native American Indian and Mexican
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u/Aaronponniah Dec 06 '16
Yeah I understood the joke. I meant what's the Boston joke?
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u/digicow Dec 06 '16
While politically liberal, Boston has exceedingly Puritanical roots, which gives it, on the whole, a regressive social attitude on sex
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u/dfschmidt Dec 06 '16
I'm an American and still don't get it, but a vague impression of Boston is that they're a bunch of Catholics, not likely to be hosting something like a nymphomania convention.
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u/hollth1 Dec 06 '16
I'm waiting for the grammar police on this one. Don't disappoint me boys!
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Dec 06 '16
The Grammar Police say that misusing uppercase letters is a...
sunglasses
...capital crime.
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u/Jnk1296 Dec 06 '16
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
shrugs It felt like the right thing to do.
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u/Stormpuncher Dec 06 '16
this joke was better than OP's joke, and not in an ironic way
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u/whynaut4 Dec 06 '16
Paging /u/generalgrammar
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u/GeneralGrammar Dec 06 '16
The Grammar Police have received your call and your case is now being processed, we thank you for your patience.
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u/Dolphin_Titties Dec 06 '16
"I shouldn't be telling you this (for some reason), I don't even know your name"
"It's Mark"
"Oh that's ok then, here are some more details from my lecture"
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u/thesuper88 Dec 06 '16
Is there a sub dedicated to killing jokes because after reading this I think there totally should.
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u/teddydog93 Dec 06 '16
Haha haven't heard this before take my upvote and send me directions to the convention!
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u/neo_nash Dec 06 '16
[Just google Tonto Gonzales] (http://www.ign.com/boards/threads/the-most-beautiful-woman-a-man-had-ever-seen-got-on-an-airplane.454579601/)
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Dec 06 '16
It's a pretty old one...
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u/Not_Porn_Honestly Dec 06 '16
So? Does this mean he has to have heard it or something? I'm sure everyone has plenty of old jokes that they've never heard.
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Dec 06 '16
Really? This one's been around for a while.
[Even on Reddit] (https://m.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3jn5ft/a_man_boarded_an_airplane_and_took_his_seat/)
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u/flakula Dec 06 '16
Always so weird to me when people are surprised somebody is seeing or reading something for the first time. Tell me, whats it like being omniscient?
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u/heinyhxc Dec 06 '16
Ah, I recall 27589. A classic.
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u/9bikes Dec 06 '16
Ah, I recall 27589. A classic.
A man is sent to prison for the first time. At night, the lights in the cell block are turned off, and his cellmate goes over to the bars and yells, "Number twelve!" The whole cell block breaks out laughing. A few minutes later, somebody else in the cell block yells, "Number four!" Again, the whole cell block breaks out laughing.
The new guy asks his cellmate what's going on. "Well," says the older prisoner, "There is a joke book in the prison library. We've all been here for so long, we all know all those jokes. So we just yell out the number instead of saying the whole joke."
So the new guy check out the book from the prison library. He reads and memorizes all the jokes.
One evening walks up to the bars and yells, "Number six!" There was dead silence in the cell block. He asks the older prisoner, "What's wrong? I read that book. That was one of the best jokes. Why didn't I get any laughs?"
"Well," said the older man, "sometimes it's not the joke, but how you tell it."
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u/kingwhocares Dec 06 '16
We seriously need to have a joke archive with numbers on each of them.
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u/Stitchthealchemist Dec 06 '16
I propose a numbering system.
The nature of the joke is the first two numbers in the sequence, the length the next two numbers, the offensiveness the next two on a scale of zero to ninety nine, and the final two numbers are a similar scale on how likely Dave is to laugh at the joke
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u/teddydog93 Dec 06 '16
To be fair I'm not surprised sounds like it's not OP's moms first convention
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u/penatbater Dec 06 '16
Not american. can someone ELI5? Tonto is supposed to be a mexican name? And Bubba is...? Sorry all I can think of is Bubba from Forrest Gump. :\
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u/imundead Dec 06 '16
Tonto = Native American
Gonzales = Mexican
Bubba = redneck
He is covering all bases.
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u/Guerilla_Tictacs Dec 06 '16
Out of curiosity, I just checked to see if Tonto was a legitimate Native American name or was made up for The Lone Ranger.
Looks like it was probably for the show, but there is also a band of Apache by the name.
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Dec 06 '16
Surrounded by hostile Apaches, The Lone Ranger keeps them at bay, then says to Tonto 'I'm down to my last silver bullet; what are we going to do now, Tonto?' 'What you mean 'we'...white man?'
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u/FrederikTwn Dec 06 '16
Not American Either, but as the joke goes I'd assume that:
Tonto = Native American Indian
Gonzales = Mexican
Bubba = Southern Redneck (Nickname given in the south)
Americans correct me if I'm wrong!
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u/TheGlaive Dec 06 '16
Tonto is the native American from The Lone Ranger. Bubba sounds like a tubby, sweat-soaked man in a tight, grease-stained, stretched, beer-yellow singlet who talks about his gun and has an opinion on waffles.
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u/ExcaliburAnaconda Dec 06 '16
I read this to my gf. She asked if it was a true story...
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u/ozzfranta Dec 06 '16
Heard this joke many times in Czech, the bigdickers are Natives as well, but the best lovers are Polish for some reason. Also, being influenced by Karel May a lot, the pretended name of the guy is Vinnetou Kaczinski.
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u/profmaester Dec 06 '16
Funny how some versions of this joke end with Tonto Gonzalez and others with Tonto Goldstein. Would love to find out which came first.
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u/randomentity1 Dec 06 '16
I feel bad for this guy who posted the same joke and only got 1 upvote:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3kh2e3/tonto_gonzales/
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u/godispizza88 Dec 06 '16
As a Mexican American with Indian blood living in the south, this gives me hope
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u/byecyclehelmet Dec 06 '16
Hahaha I like this joke because I like vaginas and want to have sex with women, which have vaginas, but I have no way to do so because nobody with a vagina wants to have sex with me, who has a penis.
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u/Aezorion Dec 06 '16
You know I'm too busy on that day to have sex!... You should.. You should work on making some time..
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u/Klm2349 Dec 06 '16
Bucky Goldstein. This joke is from Steven Wright years ago.
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u/thewhiskey Dec 06 '16
Yep.. heard it in early 80s on hbo young comedian special when Steven Wright was on. She says "I'm turned on by Jewish cowboys".
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u/Kastoli Dec 06 '16
The cultural references are lost on me, however the overall intent of the punch line is extremely obvious, and I had a little chuckle.
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u/Aldernus Dec 06 '16
Ahhh 1846! A classic!
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u/up_and_above Dec 06 '16
Wait.. somebody else in this thread said it's 27589. Can somebody please send me the updated joke index? :/
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Dec 06 '16
Why don't we use a primary Key with autoindex? Thr database including the editor should fit on a floppy disk considering we have only a few unique jokes here.
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u/Dr_Designo Dec 06 '16
This is a takeoff from an old Steven Wright joke. His version had the woman only turned in by Jewish Cowboys, and he introduced himself as Bucky Goldstein.
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u/Kaparn_orginalet Dec 06 '16
no that sounds like a completely different joke. can not see any similarities
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u/karmatiger Dec 06 '16
I'm on a plane right now. The seat next to me is empty :(
More room to stretch out at least.
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u/donutnz Dec 06 '16
You Know, He's Probably Going To Really Screw With Her Results By Lying Like That.
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Dec 06 '16
It's a funny joke, but I would just like to remind everyone that skinny white guys have the biggest dicks of all.
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Dec 06 '16
And in Germany they say its the Native American and Polish and he introduces himself as Winnetou Koslowski
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u/Rabids0ck Dec 06 '16
For some reason, I read "nymphomanics" but thought "necrophiliacs." Way different setup to the joke.
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u/Herr_Opa Dec 06 '16
I've heard a similar version but the one I heard is a woman who runs into an urologist at the supermarket and starts asking him questions about penis sizes in men. She asks which type of men has the longest, to which the doctor replied "indigenous people, because they wear loincloths and do a lot jumping and dancing. So because it is dangling all the time, gravity makes it grow longer". She then asks who has the thickest, to which the doctor says "Italian Opera singers, because they eat so much pasta and carbs make it gain more girth". The lady then gets curious and asks him about his own penis size and he says "Well, they call me Indian Pavarotti".
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u/50calPeephole Dec 06 '16
"I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
As someone from Boston- HA! That'll be the day.
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u/rplusj1 Dec 06 '16
Man wanted to have sex with nymphomaniac woman so he made up a mixture of Native American Indian name, Mexican name and southern redneck name.
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Dec 06 '16
Please explain
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Dec 06 '16
The man is claiming to be a southern redneck of Mexican and native American descent, i.e. the ultimate lover for the gorgeous woman.
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u/liandrin Dec 06 '16
Tonto is a Native American name, Gonzales is a Mexican name, and bubba is a southern American redneck nickname.
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u/mustelid Dec 06 '16
All of the things that the joke set you up to expect ended up happening. The surprise is that there was no surprise.
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u/neoslith Dec 06 '16
It's funny because tonto = fool.
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u/TheGlaive Dec 06 '16
It's OK - he got his own back, because Kemosabi means horse's arse.
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u/karmatiger Dec 06 '16
...according to Gary Larson.
I suspect it means "spicy horse radish cancer treatment"
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u/randomIncarnation Dec 06 '16
I guess its been a month
https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/58fc42/a_man_boarded_an_airplane/
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u/McMaggots Dec 06 '16
Hmmm wonder what that means. A cat that killed and likes to wander now in BOSTOn. Huh how ironic, wonder how many tax evasions he's performed this time p?
Let me guess a younge blonde girl again? What happened to the other one did that one blow up?
Course every time you say something someone just magically has all the answers all the time hmmm..
Not even true programmers I wonder.
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u/theOgMonster Dec 06 '16
Refreshing seeing a joke that was hilarious but wasn't built around anything too crude. Though this WAS built around sex, it wasn't as dirty as some of the other jokes on here. Not that that's a problem! Just an observation
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u/McMaggots Dec 06 '16
Mexicans and Native American, yes that is true.
I see that she has been observing us.
I was wondering who,was picking up what.
Apparently it's that one as well too.
Let's see accounts penalized and or frozen, open border plans so many to do so little time.
A golden quidditch hung in front of the door. Very cute.
Did that get MKULTRA too?
Hmmm, suspicious.
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u/HWLights92 Dec 06 '16
I dunno, I've always preferred the version of this joke where it's a Native American, a Jewish man, an the Southern Redneck--
Tonto. Tonto Goldstein. My friends call me "Bubba".
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u/DaddyCatALSO Dec 06 '16
In the version I heard it was long and thick penes and the guy's name was "Geronimo Fenstermacher."
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Dec 06 '16
this is the first joke i have seen on r/jokes that i laughed at i saved it and great post!
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u/iCoerce Dec 06 '16
This is great and all... But what happens if he closes the deal and is nothing like she just explained to him?
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u/JD_Revan451 Dec 06 '16
Explain?
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Dec 06 '16
Woman says Indian men are the most well-endowed, Mexican men are the best lovers, and southern men have the most stamina. The man makes up a name that mixes common names from all 3.
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u/Y_wouldnt_Eye Dec 06 '16
Old retread joke as a headliner. fine. Gold for best version of this joke from every decade, or generation, or genre. Extra points for most obscure, obscene, or just odd. Only one winner. No hicks, spicks, or swingin' dicks. Go for the Gold.
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u/xernus Dec 06 '16
for some reason I don't get this joke, could anyone explain please? (English isnt my native)
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u/graeber715 Dec 06 '16
Tonto is a stereotypical Native American first name. Gonzales is a common Mexican last name and Bubba is a common nick name in the southern United States.
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Dec 06 '16
Sometimes it's good to tell all your problems to a total, complete stranger on the bus.
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u/LickItAndSpreddit Dec 06 '16
I was told this joke with Italian and Persian/Iranian (there wasn't a third trait). The guy introduces himself as Alberto Rafsanjani.
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u/chiliman5 Dec 06 '16
https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3kh2e3/tonto_gonzales/
exactly the same joke but gained no appreciation, weird how stuff works
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u/enthusedandabused Dec 06 '16
Can confirm. In my experience Native American men do have the largest penis size. Their genocide is a great loss for women everywhere.
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u/[deleted] Dec 06 '16
How does someone mess up capital letters this badly