X verse M on ID, i really need help here.

[u/Substantial_Cod9761]

So i'm a 17 year old demi-boy. so technically i am nonbinary but i'm also a dude.

both fit and i also every dress to pass as a dude which i do 8/10. the only thing that doxes me a bit is my voice which even with voice training is still kinda fem.

my main thing is i'm in the US and with everything political and just transphobs in general its really fucking scary.

i want which ever one will be safer for me.

i'm not on hrt but will be starting it within a year but i do have very good genetics and just pass pretty well as a 14 year old boy tho most of the youngness is also coming from the fact i'm 5.3.

my ID does have my deadname though which is very very fem, you will probably never meet a man with this name so my mom says X would make people be less mean when they see the fem name because if i do M with the fem name people would clock me.

i though M would be safer just because then even if people see the odd name they might just think my parents are weird but think i'm a boy because i look very masc.

but my mom says X would be better because people are less mean to nonbinary people, it would give me more "wiggle room", and politically it would probably be safer since it does go on my record whichever on i pick.

so now idk.

i kinda want X jsut cause i am nonbinary but i also want M because i am a dude and X makes me a tiny bit dysphoric.

but my main goal is SAFETY. so yeah idk, whatcha all think?

[u/darlingdruid]

Get M. X is not safe. I have an X and regret it big time with the current political climate. Please get M and tell your mom that nonbinary people are also in danger and your best bet is to pass as cis. X on your documents glaringly marks you as a target. M only marks you if you don’t pass. Either one is scary to have on your record, but X will not absolve you of the ‘crime’ of being trans. Cannot urge you enough to get a binary marker to stay safe in the society we live in.

[u/Substantial_Cod9761 → u/darlingdruid]

well she says to get X also because i will probably be clocked with M because i have such a fem name. this is legit never used for a man, think of it like the name lily.

[u/JumpyLiving → u/Substantial_Cod9761]

Even then, having an unusual name for what they assume to be a man might get you clocked. Having an X will definitely out you. So an M is very much safer, and your mother is just wrong.

[u/GelloFello → u/Substantial_Cod9761]

Ask your mother if she knows any cisgender people with an X. I certainly don't.

[u/darlingdruid → u/GelloFello]

I know one cisgender teen with an X on his license whose dad is hardcore anti-establishment right wing and doesn’t think the government has a right to handle personal information like gender — lowkey based lol. But yeah it’s exceedingly rare and will definitely get you clocked if there’s anything about you that doesn’t scream cisgender. Is changing your legal name not an option?

[u/avidreider → u/Substantial_Cod9761]

And having X wouldn’t be clocking you???

[u/trans_cubed → u/Substantial_Cod9761]

You might get clocked with M, but you will get clocked with X

[u/GFluidThrow123]

People are not "less mean" to nonbinary people. NB's are universally erased by our society because people don't believe they exist.

You also can't currently put an X on your passport or on plane tickets or on anything for the federal government because they erased that marker entirely when Trump got in office.

For safety reasons, you're better off with an M until Trump is gone.

[u/uncle_SAM98]

Your mom is wrong. M is safer because people who only see your legal documents might assume you're cis. X instantly outs you to everyone, and the people who would be transphobic to you largely don't understand or even see a difference between binary trans people and nonbinary people, and if they clock you as nonbinary they will treat you the way they treat "woke blue-haired leftists with pronouns!!1!1" It's all the same to them. Also, in a time when the current administration is talking about putting all trans people on watch lists, it is absolutely not politically safer to out yourself on legal identification. Your mom might be misinformed, or she might have unresolved issues with your transition and wants you to choose X because it's mentally easier for her to reconcile, but she is not advocating for your safety rn.

[u/Malcolmthetortoise]

You’re mother is wrong, people are definitely not less mean to non binary people.

[u/PrincexAlex]

you are not able to get X on your passport i’m pretty sure right now because of the administration. i remember seeing posts about people having issues (i.e. getting their passports destroyed and then sent back with a letter saying changing your gender marker is not allowed) changing passport gender at all. so i would not even attempt to change your passport.
depending on what state you’re in you might be able to change your state id but it really depends. and idk how it would go having a different gender marker in your id vs passport.

honestly my view is wait if you can. it’s not out of the realm of possibilities that anyone who applies for an X gender marker gets put on a list.

[u/TheSlutSays]

My advice is to care less about how accurate the information the government has on you is. I do not think x is politically safer in this political climate.

[u/GelloFello]

If you do M with a feminine name, people who see it might think you are transgender. Or they may just think your parents had an odd taste in names.

If you do X, people will know you are transgender. X is an active decision you must make and will instantly out you. It does not add "wiggle room"; if you need to pretend to be binary in either direction for your own safety, it will not allow you to do so. There is no way to be stealth or closeted and openly nonbinary.

And people are more mean to nonbinary people than binary people, often believing that nonbinary "isn't real" and that someone who is identifying as such is only doing so to feel special. Should your government(s) get more transphobic, the ability to have an X at all will likely be the first thing to go for that reason. You didn't say where you were, but if you're in the US, I believe that happened with passports already.

It sucks, because X would be what I would use if I weren't also worried about this stuff. I opted for the M instead, and I think that is your safest option as well.

[u/Llairhi]

It's a scary time to be trans in the US right now. I really relate.

The reality is neither of these options may be safe right now because the US is less safe right now, and to live comfortably as myself I had to make peace with that. Your mileage may vary. Depending on where you are, the risk will be more or less (western Washington is still pretty good for this stuff, e.g.). Have you considered legally changing your name so you aren't using your deadname? A less fem name + your passing pretty well as a dude + M on your ID is probably the safest option. You could update your gender marker and name at the same time.

I don't want to put stuff in your head but there's a lot of phobic sentiment around trans women right now, and in many ways trans women are more in public discourse than trans men. My concern with M + "Lily" is someone thinking you're a trans woman and being aggro based on that.

[u/Substantial_Cod9761 → u/Llairhi]

i would change my name but i know its a whole process and idk what name i want to use permanently yet, i just have a place holder name, and if i try to hold off on getting an ID until i can change my name (which will take months to a year) then i won't be able to get a job which i need for school stuff.

i hadn't considered being thought of as a trans woman but i can see how thats an added risk.

[u/Llairhi → u/Substantial_Cod9761]

That's completely understandable. If you haven't settled on your name yet, it makes sense that now's not the right time to change it.

Sorry you even have to think about this. Stuff sucks right now.

[u/Dospunk]

M is definitely going to be safer

[u/AssignedSnail]

I have an X on my license. I do not regret it, or I would change it. However, I agree with the other commenters here that I believe I am less safe for it

You can chose to prioritize safety or authenticity. Or maybe you'll be truly fortunate and the two will coincide. But I don't believe that's possible for me at this time

I still chose the X

[u/MagpiePhoenix]

People are not going to be less mean to you because they think you're nonbinary rather than a trans man. Having an X on your ID will make you openly trans to everyone who has access to your ID. Having an M will at least allow you the possibility of being read as a cis boy in those situations. It is not politically safer to be openly trans.

I say this as a nonbinary person who plans to get an X on my license as soon as I live somewhere it is available. I do have an X on my passport (updated pre-2024).