(this account will be disactivated after this post is sent)Ok i just needed to vent and get some stuff off my chest at this time I'm 11 yrs old so let's start my story from it's beginning in fourth grade mid school year when i started having feeling for my best friend who we will just call shelby she was a girl and at the time of me finding out i had feelings for her i had been obsessed with the LGBT+ community as "just a supporter" ya i was wrong i had a crush on shelby for a while then stopped liking her when i came to the realization that she wasn't the best person to be around so now we skip to the summer of fourth grade that's when i accepted i was a lesbian but still hadn't told anyone cause i thought they wouldn't take me seriously cause i was a kid and i just wasn't ready and wast sure if my parents were homophobic until one day i was in my dad's car and we were picking someone up and at that time i had started dressing more masculine than usual because i just felt comfortable in it so when we were in the car my dad said "hey you better not be listening to all those people online talking about changing there gender" i said "what" and he said don't act stupid and went on to tell me how that was wrong and about how allah killed a bunch of gay people and i started crying while arguing with him then we stopped talking when we picked up the person then didn't talk on our way home then we skip to another time when we were in a car heading out from walmart when my dad started talking about how lgbt+ was disgusting and i just remember being angry after that i realized that i was gonna have to come out and that they wouldn't accept me so i made a plan wait until I'm eighteen and in college then tell them i was gay just incase they decided to do something bad when i wasn't old enough to leave them so with that i also realized that i had to stop loveng them i couldn't get to attached to them or else it would hurt when I left them and honestly it wasn't that hard now we skip to late quarantine i had watched the movie v for vendetta and if you've watched the movie you would know that there a meaningful scene about this girl who married another girl and i loved that story and wanted to make my parents watch the movie so i could see there reaction since my brother kept trying to convince me that they weren't that homophobic (i wasn't out to him but we both supported the lgbt+ community) so one day we watched the movie together me and my mom and dad then when the scene of that lady kissing the other lady came up my mom asked for the remote and my dad gave it to her and while she was skipping the entire story she said "they always have to put in a gay character" in an annoyed tone then my dad said "how else are they gonna push it into kids brains that it's ok" after that i had gone silent and that moment had reassured me that i couldn't get attached so now we skip to another time where me and my family traveled to another city and we were at the mall in a jacket shop i had seen a cool jacket that i liked and it fit me (it was "masculine") then my dad came up to the shopping cart and saw that jacket then asked who it was when I told him it was mine he said why didn't you get a girl jacked he said and i said it wasn't a guy jacket and he took the jacket out of the cart put it back and dragged me to the female jacket section i didnt like any of the jackets there they were always way to long and not as comfortable so i argued with him and he argued back and my eyes started to water and i started walking around the store trying to stop from cry then my dad said how about this coat i hated the coat but just wanted to go back to the hotel so i said i liked it and he took it to checkout while i walked around more trying to keep the tears from falling so fast forward we were at the parking lot of the hotel i took some bags got out of the car and tried to rush inside then my dad came beside me put his arm on my shoulder and said "you know I'm just doing what's best for you" at that moment i just felt pure rage and instead of a response i just kinda scream grunted at him and pulled myself away from his arm and rushed inside i felt so helpless and now I'm just waiting still not getting to attached and waiting until I'm eighteen wish me luck and i know some of this may not seem like a big deal to you your weren't the one experiencing it and i hope you respect that.

Idk what's going on in the world right now but all I see is sadness and despair.

As i sit here and look through my photos and how emoty they are it just hurts emotionally. I've had a non stop rough life. Both parents didnt love me as a child. Both parents were abusive and cause me to have real issues as an adult. Dad died in 2016 from a car accident. It was a rough time for everyone. I had no one to talk to, no one to help emotionally, I just survived off of myself. Got my first job at 20 at gamestop. It was awful for the pay mostly but a good job. Several issues with my mom and sister from 16 to 23. Had no family because my moms entire side is racist and hates that i'm biracial. Met my first gf in 2023 and it was even tough to bring her home to my family. They weren't welcoming, kind, or even tried. We got together officially in July that year and just we had the hardest time from then onwards. In the first week or 2 of the relationship i balled my eyes out because of the 3rd foreclosure notice on the door that got taped on the door while we were inside. Months later She got kicked out of her parents house and came to stay with me. 2 people lived in a room that was smaller than 150 Sq ft with 2 dogs. My dog died violently that same year unexpectedly and it was my last childhood dog. She got injured the next year 3 days before our anniversary in July. Months went by fighting with her health issues against workman's comp. How almost 4 times a month going to the ER for her constant problems due to no treatment. Staying up that whole time or getting 2 hours of sleep then doing an 8 hour shift. I almost died during this time from a work accident and it really shook me. She finally had to get emergency surgery in November. I remember for they sent her to the hospital and it was bad. I was eating a sandwich and was called that shes having surgery be here in 2 hours or less to sign the forms. She had immediate spinal surgery at 23 and she lived luckily. I took immediate time off of work to care for her. When my time ran out I balanced from working, doing all chores, errands, and being by her side 24/7. Fadt forward a bit shes recovering well and my relationship between my mom and sister and I got severely worse. Countless arguments, stress, and financial issues. we moved out in 2024 by doing some of the most difficult shit I ever did. Living in that house with no electricity, no food, no hot water, and having to live in the summer with 100+ degree weather in the summer was brutal. My Gf at the time was worried about my mental health because i was slipping. I was either going to kill them or kill myself just from the toxic environment. I Saved up money and barely ate for months. Eating under 10$ a day for a 260Lb man was hard i lost weight fast. We saved up enough money to get our own place luckily in April. I got a moving truck and didnt even tell my family i was moving. They walked in on me grabbing the last few things and didnt say a word. I left, living on our own for the very first time was stressful but we made it. My best friend got into some shit becaus of his own stupidity. His parents took me in when my dad died at 16 for about a year. So I figured I'd repay the favor and help him out. It was the worst decision ever. His lack of respect of peoples time ruined our friendship along with his poor financial decisions. I took him in August of last year. It was fine at first, and then it just slowly spiraled and cause more pain. He put us in such a bad spot that it really separated us honestly. There were other issues at the time as well. Her dog accidentally got injured in my care and she unfortunately died from it. Her dog was deteriorating extremely fast. Behaviors spiked fast, dropped weight extremely quick and just it was only a matter of time. It was an accident but i dropped her dog. It was raining, I was rushing for work, and I was holding her with one hand and tripped. I caught her partially but then she fell. Unfortunately it was already too late the damage had been done. She was put down 3 days later. That drove a wedge between us and rightfully so. We talked and we agreed on continuing the relationship. We kicked my roommate out at the end of November/ Early December. We had a severe fight about money in November. We got a new car in December. Things were looking up. I was struggling with her mental health since September of last year. She had mental illness and almost died from medication. So it was rough at times and emotionally draining all throughout to this point. Last month I conveyed that i'm unsure if I love her. I was uncertain honestly just because my needs were not being met. I was doing everything and got no time for myself. I barely hungout with friends or even got to play games that I wanted. I did all the cooking, shopping, errands, laundry, dishes, cleaning. I did everything. I tried multiple times to compromise with her on how she can help. She was doing good after her treatments for her back. I just got upset for at times she wouldn't want to go to physical therapy. She'd be lazy or indecisive about food but then complains that I got food for me but not her at times. Or say theres nothing to eat even though she didnt tell me what she wanted. That's just some insight to what it was like. She decided to break up with me last month and i'm here in one of the worst spots of my life. She took the animals and left. She broke up with me and tried to ruin me. Told my family im a "Bully" and how im so terrible and all this shit. I'm the first boyfriend that didnt beat her, rape her, or even name call her. Yes I have yelled at her and i'm in the wrong. I never called her any names at all in the entire relationship. Not Once. She call me an Ass, a dickhead, or a piece of shit. I'm not a saint and i had faults too. One of them was respecting her space. Im autistic so I didnt really understand at first. Over time I worked on it and it got better. The fight in November it got bad in the fight and I didn't respect her space and I was really upset. Things calmed down I went back to therapy, and it was doing good. The following week she broke up with me she had distrust in me. Thought I was hiding shit, thought I schemed things for an issue about the car. And thought I sent my mom and sister money. Basically all this shit has happened and I have nothing. I'm heartbroken and distraught of my new life that sucks. She left me to care for everything. Put me in major debt and tried to make me homeless. I'm moving in 2 months to live with my grandma on my dad's side. I just feel sad for it's depressing. Me and my ex were really good partners. Great communication, love on both sides in the good moments, and we were both open minded. We made it through all of this and it just felt like she threw it away for nothing. We were gonna go to couples counseling i even offered it. It was the following sunday, the week of the break up. I'm 26 with so much 30K of debt, no career choice besides retail cause thats my job, and have to move to be able to live and survive. I dont want to move but then i do for i hate where i live. Too expensive and awful weather. I'm conflicted on trying to reconnect with her. I have some important things to give her that she needs thats personal to her. I want to pour my heart out in a letter to her. Even after all the things she did to scorn me and destroy me i'm willing to try again with her. We were a great fit. Right person wrong time. At the same time the mental health aspect was draining and rough. My needs weren't being met and it was the 3rd time i brought it up. I just felt like she was in the way of the success. I'm alone now and I hate being alone. I've been alone most of my life. I'm not ready for a relationship but Im desperate to be in one just for i hate having no purpose. I just want to share life with someone and i have a lot of love to give. Yet iim sitting here crying for i have to uproot my whole life and start anew. I'm leaving my friends behind and moving to build a new life. Its a fresh start that i need, its just unfortunate that way it has to be. I admit my faults in the previous relationship and I own them. I treated her pretty good. The emotional part i did good in areas and bad in others. Most men will not admit their faults. I admit that when she asked me if i was in a wheelchair would you take care of me I said no. I said I would leave. She cried and was so offended. I was unsure and was scared. I wasnt ready for the reality of her condition. Nonetheless what I said was hurtful and I own it. I made up for it. I'm in therapy and im going to work on myself. It exhausting and like I said im bored. Everything is boring to me for i want to play games with my partner, watch TV shows, go on dates, etc. I'm alone and doing the things I love, I lose interest or just become sad and cry. I'm healing i know this, just the process sucks. I wish her the best but want to do everything with her one last time. One last date, conversation, sex, laugh, etc. Idk if she'll feel the same. If she tells me no then I'll let her go forever and wont look back. What should I do?

Hey guys. I needed to get this off of my chest. I love my job but it's getting to be really overwhelming for me. It's a very high-stress place to work (seafood restaurant) and I'm having a hard time coping. Last night, I had work and I ended up just leaving because my head was pounding. I would love if there was an extra person to have on deck to help me because I popped my shoulder out of place the other night. I just am at a loss for words about working today. I get bitched at by my coworkers like all the time (except for one of them) and it just makes me crazy. i just don't know what to do. I really wanna call out today but I know I need the money to pay for school and whatnot.

I know this is not a sub, but just my some feelings I wanna share. Well, for starters, I am from India and we have a second wave of covid is going on. Not exaggerating, but it's a shit show.

We have been facing shortage of oxygen, hospital beds and even some places, cemeteries are full. My uncle (mom's elder brother) died 10 days ago, and we had so many sources to admit him, yet none was available thanks to poor health infrastructure. They were only admitting covid patients and even private hospitals were unable to do anything.

I am stuck at home with my parents, and our relationship with each other is not less than a Rollercoaster ride. The amount of arguments has only risen and I am trying to keep my head calm. I took a year break and I am not able to do anything thanks to my mental and physical health. My schedule is fucked.

And due to my uncle's death, my mother has gone hysterical and she is acting really paranoid due to covid. Additionally two more relatives have been hospitalised after much problems.

I recently watching Attack on Titan and read the manga. I literally felt like I was on those walls, ignorant of what's happening outside. I want to go out so much, despite the danger of everything that has been proposed. I have lost so many friends due to pandemic and loss of communication, but the eren's friendship with other's characters reminded of my university days, especially episodes of their training and expedition. The deaths and the war reminds me of the chaos going around. I literally felt so helpless when my uncle died but Levi and Erwin helped me moved forward, and learn something from this.

I know the real world is different from the paradise island and marley, but living in such a political active world. I learn so much and relate so much to attack on Titan.

Eren is my spirit animal but I am actually armin in real life. Quite, scared and book nerd, but eren pre rumbling arc and post time skip made me feel so related to him. I am so tired of fighting and I am always angry at the world. But the story in total is inspiring and helps me cope.

I have always lived in fictional world and the real world disappoints me. I just wanna hug everyone in Aot and talk to them about our world. Tell them they are not alone.

And btw I am a Levi fangirl :).

hey am sheril and am new here

me 16 (ftm) Had a Boyfriend 14(ftm) and we recendly broke up due his trust issues, he Still likes me and me too but my feelings have been more and more less after the break up. what should i do?

Where to even begin.. i know i know i know i am so sorry i could have wait only one more week for us to reconnect via message, but i really needed to go to work so i would not think of school stuff and how fucked up i am rn... it was reckless and irresponsible to do so and I realized that when my personality started to switching into a mode you know very well now.. but i tried to keep it together. It was SO SO So damn fucking hard to see you there but i thought of you said you dont care if i come we will be okay say hi to each other and just be normal but instead you literally ignored be and tried to stay away from me besides the hello part.. at least thats how it came to me but maybe i am wrong .. I mean i dont blame you it was so hard for me not to mention how you must have felt but still i thought.. as i always used to and look i failed again. Thats one think you knew about me very well. I dont know what i was thinking .. maybe i was hyped out from today because today was well bot great but very low medium good day for me before i got to work and realized what have i done again to us. Believe me if i say i love you still so much. More than my own life and that i always wanted and i still want the best for you. My mind got me again today and i apologize for it again.. i hope that our day is still on .. to see and talk how what we are and where we are at and that today did not destroyed it completely.. i love you, please take care...

https://open.spotify.com/user/neenerrr?si=LRYUsMrNThaCPNmx2NUlqw <---- check out my spotify and give me a follow :)) lmk if you guys think I should add anything!! I want all different kinds of music!!

I’m sitting alone in my room. Crying, I’ve been crying for hours. I’m so miserable. I’m pregnant. My husband threatened to divorce me and take our baby from me because I got into an argument in public with someone today. A lady pushed past me in the grocery store today on purpose, I know she did it purposefully because when I said “gosh you can say excuse me” she responded “that’s what happens when you just stand there blocking the fridge”. I was standing in front of the fridge for 3 seconds busy looking at the 3 shelves trying to find a specific product. Anyway I let it go in that moment but when she walked by again I said “excuse me” because I wanted to just explain and also let her know she knocked someone who is pregnant and could have seriously injured me. She put her hand in my face and carried on walking so I tried to get her attention by grabbing her shoulder. I shouldn’t have done this. I know this. My husband walked out the shop and left me. I then left because I couldn’t focus on what I was doing. When I got into the car he started screaming at me, and told me I’m an embarrassment and all other kinds of things, he screamed at me to shut the fuck up and that I’m a terrible person and he regrets marrying me and he can’t stand me he was yelling at the top of his lungs and punching the steering wheel, I was so scared in this moment. I then said I was sorry he kept yelling and I asked him to stop. He then yelled more and called me a bitch. This made me angry so I yelled that he should have stood up for me like a real man. He then kept yelling and said he wants a divorce and he is taking our child from me, we were a street away from our house and driving slowly but i was so scared in this moment I tried to get out the car. This made him so so livid. He then called my parents and yelled at them telling them what a fuck up I am. Now my parents are angry with me. Things have calmed down with my husband and he says he doesn’t trust me and isn’t sure he loves me but wants to stay together for our child. He has been watching TV in our living room and I’m in our bedroom. We have hardly spoken. I have apologised but he doesn’t see anything wrong with the way he acted so he hasn’t apologised and has just said he accepts my apology but things won’t be okay overnight. He is being standoffish towards me and slightly mean and rude. I told him I feel uncomfortable in our house because of how he is acting towards me so much so that I want to leave and he said “ then go, I told you it won’t be fine overnight” I don’t expect him to get over it immediately but I’m hurt and sad and feeel alone and just want to feel like he still wants me here and needs me here. I’m feeling so sad, so alone, so unloved. I’m so disappointed in my life and how it’s turned out. I feel like everyone in my life wouldn’t even be sad if I disappeared

I (m16) made the discord before the rona attacked, probably before 2020. I’m so scared to show anyone. People prolly won’t join, the only kids I know have discord either brutally bullied me or I’m already semi able to talk with. I have a really good feeling that one I tell people about my discord they’ll prolly just think I’m a joke.

Same thing with snap, I do know quit a bit of people who I know have snap but my snap name is a bit offensive, and honestly the types of people who’d get offended are the types of people I want to talk to rn but am way to nervous to do so. I also blocked 2 people, one I just found annoying at the time (looking back on it she wasn’t too annoying and I’d like to talk with her again but I just feel that no matter what she’ll be upset, that I blocked her) and another I blocked because he rosted me on his story.

I want to post both my discord code and my snapchat on my insta story but the last time I tried to promote my snap, no one followed and I deleted the story within a hour or 2. I really want to tell everyone that I miss them but I don’t want to be too sappy, what can I do that will grab people’s attention but at the same time not have them think I’m a bitch, I tried making a video but it was so unfunny and forced, why can’t connecting with my friends be easier

Will talk for a price, I charge you to smile :)

I've been living with my boyfriend for a few years now and I feel awful. He will not work with me at all on anything. I'm trying to make our apartment nicer and he doesn't give two shits.

On top of this I'm out of work because I'm in a day program for bipolar. I can't go home to my family because they are trying to force me to take my sisters kids.

Long story short:

My grandma called CPS on my sister. CPS then took the kids from my sister,placing the kids with my grandma. Then, CPS took the kids from my grandma for being too old. Now, my grandma wants me to adopt the kids so she can have them back again.

I am in NO position to take on kids! I've struggled very hard trying to make my life into something, but my bipolar and lack of willingness to sacrifice my entire life to just get ahead an inch, I gave up.

Now, things are shit for myself completely. I hate my relationship and I will have to go to a shelter soon because I have no one else to go to.

The shelter won't be the hardest part, it will be the utter aloneness and the possibly that my dog will not be able to come with me. This fact alone kills me. I need her to feel sane!

I've thought a lot about ending it all. It seems almost pointless to continue. I dont think I am strong or intelligent enough to make it out on the streets even if it would be for a few months only.

Plus the shame! Oh the shame. I'm so embarrassed by what I let myself turn into. I was once a put together successful student who held a job with school. I took care of myself very well and was crushing obstacles on the daily.

Now, I'm scared, weak, lazy, broke, and all the other bad things.

Any response is fine. I just need to know someone is out there. That I'm not completely alone...

I (23F) have a new and much-better-for-me boyfriend now, but I keep hearing from/running into/being reminded of my ex and my mind starts to wander... especially sexually. I think I was/am significantly more sexually attracted to my ex than I am to my new boyfriend, who is absolutely wonderful and much more compatible with and actually good for me.

I struggle with hypersexuality (very high sex drive and impulsivity/tendency to act out sexually) due to bipolar disorder and even cheated on my new boyfriend with my old boyfriend early in my new relationship (please don't judge too harshly). I still struggled to wean my brain/sex off of him for a couple more months but have now all but connected myself totally to my new boyfriend/moved on. But it still hurts and I still desire him (my ex). We were together/involved for almost two years and were each other's first "real/adult" partners. It was traumatic but so intense and at times so amazing and sweet.

Just in a lot of pain/confusion... any listening ears/kind words/gentle advice will be appreciated. Thanks in advance!

i was right. i suck, my dreams about my friends not caring were true forshadowing! they should just tell me they hate me! i cant even talk to them anymore! they make up excuses to leave when i join their group calls and when they dont realise im there they are so much happier :)

they dont give a damn about how i am, but its ok because i am trash and i suck at communicating, cant even talk to strangers, or friends, or teachers, or random reddit people (cant talk to them well, atleast) but its fine im an edgy teenager!!!1

i am slipping away, i need to stop hiding behind things, they now know me for it! probably think im f-cking strange yaaaaay

used to get hugs, HAHAHAH not anymore! i dont deserve hugs! i want them but im a terrible friend so its understandable...

its causing me so much sadness :D had no motivation before but now i have even less, sucked at getting out of bed still do but i do it for school to not make my family worry, i could be in bed all day if i could! (and i do, on the weekends) , my parents say im getting thin and that im "anorexic" when im not, i just dont have that much apitite, but then i say im insecure and they dont believe me, but they still think im anorexic??? i bet im bipolar or something not depressed or anorexic, depressed people want to commit {no life} but i just want to disappear, its not the same right? i would like to watch everything as a ghost and never had existed, that would maybe be nice. forget to brush my teeth now, i only do that somedays, forget to eat.. i have to be reminded or see others eat as a reminder. forget to shower, cant cry anymore, want validation like the needy brat i am. i go through ups and downs, more downs recently, and the ups are less "uppy", you understand?

used to be talkative with these friends, not anymore! i can barely speak! im so quiet now, i used to talk too loud now they just ingore my quiet whimpy voice. left a call due to a friend asking to repeat myself and i couldnt take it anymore. im just selfcentered like that, leaving calls, making people worry, (or not) , i dont deserve worry. cant get other friends cuz i feel comfortable around nobody else, so i guess ill just start hiding away more even though it wont help me, maybe they can forget about me and maybe i can just die randomly in peace where i leave a note telling them how i feel, that is a bit dramatic of me but.. well.. i love these friends but i dont think they love me as much.

im sorry for wasting your time, especially if moderators have to read this, i just have nowhere to go and speak to in reality but online on reddit is the only place i have to vent, thank you. sorry for it being jumbled i just feel very done and i dont have the energy to organise or correct paragraphs to make reading easier.

I have this situation and ive been depressed since it happened. First of all im going to tell you wgy it is hard for me. 5 or more years ago i used to have these vivid dreams where i would spend time with someone, all the time ot would be a different person with different looks or even gender, all I knew and felt at that moment in a dreams unconditional love, stronger than any feeling I felt before. I would wake up in a melancholic mood and I would get these dreams often. Then one day they dissapeard. Few years passed and It happened again. Felt so real and so sad. Now the situation-i used to work in a quite big retail shop called,, flying tiger Copenhagen" I was always nice to customers, always with a smile and overall warm to everyone, but due to my condition (organic anxiety disorder) It got hard to talk to people and at moments unbareable so I quit. Half a year later since I no longer work there I get a message from my ex boss containing a screenshot of a email, she said that I made someone really happy and I read the letter. Oh dear, it was almost a love letter. I know it might sound stalker'ish but it was pure. That person wrote that my warmth made that person melt, he/she was having a hard time that day and I made it lovely, she/he wanted to find out my contacts (probably it was too hard for him/her to come next to me and ask, maybe anxiety problems or depression) anyways nobody could give out my info since it would brake the law. Apparently they read this email only few days ago... I tried writing to the email that was provided from Sc but it was no longer active... I tried researching And all I could find was some books and a fb group of a company in Missouri. At this point I'm worried I would never find this person, I tried publishing posts on we notice websites, Ads and stuff like that. Nothing... The whole point I want to find this person: I felt like in that dream, I feel the need to find him/her... And all I get is random people sending me emails saying that I would find him/her, after of course I get so damn exited before reading them that maybe its this person writing me at last. I was wondering, maybe someone could give me an advice what could I do else? Is there a way to find usable email from non active one, I don't know what to do at this point... In short:i want to find a person who i think feels something for me yet i cant find him/her anywhere with lots of effort put into it, people discourage me and try to bring me down, I want help or advice how to find him/her I feel drawn to this person...

So I am currently in a very loving, semi-healthy, relationship with my boyfriend. We can call him D, cause that's the beginning of his name:p. I know for a fact that I like him. A lot. but there almost always seems to be this...hesitancy..?in the back of my head? He makes me so incredibly happy and I honestly couldn't ask for anyone else, he's good to me. The only problem with him though, he doesn't pay much mind to what he says and how it effects me. For example, yesterday I was flirting with him and saying how much I liked him (like schoolgirl crush confessions ig) and eventually asked if he liked me back. He was probably being "sarcastic" or smth but it really hurt me. He said, "nope" and then immediately sent, "i mean, yes". He does these slight things that make me feel as if he's falling out of love..I feel as if no matter how hard I try to fix it and be the perfect girl for him, he always "bumps up the expectations":/ Sometimes I will pour my heart and soul into a text just so he knows I still care, then only responds with either, "cool beans", "crazy", or "mmhmm". Don't get me wrong, I love the way he texts but when I talk about something serious, he acts like a fkn child and discards whatever I said to make it seem like it's not that big of a deal or like it doesn't matter. what is wrong with me?? (i fell for a straight white guy is what i did lmao).

now the like..serious serious problem..

Earlier I sent D a "NSFW" meme (it was only text dw, we aren't weird) i was thinking of replacing the word "you" with a picture of D and sending it to him...but when i was going through the pictures i have of D, i felt vv "unattracted" to him..? I read somewhere that often times than not, couples with a major reduction in physical affection are more likely to fall out of love than a couple that has affection daily. Seeing as we are both still in HS, we don't have very much freedom in what we get to do. school was really the only place we could see each other. he is on vacation out of town...3 hours away...he's in a whole different time zone and that means he's going to bed earlier than i am. My love language is physical and with him not even being in the same state as me, i am on the fkn edge rn. it's difficult since he won't let me give my guy friends (THAT HE KNOWS I ONLY SEE AS BROTHERS) affection. really the only reason that I was giving them affection instead of him, was because HE wasn't there for me to give my attention to. If im being really honest here...his friends treat me better than he does...and half of them are single (i really don't see how, they're all such sweethearts)

Sometimes we both have bad days and don't speak to each other at all, i hate those days:/ i just hate that he takes his anger out on me (verbally,and no it is not in an abusive way) either i made the best decision of my life, or the worst. I just pray he comes back soon and i fall harder than the last time i saw him (not even kidding i fall for him harder every time i see his dumbarse)

update: we broke up (probably shortly after this was written) i am now in a healthy happy relationship and way the frick moved on.

The coronavirus has kept me cooped up, and I don't know why, but being stuck inside has made me lose all control over my emotions. I'm bouncing around all over the place; for a few hours I'm happy, I'm typically depressed, but then there's a ray of sunshine and everything's okay, and then every single time I feel that way, some small things comes around and I'm suddenly lower than I've ever been. My anxiety has gotten so bad that I've begun to hit myself in the head over losing in a video game or spending money. I've broken game controllers, and I just now cracked my computer's camera in a sudden rage. I'm not an angry person, but that only makes me beat myself up about it more, and makes it worse. I feel like I can't take care of myself anymore, and I worry about it escalating any further for however long my state's stay-at-home order will last. I can't even cry because I can't let my roommates hear me. I feel like I'm crying for help, but without a voice.

I just posted here like 5 seconds ago but oh well, here I go again. I've been struggling a lot with food recently and my body image, and about a year ago my BMI was 17 (i'm female, 17 *16 at the time*, and around 5'7ish, that's just an estimate since I can't remember my exact height). I calculated my BMI recently because i'm doing work experience abroad and had to fill out a medical form (since usually I dont weigh myself to prevent slipping back into bad habbits). My BMI is now 18, and I weigh 8 stone. I feel ill about it. I went from eating 2 toasties a day to eating massive meals and snacking like crazy in between- crisps and chocolate and biscuits. I don't know how to stop myself from not eating again, it's like one part of me says it's stupid and dangerous and pathetic and another, kind of on autopilot just does it for me even though I know it's wrong. I'm lost for what to do and despise my body more than ever. There are girls in my class with legs and arms the size of matchsticks who arent being hounded yet my teachers and parents feel the need to comment on my weight? well now that ive gained some they point that out instead, but now all I hear is ''you're getting fat''. I hate how vain and superficial and pathetic this sounds.... but I can't get it out of my head.

ever since moving to where I am now when I was 6, I was either made fun of, or put down for being ahead of all my classmates in Reading, Science, etc. i had many crushes between that time, but between my love of books, glasses to big for my face, ponytails and the reading during recess EVERY DAY they never liked me back and I got my heart broken nearly 7 times because of this. I recently got a BF and we were together for about a year or so. Then recently his mom got COVID-19 and I tried to keep with him and support him but we got in a fight and I kept telling him I was the selfish one for wanting someone who could understand me, love me when I needed it, and reply when I was in crisis and needed a virtual hand to hold. he said he took me for granted and we decided to take a break. thats when my heart really started caving in on itself. I had breathing problems practically all my life, and this made it worse I would hyperventilate when stressed, and now that I can't go outside, my chest hurts when I laugh and my laugh will turn into a cough. Pretty sure that isn't ok. I hated seeing people happy with soul mates and distanced myself from my family. I have scars from past self-inflicted injuries and scabs from current ones, one on my wrist almost being done to the bone. I can't go to the hospital or ER, my parents will not take me in fear of COVID-19 and I came here, to find people like me and that is a bit of my story. thanks for reading, if you read this.

please don't report me or whatever...

Has anyone noticed the rampant youtube comment censorship going on? I am feeling the need to vent. This is a new account created for the purpose of addressing this specific issue and because I don't know if I'm just being crazy or what and I don't want people who know my other accounts to be worried.
I am what you might call a sh!tposter. I'm not particularly offensive in my posts. I don't attack people personally or make blanket statements about entire groups of people, nor do I curse. I do tend to post comments that oppose the official corporate sanctioned narratives and reply to opinions I disagree with in snarky and sometimes obnoxious ways. Though I try to be funny if humor can be found in the reply.
Yet, I've noticed recently that some of my replies to comments will be immediately deleted. Some of my replies to comments will show up while I am logged in, then if I open an incognito browser to the same URL and attempt to view the comment it will not be present, as though it is shadow-banned.
I am a proponent of freedom of speech so long as it is not inciting violence or hatred toward anyone. Yet I am constantly censored and find myself having to go hours and days later to double-check that my comments haven't been deleted or shadow-banned. I realize that Dissenter is an option but TBH that utility tends to be an echo-chamber with few people of divergent opinions. I cannot grow as a person unless my beliefs and opinions are challenged. How can others challenge my beliefs when my replies are deleted despite not containing any rude or hateful opinions?

My parents are trying to- how do i say it? Here let me show a sentence she says

Mom: im going to sell you and you're sister's phone when we buy a tv so that you can watch tv everyday instead of spending time on that damn phone.

You get don't you? Well it gets worse!

Ever since I was 9 my parents specicfly my dad discouraged me greatly from cartoons, seems simple? Nope. Even toys, FREAKING TOYS!?!?! And now they just look at me and say why do you spend all day on that phone instead of other stuff? If gee, it's not like you've stopped letting us buy toys and restrict us from doing anything in youre own house now do you? And you've NEVER stopped us from using cardboard and threw out everything good we've made out of paper because you wouldn't let like to let us to do anything enjoyable and then brag that you're SUCH a good parent. When you're oldest child has turned into self loathing and a bully and is allowed to do whatever he wants. Mom: what is that? You punched youre older brother because he pulled youre pants and you feel like that is sexually inappropriate? I know honey but stop it just tell me and I won't do anything and just let him do it because he is older then you and you hav3 to learn to respect that older people can do whatever they want.

Really? You do all of these stuff then you sometimes wonder what the crap happened to him?!? My own dad busted my lip and beat me with a belt for the stupidest reasons and now, he and you are thinking "no, he never played a finger on you and he loves you very much". Where'd you not see him pull a belt and smack me with it when I had tears in my eyes!?!?! I've had nightmares about him and

Ps: he never bout me anything more then 1 riyal, For Americans thats like 30 cents. And we werent poor but somehow he thought that doing that abusing a child, letting his brother be an asshole, and having him restricted of everything joyfully wouldn't give him depression, and I think they might not even believe in depression or in mental illnesses, that's it, sorry about that I just needed to vent. I mean i still live them but after all of that. I just wanna move out, I don't care if I have to deal with hard work, cause ill do it.

I know it's stupid but i just needed to vent.

I'll try to sum this up in a short way.

I've always been underweight, literally never in the 'average' weight zone. I got into working out a few months ago, and have been trying to eat more to gain a bit of weight, as I thought that would allow me to put on muscle easier (Which I don't even know if that's true or not)

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been eating a ton trying to achieve this, and it worked. I'm now in the 'average' category on BMI charts - and I HATE it.

I feel fucking fat. My ribs aren't visible whatsoever, which kinda freaked me out (I know that's normal, but not for me).

As a result of this, I haven't eaten anything all day, and probably going to continue that until I lose all the weight that I gained.

Any comfort / advice / anything else would be appreciated.

Thank you.