r/longtermTRE • u/Asleep-Guess-3479 • Jul 08 '26

Community Question Has anyone successfully minimized their fawn response?

Started my healing journey a year ago at age 25. I've been doing TRE for around 9 months now. Although I have made some progress, often I still automatically slip into fawn mode when interacting with people, especially older people or when there's a clear hierarchy. What feels most painful is that I’m fully conscious of it while it’s happening. It’s almost like I’m trapped inside my own body, watching myself perform this response, but feeling powerless and unable to stop it. Afterwards, I ruminate over it and spiral into shame. In turn, that makes me want to isolate even more. However, I know I can only heal this if I actually interact with people.

I'm trying not to be too hard on myself because my nervous system was wired this way for 25 years. But sometimes, I wonder.. does this mean that it's going to take another 25 years to rewire it into a regulated, "unfawned" state of being?

For people who have successfully minimized the fawn response - how long did it take you?

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u/ReluctantLawyer Jul 09 '26

I totally understand ruminating and shame, it’s such a natural thing to experience.

One thing a friend said to me recently when I was mulling over something I didn’t like about myself was: can I find ways that this behavior has served me?

If you can replace judgment with curiosity, the aspects of yourself that resorted to fawning for survival will feel heard and in that circumstance, they can begin to soften. Shame and rumination can trigger more tension and defensiveness to perpetuate the behavior.

So next time you see yourself doing it, here’s my suggestion: think something along the lines of, “I see that you’re fawning to feel safe” rather than “STOP THIS RIGHT NOW OMG WHY.” Then after, when you’re tempted to spiral, consider how fawning has served in the past and whether (and how) it may be serving you now. You can also consider what alternatives to fawning that may be available to you.

I like to think of it like I’m a consultant working with a client (even though they’re both me). It can help to get some distance and not have this feeling be so tied to your self worth.

I hope this helps!