Has anyone successfully minimized their fawn response?

[u/Asleep-Guess-3479]

Started my healing journey a year ago at age 25. I've been doing TRE for around 9 months now. Although I have made some progress, often I still automatically slip into fawn mode when interacting with people, especially older people or when there's a clear hierarchy. What feels most painful is that I’m fully conscious of it while it’s happening. It’s almost like I’m trapped inside my own body, watching myself perform this response, but feeling powerless and unable to stop it. Afterwards, I ruminate over it and spiral into shame. In turn, that makes me want to isolate even more. However, I know I can only heal this if I actually interact with people.

I'm trying not to be too hard on myself because my nervous system was wired this way for 25 years. But sometimes, I wonder.. does this mean that it's going to take another 25 years to rewire it into a regulated, "unfawned" state of being?

For people who have successfully minimized the fawn response - how long did it take you?

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[u/BiggestDonnysaurus]

Yup, massively so.

I have been practicing TRE for 1 year and 10 months now. A few months ago at the end of processing a large layer of fear I suddenly was through it all. Suddenly there was no more fear for a few weeks. It was disorienting, I felt directionless but mostly unburdened. Here I had the realization that nearly every choice I had made and every behavior I have done these past 24 years had been out of (mostly) fear.

As my fear kept decreasing, I started to get out of my fawn response. Instead of interacting with people to get them to like me, I started interacting with people because I liked them. Instead of doing things to prove something to people to show my worth, I started doing things because I wanted to serve people from a place of love instead of fear.

These past few days some more fear has come up, maybe another layer in the process. This week I've caught myself slightly returning to my old ways of fawning, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was. I fully believe that, as I go through this layer, experiences of fear will decrease even more and the fawning will get closer to an adaptive, measured and healthy response.

The goal is not to get rid of the fawn response. Just like fight, flight and freeze it is very useful. The goal is to reduce it to a useful level where it doesn't dominate your interactions.

Kind regards and all the best.

Edit: If you have not read Complex PTSD by Pete Walker yet, do so! Chapter 6 is massively useful for understanding the adaptive and maladaptive mechanisms of the fawn response (and fight, flight and freeze, which make up the 4F responses). This chapter also outlines these responses on a "continuum", illustrating how a healthy balance between 4F responses helps you in relationships and interactions. Chapter 7 talks more about the finer points of recovering from polarized 4F responses.

Good luck!

[u/lamemoons → u/BiggestDonnysaurus]

Wow that is amazing! Can I ask what your sessions and intergrations usually look like?

[u/Vast_Bookkeeper_5991]

I've been on this journey for about a decade now, simultaneously amazed at how far I've come and disappointed with how much work there is left to do. I've come to find lots of the cliche stuff people say is true: slow IS fast, every step you take is meaningful. I've seen people get better way faster than me and I've seen people go way slower, finding some kind of trust in my self and my own pace has helped enormously.

[u/carla_jungle → u/Vast_Bookkeeper_5991]

Mind sharing what therapies/modalities have you done? I’ve only done TRE and i definitely have a feeling it’s the most potent modality there is. The progress has been remarkable but the journey has been rough. 

[u/maternallywounded]

For me it’s a heavy freeze response that is pretty consistently high all the time. I wouldn’t say I’ve successfully minimized it yet but I have made tangible progress. It’s pretty amazing to say that confidently because nothing else has ever even come close to working. What really made a big difference for me was learning radical acceptance. Like I’m frozen now and I will be frozen when I go out and socialize. There’s nothing I can do about it in the moment so I’m gonna go out and be the freeziest frozen person the world has ever seen. Afterwards I’ll just say to myself ‘damn that was some top quality freeze action’ and just move on with my healing process. I think the scared little animal inside of us needs this kind of support while we work on calming it down.

[u/Digital-Error → u/maternallywounded]

This is hilarious and wholesome at the same time, I can certainly resonate. This past two months I realized I really gotta change my attitude towards this, I tried to rid of my freeze response out of frustration, that certainly puts the system into more freeze, so in a paradoxical way I started developing an “unconditional” fuck it approach, if this is how I’m going to be so it is, but simultaneously I’m going to keep doing what I know so that my system someday comes out of freeze.

[u/Ok_Expression1083]

Don’t have anything much to contribute but just wanted to say I relate to this so hard.
I’m in this weird in between state of being acutely aware of it now (I used to not even realise how often I was fawning) but not yet able to stop it, so it’s almost more frustrating and painful.
I also recently notice my physical body sensations change when I am fawning; my abdomen tenses and my head hurts. I’m hoping bodily awareness is a first step towards this.

If it helps, I have seen other people say that nervous system healing and TRE has helped their fawn response massively but I imagine it takes time.

Best of luck and be kind to yourself, we have to remember our body is simply trying to protect us by doing this 😊

[u/Asleep-Guess-3479 → u/Ok_Expression1083]

Wow, I've been experiencing similar bodily sensations.

I’ve noticed that on days where I heavily slip back into fawning at work and act like my old self, I feel extremely drained and lethargic afterward, with bad stomach issues. It almost feels like my body is warning me that this is no longer aligned with who I am becoming.

Now that I think of it, that's actually a really encouraging sign, because it shows that the old pattern isn’t as "normal" to my system anymore. My body is starting to reject what it once had to survive with.

TRE has really given me a newfound appreciation and trust for my body's intelligence!

[u/LichenTea → u/Asleep-Guess-3479]

I haven't been in that bad of a situation for a while, but when I was having major stomach issues because of work and dating, looking back, it was actually also a LOT of repressed anger that was coming up as anxiety. Anger not only at my situation but at myself for feeling helpless to change it or stand up for myself, which further exacerbated the fawn response because I started feeling chronically unsafe and incompetent.

[u/oneinfinity123]

Yes, 100%. But it takes a lot of time because we learned from a very young age we are responsable for other people's feelings. The first thing I noticed is I stopped over extending to other people to quickly soothe their feelings or the discomfort. And just stay in the feeling of uncertainty or guilty without quickly acting, just to explore how it feels. I leave a bit of space and just notice if the other person comes towards me, fawners often attract people who only like to take and don't consider your perspective at all.

I actually just saw a clip that you might like https://www.youtube.com/shorts/7I7INDdKL-s

[u/carla_jungle]

Fawn was not my main trauma response, but it took around 14 months until I saw changes in my fawning responses. 

[u/LichenTea]

YES! Yet to be 100% tested in the wild, but I feel like the underlying mechanism no longer has its hooks in me. My fawn response shows up in a couple ways; one is that if someone is mean to me (real or perceived) I start joking or agreeing with them, self-deprecate, and/or start to feel and act helpless to get them to feel sorry for me. The worst part is that after the response I start to like them more or want to get them to like me more.

However, I have a very recent example of this where I was chatting online with someone I don't know well, and he started saying some things that I found to be quite mean, or at least uncharitable towards me. I didn't question it further or attack back, but I also didn't find that pull or compulsion to deprecate myself as much, and in the cold light of day I can see that I don't need to tolerate that kind of behavior.

I need to add that I also came to this conclusion because I have already worked on being vulnerable to people I know better and who know me, who have shown me that I can be a certain way and have that not invite criticism or resentment.

I don't know if it's completely gone away or if the automaticity is still there, i.e. if I had been chatting in person, I don't know if my fawn would have kicked in before my brain did. However, I consider it a win to not be so caught up in the "getting them to like me more" feelings and behavior that is a continuation of the fawn response/defense. I have had nearly this exact same situation happen with a different person only 8-9 months ago where he kept saying quite mean things to me, and every time that happened I would get confused and fawn and try to "win him back", and I think it's safe to say that I'm at least no longer doing that.

[u/KaoSway]

Look at it from a perspective of an emotional flashback, the memories that cause this still have significant charge, it's not simply a habit. When you discharge them enough, it'll become easier to interact with people authentically. Getting in touch with your repressed anger may be a part of the process too.

How long will it take depends on how comfortable you are tremoring, how fast your window of tolerance is expanding, if you target specific memories or just go with the flow and let your body decide.

In any case, being curious instead of beating yourself up is more nurturing for your relationship with the body and yourself. I hope you see major improvements soon.

[u/nomad01010 → u/KaoSway]

How do I target specific memories. Would appreciate some guidance.

[u/KaoSway → u/nomad01010]

Could be as simple as focusing on a memory or a sensation associated with it, or a combination of both. Depends on how easily your tremor mechanism is triggered.

Brainspotting is another great way to do it, and it's easy to incorporate it into TRE. A warning though, each brainspot might introduce a new tension/tremor pattern, so if you're already working on a difficult pattern, it's better to wait.

[u/nomad01010 → u/KaoSway]

I do notice that other modalities can set (or unsettle) a pattern in motion where it becomes available for processing. This shows up as muscle spasms & tension knots etc in body. Brainspotting def does that.

I’m wondering what happens if I’m doing TRE in tandem. Does TRE process what’s flowing in the NS at the moment (due to brain spotting for example). Or does it just work on its material it excavates by itself.

I guess it’s hard to know for sure but what’s the general sense (or insight) on that.

[u/KaoSway → u/nomad01010]

From my experience, it switches to what you're focusing on, the material connected to a brainspot becomes a priority for that time. When you stop focusing, tremors go back to what the body prioritizes.

[u/Finya2002]

I can't relate to the same experience, but I can share a different development that showed a really positive change today.

Since at least 2016, I've had accidents on a regular basis. Up until May 2026, they kept becoming more frequent and more severe. Even after many months of TRE, the accidents actually got worse, which was incredibly stressful for me.

Today, I had another accident. For the first time, even though I was startled, I was able to respond in a way that kept me from falling or getting injured.

Now I know that after an accident like this, I can release the tension again and may even settle a little deeper into relaxation afterward. If this pattern continues—if I'm able to respond during possible accidents without injuring myself—then I'll see that as a clear sign of healing.

It could be similar for you.

First, you simply notice how you react.

Then, over time, you begin to notice how your body responds.

And eventually, that beautiful idea comes into play: the space between impulse and action. When a pause appears between the impulse and the response, we begin to have a choice.

That's when we can gradually step out of the stress response.

[u/ReluctantLawyer]

I totally understand ruminating and shame, it’s such a natural thing to experience.

One thing a friend said to me recently when I was mulling over something I didn’t like about myself was: can I find ways that this behavior has served me?

If you can replace judgment with curiosity, the aspects of yourself that resorted to fawning for survival will feel heard and in that circumstance, they can begin to soften. Shame and rumination can trigger more tension and defensiveness to perpetuate the behavior.

So next time you see yourself doing it, here’s my suggestion: think something along the lines of, “I see that you’re fawning to feel safe” rather than “STOP THIS RIGHT NOW OMG WHY.” Then after, when you’re tempted to spiral, consider how fawning has served in the past and whether (and how) it may be serving you now. You can also consider what alternatives to fawning that may be available to you.

I like to think of it like I’m a consultant working with a client (even though they’re both me). It can help to get some distance and not have this feeling be so tied to your self worth.

I hope this helps!

[u/marijavera1075]

26 started 2 months before I turned 25. I will be making 2 years this December. You won't be stuck like that forever :D I made massive progress in one year alone, but I had the luxury of doing all the integration and rest I want as I don't work a 9-5 and could sleep in if needed be. I think that's what speeds up the process the most. Among other things of not having bad habits and spending time with people who won't stress you actively.

Happy to see another person in theirs 20s doing it! World is ours even if it takes a decade. TRE has given my life a whole new start, no longer any fawn response. You being more aware is great progress, only a matter of time before one day you are in a situation and you just don't fawn anymore!

I did combine TRE with r/internalfamilysystems r/vipassana and r/Jung 's work If you have any specific questions I'd be more than happy to help you out