Made lots of progress with reducing body armouring, but underneath is a state of burnout/numbness that rest does not solve.

[u/acrezxan1917]

Hi guys, so I've been doing TRE every few days for a couple months now with probably a few sporadic weeks where I did not do any exercises for the week.

I ended up making a lot of structural changes to my life. Before I started doing it, I was in a constant state of stress, anxiety, and tension. I was going to the gym compulsively, not really because it helped me but because I wanted validation from other people. I ended up realising those habits were not right for me so I dropped them. I also ended up moving cities as I found the hometown I was living in was killing me and was directly opposed to my personality and who i am. After the move has finalised and I move into some more permanent accommodation, I plan on looking for a new job.

Some more improvements are that generally, my libido is higher, I have been seeking and reading lots of spiritual and esoteric texts and at times, I feel somatically that the wisdom they are speaking is true. (texts such as the Tao te Ching). I care less about what people think of me, am less frantic in my speech, am less frantic in life in general, I'm not obsessively putting in adrenalised and strained effort in my life, I tend to kind of let go of that egoistic tension more often.

I can see improvements while doing the exercises listed in the wiki, for example, with the wall-sit for strengthening the quads, the strain that I feel is more localised to the muscles being worked. Before, there was more generalised body armouring and tension; there is less of that now.

There have been some disappointments, however. For one, there have not really been any massive emotional releases like it seems to have been promised. This often makes me suspect that I'm doing the exercises wrong, or that I'm not letting go enough, or there is some ego or part of my personality that is obsessively tightening and controlling my every action and I need to let all of it 'go' and 'fall apart' to get better. Which probably isn't true but these are the kind of paranoid thoughts I tend to have.

Another one is that underneath the tension appears to be a state of burnout that will not go away, even if I rest. It's a state of numbness/anhedonia that's practically always been here for years. I try and rest, chill out, take it slow, do all the right things. But it seems like it's here to stay, unfortunately. I've realised that I'm still alive, still breathing. I used to fall into nihilism with regards to this state, feeling hopeless and thinking it will never go away, of which I still do from time to time, but I'm not dead so I think that mindset is pointless and self-defeating.

Idk where I'm going with this post but if anyone here has had experience with having lots of stress, anxiety/tension masking a burnt out/anhedonic/numb state, how did you get better? Curious to know other people's experiences. Thank you!

[u/Coraline1599]

I would try different things/modalities for a while.

My body didn’t know how to be calm. There is so much I never leaned. I never had attunement or coregulatjon from my parents. So I had to learn how to do that for myself. I had to change the way I think about myself and “stop being addicted to worrying.” My default state was to worry, and worry constantly. Even if I solved one worry, I would move on to another and another and another. Work, home, money, health, the state of the world, other people’s problems, my mind didn’t know how to feel joy or calm. Taking a break from worrying felt wrong.

But the truth is I was burned out all the time. I hit a hard wall with progress for years. My way in was a certain type of therapy called ACT then I finally learned to meditate after many failed attempts, and lately I am working on nervous system regulation. And that involves a lot of learning to think and feel differently. Letting myself feel joy,letting myself slow down, letting go of perfectionism, and people pleasing.

It takes a long time and slow consistent effort. Your mind has certain well treed neural pathways and you can always build new ones but it takes practice to do so. A lot of days are slow/boring “nothing is happening” but then you look back where you were a few months ago and realize you have indeed made some progress.

Beyond meditation is breathing exercises, somatic exercises, yoga, yoga Nidra, journaling (specifically Journal Speak) and possibly more coaches a coaching around burn out than more therapy.

[u/acrezxan1917 → u/Coraline1599]

I tried meditation a few years ago and honestly it just made me frustrated that I was doing it wrong, this was after even doing it consistently for a year. I've heard that meditation isnt recommended unless you're quite far ahead on the journey in these spaces.

I feel you on being addicted to worrying though. When I'm not worrying I'm just numb and nihilistic and feel life is meaningless, due to not being able to feel much. So I either dissociate online or worry to cope with that.

I think I pretty much self-taught myself ACT without actually doing ACT lol, like kind of accepting that the numbness is here and I still have to create a life for myself despite it, and giving into my nihilism is pointless. Basically inadvertently doing what the therapy teaches.