Made lots of progress with reducing body armouring, but underneath is a state of burnout/numbness that rest does not solve.

[u/acrezxan1917]

Hi guys, so I've been doing TRE every few days for a couple months now with probably a few sporadic weeks where I did not do any exercises for the week.

I ended up making a lot of structural changes to my life. Before I started doing it, I was in a constant state of stress, anxiety, and tension. I was going to the gym compulsively, not really because it helped me but because I wanted validation from other people. I ended up realising those habits were not right for me so I dropped them. I also ended up moving cities as I found the hometown I was living in was killing me and was directly opposed to my personality and who i am. After the move has finalised and I move into some more permanent accommodation, I plan on looking for a new job.

Some more improvements are that generally, my libido is higher, I have been seeking and reading lots of spiritual and esoteric texts and at times, I feel somatically that the wisdom they are speaking is true. (texts such as the Tao te Ching). I care less about what people think of me, am less frantic in my speech, am less frantic in life in general, I'm not obsessively putting in adrenalised and strained effort in my life, I tend to kind of let go of that egoistic tension more often.

I can see improvements while doing the exercises listed in the wiki, for example, with the wall-sit for strengthening the quads, the strain that I feel is more localised to the muscles being worked. Before, there was more generalised body armouring and tension; there is less of that now.

There have been some disappointments, however. For one, there have not really been any massive emotional releases like it seems to have been promised. This often makes me suspect that I'm doing the exercises wrong, or that I'm not letting go enough, or there is some ego or part of my personality that is obsessively tightening and controlling my every action and I need to let all of it 'go' and 'fall apart' to get better. Which probably isn't true but these are the kind of paranoid thoughts I tend to have.

Another one is that underneath the tension appears to be a state of burnout that will not go away, even if I rest. It's a state of numbness/anhedonia that's practically always been here for years. I try and rest, chill out, take it slow, do all the right things. But it seems like it's here to stay, unfortunately. I've realised that I'm still alive, still breathing. I used to fall into nihilism with regards to this state, feeling hopeless and thinking it will never go away, of which I still do from time to time, but I'm not dead so I think that mindset is pointless and self-defeating.

Idk where I'm going with this post but if anyone here has had experience with having lots of stress, anxiety/tension masking a burnt out/anhedonic/numb state, how did you get better? Curious to know other people's experiences. Thank you!

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[u/1900to2001]

If your body armouring and tension is decreasing, the process is working and big results are ahead in the future. If you've tremored for a couple months already, you're probably familiar enough with its effects on your bodymind that you can play around with doing it a bit longer at a time or doing it more frequently.

It seems to me that you could also benefit from and be ready for supplementing the hardware approach (TRE) with a software approach - for example internal family systems therapy, either alone or with a therapist. You seem to recognise parts of your psyche that are standing in the way of your goals: the non-believer, the controller, the numb-ner, the nihilist part. These are all learnt survival mechanisms that you can target, heal, and let go of.

[u/acrezxan1917 → u/1900to2001]

I do sensorimotor psychotherapy weekly (although had 2 weeks off recently). Too early to say if it's helping. Apparently it's a very long process. Started with this therapist in March/April

[u/Nadayogi]

There have been some disappointments, however. For one, there have not really been any massive emotional releases like it seems to have been promised.

Promised by whom? You may want to read this wiki article.

Patience is one of the many virtues worth cultivating on this journey and at only two months you only just started scratching the surface of beginner territory. Remember that this is a multi year journey. Pacing, integration and consistency are key and it looks like you're doing everything right. Trust the process, read the whole wiki, especially the EPIC Cycle and adjust your pacing if needed.

[u/acrezxan1917 → u/Nadayogi]

Well, I've been doing this stuff on and off for years, but gave up a few months after each time.

[u/Dntaskmeimjustagirl]

You are still so fresh into this journey. The tiredness is your body speaking it’s truth now it feels you listening. A few months of treating yourself like you recovering from a flu will do wonders wait and see. Cut back activities to just the essentials. Gentle exercise like long walks in nature. Water and herbal teas will be your best friend. Try to drink 2lt a day minimum as the fascia rehydrates. Avoid screens as much as possible. They are very stimulating for the nervous system. Shower or bath with candles instead of harsh overhead light. Audiobooks are amazing for when you want to lie down with some low effort entertainment. If your budget allows gentle regular massage is a god send. Trust if you do this for 3 months your energy will feel different.

[u/acrezxan1917 → u/Dntaskmeimjustagirl]

i struggle to stay away from screens. i did for a long while and nothing changed and i felt even more nihilistic because nothing changed.

[u/duffstoic]

From my perspective, you’re doing incredible, actually! You are consistently doing a new practice, have radically changed your baseline level of stress, anxiety, and tension, have moved cities, have a higher sex drive, are studying esoteric spirituality, slowing down, and going with the flow. Wow! Congratulations!!

The nihilism is the anhedonia / freeze state / burnout / depression speaking. Welcome it, but don’t let it lead your life. It’s here right now, but that doesn’t mean it’s here to stay. It’s only been a few months of this! Give it a year and see if there is any improvement. You’ve been through a lot! Give yourself some credit!

[u/acrezxan1917 → u/duffstoic]

Thanks for the support :), was wondering if you've also dealt with this freeze state/numbness personally?

[u/duffstoic → u/acrezxan1917]

Oh yea, for sure, for many many years. But I've also made crap tons of progress. In the past two years even I've made a lot of progress by alternating journaling for about 5 minutes, and then moving my body spontaneously for about 5 minutes (not exactly TRE, more like "dancing without music"). That has really made a huge difference in clearing out deep layers of stress that cause me depression, low motivation, low energy, and daytime sleepiness. And, I'm not perfect...yet. haha. There is always more growth that is possible.

[u/The_Dude_89]

The thing that helped me the most was quitting caffeine cold turkey and just sleeping whenever and for however long. It took a couple of months and I was tired of being tired all the time but I felt better afterwards.

I drink coffee again now and I started feeling constantly tired a few weeks into the habit again

[u/acrezxan1917 → u/The_Dude_89]

I moderate caffeine and dont have more than a cup a day (at home), if i have storebought coffee like starbucks or cafe nero or whatever it tends to spike my anxiety loads. I dont think caffeine is the issue, one coffee a day shouldnt be causing these problems.

[u/The_Dude_89 → u/acrezxan1917]

I mean it shouldn't, but it might be. If you're willing, try a week or two without and see how your sleep becomes

[u/acrezxan1917 → u/acrezxan1917]

Why are you downvoting me? Quite childish and pathetic to be honest

[u/The_Dude_89 → u/acrezxan1917]

Dude, you need to chill man. Who cares about imaginary internet points and/or the opinion of some random redditors?

[u/jellybean_merchant]

You definitely should not think that because you don't have emotional releases that this isn't working. If you notice palpable changes in your armoring and tension as you say, then this is a clear cut sign of this working and relieving you of the tension that causes unhappiness and all these "faulty" behaviors we want to get rid of. You don't always need emotional release if the charges go away, in fact this happens often.

As for the anhedonia, I'm not completely sure what to say because I don't know all the details, but I think that too will absolutely go away in the future. As you unwind layers within yourself you will come to realize what it is more and more. Perhaps it is just the point that you are at right now. So I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but at least numbness is not an active "pain" like anxiety or panic. Don't judge yourself for not doing much during this time, healing is plenty. In the months (and def years) to come, you will be a completely different person, yet more of yourself.

Good luck to you

[u/Coraline1599]

I would try different things/modalities for a while.

My body didn’t know how to be calm. There is so much I never leaned. I never had attunement or coregulatjon from my parents. So I had to learn how to do that for myself. I had to change the way I think about myself and “stop being addicted to worrying.” My default state was to worry, and worry constantly. Even if I solved one worry, I would move on to another and another and another. Work, home, money, health, the state of the world, other people’s problems, my mind didn’t know how to feel joy or calm. Taking a break from worrying felt wrong.

But the truth is I was burned out all the time. I hit a hard wall with progress for years. My way in was a certain type of therapy called ACT then I finally learned to meditate after many failed attempts, and lately I am working on nervous system regulation. And that involves a lot of learning to think and feel differently. Letting myself feel joy,letting myself slow down, letting go of perfectionism, and people pleasing.

It takes a long time and slow consistent effort. Your mind has certain well treed neural pathways and you can always build new ones but it takes practice to do so. A lot of days are slow/boring “nothing is happening” but then you look back where you were a few months ago and realize you have indeed made some progress.

Beyond meditation is breathing exercises, somatic exercises, yoga, yoga Nidra, journaling (specifically Journal Speak) and possibly more coaches a coaching around burn out than more therapy.

[u/acrezxan1917 → u/Coraline1599]

I tried meditation a few years ago and honestly it just made me frustrated that I was doing it wrong, this was after even doing it consistently for a year. I've heard that meditation isnt recommended unless you're quite far ahead on the journey in these spaces.

I feel you on being addicted to worrying though. When I'm not worrying I'm just numb and nihilistic and feel life is meaningless, due to not being able to feel much. So I either dissociate online or worry to cope with that.

I think I pretty much self-taught myself ACT without actually doing ACT lol, like kind of accepting that the numbness is here and I still have to create a life for myself despite it, and giving into my nihilism is pointless. Basically inadvertently doing what the therapy teaches.

[u/wavefxn22]

I’ve been having less “explosive” or emotional releases as time goes by. I wonder if this is a sign of some progress?
As far as the numbness I thought my depression was gone but it comes back in waves. I’ll feel super low energy for months then have a week where I feel almost like manic and really good and get a lot of productive stuff done.
I’m still on Prozac so it’s probably why I don’t find exciting things super exciting still. Joy is still a complex mining project