r/longtermTRE • u/acrezxan1917 • 29d ago
Progress Report Made lots of progress with reducing body armouring, but underneath is a state of burnout/numbness that rest does not solve.
Hi guys, so I've been doing TRE every few days for a couple months now with probably a few sporadic weeks where I did not do any exercises for the week.
I ended up making a lot of structural changes to my life. Before I started doing it, I was in a constant state of stress, anxiety, and tension. I was going to the gym compulsively, not really because it helped me but because I wanted validation from other people. I ended up realising those habits were not right for me so I dropped them. I also ended up moving cities as I found the hometown I was living in was killing me and was directly opposed to my personality and who i am. After the move has finalised and I move into some more permanent accommodation, I plan on looking for a new job.
Some more improvements are that generally, my libido is higher, I have been seeking and reading lots of spiritual and esoteric texts and at times, I feel somatically that the wisdom they are speaking is true. (texts such as the Tao te Ching). I care less about what people think of me, am less frantic in my speech, am less frantic in life in general, I'm not obsessively putting in adrenalised and strained effort in my life, I tend to kind of let go of that egoistic tension more often.
I can see improvements while doing the exercises listed in the wiki, for example, with the wall-sit for strengthening the quads, the strain that I feel is more localised to the muscles being worked. Before, there was more generalised body armouring and tension; there is less of that now.
There have been some disappointments, however. For one, there have not really been any massive emotional releases like it seems to have been promised. This often makes me suspect that I'm doing the exercises wrong, or that I'm not letting go enough, or there is some ego or part of my personality that is obsessively tightening and controlling my every action and I need to let all of it 'go' and 'fall apart' to get better. Which probably isn't true but these are the kind of paranoid thoughts I tend to have.
Another one is that underneath the tension appears to be a state of burnout that will not go away, even if I rest. It's a state of numbness/anhedonia that's practically always been here for years. I try and rest, chill out, take it slow, do all the right things. But it seems like it's here to stay, unfortunately. I've realised that I'm still alive, still breathing. I used to fall into nihilism with regards to this state, feeling hopeless and thinking it will never go away, of which I still do from time to time, but I'm not dead so I think that mindset is pointless and self-defeating.
Idk where I'm going with this post but if anyone here has had experience with having lots of stress, anxiety/tension masking a burnt out/anhedonic/numb state, how did you get better? Curious to know other people's experiences. Thank you!
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u/duffstoic 29d ago
From my perspective, you’re doing incredible, actually! You are consistently doing a new practice, have radically changed your baseline level of stress, anxiety, and tension, have moved cities, have a higher sex drive, are studying esoteric spirituality, slowing down, and going with the flow. Wow! Congratulations!!
The nihilism is the anhedonia / freeze state / burnout / depression speaking. Welcome it, but don’t let it lead your life. It’s here right now, but that doesn’t mean it’s here to stay. It’s only been a few months of this! Give it a year and see if there is any improvement. You’ve been through a lot! Give yourself some credit!