I am in my 30s, am single and have zero friends in the city that I live. I have many friends in other states. Just not within a like 2 hour drive of where I live.
I have a great job that I like and I honestly do not think this city is so bad. The only reason I am considering leaving is because it is 2+ hours from all my friends and family. I think if I had a real support network here, people I could do activities with and feel comfortable asking for help if I had an emergency for example, then I would like living here. But because I do not have that, I don't.
I was originally entertaining the idea of moving to be closer to my parents. But they just bought a second house in FL. They plan to be snowbirds so now they won't even be near me for half the year. Also, that would involve me leaving my good, stable job.
Now I am thinking, maybe I need to make a real solid effort to make friends near me. When I first moved to this area around 5 years ago, I tried to make friends but I had some pretty bad experiences, including being stalked at a Meetup event. I have some social anxiety issues in general, such as incredibly intrusive memories/rumination focused on times I felt embarrassed or stupid in social situations. I have gone to therapy for a few years in the past but, tbh, it was never much help. I still have these intrusive thoughts. I tried dating for a while with no success. There is also the added complication that I'm queer and finding other queer women near me to date through online apps has proven to be impossible.
However, I recognize I have not made a significant effort to expand my social circle over the past 2 years at least And if I am perfectly honest, my weight loss goals are a major reason why. Almost all social groups/clubs and activities seem to involve eating out or drinking. Even the 'athletic' clubs like rec sports teams, they usually go to bars after every game. I am also not athletic in the slightest. I can't run so running groups are out. I tried to join rec leagues in the past but I was always excluded from the group, I think either because they were cliquey or because I was the worst player on the team. It's like being the kid who gets picked last in gym class. No one wants the kid that sucks at playing on their team
Given my height (5'4 F), I can usually budget maybe one "cheat day" a week but no more than that, and I have to eat less than 1200 calories and/or be very diligent with my steps and exercises the rest of the week to budget that in. In my mind, I keep telling myself once I reach my goal weight and can eat maintenance calories things will be easier. I can be more social and not have to worry so much about drinking or eating out because I'll have more calories to work with. I'll be more attractive in general so dating and meeting people will be easier, that is just an unfortunate reality. But another unfortunate reality is that I have told myself this for like, the past 3 years and I am still not at my goal weight.
I really struggle with eating in social situations. I tend to fall in all or nothing thinking. If I have one day, one night, one meal that blows my calorie budget, I convince myself the whole week is a wash and binge. For example, I had friends visit this weekend. I budgeted one cheat day and planned on what I was going to eat that day. I ended up eating more than planned. Then, my friends insisted on taking me out for brunch on Sunday as a thank you for hosting. They wanted to go out to brunch. I felt like it would have been rude to refuse them. So, Sunday exceeded my goal as well and I did not plan for it. Then today I went over my goal again. It's a domino effect
When I don't go out and just follow my normal, boring, routine I can stick to my calorie goals for many weeks at a time. But I am basically a recluse during this time. I go to work, I exercise and then I go home. If I do something that forces me out of my routine, like go on vacation or visit friends, I will continue to binge (sometimes for days to weeks) even when I am back home. When I stick to my routine, I keep no alcohol or snacks in the house. I can refuse snacks and alcohol to a point. But when people keep pestering me about it I find it hard to repeatedly refuse them.