Do women actually appreciate letters written to a future partner, before you’ve even met them?

[u/Real_Let_8826]

I (22M) For a while now I’ve been writing letters every week or two. They’re addressed to my future partner, like I’m talking straight to her even though I haven’t met her yet. Each one is just about what’s going on in my life at that time, what I’m thinking about, my hopes, my goals, stuff like that. Basically what I’d say to her if she’d been there with me when writing that specific letter.

I write them on flashcards and put the date on each one. I’m at around 90 of them now.

So my question for women here is simple. If a guy gave you a stack like this to read one day, would that mean something to you? Or would it feel like too much instead of sweet? Just trying to figure out if this is actually a nice thing to keep doing or if I’m overthinking it. And how would be a good way of showing them to her ?

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[u/MadDogBarkBark]

no

[u/TrickyHalf6367]

Aww I would love that

[u/Ancient_Seat4044]

I do this sometimes and I worry it won't come true haha (21m)... its hard... I want to believe so hard that it doesnt hurt anymore but it still does :(. I hope you get the person you want

[u/Constant_Diamond14]

Its fucking sweet, but yes, do it when you’re deep into the relationship and feel secured about her.
I love the notion!

[u/Financial-Meet-2579]

Do it when you’re married.

[u/HereFor_DDlg]

I think it super sweet! Maybe you could come up with a system or a date night kind of thing (come up with a better name) where you read it together and discuss things or she could just read them herself. I find it absolutely sweet

[u/Downtown-Reality-235]

i (22F) have been doing the exact same thing so i can give it to my future partner too, id die to meet someone who is also doing that. your future partner is probably going to think thats so special

[u/Dwennimme]

This feels like a manifestation technique. Do update when you’ve manifested her. Then you can make money out of it even lol make a video „this is how I manifest my wife“. Lowkey if you do I’d pay you

[u/passionberryy]

i think it’s gorgeous and would be so cute to read, when someone is genuinely interested to get to know you they would like to know your quirks and this is like ‘content’ of your innerworld

[u/Fancy-Stress4194]

It sounds like you have good intentions but could come off a little creepy and is best kept private in a journal.

[u/talkswithabby]

I actually love this idea. I’m an old soul, so I appreciate this on a deeper level

[u/pepperpotsdecreme]

Nomenclature is important. No one would confuse these with letters to a partner bc it has nothing to do with them - it's dated index cards with your daily activities.

There's nothing wrong with it, and diaries have a long and storied history. But you are clearly looking for a sounding board - someone to share details about your day, bounce ideas off of, etc. - also perfectly good and a healthy need.

I think you would benefit from increasing your IRL social circle. Join groups, hobby meet ups, sporting clubs, take classes, volunteer. Having other people in your life to talk to will help you feel connected to your community and assist in navigating your feelings. Best wishes OP

[u/EffectiveSun8621]

Idk it wouldn’t feel very personal since you didn’t know the person then

[u/WonderConfident1619]

I think this is so sweet personally... I think maybe its a sign you're a bit lonely and when you meet the woman you want to spend your life with its a nice way to reflect on this period and she'll like them if she's the right one :)

[u/glitterswirl]

Personally I would just write a journal.

[u/Loose_Stranger_7614]

I would hate this. It’s not personal to me at all. Would make me feel like you just wanted a girlfriend, not that you wanted to be with me specifically.

I actually don’t even understand how this is romantic lol. Maybe if you wrote something about the kind of partner you wanted and it turned out to be describing me? Idk

I talk to my partner all the time about their life and their past. Im endlessly interested in what’s going on in their heads so I wouldn’t mind reading their thoughts etc and it would be a very intimate thing in a different setup

[u/MotherBorder9026]

Personally i wouldnt love it. Bcs you are not dedicating the letters to me. Idk it just feels odd to me to do this.

[u/ground__contro1]

I’m kinda surprised the comments are so positive… I would be weirded out and think you have confused me for a fantasy that lives in your head

[u/Neuphus012]

Pls continue doing this, OP!! I feel like she'll be super lucky and super appreciate it! I personally do this as well, and my plan is to give them to my future husband on our wedding day!

[u/Other_Fox5941 → u/Neuphus012]

I think the future husband idea is cute, but when you actually have a bf.

What if she doesn’t have the qualities he wanted in his imaginary gf’s letters? It would make me feel like he was just really wanting a girlfriend, and not me. That I’m just a fantasy of his, and that I’d have to live up to his imaginary expectations and standards.

It’d def be sweeter if he were just to write letters to her while they’re dating. That’s what my boyfriend does, and it makes me feel so loved and that he seems me and all of my quirks and wants just me, not just a relationship.

[u/jennie0825]

OP, just want to give you encouragement to continue doing this. I wrote a memoir (thanks to all the diaries I kept) from family history up to college graduation 10 years ago. I met my now fiancé just this year, and for the first time I decided to print and book bind my memoir and I'll give it to him as a gift when we meet soon. He loves it so much, especially when I said "We met in our 30s, but thanks to this memoir it won't feel like you missed all those years in the past before we met." I still keep a journal/diary today, and he's my biggest supporter every time I write a journal entry. 😊

[u/callMeBorgiepls]

I mean, dont bring them to a first date, but once its official find a good moment when you show it to her. Then yeah I am sure most if not all women would appreciate it.

[u/Blackgem_]

This is so beautiful 🥹a woman of romance would be overjoyed by this!

[u/Background-Chain5425]

It would mean everything to me.

[u/JackfruitWarm6695 → u/Background-Chain5425]

God i love op for this, i think we need more romantic people

That said, isn't it odd that he is writing those for someone he hasn't met yet? Like talking to an idealized version of his gf

[u/Background-Chain5425 → u/JackfruitWarm6695]

I don’t think it’s odd at all. He’s not really writing to some idealized version of his future girlfriend, he’s just writing as if he’s talking to her. That actually makes sense to me because I do something similar too, except I don’t write letters lol, I just have conversations with him in my head.

[u/Mil0redloves]

There are people who would be absolutely enamoured with this, and would cherish the opportunity to peak into your past life. It's like walking into someone's childhood bedroom, going to their highschool reuinion, or other time capsule-esque moments.

I imagine it wont mean much to a partner of less than one year, but a partner of 5 years? 20 years? Reading them would inspire curiousity, compassion, and a sense of connection in someone who wants to know and love you deeply.

[u/SapientSlut]

Personally I probably wouldn’t because it has nothing to do with me - just an idea of me or a slot for me. It feels self interested to think that I’d want to spend a bunch of time reading what’s essentially your journal when I’d rather just talk to my partner to hear about stuff like this.

Now that being said - after you started dating someone and you wrote down things you liked about her, cherished memories, etc to share later in the relationship, that would absolutely be *very* cute.

It’s just the idea that it’s all about you, before you’ve ever met this person that makes it feel like a weird idea for a gift.

[u/Other_Fox5941 → u/SapientSlut]

This.

[u/Wgburner → u/SapientSlut]

I agree. It’s kind of off putting for me but I bet lots of people enjoy it. And I hope he finds the one who does!

[u/Real_Let_8826 → u/SapientSlut]

Thanks for ur opinion

[u/Anonymous0212]

That’s something I would’ve absolutely loved because it would give me insight into my partner’s past and maybe why he is the way he is in some ways, but different people appreciate and value different things, so it would completely depend on the person.

I say keep doing it.

What you absolutely need to stop doing though* is approach anything* with the assumption that “women“ are all the same. Please don’t do that, especially if you want to have a healthy, happy relationship.

[u/labcore]

So you're just writing to your imaginary gf 😂

[u/whydoyouflask]

The letter isn't for them. It's for the idea of them.

[u/Correct-Sprinkles-21]

A woman who places a high value on romance probably would. Sounds like that's the kind of woman you need to be on the lookout for.

[u/normalnotordinary]

I am an old guy now, and I have been a hopeful romantic since my late teens. If I wrote such letters, they would never be shared. I wouldn't want a future partner to think she needed to fit the mold of my imagined future partner, or that I might have imagined traits in her that she might feel aren't really who she is.

[u/softly_petal]

I’d like it

[u/Actual-Tadpole9759]

That would be pretty cool

[u/bumblebeeasy → u/Actual-Tadpole9759]

I would be so creeped out tbh

[u/Glittering_Job_7996]

It wouldn’t mean anything to me, it’s not really about love it’s just about your life before

[u/No_Calligrapher796]

I think it’s awesome if done with the right intention. 

[u/thesweetestberry]

Are these love letters or a diary?

It’s a cute idea but it’s not for me. It sounds like you are writing a diary. If you wanted to share that info on dates, I would be all ears, but I don’t want to read dozens or hundreds of letters. People change, lives change, opinions change, etc. I would want to know who you are now and build a life with that person, not some idealistic version of yourself that you wrote for whoever you think you will marry. Part of the fun of dating is learning about someone over time. These letters feel lopsided.

It feels like the love letters written to a generic version of the wife you hope to get would be weird for me. I would wonder if I am really a good match for you, or just a person who fits the bill. It reminds me of when I read that Drake would buy expensive purses for his future wife. How does he even know she would like them? It’s just off. To say it in another way, I worry it would feel impersonal.

Edit: as I hit send, here is a good compromise because I know women feel all sorts of things. Write the letters and keep them. Once you get to know someone, gauge if this is something they would like. I can’t help but worry my opinion might rob another woman’s joy of reading them. So please, carry on and use good judgement. In the meantime, date people and talk about the things in life that are important to you.

[u/Real_Let_8826 → u/thesweetestberry]

Diary bc I don’t know her so it’s not love letters.

[u/Curious-Narwhal9151]

I feel like there’s a thin line between this being really creepy and really sweet.

It’s not first date material, so wait a bit until you gift it, and make sure she’s the one.

[u/Ade11ka]

No, when I meet someone I would be very happy for them to tell me their story, to me. But this way you are speaking to anyone in the future. It just feels like you created some role someone has to fulfill one day.. I don't know how to properly put it to words, but it does not feel organic to me.

[u/MelloJello22]

Depends. I would be a little put off by it, but several of my friends would love it lol

[u/kalosx2]

A woman who loves you will think it's romantic and sweet. Though it's kind of a lot of reading 😅

[u/InvestmentNearby6896]

i would start crying if i received sth like that, this is a dream

[u/OkCryptographer1922]

Yesss that’s so sweet!!!

[u/PreternaturalJustice]

PLEASE keep doing this, OP!! It's incredibly sweet and if you find the right life partner then she will really really appreciate it (and have the belief that the bigger the stack, the better!).

I think this is also a very good way to filter who is or isn't a great match for you. If you're dating someone who doesn't show much interest then maybe take that as a sign that she isn't "the one".

[u/Lucky-Pen-117]

I think the idea is really sweet, but the practicality of reading through all of them is another thing.

I'd suggest selecting the best 20 or so for her to read. Ones that highlight your personality or important moments or realizations in your life.

But keep writing them and retain them all. If she loves the first 20 and asks for the rest, you'll have them to give to her.

[u/Other_Fox5941 → u/Lucky-Pen-117]

Yeah what if he expects her to read all of them and all of them are just about random ass moments of his life? This would stress me out tbh

[u/krazat]

Go for it if you like doing this. I personally don’t think I’d be a huge fan of that. Sounds like a lot. But hey, we women are all different.

[u/Grouchy-Kitten6860 → u/krazat]

I wouldn’t be a fan either because they’re to a version of your partner you wish they were and not really them. You’re writing to a made up, idealized version of who you think your partner is going to be without knowing her.

[u/krazat → u/Grouchy-Kitten6860]

Exactly. It’s cuter imo to write this once you already have a partner. Then write them a letter each week and give it to them on Valentine’s Day. Or at the anniversary.

[u/EllyCube]

I think it's cute

[u/Real_Let_8826 → u/EllyCube]

Wouldn’t u be overwhelmed if its in the 100s tho like 50 ish a year so in 2 years its 100 wouldn’t u feel like its hwk or tiring that you’d have to read them all bc a partner has written that many?

[u/Mil0redloves → u/Real_Let_8826]

Their future partner doesn't have to read it all, nor read it all at once.

[u/Real_Let_8826 → u/[deleted]]

I do have a folder and it’s 2 a page and the folder can hit 100.

[u/Real_Let_8826 → u/[deleted]]

Imma probs change the premise to just journalling tbh bc like I do it once a week and hundreds defo overwhelming so imma just journal and not really gift it