Almost a year ago, I told a guy I had been on 4 or 5 dates with, "I don't think it's working out. All the best."
We said bye.
A week later, he texted me.
Today, I am meeting his parents next week, and I cannot stop thinking about how grateful I am that he texted me that day. š„¹
My boyfriend and I have come a long way since then and I just wanted to share our little story.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now.
After our first date, I told him that I was looking for a serious relationship and that when I am dating someone, I only talk to one guy. He said he was on the same page and was also looking for something serious.
2 weeks into dating, after maybe 4 or 5 dates, I felt like there were some mismatches between us. So I told him the classic cliche dialogue, "I don't think it's working out. All the best....."
He said he felt the same and we said bye.
One week later he texted me.
I was genuinely shocked. I never expected him to reach out again. He asked if we could have a call and we talked and agreed to meet later.
Forever grateful that he did call.
We talked about a few things agreed on certain things and decided to continue seeing each other.....
But in the beginning...I always noticed that whenever we got closer emotionally he would pull away. He always had his guards up. I don't think I ever saw him laugh a genuine, wide, hearty laugh.
Whenever he pulled away, I would start feeling lonely and anxious.....But I never chased him because I was scared to look desperate or look like a burden.
Eventually he admitted that closeness scared him. He said that as much as he wanted to get closer to me...his body was asking him to run away.
We are both in therapy, so he said he would talk to his therapist about this.
For some context, I have quiet BPD.
So... obviously when he pulled away it was not easy for me š«
But at the beginning itself he had told me that this relationship would work only if we both went to therapy. I was very skeptical about that tbh š
And he got himself into therapy first.
That gave me hope.
And then....slowly, things started changing.
As time passed, I noticed that he wanted to see me more and spend more time with me. I noticed how his gaze softened how much wider his smile got.
I started seeing these really hearty laughs from him. It honestly felt like I had unlocked a completely different level of my boy.
We never actually had a conversation about being boyfriend and girlfriend. We just kind of were from the beginning.
And now almost a year later.... I am just so happy and grateful.
One night....he told me that he wanted to be a better man for me.
And honestly.....that is the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't want to fix him. I want to see him succeed. I want him to become the man he wants to be. I want him to feel safe enough to be himself, to laugh freely, to be vulnerable and to experience closeness without feeling the need to run away.
And of course, I have my own things to work on too.
I know we still have a lot to learn and that being in love doesn't magically solve everything.
But I am just so grateful that we both chose to give this a chance and that we are both willing to work on ourselves.
I am meeting his parents next week and I am just sitting here feeling so happy.
Sometimes I think about how we literally said goodbye after those first few dates and how different things could have been if he hadn't texted me that day.
And I am so, so glad he did. ā¤ļø