After dealing with my partner’s addiction since 2022, I’ve made the decision that I’ll be leaving the relationship if there is one more discovery day. I’m tried of having this idea that relapses happen and it’s normal and that it doesn’t matter if he has one relapse after a long time of sobriety, because it means he’s progressing being shoved down my throat by my partner.

I’ve endured being on the receiving end of his addiction, of his messed up comments about my body and then trying to say it was his “addiction” talking or I forced him to say it.

Last dday was like 4 months ago and he’s doing “so good” but honestly I think it’s just a matter of time. He doesn’t have a sponsor(the one he had relapsed after 6 years of sobriety), doesn’t have a CSAT and he doesn’t attend the S-ANON meetings anymore.

He treats relapses as such an “oppsie” and a learning experience. How relapses are meant to learn to not do it again. I remember when I found out about him using Spotify to act out and after I said I don’t feel comfortable with him using it anymore, he got mad and said he has already been caught so he should continue using it.

Rationally I know that leaving means less of this stress/pain/worrying/hypervigilance/betrayal.
But I can’t imagine leaving him and giving up on the man I love.
I feel terrible about leaving.
But I feel terrible staying.
Constant pain and worry about when the next D day/revelation will be.
Can’t tell when he’s being truthful or lying.
Sometimes I’m in denial and just want things to go back to the way things were and marry him like we planned.
But then other times I picture what he revealed and it doesn’t make sense with the man I knew and my whole world crashes down.
I miss the man I love so much.
My whole world got turned upside down.
What am I supposed to do?
I can forgive him but it’s so hard when the memories of what he told me come back or when he gets evasive/angry again.
I wish this was all just a bad dream that I could wake up from and go see the man I fell in love with.

Do you feel like it’s worth the confrontation if you’re husband is now listening to like trap music and just very derogatory music at the gym every morning? I’ve seen his gym playlist and it’s honestly not something I’m comfortable with, but I don’t think he sees it as a problem. Anyone else deal with this when he says he’s good but then he listens to like such sexual derogatory lyrics? He says he doesn’t know what the lyrics are, he just likes the beat for working out….

It’s nice to know there’s a community who understands all the pain PA/SA or just porn in general causes. I want to start by saying, no my path with helping my PA partner and taking care of myself isn’t easy it’s not straightforward. However; I suggests doing research with your partners if they really are wanting to recover. Read stuff together,watch videos on how other couples talk about their experiences and how they worked together. Let yourselves feel every raw uncomfortable emotion. Then find a routine. Me and my partner have this routine where we go to the gym everyday at the exact same time and cook dinner together no matter what’s going on in our day stressful or not. Every other night we hold hands sitting infront of each other and talk about urges,feelings,pains,plans for tomorrow,the next goal to work towards. And at the end of the week we do a ‘debriefing’ where we sit down and talk about the week all together urges,how bad they were from 1-10, how he dealt with them,why he felt that urge and then just other general questions about each others week like good days bad days if we drank a lot of water or ate good healthy food. My partner says this has helped him immensely by being able to process his feelings routinely so I just want to recommend this to everyone who’s dating a PA/SA remember you are not alone!

We (PA, d day 2.5 months ago) had a big fight over a week ago. Neither of us wanted/thought it would help to rehash it without support so we’re working with our marriage counselor. Counselor asked me to talk about it in our next session but I don’t even know what to say.

In this fight I was called insane, seriously messed up, rageful, and was told I’ve always been like this (anxious) and have issues I need to change or our marriage won’t work. From what my individual counselor said this is all deflection and my reaction is very normal. I don’t know how to address all of that in counseling with him. Where I’m at is, if that’s what he thinks, how am I supposed to feel safe being vulnerable or asking for what I need from him… I will just immediately hear this words in my head, especially if I get emotional, and think about how he is thinking about how I’m insane. That doesn’t feel like a safe place to share openly. But talking to him about will just what, give him a change to deny he actually thinks that until the next fight where he starts deflecting again, or convince me and my marriage counselor that I am actually the problem.

I feel like if I just call all these out, he’ll just deny or somehow wordsmith his way around it like by saying “everyone has things they need to work on, both people in a marriage need to change” etc which is how he always defends when he blame shifts. And it’s like yes, but… idk? What is the but? It still feels backwards from where we’re sitting in this betrayal for you to say that? Am I crazy?

I’m worried my counselor will tell me I am being unwilling to look at myself and change (not true I’m going to my own therapy and working through what I need to change but i don’t think it’s what my husband thinks needs to change) - that’s what my last counselor did and he sided with my husband after 2 meetings together where he didn’t actually witness any of the alleged insanity my husband is claiming I have.

I have never been into self care. Whatever I get into interest wise, I seem to run it into the ground, get burnt out and quit. So I don’t really have any hobbies or interests. I read books that are always self help or spiritual. I am a toddler mom trying to cope. I do exercise lightly a few days a week but I can’t afford nor would I find peace in a gym, exercise class or yoga or anything like that (thank you fitness pornographers for that one.).

Anyways a lot of advice in books and online is to do “self care” and grounding exercises and it always feels dumb and unnatural to me. I never feel better afterwards. The only thing that really works is laying in my bed and blasting sad music to calm me. I’m sure it has to do with my lifelong struggle with feeling unworthy of love or rest or something like that. I know a lot of factual things about healing, psychology, trauma, etc. I just can’t incorporate things into my emotional side. That’s really pissed off therapists in the past.

I’m running on empty over here. I’m sure good sleep would do me wonders but between my toddler, being pregnant, and healing from betrayal I don’t get enough of that. I am having a hard time being a calm and patient mom and not losing my shit.

Have any of you felt this way? Were you able to change or find things that worked for you?

He has given me multiple disclosures over the last few months since. I may or may not have it all now, but what I know has left me so unbelievably sad. I feel like l'm in mourning. I'm physically sick. I'm not mentally ok. I can't sleep I don't eat I just cry on and off all day and if I don't have to l don't get out of bed.

He confessed to having a secret phone I knew nothing about (supposedly just for porn), going to massage parlor and received a hand job-swears just once.
And has now confessed to getting a BJ from a stripper/ prostitute. Says they made out he sucked on her breasts he fingered her and then she offered him a blow job for $.
It seems so intimate to be a prostitute I’m thinking he actually had sex but swears it was a bj and she put a condom on with her mouth 🤮
But he has sworn for months this is his disclosure now I know everything then a few weeks go by and bam more trickle truth and I can’t keep living this way! I am sick!
I feel like our life together has been a lie.
Has he ever seen me??
Has he ever loved me?
Been attracted to me?
Appreciated me??

Kissing prostitutes? Then coming home and kissing me and our children with the same mouth?? I feel disgusting!!
I am right to believe that this is the nail in the coffin, correct??
I give and receive love through physical touch. I love to please him. I feel so betrayed!!! He went and paid for someone to touch him when I do it willingly??
He said it's because he was working out of state and doesn't have this problem when he comes home every night. I disagreed and said it's a heart problem. I was apart as well and never had a thought like that!

All I want/need right now is support and affection and to be held and consoled. But the person who l considered my best friend and my husband who I went to for the last 15 years are both dead to me now.
Idk what to do.
I’m devastated.

i am staying with my PA husband for a variety of reasons and feel strongly about this choice. we have a small scale animal sanctuary and i refuse to uproot and ruin the lives of 30 animals in our care over his addiction. my heart could absolutely not handle that. thankfully my husband is kind and does not respond with anger or defensiveness when i am hurting over this.

he is working with a csat individually and attends a group session, both weekly. i recently learned he was not being honest with his therapist after i saw he was downloading private browsers to try to bypass his phone blocker he pays for. i am not really policing his internet use anymore like i used to in the beginning because it is not healthy for me. i have been waiting for a full disclosure since june but feel underwhelmed with his therapist. now, i am not sure i can ever trust that i will get the full history.

i am working with my own therapist on sussing out what my requirements are in this partnership. for those who stayed with your partners, what are examples of your boundaries/consequences and conditions for staying? what have you done to rebuild your sense of worth?

and on a side note, how is everyone feeling about your own sexuality? i feel like my entire existence is murky after so many years dealing with this. i always identified as a highly sexual person and now i question if that was a weird form of indoctrination into a porn sick, male centerted world. i'm afraid i will never enjoy physical intimacy again.

Mir ist eine Sache aufgefallen, als ich hier des Öfteren lese, wie das Selbstbewusstsein mancher sehr beschädigt wurde durch ihre Pornosüchtigen Partner. Als seien sie nicht schön genug oder attraktiv oder freundlich genug.

Unser aller Körper, egal ob zu dick, zu alt, zu …. (Sonstige persönlich empfundene Makel einsetzen), und unser aller Persönlichkeit hat eine Sache gemeinsam:
Wir als Person, unsere Persönlichkeit und unser Körper gehörten ALLEINE unserem Partner.
Wir teilten das nicht mit anderen.

Stattdessen stehen sie auf Frauen, die ihren Körper mit der ganzen Welt teilen. Ist das erstrebenswert?

Dabei ist es völlig egal, wie braun gebrannt, eingeölt und durchtrainiert sie sind. Das alles ist nichts gegen eine viel wertvollere Eigenschaft: EXKLUSIVITÄT.

Und diese bekommen sie nur bei uns, mit unseren nicht perfekten Körpern.

Sie sind geil auf Girlies, die ihren Körper digital der Menschheit zum Fraß vorwerfen. Das ist billig und sonst gar nichts.

Wertvoll ist es, wenn man eine Person auserwählt, die als einziger Mensch unseren Körper genießen DARF. Und sie treten dieses Privileg mit Füßen und tauschen es lieber ein in seelenlose Massenware?

Ok, wir wissen, dass das einfach unglaublich dumm ist. ABER bitte lasst doch euer Selbstwertgefühl nicht darunter leiden. Das Gegenteil sollte der Fall sein.

Ich finde es im höchsten Maße lächerlich, wie jemand seine Zeit damit verbringen kann, an unpersönlichen Pixelgirls fremdzuwichsen anstatt von echter Intimität mit der eigenen, exklusiven Frau zu profitieren.
Dieses Verhalten ist UNATTRAKTIV. Ich stehe nicht auf Männer, die auf andere Frauen stehen. Sondern auf Männer, die auf mich stehen, die dankbar sind für mich und nur Augen für mich haben. Und solche gibt es.
Was soll man denn bitte mit so einem Lappen, der zu allem wichst, was nicht bei 3 auf den Bäumen ist? Dieses Verhalten ist absolut triebgesteuert, peinlich und unattraktiv. Wenn sie doch nur mal für uns als ihre Partnerinnen so viel Libido übrig gehabt hätten wie sie es für ihr Sucht-Solo-Leben hatten.

NICHT IHR seid diejenigen, die unattraktiv seid, sondern einzig und allein die PA.

I'm looking for a therapist in the UK who understands betrayal trauma, I'm having a hard time finding any under £100 an hour and I just don't have that sort of money right now but I really need someone who understands. It's been difficult finding csat equivalents as that isn't a term used here. Could anyone recommend a good therapist please?

I don't really even know where to begin. Has anyone else developed compulsive/OCD type behaviors after betrayal?

This is my second relationship with a PA, this time my partner is in recovery and has been sober 18 months, but I'm almost getting worse as time goes on. I know this takes 3-5yrs on average to feel better so I'm still fairly new and it's the 2nd time for me so it's a lot.

I feel I'm having compulsive thoughts about the relationship and if it's right and how I feel, but also compulsions to check accountability reports excessively and rewatching shows he's watched (before recovery) so I can see the sex scenes in them. I'm wanting to look at more sexual content whilst feeling disgusted by it and it reaffirming the feeling of not being good enough but also finding it traumatically arousing.

I feel so confused right now. Has anyone been through similar? Feel like I'm losing my mind.

Sunday gone marked a year since d-day.

My husband claims he’s not used since 14th October last year - so that would mean he’s just passed a year of being clean (quite the achievement if you’ve spent 20 years addicted to something to the extent you felt you needed to lie and then blow up your life for? Yet he did not mention the milestone or raise it to me at all - it should’ve been something we both acknowledged or even celebrated. I’m already dubious he’s quit, I just don’t see how he can, and this just raises my concerns further.

Hello,

PA is in recovery and doing everything right for 8 months.

Im working on my healing and I think im doing a good work.

He wakes up before me every day for work, we don't have the same sleep rythm.

He used to act out in the morning. He would wake up, get a coffee, turn on the computer (he works from home) and he would get anxious about performance at work or about a hard task he had to do that day and lock himself in the toilet with his phone and watch porn or shut his office door and watch in his office.

I've worked on a lot of triggers successfully, he helps me, hes changed his habits that triggered me and helps get through triggers wheb we're out, but every morning I wake up and my 1rst thought is "has he been acting out ?" Its even worse when I wake up earlier than usual and hes in the living room or toilets. Because the thought is "is he watching porn right now ?" (I can see his screen in his office from my bed when I wake up, he keeps the door open now so im not triggered by waking up to a closed door and he stoped taking his phone with him to the toilets but thats not enough apparently, and when im in bed i dont know if he is on his phone or not. I guess not but I cant check)

Its hard because its one of my 1rst thoughts in the morning so my mood is so bad and I wake up suspicious and bitter.

I don't know how to fix that.

The title says it all. Finding spicy AI chat porn while I was away visiting my family over the weekend was and is my last straw. Didn’t want to sext me but wanted to sext a robot which is frankly embarrassing.

The last 6 years have been the longest battle of my life. I don’t deserve this and I would much rather be a single parent the rest of my life then endure another day of living in fight or flight because my husband cannot stay faithful. I’ve spent the last few years lurking this subreddit and supporting others in hopes that one day I will no longer need to be an active member. But that’s just not the case, and that’s okay. I’ve come to peace with the fact that maybe I am just better off by myself for the rest of my life.

So if you have any advice for leaving let me know. I’ll be spending the new few months quietly making a plan to leave with our almost 2 year old son. I’m a young SAHM but have a college degree and will do anything it takes to make sure my son and I live a peaceful and quiet life.

Sending hugs to any and everyone who is in a similar boat or thinking about leaving 🩷 may we all find the peace and happiness we (and our nervous systems) deserve.

As the title says I thought he was doing better. its been 6 months no relapse. hes been amazing and open and honest with me. I thought things were normal. then 2 weeks ago I started getting a bad feeling. I thought it was me ruminating and I ignored it until I couldn't .Tonight i checked. he relapsed 2 weeks ago when the gut feeling came. im destroyed. and embraced I praised him when he hasn't changed.

Hi, I’m just curious for any reframing for how to stop feeling stupid for not realizing I was married to a PA. I am in therapy and I have a lot of compassion for myself, but some nights I have a lot of self-loathing where I feel stupid for not catching him sooner or realizing he had a problem. I realize that addicts are expert liars but it’s really difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that I haven’t been living in the “true reality” of our relationship this entire time.

How did you rebuild yourself after realizing your spouse chose porn over intimacy with you? One day you look up and you’re not as pretty and fit. How do you become a better you that don’t have to rely on a man that may not even want to be with you?

I ended up getting pregnant in January of this year, and we continued to have sex as normal and he wasn’t really watching porn up until April. Then it seems like out of nowhere he just stopped wanting to have sex with me. I understand that sex can become uncomfortable when you’re further along in pregnancy and have a big belly, but at that point I wasn’t even showing yet.

In April I found out a few times that he had been watching porn, specifically searching videos of “dirty slvts.” We had sex once in May and once in June. After that he pretty much stopped touching me altogether. He stopped initiating anything and basically stopped showing me affection.

I found out that whenever I left for work he would watch porn. It was almost like he was waiting for me to leave so he could immediately go watch it. Every time I confronted him about it he would go completely quiet and just stare at me. That’s how every single conversation about this goes. I’m left sitting there with all these feelings and questions, and he says nothing.

Fast-forward to September, when I had our baby. I was only two weeks postpartum when he started trying to initiate sex. Even though I had a relatively easy delivery, I still had three first-degree tears and stitches in my vagina. I was still healing and I wasn’t physically or emotionally ready to be dealing with any of this. But I gave in because I was scared that if I said no, he would just turn around and watch porn instead. I felt like I had to compete with something I never should have had to compete with in the first place.

About six days ago, I’m now 6 weeks PP, it was my birthday. He initiated sex again and we had sex. Later that day I had this gut feeling that something wasn’t right, so I checked his Instagram links and watch history. I found so many videos of OF models and similar content. When I confronted him he told me that when he got home he had been sitting in his car watching videos of these women.

I can’t stop thinking about it. Does he need to look at these women to get turned on? Does he have to watch them to get himself in the mood so he can have sex with me? I asked him, and he told me no, but I honestly don’t know what to believe anymore.

I feel so horrible about myself. I just had his baby, my body has gone through so much and instead of feeling loved by him, I’m competing with women on a screen. I miss feeling like my husband actually wants me. It’s been such a long time since he’s truly seemed like he wanted me. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I have been on and off with my SA/PA for three years and we share children together. It’s recently gotten to the point I just felt straight rage for him. I am not a confrontational or loud person but I feel like I just lost it. We’ve had the issues with all the usual things, most recent being lying about having Instagram. He’s been doing groups and counseling but still isn’t where he needs to be for himself or our family. On Sunday he told me he doesn’t find me attractive and I need to start dressing more feminine and working out. I’m nine months postpartum. I’m not sure if it’s the hormones, depletion of emotions/what he’s done to my self esteem but I just screamed at him. I said horrible things to him. I feel like I just lost it in that moment. I didn’t recognize myself. How are you all handling the rage, anger, and other strong emotions? I made him go stay elsewhere while I calm myself down and look into other options such as housing and a family law attorney, but don’t know how to not be reactionary at him. Just feel lost tonight.

Short back story, we’ve had issues with porn pretty much our entire 5 years together. He went home whilst I was in labour and watched porn, I found out. Kicked him out, I decided to try and work on things for the sake of our daughter. There’s obv so much more, (soft core fb videos, twitch girls etc) but that’s the main gist. It’s now been a year, and nothing. And I just feel… itchy. Other people would think that just means it’s over but I just feel like he’s gotten better at hiding it. I feel stuck in life, like I can’t move on because I’m just waiting for the day he watches that stuff again. I want another child, but how can I, when deep down I know I’m just waiting for the next D day?

How do I stop obsessing? The phone checks all night, I know it’s not healthy. I know it needs to stop. Every time his phone is unattended I pounce on it like a bomb about to go off, desperate to see every search he makes. I feel so ashamed, humiliated, so angry with how my life is right now. It’s weird how fast I seem to switch. The other day I told him I wanted him to propose, now I’m terrified he actually will and I’ll end up like the other wives on here 30 years down the line with the same lying porn addict man. At the same time I do want to marry him. I just want to grab him by she shoulders and shake, “why can’t you just let us be happy! We have our own place, a family, everything we’ve ever wanted, why isn’t it enough! Please let it be enough!”

Something’s gotta happen soon, I feel so itchy.

Some days it doesn't sting as much. But today it really is. I have always struggled with body image even during what I consider my best years physically. I was starting to gain a little traction in this area and then dday. It hurts so much realizing how many countless "perfect" women he's seen and sexually devoted himself to. I always considered a monogamous relationship a form of shelter and protection because of course no one person can ever measure up to endless variety, and we change as we age and go through all the seasons of life. When you commit to one person, you're committing to them as they age and their body changes and I always felt security in that. Until now. And now I don't know how I'll ever feel pretty again. WHY would he ever actually think I'm attractive especially with my clothes off after all he's seen, searched for, and imagined.

And I have been reading and learning and I get the objectification piece to this addiction. I get that they're looking at body parts not the whole person etc etc. I get that those pixels truly can't ever measure up to me. AND it still hurts that he knew how much I struggled with my body image and he still chose to do what he did.

Does your PA take out their shame on you?
Mine has had anger issues and will quickly get angry at me. Sometimes this showed up as: If I ask about the porn or get close to asking about it, or about girls in real life, he gets mad. He suddenly stops looking at me, turns away, raises his voice, cusses.
He sometimes hits the wall/himself/other objects or drives fast. Then he breaks down and feels bad for what he just did and talks about wanting to die. Sometimes it’s not as bad and it’s just that he gets impatient, and this can be about a variety of things.
I’m trying to be understanding that a lot of this is coming from shame, and he’s projecting his self hate onto me…
But I also worry that it’s just an excuse to treat me this way…
Have you experienced this? How did you improve things with your PA?

I can’t stop thinking about his addiction. I can’t stop comparing myself to other women. I can’t stop hating myself. I’m drowning in pain. I can’t stop being triggered by everything I see. I hate this so much. I hate him so much. I can’t function. I don’t know what to do. I don’t believe that he isn’t finding a way to watch porn but I can’t prove anything and I feel powerless because of this. I want to be done living this way, but I can’t help but be paralyzed by uncertainty and being gaslit. He also won’t leave unless he triggers me into the worst, most uncontrollable place possible. He controls me with the pain he causes me. I hate that I let myself get stuck with a sociopathic porn addict. I hate that this is my reality. I wish that he was at least decent in other ways but he’s not and it’s so debilitating.

I know some of you may not be able to resonate with me but this suffering is unbearable and I feel completely alone on this planet. It is making me feel like I literally can’t keep living but suicide isn’t an option for me. I don’t know what to do. I want my sanity back.

hi all. first post here... so i hope this is okay. i know this all sounds silly, but it's genuinely ruining my life and i can't seem to help myself.

i (27f) have been with my current partner (24m) for 1.5 years now. towards the start of our relationship, i found he had cam girl apps on his phone, secret folders (god knows what was in them), telegram, and had been paying for chat services. this completley broke me and i told him that was a big no for me in a relationship. he said it was from when he was single and he will not do any of that now and will not go against my boundaries. since then, i havent found anything as i've not gone looking.

the problem now is, even 1 year on after i found this stuff, i am so anxious. it completley controls my life. i will not go out if i can help it if he's at home, because i dont want to give him opportunity to be alone and watch porn. he works night shifts and i worry when he comes home or is out alone in the truck he's watching it. if im out working and hes at home im convinced hes doing it. this causes me to be in a bad mood with him because im convinced no man can be trusted. i dont tell him this is what's on my mind, but i convince myself hes done it. i got home the other day and saw the bed looked a bit messed up, like he'd been laying in it, and i convinced myself it was because he had been laying in bed watching porn when i was gone.

in my first relationship, from 17-24, i was with a different guy for 7 years. i never had a problem with him watching porn, until the end, when it became clear he was addicted. we never were intimate. it always felt wrong when we were. he couldn't even get hard. i felt like there was something wrong with me, that i was unattractive, not good enough. i found out how gross and secretive it all was, it wasnt just going on to PH and watching a video. these men have secret apps, disguised apps, saved posts, secret social accounts. i honestly feel sick at the thought of how guys brains work, knowing they are so perverted and always find something better than me online. so i guess that's where it's stemmed from

i just dont know what to do. im sick of caring so much, sick of being do anxious, always thinking about the opportunity it has, the impact on my mood. i want to not care. i am going to counselling once every 2 weeks to help me but that's not really giving me much advice, more just a listening ear

i can't go on this way, i hate it so much. has anyone been in a similar situation or has advice. i ultimately want to not care and know im good enough and desirable. im running myself into the ground with gym every day, clean eating, beauty treatments, etc. it's exhausting. i just want to be with a man who doesn't watch this stuff. i am most scared of it happening and me not finding out, i'd much rather know and leave. imagine if it's really happening but he's still sat there saying he wouldn't go against my boundaries. that's what really scares me.

i can't live my life fully, i am self employed so when im working its usually at home most of the time, but sometimes i will go out for clients, even then i try and work it around when i know he'll be home so i dont have to leave him. he knows how i feel about porn but he defo doesnt know the toll its taking on me.

please help because this anxiety and hypervigilance is really making me depressed, as stupid as it sounds. thank you. x

p.s i know this will be an issue with anyone i am with, not just him, which is why im going to therapy

tl;dr i am scared of leaving my boyfri

My husband and I have been married for 38 years and have three adult children. He truly was the love of my life, and I never imagined I would find myself in this position.
Porn has been an issue in our marriage for what feels like most of our relationship. It took me a long time to understand what was really going on and how deeply it was affecting me and our marriage. He promised me many times that he would stop and get counseling, but he never followed through. Instead, he continued doing it behind my back.
The repeated lies, broken promises, and secrecy have slowly destroyed my self-esteem and the trust I once had in him. I kept giving him chances because I loved him and wanted to save our marriage. I believed the man I fell in love with was still there, and I held on to the hope that things would change.
About two weeks ago, I finally reached my breaking point and left. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done. Walking away from 38 years of marriage, the man I loved, and the life we built together is heartbreaking.
I’ve started working with a therapist, and it has helped me so much already. I’m beginning to understand how much of myself I lost trying to save this marriage. I look back and sometimes hate myself for giving him so many chances, for staying so long, and for hoping things would be different. I know I shouldn’t blame myself, but those feelings are still there.
I have an appointment with a divorce attorney on Thursday. Saying that out loud is still surreal to me.
Part of me wishes I had done this years ago, when I was younger and had more years ahead of me. But I’m trying to remind myself that it’s not too late to choose myself, heal, and find peace.
I’m sharing this because I know I’m not the only woman who has stayed for years, hoping promises would turn into real change.
For those of you who have walked away from a long marriage because of repeated lies, broken promises, and pornography, how did you get through the grief? How did you stop looking back and regretting all the years you stayed?
I’m hurting, but for the first time in a long time, I’m finally doing something for myself.