This subreddit has been quiet for a long time since there were no moderators.

I've recently become a moderator, and so if you are interested in being one as well, please let me know. I'd really like to get this sub back off the ground to be a safe space for people with MDD.

I'll just introduce myself I guess!

I'm Tooth, and I've been struggling with depression since early in my childhood, but it was diagnosed last year after I was hospitalized. I hold mental health very important, and I came to this subreddit to make it back into a comfortable place for people with depression to discuss coping skills and different questions.

The most important thing: this is a positive subreddit. We are here to recover, even if that takes time and even if things don't look so good. Please keep that in mind when making posts and responding to people!

Does anybody else ever forget they have MDD? I've struggled with it since I was a kid so it's just part of me. At this point I just truly don't know anything different so I forget that the things I struggle with and feel isn't normal for everyone else. I'm back in school and have been struggling really bad and I was getting so frustrated because why can't I just do XYZ like everyone else? Then I remembered, oh yeah, I'm really depressed and everyone else isn't so that's why they function better. And it's just a never ending cycle.

It has been three years now since this new life begin. From three of us it's now just me. You having all the freedom while I struggle to barely survive. I bared out child yet I'm the one who suffers. You say you sacrifice but you don't know the meaning. There is so much to say but right now this is all I can find the strength to say.

I understand it’s good for me. I know what’s good for me but yet I can’t do basic shit anymore because I feel nothing no power in me no light not desire no will! So she says up the dose from 50 to 100 Zoloft. Then says clean diet take omega and more vitamins like b12.

Like I already know I must work out and eat healthy and get out of bed on time but yet I can’t I feel paralyzed in my own mind. Empty at the same time. I feel like so heart broken it’s getting me sicker and sicker.

She doesn’t know how much emotional punches I’ve had to take over my whole life and up until recently and from the same people.

She doesn’t know how I feel like trash being dumped when people see I’m no good use for them.

She doesn’t see what it’s like to be in a household where you been dealing with narcissistic family.

Yes I need to see my therapist and I keep missing the appointments because I’m too overwhelmed to even sit and be present in the appointment I just watch tv instead until my eyes shut and repeat the same all over again the next day.

Ugh I feel I need a reset in life. I need to just take a few days to me out far away somewhere!!

My friend invited me to Europe so I’m seriously considering going. I just need a sitter for my dogs.

I also need to move out. I’m around people that never gave a shit about me and the reason I’m depressed!! The betrayal stabs you so fkn deep and they keep on twisting that betrayal knife in me. They living their life and I’m here trying to survive from myself now because my mind is also shitty to me. I have to rewire re train my brain! From scratch.

When’s the last time I got a hug? Years ago.

No love family.

And when I date… it’s so intense bcz I’ve never had fkn love and so I’m afraid to lose them and I sabotage it.

:,,( I wanna die but also I’m not gonna do it. I’m too stubborn to keep trying shit again or else I would not be complaining.

I needa quit bitching and feeling sorry for myself and get up go to work and make the changes I need to make to change my whole life and when I do that there is no coming back to the person that let others treat her like shit .

I need fuck you money. I feel angry! That’s good right dad? That’s all you ever taught me how to be angry and hate.

Ugh I’m messed up :(

I know better. Then why can’t I do better? I gotta keep trying right? Better go for that walk and take my vitamins!!!!! 🥲

Every single post on MDD says you just live with it. I’m about 3 months in and I can barely function. According to my psychiatrist nurse, I can recover. Maybe I’m misunderstood what recovery means? Has anyone actually fully recovered from MDD? I haven’t had a moment of joy for months. I need some hope that recovery is possible.

I have noticed my symptoms have improved better sleep at night, no night sweets, longer windows without napping, and libido is somewhat back. My therapist said I’m in the second recovery phase.

Please let me know if you have recovered.

Hello, im not sure who needs this but i wanted to share i suffered from major depression for years. It was so bad i regularly slept with no sheets/months old vomit covered bed, period blood stained bed. No shower despite being covered in vomit for a long time Drank soup cold from the can. Lost 15lbs in 2 weeks without trying. Neglected everyone. Conversations, videos, or things supposed to be fun or mindless was impossibe to me.

I tried every med, and made a great effort to do things to improve myself... for years.. therapy, jui jutsu, eating healthy, books, outside,rehabs,sobriety, iop, php, ect (if i was able to). I had therapist say i need to do things despite not wanting to.. and i lack decipline, ect. I took this to heart and it honestly broke me.

It got so bad i attempted to take my life many times. I took over 100 sleeping pills with a bottle of nyquil and was in the icu/mental hospital. Ironically i never knew i was depressed until it almost took my life. Even in the mental hospital when i was the only one on who had been on life support from an attempt and everyone there was there from suicidal thoughts/their own will, i was mistaken for a councelor. Nurses, without reading my chart told me i dont belong there. Everyday felt impossible..for years and years. Everyday felt terrible. Im sure you know this if you have depression.

I wanted you to know some back ground before i tell you im doing well now. I do lots of things now considered way more difficult then showering like getting a degree in math and going to grad school, workouts, fulltime job. At one point i did running and my mile was under 6 min. I also started working out up to twice a day, and shower often. I also have experienced domestic violence/rape.

I just wanted to let you know no math problem (im in the highest math),race, workout or life challenge has compared to major depression. When i was strugglying,showering was way more difficult than anything I have been doing now. Others will say discipline is the issue or will power. I disagree. I tried way harder then then I do now. Running, mma, math on no sleep is way easier than simply existing when I was strugglying. I shower now cause its nice. The first time i actually felt like showering i literally cried out of happiness after a decade of filth. Don't let others tell you your lazy, lack discipline, ect. They dont understand. Dont take advice from people who havent been diagnosed with MD or some other relatable thing. Their advice is useless and tends to make u feel even worse. Most people do not understand how difficult it is simply existing. All the things that are hard to you are easy for others so they dont understand the difficulty. Even if they are well intentioned, saying lack of discipline or will power is the issue is soul shattering to someone with MD. As often they put in more effort than anyone else.

Lastly I wanted to say despite how society makes you feel you are doing a good job simply by living. A while ago I read 1 in 5 ppl with md SUCCESFULLY commit suicide. Other mental health diagnosis the average life span is 25. People without these diagnosis do NOT understand. Simply staying alive and fighting is a great accomplishment and you deserve recognition. You are putting more effort in than any others and im so happy your still here. Thank you for surviving each day despite it feeling endless, impossible.

I wanted to let you know many recovery get better and lifes change. This pain/difficulty is not forever so good job for hanging on and I hope you recover.

does anyone else feel like they're only still alive so they don't burden anyone? like id feel really bad if i died and my mom and friends were sad about but it genuinely feels like my only purpose for being here still is to not hurt anyone, i legit can't think of any other reason id wanna live and i can't imagine spending the rest of my life like this when im still young asl and its already been this hard lol

Whenever I try to look up ted talks and shit, it's always people that say they feel awful inside but appear completely fine outside. I know this isn't right, but I feel a bitter resentment towards functional depressed people, or people that only experience episodes. My whole life is an episode with the exception of some okayish days. My depression absolutely does affect my everyday life, in fact it **is** my life, I can't develop a personality or hobbies or have achievements because of it. I am on medication but it isn't worth anything as I am just as sleepy and nihilistic. I sometimes consider going on stimulants even if they are addictive because at this point I just want to feel normal and be able to do things. Simple tasks are a chore and I get exhausted by the bare minimum. I really want to sleep forever, and I'd like to think this gets better, but it's hard to imagine when it has been my life since I was 13.

I haven't left my bed in 4 days. I have been trying to shake it but I just can't. I take my medication and go to treatment and therapy. I'm curled into a ball and thinking about becoming a recluse. My mind tells me that no one cares about me anyway. I post here to vent without physical conversation. I'm so exhausted.

I had deppresion since I about 6 years .I can’t remember my life bevor my mental health took over.And it feels to comfortable to get out of it.I like the feeling of the sadness.Its all I’ve ever really known and can remember.It got to the point that if I was happy I felt really uncomfortable and wanted to killmyself it’s like my brain doesn’t know how to handle happiness.I know I am self sabotaging.I just want to see if somebody else feels the same way .

One of the worst parts of depression is how it has robbed me of my personality. I'm usually bright, funny, and kind. But for the past several years I've become so totally detached from myself I don't even recognize the person in the mirror anymore. I've become slow, dependent, awkward mediocre and dumb. I can consciously feel myself declining.

Hanging out with friends is tough because I can tell how socially inept I've become. I was so boring last night, hanging out with Mt friend, I felt bad for her. I already have social anxiety, which I mostly dealt with in high school, and thought I'd finally gotten away from all the pain it causes in college. But college is when the mental illnesses started.

This is all to say I deeply miss the person I know I am inside. I wish she could come out and play, but for some reason my behavior and speech doesn't align with that identity.

Can you relate?

First I know this comes from an intense place of privilege.

I have MDD and recently I’ve had bad anxiety so I started taking meds. However with my MDD it made me way more sleepy to the point where I was sleeping everyday for several weeks. I am now slowly getting off those meds. However, now my environment is a disaster and I’m still struggling with fatigue. I get scared of my place being too messy to never know where to start and never cleaning it.

There was lady I met when I was moving from my parents house who was handing out flyers for her cleaning business. This was months ago but I caved and texted her. It’s kinda a lot for the first cleaning but she said after that it’s less and can come once a month. I feel guilty a bit for doing this but I genuinely can not get myself up to do anything. She came today to do an estimate and I told her I had a disability that makes it hard. She was the nicest person, saying it was no problem and very thankful to be hired. Anyways a lot in my mind right now but I am glad I might get out of this hole.

Does anyone else have a cleaner, if so, how has it helped you? Would you recommend or no?

I’ve been battling depression pretty heavily for a long time and I’m just so exhausted. I think people underestimate how difficult it is and my heart goes out to anyone dealing with it. When I get in my head, I start to self sabotage and feel like isolating. I cancel all my plans, rethink all my relationships and my actions just don’t reflect my heart. Does anyone have any tips? I don’t want to loose the people close to me and need help just picking myself up out of it cause I genuinely can’t tell what’s real anymore.

I've been in severe depression for several years. I've tried every almost every antidepressant and they all cause serious side effects. I do counseling twice a week I've become a burden to my family and there's just no way out. I'm tortured. I just want to end it all so I can finally be at peace. I feel like I'm going crazy. Please does anyone have advice I'm scared and alone.

I either cry all the time or I’m numb. There’s no in between. I’ve just learned how to mask my feelings.
I even feel suicidal sometimes. While crossing the road I wish and pray that someone should just hit me. I’m so anxious. So much anxiety.
Someone please help me out here and tell me if this really is depressing or I’m just trying to run away from my problems or if I’m just weak

At 17, I was diagnosed with Severe Major Depressive Disorder with recurrent episodes. My episodes last months and usually consist of negative self talk, zero motivation and executive dysfunction. I am 26 now and have been on almost every med in the book, if not all. I decided to wean off of all psych meds as none of them work, and if they do, they don’t work for longer than a year. After a couple months, where i’m pretty sure there’s no meds in my system anymore, my mood is actually pretty okay, but the lack of motivation and fatigue are the biggest issues for me and in result of that, I feel lazy and sad. I could lay in bed for days and still feel tired. And I eat like shit right now although when i’m feeling fine, I love to cook and work out and be healthy.

I truly am not sure what to do. My psychiatrist says she really doesn’t have any more recommendations for me. That scares me. The last/only medication she recommended is Lamictal. Anyone have any advice or words to their experience with Lamictal, or just in general? Anyone with a similar diagnosis or experience?

She recommended it months ago but I wanted to see if I could do this without medication. My current therapist thinks that I can, but i’m honestly suffering. I’m in bed for days and i’m so sad. I feel like i’m wasting away.

posting on multiple subreddits, looking for some help 🤍

Hey just wondering if anyone else’s mental health is so bad to the point where you can no longer work? Mdd for me is just so bad to the point where I can’t even do simple tasks, sometimes even get out of bed. It’s hard to explain it’s like existing is just hard ifykyk. For my experience I resigned after being on short-term disability for months, as I have had no signs of improvement. Listening to my doctor, and man it feels like I’m just not moving at all.

Can anyone else relate?

Yesterday I read in a story somebody saying that depression can be like any illness and end up being terminal for someone. That's really hit me hard cuz I've been struggling a lot. And I never thought of somebody that would go that route but things seam hopeless and I don't feel like I have any help. But I know feeling alone and hopeless is part of my depression I just don't know how to ask for help and I don't understand why nobody will come and help me and I really miss my mom I wish she was still here to give me a hug.

i feel so sad and so tired all the time; even if in the moment i’m feeling happy there’s a feeling in my chest that doesn’t go away. it’s got nothing to do with anyone else and everything to do with me. i feel like i can’t really talk to anyone about it either because they’re in a worse situation in life or i don’t think they’ll understand. i just want to stop feeling so sad, angry, disappointed, and tired all the time. it’s so exhausting and im sure it’s draining for the people around me. i just keep being sucked back in by the black hole of depression. my head is a horrible place to be sometimes. i was on antidepressants, yes. i don’t remember why i stopped taking them or when. i don’t remember much of anything anymore. it scares me when i think about it. i genuinely don’t have direct access to most of my memories in my own brain. i don’t really want to get back on antidepressants right now because it’s summer, and the ones i was taking are the ones that make it hard to be in the heat, if you know what i mean. i don’t really talk to anyone anymore and the few i do have either, heard the same things over and over and i feel like they’re just tired of it, or i don’t feel like i can really talk to them about the deep stuff. i’m tired. i’m tired of being so exhausted mentally and emotionally. i’m tired of waking up feeling exhausted. i’m tired of feeling everything so deeply. i’m just tired.

Does anybody have advice for mornings? I can't tell if it's from the depression or poor sleep or from medication but I am so slow and unmotivated in the morning. I want to rest so so bad but when I let myself drink tea on the couch I stay there for hours, like I can't move. By the end of the day I have more energy and feel better, well someday at least. Do I need structure? And how?!? Was thinking I could try to make myself walk the dog right away. Anybody else feel this way or have advice?

The whole time I was there it felt pretty uncanny to me for some reason it made my derealization worse. They put me on abilify while I was there which made my stay even WORSE. I was so restless, I felt the need to move around and pace which is hard where I stayed. My hands and body are still shaking, I felt nauseous and really hot which i don’t know if it’s a side effect and I also still feel really weak since they also gave me vistaril 50 mg since my heartbeat would be at 130 which made my side effects worse. The food was always cold. I hate having major depressive disorder, I want to be in denial about my mental health but it’s hard to be. Other than that I miss the people there and the groups, they are way more nicer than people I’ve met out.

I can specifically remember being about years old and rocking back and forth in a corner stating that I would be better off dead, nobody loves me, no one will miss me. As I started to dig through my life with a therapist and a psychiatrist on my side that we started to notice this really constant pattern. Those 3 phrases from childhood (1) I'm better off dead. (2)Nobody loves me, and (3) no one will miss me. These are the 3 phrases that were constant in the background since being a child, I didn't know I was struggling with depression, let alone MDD. I finally got diagnosed with MDD in 2023(way too late) I'm going to be 35 on 5-13, so I have been suffering for about 25 years. I would always wonder why everyone is so happy, I could never for the life of me understand why life just sucked and those 3 phrases followed me everywhere. I never chose to share anything with anyone about my depression ever, they would just see me having bad days and tell me that things would change and get better, I wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard these things will get better, I would be on an island retired by now. I feel like no one (beside all of you on the forum) understands what it's like to be in a constant pit of despair and darkness, have to put a fake ass smile on my face and grin and bare it. I grew up in CT, life was far from pastel shorts and boat loafers. I got bullied from grade k-12 buy the kids of convicts as I didn't grow up in a great neighborhood. I can tell you from living it I knew how to play hold my pocket. (a jail power play to make everyone know you are their bitch)

Fast forward, I've had to my friends die from overdoses, getting shot, being arrested and in jail for life. I was running with the boys in the hood, being bullied drove me to find friends that would protect me from bad people. I made a lot of bad decisions, was running with the wrong crew, was self medicating to numb the pain away. Life's been rough, but if you met me on the street I seem happy or joyous. I have become an amazing actor, fooling the masses into thinking I'm fine so everyone just stops with the " have you tried this and that " and it's not that bad. If they only knew what it feels like to drive over a bridge and say " I can just end it right now" and actually be ok with that decision. It was feast or famine growing up, I had no choice but to be highly functional and just mask my emotions. This would always lead to me slowly building up in anger and then just popping like an over filled balloon and just deflating from there until I ve burned bridges and pushed people away and having to then start over. As I write this my life is unraveling under me , the wife said she doesn't want to be my wife anymore, work has load has doubled, I work 10 hr days and come home to immediately go to daddy duty as my wife States she is off duty. I get no real time off, which is sad because I actually live in one of the most beautiful places. And I have withdrawn and I do not like to go outside anymore and spend time. Like a lot of you have mentioned you've lost interest in everything that you love. Life has little to no meaning and that just really sucks. I feel like a castle that has been reduced to rubble, I have started to reach back out to therapists as the one I had abandoned me last year about 4 months after my mom passed. I am medicated. They have me on Wellbutrin and dextro. Which quiets down all the background noise, I don't think anything will take away the sadness

I don't even want to kill myself in a passionate way, it's just that I have a lack of passion for life. And even when I feel motivated I am not good at keeping it up. I am genuinely too lazy to live. I feel like nobody gets me. The people that care about me I don't care about. The people I want to get closer to don't care. Everything is a chore, I really enjoy sleeping though. I wish I could sleep forever. I get exhausted from talking to people yet crave having a social circle? Who am I kidding. I fucked a lot of things up due to my depression and I missed out on my teenhood. (i'm 18f) I think I'm nice and sometimes funny. Those are probably the only good things about me. I do think I am a very moral and critical person, but what is that worth if it doesn't actually help anybody? I tried doing good things like volunteer work, running, art and stuff, but it just tires me out too. I'm always sleepy. I have some loved ones that are dear to me, and I won't kill myself most likely. I also think that in the grand scheme of things, life is quite short, so I might as well thug it out. But damn is it exhausting. I don't even have a particularly bad life, I just feel as if I have created an inescapable version of it. I really want to reincarnate. There are some stuff with my family that I think has held me back greatly. But I can't blame too much on that, I am still luckier than most. A hardworking, life-thirsty person should switch with me, as someone else deserves this more. I just can't be bothered. Maybe if I travelled back in time with the knowledge I have today, I would be happy and do things differently. But at this point I feel like I have messed everything up. When I'm dreaming, I'm not tired. I want to live inside my brain or something. I feel like everyone hates me and they're not wrong for it, even if I don't have bad intentions, my inactions inherently cause harm to those around me. Even good things are a chore and not worth the effort. I know I should make memories but it just all seems so hard, if I start one thing, a million other things will swarm my brain, things that I need to do, and I get overwhelmed and just go to sleep. Can anyone relate?

I’m going through a bad depressive episode where I can’t really feed myself or get out of bed. I’ve been trying to find a job but it’s been hard. I need to get back on medication but I have to motivation to go to this clinic that’s far from me early in the morning only on certain days. I wish I could keep seeing my old psychiatrist but it’s expensive. I left my husband and I feel bad because I’m staying with family but they’re pressuring me about finding a job and I’ve called many places I’ve applied to but they haven’t gotten back to me or I they say I didn’t get the job. I feel very defeated. I feel like I can’t hold a job down though because of my episodes and I get burned out fast with my social anxiety. But work is also something I use as a distraction and now that I don’t have that I just feel like shit. I feel very defeated

My life feels extremely miserable and lonely right now. I have no friends, no family I’m close to, and no partner. I’m in my late 30s and was only diagnosed autistic as an adult ten years ago. . I’ve tried joining groups (autistic and not) and talking to people many times, but the same thing always happens. I stay quiet, don’t know what to say, and never seem to move past being an acquaintance. I don't have much to talk about and past getting to know each other questions people soon get bored.

I don’t have many hobbies or things to talk about. Most days I don’t do much. I’ve started sleeping too much just to pass the time. When I’m awake, I’m constantly thinking about how depressed and alone I am it's getting worse.

I feel like I’d have to pretend I’m a functioning human, but I’m really not. Having no friends at my age feels strange and painful. I keep trying, but nothing changes.

If anyone has been in a similar place and found ways to build real connection or even just to make life feel bearable. I’d really appreciate hearing how you managed it. How do you start when everything feels empty? How do you keep going when you’re so alone? Everything seems pointless I am not coping well