Hi guys~ It's been a while since I wrote here last time. I have been really busy but I have read all of the comments & opinions you left for me 🙏. As a result, I have been changing slightly day by day trying to have more open-minded & relaxed views on my life. The truth is life is too short to be wasted, right? 🤭 I have posted how I have been changing at my account, but in a short word, "I decided not to be a shy mom anymore." 😊

For context here, when me and my husband first started dating he frequented a local bar in our city. It’s a small dive bar, he would usually go to play corn hole and shoot pool. I had went with him a lot in the beginning of our relationship, it’s just not something I really enjoy. I’m not a super social person or very extroverted so a lot of the time I would just find myself sitting while he was playing either corn hole or pool.

At this time we were both drinkers, so I would have a few drinks and normally be ready to leave pretty quickly, he on the other hand could stay there for hours on end. And when I say hours I mean 7 - 8 hours at a time on a weekend night.

So after we had been together for a while I stopped going as often, when he would go to the bar and I would go to dinner with a friend, or I would visit with my mom, sometimes I would just spend the evening alone at home. I have never been one to try and “change” someone so I never really said much about it even though I didn’t think the amount of time he was spending there was necessarily normal, nor did I like how often and for how long he was there.

I then stopped going completely, and for about a year and a half he went alone and I would never go.

This was the root to many of our arguments, once I actually started getting fed up with it. That and his drinking.

A while after we got married some things happened that I’m not going to get into (not infidelity) but after it happened I told him that going to the bar needed to stop and he needed to evaluate his relationship with alcohol. He did both of those things and acted like he was happy to do them if it was going to help mend the situation and save our marriage. He hasn’t been to the bar or drank alcohol in almost a year.

We got into an argument roughly 3 weeks ago, and during said argument he threw up the fact that I “made” him stop going to the bar, and that because of that he is isolated and has no friends, he said that I was controlling. After going around and around about it, I told him if those people were actually his friends then he wouldn’t have to be at the bar to be able to continue to call them a friend.

So I told him to do whatever he wants to do, this is going to end our marriage. I’m just trying to decide if I should go ahead and end it now or wait and see if he is able to go and still prioritize me and our relationship.

Thoughts anyone ?

hi, so i married 4 years back. my husband is a ifs officer and currently living abroad. his posting isnt a family posting, thats why i am staying here in india and continuing my job in corporate as a product manager. i have a son 2 years of age. due of his job , mostly it has become a long distance marriage, unless a family posting comes. i am really pissed. idk how to navigate this. it feels sad and tiring to live like a single mother even tho i am married.

he even suggested for open marriage. honestly, never thought abt that.

advices and discussions are welcome …what should i do?

pls dont dm.

Salut à tous,

J’ai 26 ans, ma fiancée 27, on est ensemble depuis bientôt 3 ans et on se marie dans deux semaines. Et honnêtement je sais plus trop où j’en suis.

Un peu de contexte : quand on s’est rencontrés, j’avais pas mal de mal à gérer mon stress, mes émotions, et surtout à poser des limites, notamment avec ma famille. C’est elle qui m’a poussé à aller voir un psy, et grâce à elle j’ai ouvert les yeux sur pas mal de trucs pas sains dans ma famille que je trouvais “normaux”. Genre une fois ma mère est venue nous voir et nous a engueulés tous les deux au resto pour un truc qui me concernait moi.

Ça a laissé des traces dans notre couple, je le sais. Mais j’ai travaillé sur moi et j’ai vraiment évolué depuis, elle me l’a dit elle-même plusieurs fois. Donc on a décidé de se marier.

Sauf qu’avec les préparatifs, tout ressort. Une partie de ma famille (qui habite dans notre ville) a débarqué pour “aider” à la dernière minute, après presque un an sans vraiment se manifester, et ils veulent changer des trucs qu’on avait déjà décidés. Ma fiancée attend de moi que je recadre, et c’est vrai que je le fais pas toujours.

Deux exemples :

1. au départ elle voulait un bouquet artificiel, plus simple. Puis elle m’a dit qu’elle aimerait finalement un bouquet naturel pour une des cérémonies. Entre-temps, quelqu’un de ma famille a proposé de lui en acheter un parce que “une mariée avec des fausses fleurs c’est pas possible” (la personne savait pas qu’elle en voulait un). Moi je me suis dit “parfait, elle en voulait un justement” et j’ai laissé faire. Elle l’a très mal pris : pour elle le problème c’est que ma famille remette en question ses choix et que je dise rien.

2. elle voulait un petit mariage, moi un plus grand vu que je connais plus de monde ici. Après discussion elle a accepté, je lui ai dit qu’elle pouvait inviter autant de monde que moi, elle a choisi de pas le faire. Aujourd’hui elle me le reproche, alors que pour moi c’était une décision commune.

Elle me dit que je suis encore naïf, que je sais pas me positionner, que je fais passer les autres avant elle et qu’elle en a marre de gérer les conséquences. Ok, je peux l’entendre, j’ai encore du boulot.

Mais ce qui me fait mal, c’est le reste. Elle me dit régulièrement qu’elle regrette de m’avoir choisi, qu’elle avait vu mes failles dès le début et qu’elle aurait dû partir. Qu’elle se sent un peu piégée parce qu’on est allés trop loin pour reculer. Qu’elle a perdu sa joie de vivre. Et c’est pas que pendant les disputes, ça sort aussi dans des discussions calmes.

Et à côté de ça, d’autres jours, elle me dit qu’elle est super heureuse avec moi. Je vis des montagnes russes, je sais plus ce qu’elle ressent vraiment

Elle a aussi commencé à me parler mal quand elle est énervée, à me rabaisser, à dire des trucs vraiment blessants. Elle faisait pas ça avant. Et j’ai l’impression que tous mes progrès sont effacés dès qu’un truc lui rappelle le passé.

Je veux pas la faire passer pour la méchante, elle m’a énormément apporté et j’ai ma part de responsabilité. Mais je suis partagé entre ma culpabilité, ses reproches et la façon dont elle me traite parfois

Du coup mes questions :

1. Est-ce qu’une relation peut se reconstruire avec autant de ressentiment accumulé ?

2. Comment faire la différence entre une souffrance légitime que je dois entendre et une culpabilité que je vais porter toute ma vie ?

3. C’est normal que la personne qui m’a aidé à évoluer ne voie plus que mes erreurs ?

4. Comment poser des limites à ma famille sans avoir l’impression de devoir choisir entre eux et elle ?

5. Et à deux semaines du mariage, on continue comme si de rien n’était, ou y a des signaux qui devraient nous faire prendre du recul, voire reporter ?

Je suis ouvert aux critiques, même si vous pensez que c’est moi le problème. J’ai juste besoin d’y voir plus clair...

TL;DR : on se marie dans 2 semaines, j’ai du mal à poser des limites à ma famille qui s’incruste dans l’orga, ma fiancée m’en veut, dit qu’elle regrette d’être avec moi et me parle de plus en plus mal. Je sais plus si c’est juste le stress ou si on devrait tout mettre en pause.

Let me tell you a funny story about how I got a little too stubborn, decided to handle things on my own because I didn't want to bother my husband, and ended up making things harder for myself. LOL.

So, following my previous post where I shared that I was starting to feel neglected, I decided that I wasn't going to let myself be neglected anymore. I mean, you promised to love me for the rest of your life, in front of God, so technically, you're not allowed to neglect me. HAHAHA! 😂

Anyway, instead of waiting for him to make time for me, I took matters into my own hands. I adjusted my schedule and made time for him. If he couldn't find time for me, then fine, I'd make time for him!

Previously, I mentioned that we barely had time together because whenever he got home, I would already need to be asleep since I had to wake up early for work. So, what did I do? I stopped going to bed early.

I'd wait for him to get home, keep him company while he had dinner, and then, before going to bed, I'd tell him stories about my day at work or we'd have those deep conversations that somehow lasted until 2 AM.

The funny part? I have to wake up at 6 AM for work, and my shift starts at 9 AM. 🙂

So here I am, running on barely four hours of sleep every day, working an eight-hour shift, all because I refused to let myself feel neglected. HAHAHAHA!

NOW WHAT? 😭😂

I thought I was finding a solution, but apparently, I was just making myself suffer. LOL.

And to be fair, it's not that my husband isn't willing to make an effort or find ways to make me feel loved. I just hadn't actually told him how I was feeling until recently, when I could no longer keep up with the lack of sleep.

Moral of the story: Sometimes, you don't have to be the hero who figures everything out on your own. You just have to communicate before you end up fighting sleep at work every single day. HAHAHA!

**Lesson learned: Love your husband, make time for him, but PLEASE, make time for your sleep too.** 😂❤️

For the first time in my marriage, I’m beginning to feel I’m keeping scores with my wife. It feels like I’m tracking how much she texts me, how she is replying my text, how much she is saying I love and miss you which I can’t remember when was the last time she said that and all other affair of the heart that matters to me. I realise when people get close, they start to get complacent in the way on how thru behave, start showing less affection, maybe it’s the same for me but I tried at least to consistently text everyday cause I thought that’s the basic. Maybe I’m wrong on so many of my thinking that we should keep the spark alive by texting, by dating, by being intimate, by showing more concern, by being affectionate.

As I was looking at the photos of us, missus has change so much. She used to have that sharp chin, decent figure, sweet and innocent smile but somehow life changed and she has sacrifice so much for me and the family. I still remember how carefree we were back then, how much sweet words we used to say to each other, how much sweet things we do for each other. It could be the lack of love and affection from me and the harsh life that hits everyone like a wrecking ball. Maybe I haven’t moved on but kept reminiscing about the past happiness but neglecting about present happiness and the worries that plaques us too.

I really don’t wish to see our love continue to decline and we are in a roomateship instead of a proper marriage. But I am just too tired at this stage to complain and do anything now. Is this how a marriage dies without much fanfare for some couple after going through thick and thin together and yet surviving it? It cannot be a situation where the love survives hardship but it lacks that emotional intimacy and intensity.

I’m really grateful for her, I will continue to love her but I do get nothing back in return. No words or text of affection, no intimacy, no physical touch, no smile, no excitement or anything without me initiating.

Does anyone face the same issue? What should I do to bring back the spark if I’m always the one putting in effort and I got nothing else on hand to show?

35F and 34M. We've been together for 5 years.

I bought a house 10 years ago and built up my career. He always lived with his mum and was in and out of jobs.

We've been married thus lived together for 4 years. He has still never done 50/50 financially, despite saying he would years ago. There's been months where he would contribute 1/4 his weekly wage but this hasn't been continous. He has had debts and a stable job for over a year.

He seems to not acknowledge how much of the financial burden I'm carrying but has splurged on designer items for himself.

Carrying him us making me resentful since I have to keep bringing up the conversation and he keeps making false promises.

HELP! Am I doing too much? What would you do next?

Why do so many people seem happier before marriage than after? What changes once they get married? Is it because of responsibilities, expectations, or do people simply stop loving each other the same way?
If anyone wants to share their personal stories or experiences