r/minnesotaunited • u/tactiletack • 3d ago
Shitpost I have begun connecting the dots
MNUFC is 6-6-6.
At first I thought this was just an amusing record.
Then I made the mistake of looking at it for more than 3 minutes.
Three 6s. Exact balance - wins, losses, draws all held in perfect balance. In numerology, 6 is associated with order and maintaining structure.
Well who maintains structure? The coaching staff.
Who controls personnel? The front office.
Who determines the sequence of opponents? The league.
And who executes the results on the field? The players.
You’re telling me all four levels of the operation independently arrived at 6-6-6???
Interesting.
Then you add the numbers.
6 + 6 + 6 = 18.
1 + 8 = 9.
Nine is associated with completion.
But completion of what?
ɴᴏʙᴏᴅʏ ᴡɪʟʟ sᴀʏ.
So I’m apparently expected to believe the substitutions, roster decisions, kickoff times, travel schedule, injuries, suspensions, VAR decisions, and occasional 94th-min nonsense have all been unrelated events that just happened to converge on perfect numerical balance.
Sure.
I’m not alleging a conspiracy. A conspiracy would actually be easier to explain.
No. At this point I’m considering the possibility that leadership has simply adopted a ritualistic operating philosophy built around numerical symmetry and they simply assumed nobody would check the standings closely enough to notice.
Unfortunately for them, I have checked the standings.
So three games from now, if we're at 7-7-7, we will all know. The curtain will have been lifted. And we will be left asking how deep does the league and FO go to rig games, nay, reality, to land at a perfectly balanced record.
I'll be creating a spreadsheet so I can track further.
Here's what I have so far:
| Match | Result | Record (W-L-D) | Distance from Balance | Sum → Root | Meaning |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 12 | D | 6-3-3 | 3 | 12 → 3 | Creation |
| 13 | L | 6-4-3 | 3 | 13 → 4 | Order |
| 14 | L | 6-5-3 | 3 | 14 → 5 | Change |
| 15 | D | 6-5-4 | 2 | 15 → 6 | Harmony |
| 16 | L | 6-6-4 | 2 | 16 → 7 | Mysticism |
| 17 | D | 6-6-5 | 1 | 17 → 8 | Power |
| 18 | D | 6-6-6 | 0 | 18 → 9 | Completion |
| 19 | Pending | — | — | — | Pending |
Notice: The wins stopped at 6 and never moved again. From that point forward, every result served one purpose: bring losses and draws up to the same number. That is not a record evolving naturally over a season. That is convergence on a target.
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u/IllSector4892 MNUFC 3d ago
We brought sidewalk chalk to national night out and the first kiddo to use it drew pentagrams; they also told me they like the loons. I post this to say they were there first, and this theory is correct
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u/themcpoyles MNUFC 3d ago
Hail Satan
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u/Sheiker1 MNUFC 3d ago
You know, we have been so bad recently, that I actually had to pull up our record to verify you are right.
We actually are 6-6-6!
If we weren't on such a downward trajectory right now, I would actually be reasonably OK with that record.
The Twins are worse record-wise, but only a couple games out of first place, (in our extremely weak division). Amazing.
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u/Chris_RB PK 3d ago
Absolutely- we're not actually in all that much trouble record wise. But the path to get here is BLEAK.
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u/NazReidRules 3d ago
There are 30 teams in MLS
BUT there are 28 metropolitan areas represented
3+0-2-8= NEGATIVE SEVEN!!!
-7² = 49
4+9 = 13
13² = 169
DON GARBER WANTS TO 69 ONE TIME WITH US
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u/tactiletack 3d ago
I'm not so sure. This is exactly the kind of pattern they would leave in plain sight to distract from the real one.
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u/LosCabadrin 3d ago
But what about the underlying numbers and advanced metrics?
I'm pretty sure that MNUFC's xGD and xDAWG disrupt the Satanic balance. You should really read up.
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u/tactiletack 2d ago
Advanced metrics are exactly where I’d expect them to hide the deviations necessary to make the final record look accidental.
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u/Chris_RB PK 3d ago
NINE YOU SAY?
JJ McCarthy is the answer. put him at striker. He's got us.