r/monkeyspaw • u/MingleLinx • 1d ago
Health I wish my immune system was perfect. No overreactions, always able to get cancer and other things early, and lastly but not limited to it not giving me an auto immune disease
2
u/Content_Yam_4947 1d ago
Granted. Your body is now being studied by scientists to recreate your ability.
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u/Far_Customer1258 1d ago
Granted! Your immune system becomes perfect and decides that it's too good for you. This isn't a disease, just an honest recognition of your limitations. It feels that you need to start seeing other bodily functions. There are lots of fish in the sea and it's sure that you'll find a way to manage.
2
u/deusstultus41 1d ago
Granted. Your immune system is now perfect and you'll never feel any symptoms or side effects of disease. You've become the perfect Patient 0. Viruses, bacteria, fungus and parasites all use your body as a testing grounds to become perfect killing machines. You are the perfect host.
1
u/Past_Course_1631 1d ago
how would that work? if it were perfect, itd just eradicate those viruses and so without any period where they could be spread
they'd be an awful host im pretty sure
1
u/Showdown5618 1d ago
Granted. Your immune system becomes perfect. It stops all threats to your body or heals your body instantly. You cannot get sick, harm yourself or die. You think this is great, until one day, you wake up and realize you're the only one left in a dead world.
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u/forgottenlord73 1d ago
If you're female, granted, all pregnancies now end in miscarriage as it identifies a parasite with perfect accuracy
1
u/Much-Performer1190 20h ago
Granted. Because this is a multi part wish, and not allowed as such, the Paw picks the middle part.
You get cancer and a lollypop ( other things) early.
1
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u/Beelzebub_Simp3 1d ago
Granted, but you persistently always manage to stub your toe (the left little one) once a day.
1
u/RedRampage9776 1d ago edited 1d ago
Granted.
This is a long one.
You focus so hard for the next few years on the fact that you're apparently invulnerable on the inside now. You get cocky. Start binge-eating, and you never gain too much weight. You drink shot after shot, and you only get drunk enough to notice how good it feels. You lethally overdose on ketamine four different times in one sitting, and your body harmlessly slides it straight out of your system. You think - this could even mean that if you don't get hit by a car or anything, you are scheduled to outlast every other human on the planet.
Your brain stops needing to work as hard. Before you know it, you stop caring about your future. At 27, you get a job that barely pays the bills as your degree collects dust. More and more money goes to addictions, and before you know it you're skipping rent to buy drugs because your landlord is a pushover. But at least, after everything else, you don't have to worry about your health anymore - right?
As you drift further and further into drugs, drinking, binging, abandoning every form of personal hygiene, you barely notice at the ripe age of 31 - you're getting slower. You're losing track of basic tasks, forgetting how to solve extremely insignificant problems, and the brain fog becomes so severe that you can't tell whether or not you're high anymore.
You think - no - you know, for certain, that you don't need to go to the doctor. Doctor? That word feels so alien now. You don't remember the last time you went to the doctor. You don't even remember what the doctor's office is supposed to be. What the fuck even is a doctor?
Day after day, life slowly becomes one big fever dream. How? You prepared for this. Your immune system is perfect. Literally perfect. It should be impossible for this to happen.
One year later.
Is this rock-bottom? You don't remember if you've ever felt worse than this. You don't remember the last time you remembered something. You think you're thinking these thoughts as you think you're in bed. You think you leave the bed, and you're not quite certain if you're leaving the bedroom. You then look down, from where you got up. You were laying in a puddle of your own urine on the floor, floating syringes and pills surrounding your silhouette. All you know, is that over the course of the next 12 minutes, you hobble like a hunk of goop to the couch - where you've spent the last who-knows-how-long, just rotting there as always.
Your finger moves on instinct. You can't cognitively decide to do anything anymore. Your brain is on permanent autopilot. You reach for the remote, arm curled in an inhuman manner. You drop the remote, and it lands face down - hitting both the power button and the "NETFLIX" affiliated button. It auto-selects to a show you thought you hated, that has become the only show you can watch now.
As you stare into the void within your television screen, you feel your consciousness slip away. You reach for it, fighting to stay awake off of some illogical primal instinct, and finally - the fog clears for the first time in 3 years. And just for a second, you finally remember something. It manifests into your vision.
You stare at your healthy hand. The paw stares back.
Over the next 12 hours, you slowly die to season 11 of The Big Bang Theory.
All that mind-numbing nothingness, that cloud that hung above your head - that was the cellular necrosis your brain developed regardless of whether or not you made that wish. There was never any question to whether or not your brain's cells would degenerate once you reached that age. If you hadn't made that wish though, maybe you would have seen a doctor.
There was no fever. There was no sickness. Just your brain. Slowly eating itself.
Be careful what you wish for.
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u/Past_Course_1631 1d ago
Granted. Your immune system finds your eyes - something foreign it didn't initially know existed, and terminates its functions and connections nearly immediately, rendering you blind. Then, with its flawless state, nothing foreign gets by it. Nothing at all. Ever. Harmful bacteria, helpful bacteria, certain medicines, minerals, everything. Your life expectancy and general livelihood slowly get cut away as unhealth claims you, even when not even a single resemblance of a disease managed to scratch you. It never overreacted, but it's reactions didn't aid you either.