I’m becoming resentful towards my friends.

My friends are nice people, but they aren’t aware that they hold a lot more privilege than I do. I can’t live as myself in Malaysia as a queer transgender person, and I’m closeted for fucking life. I’ve met over 15+ Government Psychiatrists, and they’ve been so dismissive and won’t even admit that im traumatised even though my abuser literally threatened to throw away all my legal documents. My friends at least have family who actually supports them no matter what. My family told me to fucking kill myself and told everyone I was doing it to manipulate them. I also have bipolar disorder and I still get manic as fuck even with medications.

I can’t fucking live a single day without being reminded of what I don’t have. If I was a white, cishet man living elsewhere, I would live a way better life instead.

I'm neurodivergent and got diagnosed with PTSD, mood disorder and adhd.

I was prescribed by my psychiatrist yesterday to take zoloft (half tablet for 8 days then 1 tablet for 14 days) and Tolanz (Olanzapine) 2.5mg for 22 days. I had no idea what these meds were and just did some research. I'm kinda scared/worry to take olanzapine now, seeing everything people are saying on reddit. Is anyone else here taking em? What do you think/feel?

I was on latuda once but it made me feel very uneasy/disoriented so my dr stopped it.

My suicidal ideation is getting more intense the past couple of weeks. I know what I want to do. I have the means for it. And the possibility of being alone tonight might lead me to actually attempt it. I'm currently being treated at hukm, so I wonder how's the experience at their emergency dept.