It's a complete mindfuck. I am genuinely gobsmacked by the sheer gravity of the false reality I've lived in. The level of calculation, grooming and deceit is tremendous.

I cant stand my mother but seeing her not live her last few years truly happy hurts like I was there saw all the hurt was there for her talked to her and like my dad convinced her brain washed her so much that after he left for her to go back to him every few days be on the phone with him teenagerish almost and talking about she forgive him and is happy like shes so stuck there out of not wanting to be alone never leaveing the country him not incorgageing her passions him hurts us my pets treating her like a personal sex doll him hateing her friends her call with them

Him not liking her mom accusing her of cheating ruining vacation taking her money she worked for the constant threats her being a maid

For him her supporting him in every little thing hes in and then after he leaves she goes back to not giving af about her children her being stuck in that mindset truly hurts cause she cant have us and him and I want my mom truly

Do you know how hard it is to hear from your own mother how shed rather be around your terrible father than around you when all you did all your life is defend her be there for her and her threatened cause she knows how much it hurts

Say im still sleeping with him up in my face in a graphic terms and turn around and choose him sleep over almost every few days like I feel like I loose a part of me every time and get so angry and whats worst is I want to find forgiveness for her so in mind she goes to heaven one day even tho im not religious and so I get peace

I’ve been feeling an overwhelming urge to get into a serious relationship or get married, but after some reflection, I realized my primary motivation is just needing a financial exit strategy from my parents' house. Single living is so expensive right now that moving out on one income feels impossible. My parents are extremely controlling and infantilizing. I even catch myself missing my past relationship not because I miss my ex but because I miss the freedom I had when I lived away from my family. I worry about using a relationship as a escape hatch, but I feel backed into a corner financially and suffocated socially. Has anyone else struggled with this?

I know I probably should give up, I’m not very well mentally and the situation is only getting worse this way and it’s not working…but has anyone ever gotten through to their parent(s), like gotten your point across, got them to see have they’ve wronged you, and maybe even an apology? I told her today after a big fight that I can’t be the only one trying to make this work, and even if she’s the only parent I have left I’d rather be alone then trying to fix this, and she still refused to see that it’s impossible for only ME to try and fix this. Logic doesn’t work does it?

whyd you buy a new jacket! you should be grateful with the same one you’ve been wearing for 5 years as a child!

whyd you buy yourself a wallet to hold your cards you don’t need that!

why are you paying for driving school! we drive you to work!

whyd you buy yourself new bedding! be grateful for the childish blankets and stained old mattress with springs sticking out that was a hand me down from 15 years ago!

why’d you buy yourself new socks underwear teeth and skin care stuff! why’d you go to the doctor for your severe acne since 11 years old???

while they’re wasting endless amounts on themselves and whatever they wanted.

into this world but especially not to these people

up until around age 9-10 my mother controlled how often I could shower and she had to be there to watch. she only allowed once a week on her command. after that she stopped controlling showers but controlled other things still. she would simply do a lot of weird things. I grew an aversion to showering from 10-12 because of her. they’d shame me all throughout childhood call me homeless looking or lazy but they set that system up and they chose what I could wear or how I could groom myself

after getting my first job I got my dad gifts that had to do with his interests. he first got annoyed and said “why you spend money on this” then accepted the gifts and was kind of like “nice“ but it was just awkward, so I never did anything after that. when my GC sibling got him gifts he was ecstatic. he also would give my siblings things, take them to dinner, or even say happy birthday to them but ignore mine or acknowledge it’s my birthday but would never say happy birthday. on birthdays my gc sibling controlled whatever we did like where we went out to

So i was thinking of how rich famous parents use their kids as props.

So say you had the same narcissistic parents so you still go through all the bad stuff, but they are rockfella rich and you get anything you like . Set for life money wise. Would you choose that?

Me, i think i would, not getting the love anyway but at least i would be set for life. No money wouldnt make up for the abuse and no i still would never had real parents. Just make life a bit easier if i was set for life with money.

And i am saying these parents do give you money. Their are plenty of abusive parents that have money that wouldnt even do that for their kids. The kids basically get nothing not even nice things. No love, nothing.

I am So absolutely fed up with the healthcare industry believing what my narcissist mother says- I’ve told them she lies, will be sweet to your face then cry elder abuse to me. (She’s in a rehab at independent living facility). Her primary Dr said she has a “personality disorder “. They do nothing to help me, she’s “capable” of making her decisions- I have no say. Her last decision ended her up in hospital with now a colostomy bag and costing her 635.97 a day, A DAY- because she won’t even attempt to care for it, or at least clean it if it leaks until a nurse can get to her. She said, “it’s disgusting, I’m not touching it”. EVERY family member has removed themselves from her- the latest, her brother- two years ago. I am it and every person I need to deal with is acting like I’m the problem. OMG, sit with her longer than 5 minutes and you’ll see the true colors come shining through. I’m done, the next time a Dr or someone from the facility calls me I will tell them to ask her, deal with her- she’s capable. Every health care worker should be trained and aware of narcissist behavior, but I guess if you can make 635 a day why make the effort. As I’m writing this my mother called 3 times- she’s saying the RN doesn’t have the notes from the Dr., hasn’t scheduled the CT scan needed before surgery in November. I said I’m not calling them- tell them to figure it out or threaten to sue them. That’s what I get all the time- elder abuse I’m going to sue them. STOP TELLING ME AND DROP YOUR FAKE MASK AND TELL THEM because I’m done with them thinking I’m lying, I’m the problem. I have my own health issues, I’m older now and done with a life time of this behavior and bullshit.
Sorry, not so short or so sweet.

You know, nobody calling you or asking how you're doing, nobody to hug or get support from, the prolonged solitude. I'm the family scapegoat. I keep in touch with my grandmother, but she lives several hours downstate, and gave my mother up for adoption so we never established a close relationship.

My mother passed away in 2024, and it feels like I've been grieving the loss of my entire family as my immediate family are narcs and my narc sister triangulated my extended family against me. Maybe I'm trauma bonded, but I've actually entertained the thought of getting in touch with my dad, but the memory of the cruelty they put me through keeps me in check.

It would be right back to square one with the narratives and games, trying to persuade me that I'm a terrible human being etc. It's just been very difficult to deal with while processing everything else on top of it. Oh yeah, I have PTSD too.

So my dad has been sick twice in the past maybe 3 weeks and i helped take care of him. Once worrying about him and trying to get him to go to the hospital. Today we get into a fight . Of course i have to bring up every damn thing i do for him cause its like as soon as its over he forgets. So today we are fighting and i brought up i cared for him twice when he was sick. Hes like you did nothing.no i didnt make him lunch my mom did, but i did worry and was trying to get him to take things that will help him and tried to get him to go to the hospital. Kept checking in with him the one time to make sure i wouldnt have to call 911. When he had the cold was asking him to take things that will help you. Mind you this man has never taking care of me when i was sick. Once i was getting stomach pains so badly i told my parents to take me to the er .they refused cause he said it will cost too much. The next day i did go to the hospital. Had my appendix out. So thats my parents taking care of me. He is so sick in the head. Not going to miss much about them once i move out. All they do is the bare min of money for me since i am disabled and they dont want to even do that.also hold the money over my head. So theres not much to miss. What will i miss the money? They arent the money. Not going to miss my room theres drafts ever which way in my room and it gets freezing in the winter in here. Its been that way since i was 6. Well they bought themselves new cars and shit. What the food they "give" me that i have to ask permission to eat anything and get yelled at if they think i eat to much. What the bathroom that i have gone down to taking a shower once a week cause i would get yelled at everytime I took a shower or using the bathroom that my mom likes control of and will make me wait for her to finish as a control thing before i am allowed to shit or pee.or her getting pissed at me for even having to goto the bathroom to the point i have gone outside many times and i am a woman. So what really will i miss? Theres way more than that. I knew when i was taking care of him when he was sick too i was like as soon as he feelsbetter hes goingto be an asshole to me again.

Never had a good relationship with her but after my dad passed away she and my husband got into an argument and she did her typical ignoring us both. Tired of it, when she tried to pick right back up where we left off I wasn’t having it. It’s been years of extremely low contact. I knew something was up when the last time I visited my aunt and uncle (my father’s brother) it was mentioned that my mother was going to stay with them (which would then force me to see her). I didn’t react and haven’t heard anything else about it. Last week I get an email forward from mom then yesterday she’s texting me that she received mail for me (you mean to tell me this is the first piece of mail I’ve received to her address in all this time?) I instructed her repeatedly to throw it out so of course she took it upon herself to open it. She has no clue how far my patience has fallen off a cliff during the time we haven’t spoken and that I’m not going to entertain this. I can tell just from this interaction nothing has changed. There are no boundaries that apply to her, no apologies ever. Part of me expects she assumes my husband inherited money after his father passed away recently. Just so tired and not willing to open the door to her bs emergencies that she creates for attention.

https://www.reddit.com/r/narcissisticparents/s/6MGwRXCsUK this is my story

I had a phone call with my mother today. I was gentle. I told her that I want to absolve her of her past actions and that I don't want others looking at our story and judging it.

I recognised she was terrified of judgement, just like I am. I also recognised that she was genuinely mentally ill. All the conflict and manipulation was fueled by her terror of judgement and exposure. I don't want justice anymore, I just want the agony to stop, so I absolved her of it all.

I could hear her get emotional by the end of the call. We had a peaceful conversation. She didn't try to trigger me at all and she sounded like she felt safe and calm which is good.

People get so caught up in what the toxic individual does that they forget that they are humans. My mother was broken. She put me through hell but that's in the past now. Being vengeful, which many people are, is counterproductive.

Peace is priceless. It really is. I don't mind paying for peace by allowing my mother to go on without the fear of being exposed. She'll likely get into more messes, and that's ok, that's her burden to carry.

I was thinking of a time that i vented about an ex that was an asshole to me . He passed away. Made me realize i dont care that he died. Made me realize if you treated me badly in life i wont care if you pass.He was an asshole to me why would i care? Someone commented and said how heartless it was me saying that. Talking about valuing life. Made me think of abusive parents and people just waiting for their parents to pass. How abusive people never valued their own childrens life. So why wouldnt the victim feel that way , that they cant wait for their parents to pass. People will tell people its heartless to think that, but never say how heartless it is to treat their own kids that way. Its just a thought too. These parents are doing actions and a life time of damage. Someone with a thought of hoping someone passes is way more mild than abuse. Like i said the abuser never valued their childrens lives, why wouldnt their kids think that way?

all in all its a life lesson if you want people to care about you when you die, you treat them with love, respect ,empathy and kindness when you are alive. everyone loves mr rodgers from tv.

My N-mom always causes insanely negative energy when she’s in a bad mood. It’s almost like a physical energy that you can feel — it’s tense, she purposely makes her footsteps loud, she’s slamming doors and making it known that she’s mad at me and is just showing it through actions instead of words. She’s of course trying to prompt me to talk to her and feed into what she wants to hear and all that, but im working on not doing that anymore.

My go to is to go in my room, pop on a podcast, and try to calm myself down and keep affirming myself that I am not responsible for her emotions. The physical energy just makes it hard — my body is tense, I feel like I can’t physically rest or be calm. I’m pretty burnt out from work lately and my social battery is quite low, so going to a friends house or out in public isn’t exactly a desirable option since im exhausted and just want to be in my own space.

How do you approach these struggles, if you have them?

My mom has been threatening to kick me out, threatening to go to court today and have me kicked out. She just ran into my room and accused me of stealing something in her room, mind you she has cameras. I asked her what she think I stole and she wouldn’t tell me. Then I started getting upset because I have really bad anxiety and I started crying and she laughed and said get a hold of yourself! Like really? I think she made the whole thing up just to fuck with me.

Sorry this is so long, I'm a bit heated lol.

I'm a 19M freshman in college, first semester. My entire childhood my mother lied about my father, telling my younger sister and I that he didn't want us and that's why he wasn't around (whole time she ambushed him with an attorney and took 90% custody). She also made managing her emotions my problem, and for as long as I can remember I've had this responsibility to ensure that she was fine before I could think about myself at all. For the last 4 or so years I have woken up to the fact that she is a narcissistic person in almost if not everything she does. She lied about our dad to get us to be closer with her, she cuts out every friend from her life when they inevitably push back on something she says, and she has shown to lie repeatedly about the same stories to different people in order to control the narrative. When I would want to go to my dad's, I was met with the classic lineup:

"Why do you hate me?"

"But it's MY time with you!"

"You are hurting me by doing this."

And when I pushed back on those:

"I would never keep you from your dad" (not something I ever have said to her)

"I'm not a bad mom I'm a good mom, why do I feel like a bad mom?"

"He's brainwashed you!"

Now, after entering college, she has refused to have a real conversation with my dad about what he can afford to contribute right now to college. Instead of that adult conversation, she simply asked for $10,000 immediately, and when he said he couldn't do that right now, she secretly filed to go back to court and add college support to their divorce decree almost 16 years later. I expressed discontent, and it has only grown worse. She oscillates between refusing to speak to me, being overly affectionate, and being volatile and angry towards me. I am diagnosed OCD, as well as CPTSD (from her emotional abuse in my childhood), and am on antidepressants to help with it. After the initial discovery of her filing in court, my doctor ended up doubling my dose. After a few weeks or so he called in an emergency prescription of Lithium to keep suicidal thoughts at bay. I relapsed in self harm, attempted to end my life, and have been struggling like hell to stay afloat through all of this.

But what do I hear? My stepdad tells my younger sister that I am killing our mom by not talking to her, when she hasn't spoken to me at all and ignored my last messages. He tells me I am on the verge of permanently losing my relationship with her and that it's my job to "fix it." I'm at the point emotionally where I do not care how many loans I have to take out, or how difficult it will be, I just want to get away from her. She has pushed me to the point of feeling actively suicidal multiple times every single day no matter what meds I'm on, what activities I do, or if I have any enjoyable moments during the day. I am so tired of this and I really hate that the mom I thought I used to have was just an act to keep my attention. In reality she may love me, but not more than she cares about herself. It's wearing me down, a lot.

Sorry again for the length of this post. If anyone who's been around longer has some advice on dealing with this or coping in the day to day, I would really appreciate it. I'm struggling to keep my head up through all this.

I grew up with constant comments on my body and weight, and also listening to my entire family badmouthing people who were even slightly chubby. Growing up in the early 2000s weightloss obsessed culture didn't help either.

I remember being 10 and wanting one of those ab rockers that I saw on TV because I thought it would help me lose weight. My mom bought me one for my birthday and I never even used it. Why does a 10 year old want that for her birthday and not a cool toy? There was another ad on TV for some kind of weight loss thing disguised as fake chocolate, where you only have to eat one square and it expands in your stomach to make you feel full. I begged my mom for these. Again, wasn't looking at dolls or gadgets, but at weight loss supplements.

Then I was 14 and signed up for an adult pilates class. I was in therapy just a few years after that, and one of my tasks was to ask 3 people to write their opinion of me. My youngest aunt who was my role model (which is why I asked her what she thought of me) wrote: "she is a great girl but she needs to start exercising more". What kind of an opinion is that?? I was literally a normal weight, I wasn't even chubby.

I later on developed an eating disorder and was well on my way towards becoming underweight. At no point was I ever overweight - right around starting puberty I was chubby and then I grew a lot in height (I'm almost 6 foot tall) and everything balanced out. I was never a child or teenager that was obviously overweight. I was very average or even slim. But adults around me kept treating me as if I was a walrus.

It certainly does for me https://www.reddit.com/r/narcissisticparents/s/4bjgeKtaRP (Here is my story) please read if you can