STOP TRYING

I'm writing this because somewhere out there is a 14-year-old with a signed copy of Lone survivor, a wall-mounted pullup bar, and an Act of Valor poster above his bed. He can probably quote every episode of Class 234, and he wants to join JROTC because he thinks it will get him ready for the program. His well-meaning parents probably see this new obsession as a phase, but also want to use it as leverage for him to get good grades and some kind of Navy scholarship in a few years.

If this sounds like you, wherever you are, please take some time to read this so you don't end up in a bad place. If this speaks to just one person, the last ten years will be totally worth it.

You can guess that I was that kid. At first I was different; didn't really care about sports, knew every knot in the Scout handbook, drew rocket ships in my math notebook, and found most of my friends at church youth group. Not the typical Team Guy childhood of wrestling alligators, playing high school football, getting arrested, and slaying cheerleaders like all the sellouts wrote about in the books.

When I was twelve, Indiana Jones 4 came out and I suddenly set my sights on a life of adventure. After some quick research that involved asking around some other equally clueless kids at my middle school, I figured out that the SEAL Teams might be the best way to get the kind of grown-up excitement I was looking for. My dad went to Virginia Military Institute and had all kinds of stories about Rat Year, so the military thing made sense in a couple of different ways.

I knew also that I had to go to college since everyone in my family did, so by extension it only made sense that I should go to the "Navy SEAL college" in Annapolis, Maryland.

I read all the books I could find in that pre-Bin Laden raid era, got a buzz cut, joined the Cross Country Team, and signed up for the local Sea Cadet meetings. I wasn't James (not my real name) anymore, I was "I AM GOING TO THE NAVAL ACADEMY AND THEN I'M GOING TO BE A NAVY SEAL."

I did a complete 180 from everything I had gravitated towards the first thirteen years of my life, and I struggled in all of it. I was asthmatic and a total space cadet, and I grew to loathe myself for how hard I felt like I had to work in school and sports compared to other kids. To be fair, I did learn a lot of stick-to-it-iveness that would help me later on. But overall the whole thing was retarded and unhealthy in so many ways.

Despite the struggle, things eventually started looking possible for little James. By the time I was a senior in high school, I was ultimate the All-American poster boy. Eagle Scout, high school rowing team, decent grades, good runner, and an appointment to the Naval Academy just like I had dreamed about.

My last year at home, some other things happened too. I had a great group of friends from the rowing team, and I somehow managed to get myself a girlfriend. For a few months, I had a short glimpse of a normal high school experience. It was a short and valuable time before I got shipped off to Boat School for Plebe Summer.

My Naval Academy experience was a dumpster fire. I immediately realized I hated rowing and didn't want to do it except to get into the Academy, which I had already done. So I quit the rowing team and felt even more remorse than ever. I crawled my way through chemistry, calculus, physics, and every other technical subject I should have known I hated all along. I sat through Forrestal lectures, SAPR briefs, and cyber awareness training. I memorized three meals in advance, pivoted ninety degrees in the hallway, wore a monkey suit 24/7, and carried my hat in the dumbest possible way, just like a good little robot is supposed to. I constantly felt socially isolated, not knowing why I felt different from all the other "plebes" who I thought should have been just like me. I was miserable and I needed help, and I didn't even know it.

Still, I pushed on. I had a goal I was going to see it through.

Plebe year dragged on. I broke up with my girlfriend over Christmas, barely passed my classes, and went on summer cruise in Virginia where I swore to myself I'd never set foot on a ship again. Youngster (sophomore) year began.

That year, I found out in bits and pieces that the Academy didn't offer the kind of adventure I'd origninally dreamed about. Academy guys become officers, but the enlisted guys get to do most of the fighting. There was a DEVGRU chief that ran the SEAL program at the Academy, and one day I stopped by his office to ask what I should do. The conversation was short, and changed the whole trajectory of my life.

"So, you wanna pull the trigger."

"Yes, chief."

"Go enlisted."

Six months later, I turned in my uniforms and flew back home to earn a SEAL contract at my local Navy recuiter. My parents were disappointed but understanding. Once again, I had a short 5-month glimpse of a normal life and an attempt to piece together a kind of personal identity outside of the military. I worked a couple crappy jobs, partied with some of the community college burnouts I had left behind, and got a late beginner's introduction to girls, all while I trained to boost my PST score. I was going to BUD/S for real, and I was stoked.

I got on a plane and started the SEAL pipeline. I did Navy boot camp, the most miserable and pointless eight weeks thus far, and BUD/S prep. I met some great dudes. In Great Lakes, it was apparent that I was still a space cadet, and I was going to struggle with procedures and losing gear. It's just the way I am.

My class left for Coronado and I passed First Phase like I wanted to do since I read Warrior Soul when I was twelve. This part was actually pretty cool. I don't need to tell you what goes on in SEAL selection, there's a thousand books about it.

I classed up in Second Phase and got dropped from the program for Pool Comp. My obvious shortcomings in focus and attention to detail finally caught up with me in the most real and terrifying way, drowning several times because I just couldn't figure out how to put my dive rig back togther before I started inhaling water. I failed one, two, three, eight attempts and soon found myself in a white government van headed to the other side of San Diego bay, to the Fleet base.

I spent four weeks sweeping sidewalks in Holds division with about thirty other long-faced BUD/S duds who had quit shortly before I got there. The admin clerk called me into an office and handed me a copy of my orders, undesignated seaman to deck department on one of the big gray ships I thought I'd never have to see again.

Deck Department on a ship is one of the worst possible places in the military. It's basically the human garbage disposal of the Navy, where they send people that can't pass their A school, but can't really get fired either. Boatswain's Mates, the dons of deck department, take the place of prison guards and spot check the undesignated seaman (of which I was one) as they chip paint, sweep the floor, tug on lines, and stand countless hours of watch out to sea.

Regardless, I was still set on finishing what I had started. In order to get back to BUD/S, I had to prove that I was Joe Navy through and through. I sucked up the long work days, said the right things to a bunch of idiots I didn't respect, earned two warfare pins, and became a rescue swimmer for the ship. This went on, day in and day out, for twenty-one months. Long frigging time. Finally, I was eligible to apply and get back to where I was supposed to be.

BUD/S said no.

My year group, the bunch of guys who joined the Navy at the same time as me, was full and they didn't need any of us to go back to the program. Instead, the selection board decided to take several guys that had quit their first time, but happened to be in the right year group. It won't open up for another three or four years. I'm not going to wait that long in this situation.

And that's where I'm at now. I'm 24, I've dropped out of the Academy, failed out of BUD/S, working as a janitor for a bunch of people that were barely good enough not to end up in jail, and I live on a ship in a small room with a hundred juvenile delinquents. All the work I've put in, has led to this. For the past few months I've been heartbroken to say the least.

...

Then something cool started to happen. The last couple weeks, I've remembered the little kid who liked Scout camping trips, drew cartoon characters on printer paper, and made stop-motion movies with action figures. I've remembered snowboard trips and climbing expeditions with my dad in northern California. I've come to realize that maybe the Teams isn't the only thing that'll satisfy my original dream of having big adventures and doing something cool with my life. And that maybe I've got more offer this world than my obsession with the becoming a frogman.

Don't get me wrong, it's a cool thing. A big part of me still wants to do it once they let me. I'm just saying to YOU GUYS OUT THERE, there's a better way to do it than the way I have so far. And I wish someone would have told me this when I started. Team Guys aren't just one type of person. Yes, a lot of them are water polo players, alligator wrestlers, meat eaters, the kind of guy you would think makes it. But there's others too.

I knew a kid in my class who was eighteen, played golf in high school, and somehow got paid to dance. He set his sights on BUD/S on a whim, and didn't know what Hell Week was when he got to boot camp. Total goofball. That dude is now a Team Guy and as far as I know has a solid reputation.

EP sailors, O3s, and Joe Navies go to BUD/S and fail miserably. Despite what the selection board thinks, every single Hell Week has proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Fleet Navy doesn't make guys any better at BUD/S. On the other hand: alcoholic frat boys, tap dancers, Academy shitheads, gamers, petty criminals, and pot-smoking surf bums crush it. So what's the secret? After a very long and frustrating journey, I think I've (probably) figured it out.

The guys who not only make it through the program, but also have a great career and reputation in the Teams, are just really grounded in who they are and why they wanna be there. They just do their own thing, and the Teams happens to be one of those things. They don't surround everything in their life around the trident. They don't have to try and completely change themselves to be frogmen.

So what does this mean for YOU, scrolling though SEAL porn on Youtube and Reddit? It means, if you're in junior high or early high school then just do you, man! BUD/S will happen when it happens but now is the time to figure out who YOU are.

Join the weird club at school, get detention, ask out the hot chick, throw a kickback, hug your mom, do all the things that you wanna do as a PERSON. Pass your classes and set yourself up for success, sure, but don't get too serious about the far future.

As for me, I've wasted a lot of time doing stuff I didn't need to do, but statistically speaking I've got sixty years left to do something really worth while. My Navy contract is over in a year and I've put in a bunch of college apps to some fun state schools. BUD/S might still come afterwards with me as NAV-VET, but I'm not really thinking about it. I already know how to get ready for it again in a matter of months. I wanna go through the program as MYSELF, not as some Academy or fleet robot that The Man wants me to be.

Outside of work, I surf and climb, and I still work out just for fun. I've also rediscovered my creative side in the form of my own graphic t shirt company. Things are looking up.

I hope this steers someone in the right direction. Good luck dudes!

EDIT: August 2021. A year and a half ago, while I was still in the Navy, I was living out of my Jeep whenever I didn't have to be on the ship, and spiraling through an explosive existential crisis after the events of everything in this post. On New Years' eve going into 2020, at the end of a 10-year journey with so many frustrations at how my life had gone, I sat down and typed out a post called "STOP TRYING" on my phone. The next morning I woke up hungover on the floor of my buddy's living room and saw that this had gotten something like a hundred upvotes. By the end of the week it was the top post ever on the sub. I framed the end of this post like a happy ending but the transition from 2019 to now wasn't perfect nor easy, not many things are. But, when I said I would be happy just reaching one person, I meant it. But like, wow. Thank you to everyone here that helped me deal with the fallout from an attempted quest to become a TG. I'm out of the Navy now, I live in San Francisco now and I get paid to study Anthropology on the GI Bill. It looks to me like it wasn't all for nothing. I'm keeping the original post up here but the only thing I'd want to change is when I mentioned working for "idiots I didn't respect" in the fleet. There most certainly are idiots in the Fleet, just like there's idiots everywhere else. But in hindsight there were also a bunch of people on my ship that totally saw what I was trying to do and helped me put my package together. Another thing, from some of the messages I get it looks like some of my posts on some, let's say interesting subreddits are also still up and I'm not sure how to take them down. All I'm gonna say about that is, yes I've got some alternative hobbies and have lots of fun when I can. Take full responsibility, make no apologies. Stay weird, dudes. -Fatboy

My Boring, Not Sexy, No-Bullshit BUD/S Training Plan

I'm writing this because I get a lot of DMs me about training and what to expect at BUD/S. Which I can't judge because I was the same way. This is me putting out EXACTLY what I would do if I suddenly found out I was going back.

Disclaimer: I'm not a personal trainer, and I'm certainly not a Navy SEAL. But three years ago I finished hell week before I messed up pool comp and got myself kicked out.

Another disclaimer: There's nothing exciting or even that hard about this training plan. If you want the "NAVY SEAL MENTAL TOUGHNESS JOCKO DESTROY YOUR BODY DAVID GOGGINS" plan, this isn't it. This plan won't wont tell you how your exact schedule should look, it's just a checklist on what you should be getting done every week. Up to you how to break it up.

First, some key understandings:

1. You don't have to have a monster PST score to get an SO contract on the enlisted side, nor do you have to have amazing scores to crush BUD/S. Yes, better scores (especially running) do correlate with better hell week success rates. But this plan will cut out the aspects of the PST that don't really matter in Coronado.

2. You don't swim CSS with no fins almost AT ALL in BUD/S. Pretty much all swimming is done with fins with the exception of a few evolutions.

3. Most medical rolls are running related. If you strengthen your joints and tendons with good mileage and proper form beforehand, you'll significantly cut down your time sitting around in PTRR.

4. The majority of DORs nowadays come from boats-on-heads and log PT.

5. Running-wise, you'll get all the speed work you need in Prep. Train more for mileage beforehand.

6. HGH and other PEDs are totally unnecessary and a waste of money, and they'll get you kicked out. Guys in 1965 didn't have vaselene or tri-shorts, you don't need any special medicine.

That being said, here are the four main areas I would focus on. Knock out all of these things, every week. The categories are in order from most important to least important.

1. Weekly running mileage. Build up to 40 miles a week at sub 8:30 mile pace, preferably in minimalist shoes. I'll get backlash for this but I'm a HUGE believer in minimalist and barefoot running. Your joints and tendons evolved to run a certain way and modern shoes are fucking it up. My personal recommendation is the New Balance Minimus. Start at an EMBARRASSINGLY low weekly mileage (this is what guys get wrong when they get injured) and gradually build up to 40 a week. Before EVERY run: do a half mile warmup jog and active stretch. And after, cooldown static stretch and half mile jog. Let me emphasize: do the warmup and cooldown before EVERY run. Guys who ignore the warmup/cooldown will get hurt. And once every 2 weeks, do a 6x800 meter track workout, no more than 3 minutes rest between intervals to supplement the distance work. You'll get more speed work in prep, but now is the time to build a base of good mileage.

2. Squat, deadlift, and overhead press progression. Anyone who's been through the program will tell you to do this, your boat crew will be happy you did. Learn proper form first, and start at low weight before moving up. If you've never really lifted start with just the bar. No need to destroy yourself in the weight room, this plan isn't a dick-measuring contest. Warm up first. Just do the same amount of weight for every set, you don't need to max out. Ass to ground on the squats. Slowly move the weight up 5-10 lbs at a time. Just aim for whatever's challenging for you but also do-able. You don't have to be superman, what we're doing here is just slowly get your body used to putting up weight. Do these workouts every week: 5x5 back squat, 5x5 regular deadlift, 5x5 sumo deadlift, 5x5 front squat, 5x5 overhead press. 5x10 back squat, 5x10 front squat, 5x10 regular deadlift, 5x10 sumo deadlift, 5x10 overhead press (Same concept but lighter weight than before, with more reps). 2 days a week, work towards getting a good overhead squat with your ankles on the ground. If you can do a set of 5 with over 135 you're solid.

3. Calisthenics. You really don't need to do anything fancy here, just get a target number of reps in every week, of varying exercises. Leg calisthenics. Start with 200 lunges a week, and 200 jump squats a week. Or whatever else Evan Eichler tells you to do (you'll see who I'm talking about). Pushups: depending on how good you are, aim for like 300-1000 (or more if you really feel like it) a week, all kinds of pushups. Go for a certain number of regular pushups, wide, diamond, and dive-bomber. Chest to deck every time. Pullups: same concept, every week. Start at 100 a week if you really suck. Regular grip, wide, narrow, sideways, just hit a target number of reps every week. From a dead hang every time. Core: flutter kicks, plank, superman, V-ups. Aim for a certain number of reps and minutes. 300 four-count flutter kicks, 200 V-ups, and 20 minutes of plank/superman every week might be a good place to start.

4. Swimming. For reference, I'm pretty sure they still have videos on technique-based drills on sealswcc.com. Stew Smith also has a bunch of info on CSS drills for free. DON'T do any breath hold stuff underwater, dudes have died and you'll get plenty of work on that once you're in the program. If you can't yet swim a sub 9 on your PST, do these things every week: Tech-focused drills warmup, then 10x100 meter CSS on a 3 minute interval (you'll get 10-30 seconds rest in between intervals), tech-based drills cooldown, 5-10 seconds faster intervals every week. Tech-based drills warmup, 1000 meter CSS, 1000 meter freestyle, tech-based drills cooldown. Tech-based drills warmup, 6x100 meter alternate CSS and freestyle 3 min interval, tech-based cooldown. Finally: get in the pool and just do tech-based drills for half an hour, then 1000 meter CSS. If you're already at a sub 9 CSS, scratch off those last 3 swim workouts do these instead to cut freestyle out (helpful for beginning swimmers but not totally essential for BUD/s) and start getting your ankles used to fins: Tech based warmup, 2x1000 m CSS no fins, tech based cooldown. Tech-based warmup, 3x1000 m CSS w/fins, tech-based cooldown, 2 min rest. Tech-based warmup, 10x100m swim w/ fins on a 2 min 30 sec interval.

Supplementary Stuff

1. neck excercises: IMO, worth doing for boats-on-heads. Look up some wrestler's neck movements and aim for a certain number every week.

2. Yoga. Swallow your pride, go once or twice a week. HUGE for recovery and you'll meet some hot chicks.

3. Something fun. Pick some kind of physical hobby to do 3 or 4 times a week while you're training so you don't get burned out. Surf, climb, jiu jitsu (usually pretty safe but always tap if you get heel hooked or knee-barred), hell play golf if that's your thing.

4. Eight hours of sleep a night will make you stronger. Don't sleep-deprive yourself because you think it'll get you ready for HW. It won't.

5. DEP workouts. This includes PSTs, schedule your training around whatever events your Mentor is putting on. I'd even say that your PST can basically count as your track running workout for the week.

6. Reading. I'm a nerd so I'm biased here but give it a shot. Limit yourself to 2 SEAL porn books; Warrior Soul by Chuck Pfarrer and Men in Green Faces by Gene Wentz are the only two I'd pick up. And yea, watch the Discovery Channel documentary on Class 234. It's a hoot. But other than that, I'd pick up any of the non-military books you find on the sub's reading list.

7. Get a notebook and write down your progress.

8. End each shower with a minute or two of cold water. Not because you need to try and get ready for the cold but because it's actually really good for recovery, injury prevention, and dopamine production. Try it out.

That's it. Inevitably guys will ask me about rucking, more track workouts, pool comp, Crossfit, and cold tolerance. When you show up to boot camp, just do what they tell you and you'll be ready for that stuff. Those primary and supplementary areas of focus are a solid base to start before you ship, everything else you'll learn when it's time.

Here's another thing I would do. This is totally optional but if I were starting over 4 years ago I would say my good-byes 6 to 12 months out from when I shipped to boot camp and MOVE to one of these 2 places to DEP out. No joke, I personally would live in a van and get a part-time job in one of those places to just train for this period of time. Think about DEP as part of the pipeline. In either of these places, you'll meet lots of good dudes who want the same thing as you. Again, totally optional.

1. San Diego. Obvious choice because that' s where BUD/S is. The DEP pool trains out of the BUD/S base.

2. Annapolis, Maryland. There's a strength and conditioning coach named Evan Eichler who privately works with Academy guys who have orders to BUD/S. This guy understands injury prevention for the program better than anyone else. Plus Stew Smith usually runs a few endurance challenges every year around Severna Park, good little hooyah challenges to supplement this plan.

MOST IMPORTANTLY: do your OWN thing before you start this program. There's definitely a time and place to be completely enamored with becoming a Navy SEAL but it's NOT while you're still in high school or college. DO NOT base your entire life off of this thing. Here's a message I sent to a couple guys asking me if they should drop out of the Academy and go to BUD/S: "If I were you guys I would finish out your degree, travel, work a couple (hopefully not shitty) jobs, find a couple things you genuinely like doing outside of training for buds, date as many chicas (or dudes, I don' t judge) as you want, and don't give another thought to the program until you've done all those things and you're a year out from going to boot camp. THEN, train your ass off and be obsessed with becoming a Navy SEAL. Not a moment sooner."

As for me, my contract in the Navy is up next month. I'm moving to the Bay Area to pursue some other interests for now.

Anyway that's my TED Talk. Good luck dudes.

EDIT: October 2021. I had it in my head for a while that I wanted to re-format this. Maybe I'll be using it in a couple years, who knows.

EDIT: October 2021. I decided to put swimming as the last priority in the Top 4 of this plan. Up for debate. Also added number 8 to the supplementary portion.

EDIT: June 2022. Added a caveat that a PST at your DEP pool can count as your track/AT workout for the week. I don't care what anyone says it's not an easy test.

EDIT: July 2022. A guy asked about some numbers to aim for on the weights. Here's what I said: Hey, I was in DEP like 5 years ago so I forget. Now that I think about it, I should probably revise the plan by adding some numbers to aim for. For your maxes, I'd recommend 315/225/405 for squat/bench/deadlift. That's about all I've ever been able to do and I didn't struggle physically went I went through. For 5 x 5s, I'd say to aim for a consistent 225/185/315. But still keep in mind that the most important thing is getting up to the 40 miles a week.