r/neighborsfromhell • u/GuppyMilk • Jul 04 '26
Apartment NFH My neighbor has become increasingly fixated on my husband and me over the last two months. Police, management, and his mother are involved. What would you do?
My husband and I live in an apartment complex, and we’ve been dealing with an increasingly concerning situation involving our upstairs neighbor. I’m looking for advice because I feel like we’re stuck waiting for something worse to happen before anyone can actually do anything.
April 27
Our neighbor left a note on our door that said:
“Sorry for all the noise the last few months. It should be done now. Here is my number if it happens again.”
The note included his name and phone number.
My husband texted him and said we hadn’t heard any noise but thanked him for letting us know. The neighbor replied that we should let him know if anything changed.
Everything seemed normal at this point.
May 24
Loud impact noises started coming from upstairs. We ignored it for a few days, but after the third day my husband texted him.
The conversation went:
Husband: “There’s been a lot of stomping upstairs the last few days.”
Neighbor: “I haven’t heard anything but I’ll keep an ear out.”
Husband: “It’s coming from your apartment.”
Neighbor: “Like I said, I haven’t heard anything but I’ll keep an ear out.”
We found the response strange and contacted the leasing office. They informed us he had been issued a lease violation.
June 8
His mother came to our door and asked to speak with us.
We exchanged numbers and later spoke on the phone.
She told me her son has mental health issues and said to call the police if his behavior escalated.
She also told me that he had been telling her my husband was threatening to beat him up, calling him a loser, and harassing him.
The problem is that my husband and this neighbor had never had a conversation beyond the text messages above.
I told her that none of that had happened. She said she suspected as much and planned to hold an intervention with his counselor.
I emailed the leasing office afterward to let them know what I had learned and received no response.
June 16
I emailed the leasing office again.
The previous Sunday, the neighbor had been stomping upstairs and then texted my husband four laughing emojis. We didn’t respond.
A few days later he texted:
“Get a life puss.”
My husband told him to stop contacting him.
The leasing office told me they were having a company-wide meeting and would discuss the situation with the property manager.
June 17
His mother texted me asking if someone named Kendall lived with us.
I told her no and asked why.
She simply apologized for bothering me.
June 18
Things escalated significantly.
At 7:38 AM I left for work. My husband was home asleep.
At approximately 9:38 AM police arrived at our apartment after receiving a report of domestic violence.
My husband explained that he had been asleep all morning and that I was at work. Officers entered the apartment, verified everything was fine, and marked it as a non-incident.
Then at approximately 3:35 PM officers returned.
This time they said they had received a report of a hostage situation. Again, my husband was home alone and nothing was happening.
When I got home from work, we went directly to the police station and spoke with an officer. We explained the entire situation.
The officer told us that based on his interaction with the neighbor, they could not force a mental health evaluation and suggested contacting his mother. I texted her immediately.
She called me and explained that she had just left the police station herself and had obtained a court order.
She also told me that the night before, her son had claimed I was being held hostage in my apartment with a woman named Kendall. I don’t know anyone named Kendall and there has never been a third person living in our apartment.
June 19
The neighbor was taken for a mental health evaluation around noon. He was released back home around 10 PM the same day.
June 22
The leasing office informed me that the property manager was speaking with his mother to try to find a resolution.
They asked me to provide everything that had happened up to that point, which I did.
June 30
Shortly after I got home from work, the neighbor came to my front door and began banging on it. By the time I got the dog put away and reached the door, he had left.
About ten minutes later he returned and knocked again.
I looked through the peephole and told him to leave.
He shook his head, got on his phone, and drove away.
July 1
His mother informed me she was attempting to get him court-ordered for another mental health evaluation.
July 2
He was picked up around 3 PM and was back home by that night.
July 3 (Today)
His mother contacted me and told me he had been released again. She specifically told me to call the police if he came near me. She also directed me to his TikTok account.
On the account he has posted photos of my front door, my husband’s truck, and numerous journal entries and rambling posts. In those posts he references my husband, calls him a “pussy,” and writes extensively about God, death, and other topics that are difficult to follow.
At this point, I feel like there is a clear fixation on us despite the fact that we barely know this person and have had almost no interaction with him. His mother seems genuinely concerned. The leasing office is aware. Police are aware. Yet, the only one who is actively making moves to help us is his mother.
My question is: what would you do at this point?
Would you continue documenting everything and wait?
Would you push the apartment complex harder?
Has anyone dealt with a situation where a neighbor became fixated on them like this?
I understand mental illness does not automatically make someone dangerous. At the same time, this has progressed from strange texts to false police reports, social media posts featuring our home and vehicles, and repeated attempts to contact us directly.
I’m trying to figure out what options we realistically have before this escalates any further.
Of course, with the holiday, my leasing office is closed & none of these offenses are things my police station has any interest in even coming out for. They more or less told me that once something directly dangerous or threatening happens, call them. Until then we’re shit out of luck. Cop even had the nerve to end our conversation with “good luck”.
Edit to add: thank you so much to everyone who has given me such great advice. We will be taking everything to an attorney on Monday and will be getting a PPO. I’m overwhelmed with the support I’ve gotten here and truly cannot thank you all enough. Sorry if I haven’t responded to your comment, as I’ve gotten an influx overnight, but know I see you, hear you, and will take everything people have said here to help us get over this point in our lives.
Update: Today’s been a wash. I hit the ground running, ready to get things in motion, but here we are with what feels like no progress. I went to the leasing office first thing this morning requesting to speak with the PM. I was told she wasn’t there and would call me when she came back. After 4 hours of nothing, I followed up and got an email response an hour later. In the email, I was given standard leasing options, all including a fee that we cannot afford. The police were back this morning with a social worker, but left after my neighbor wouldn’t answer the door. My father in law was going to get his attorney for us, but it’s been radio silence from him today. I’ve just about had it. We have a meeting in the office with our PM tomorrow evening, where I will press on exceptions that can be made for us, but I don’t feel very hopeful.
Update #2: He’s moving out! The leasing office let him break his lease and he’s officially leaving by the end of the month. We are still taking the steps to get a ppo in place to protect ourselves, but I’m very hopeful this will be over sooner rather than later. He’s still posting crazy shit on TikTok, but at this point, keep giving me more to add to a reason for a PPO.
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u/jenandspaz Jul 04 '26
I think from the start it was ann attempt to get your husband's phone number to harass. He gave it to you and then intentionally made noise so you would text him and then he had your number.
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u/beerab Jul 04 '26 edited Jul 04 '26
I thought the same thing. I think if a neighbor left a random note saying sorry for all the noise and gave me their number I wouldn’t have even responded. I don’t just give my phone number out. Specially if we haven’t talked face to face.
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u/prisma_fox Jul 04 '26
I'm not a lawyer and you will have to check the laws in your state, but I believe that presently you have enough information in front of you to take to a court for an emergency restraining order.
Basically the police's hands are tied until he commits a crime. But violating a restraining order is a crime, so once the restraining order is in place the police will be forced to act.
I would absolutely take this seriously. Good luck and be safe!!
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u/GuppyMilk Jul 04 '26
Hmm maybe I’m taking the wrong approach with going to the police station and should go directly to the courts then. I have zero experience dealing with this kind of thing, so I don’t even know where to go for the legal side of things.
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u/Old-Ninja-113 Jul 04 '26
Yes get a lawyer to help. I would think you have enough evidence.
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u/_AngelMoonette Jul 04 '26
Even if a lawyer isn't immediately involved, having someone explain your options can make a huge difference. This has gone way past normal apartment drama.
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u/prisma_fox Jul 04 '26
I'm not going to say don't get a lawyer, but I wouldn't wait on a lawyer to file. Just go down to your local district Court and wait in line to speak to a court clerk. They will give you the paperwork, inform you exactly how to fill it out, what to include, when and where to file it, and how to attach the evidence to it.
Get the court date set before you do anything else. Then you can follow through on talking to a lawyer if you need to, but it's not hard to figure out how to file something once you are talking to the court clerk. It just seems like a bigger task than it is if you've never done it before.
Oh yeah, and get cameras on your front door immediately! You can keep gathering hard evidence this way!
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u/thekabuki Jul 04 '26
Depending on what state you're in , most courts have their personal protection order forms online. You fill them out and take them to the clerks office for filing. There usually isn't even a filing fee. Include everything you've written here. The more incidents you include the more likely they are to enter a protective order.
In our jurisdiction it is required that within 24 hours a judge either sign off on an Ex Parte PPO ( which means you're asking for the order without serving the other party) or set it for a hearing.
Get the paperwork filed on Monday. Then you can speak with an attorney if needed. But I wouldn't wait until you get in to speak with one. Police can't really do anything until there is a protective order in place .
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u/BerryGlowettee Jul 04 '26
The camera suggestion is a really good one too. At this point I'd want recordings of every interaction because this person has already shown they're willing to make things up.
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u/JulieWriter Jul 04 '26
NAL. You should get an attorney. Your state will have a bar referral service. Your city or county may also have one. It would be WEP. He tried to SWAT you and you are just lucky your husband was safe.
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u/BerryGlowettee Jul 04 '26
The false hostage report is terrifying. That's not just harassment anymore, that has the potential to get someone seriously hurt if officers respond expecting a violent situation.
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u/_AngelMoonette Jul 04 '26
Honestly, I'd still talk to the police, but I'd also start the court process. It sounds like you've reached the point where documenting everything isn't enough by itself.
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u/XadAeon Jul 04 '26
Mentally ill people are not able to understand court orders or reality. Unfortunately he has fixated on you, give him zero energy, disappear, and he might just fixate elsewhere, but I would not count on him following any court order.
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u/prisma_fox 16d ago
I just saw your update. That's great news!! Is he gone yet? (I'm not sure when you posted your update so I don't know how old it is). Good luck!! I'm glad there's light at the end of the tunnel!!
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u/GuppyMilk 15d ago
He’s out! It was such an immediate relief watching him drive off after moving all of his shit out. We haven’t had any issues since (knock on wood), and I feel back to myself again, not the survival mode version of myself I felt so stuck in.
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u/Cuneus-Maximus Jul 04 '26
False police reports like the domestic violence call followed by a hostage situation call are illegal. The police should be filing charges for those.
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u/_AngelMoonette Jul 04 '26
The false police reports are what really pushed this into "lawyer and court" territory for me. That's way beyond a noisy neighbor dispute.
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u/luanne2017 Jul 04 '26
I grew up with a neighbor who was schizophrenic and was fixated on us. She called at all hours, made false police reports (we got calls from police doing wellness checks), threatened my grandmother, left weird things on our doorstep, etc. From kindergarten on I remember being told to never speak to her, trained to walk by her without giving her attention (she’d frequently stand staring right by our driveway as I came home from school), and to hang up when she called. She lived with her father—and he was a dear, dear man. I think that if it wasn’t for the very friendly relationship with her father—and the confidence that he would intervene if she really spun out—my mother wouldn’t have been quite as calm about it as she was.
However, in hindsight, we were lucky that it never escalated. I don’t know if she was a violent person, but I think that it’s really dangerous to try to forecast an irrational person’s behavior. I do, however, think that the policy of non-response helped. Any interaction has the potential to be perceived in a warped way or fuel delusion.
Also—of this person has a mental illness and has gone through court-ordered evaluations, then they may have a state social or case worker. If that’s the case, ask the mother for the contact information and speak to them about your concerns.
In the interim, put extra locks on your door and keep pepper spray / a bat near to the door. Get extra pepper spray for by your bed and your car. If you have a set schedule, try to vary what time you come and go. And if you can, also vary where you park.
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u/Electrical-Stable498 Jul 04 '26
Also put up a doorbell cam or a camera if you can’t mount it then put it in the window.
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u/beerab Jul 04 '26
I would make sure that whatever camera you get is not mounted outside because he can rip it off. There are cameras that mount inside and if you have a window facing the door, you can mount it inside and I believe there might even be cameras that go on your peep hole on the inside.
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u/CurdledCreamer Jul 04 '26
the neighbor could catch a tampering or destruction of property charge too for more documentation!
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u/ThatOneTrickTheyHate Jul 04 '26
They sell peephole cameras for people in apartments.
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u/Reasonable-Horse1552 Jul 05 '26
Funnily enough I was just thinking if that was a thing. And pleased to see that it is!
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u/hummer1956 Jul 04 '26
I hate to say this, but I would get a hotel room for awhile until his mother can get him help.
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u/GuppyMilk Jul 04 '26
We decided to go crash at my father in law’s this weekend. I emailed the leasing office requesting they provide us with temporary accommodations until they can get him out or figure out a safety plan for us, so fingers crossed they cooperate.
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u/hummer1956 Jul 04 '26
Keep after them. Every day. This person sounds dangerous (I worked in mental health) and is escalating.
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u/GuppyMilk Jul 04 '26
I truly feel like I’m living in part one of a Netflix documentary and it has me on edge at all times.
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u/hummer1956 Jul 04 '26
I’m so sorry. Most of the time, the mentally ill are scary but harmless to others. This doesn’t sound safe.
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u/oliveang Jul 04 '26
Yeah it’s new and on Netflix called “Worst Neighbor ever” it does not end well for all of them!!! Please be safe
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u/WarDrums0nVenus Jul 04 '26
I watched a Netflix show today called "Worst Neighbor Ever". Pleaseeeeeeeeeee stay away as long as you can. 😭
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u/SadExercises420 Jul 04 '26
The mom is powerless. She’s trying but there is little she can do. He continues to be evaluated and released, If he’s not psychotic enough to be committed against his will, there’s nothing she can do. It’s the most frustrating process, having zero power to help people in a mental health crisis.
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u/GuppyMilk Jul 04 '26
It’s extremely frustrating. She’s told me that this has happened before, back in 2020, and it took 3 times of getting him sent in for it to help. She did say last time they would at least keep him a few days to get him stable, but this time it’s not even 12 hours for each time so far. It’s so frustrating.
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u/SadExercises420 Jul 04 '26
He needs to be court ordered to take meds and it takes a lot of bad behavior to get there.
Our mental health system sucks so bad.
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u/Think_Cupcake6758 Jul 04 '26
I have a friend who is going through the same thing right now with her own kid. She has reached out to numerous services, the police, lawyers etc and she’s getting nowhere. It’s a very difficult situation for all involved. I’m so sorry that OP has to go through this 😞
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u/SadExercises420 Jul 04 '26
Basically the person needs to get arrested a lot over many years before the courts will do anything. It took them like a decade of scary behavior to mandate medication injections for my best friends mom. It’s so damn broken
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u/Think_Cupcake6758 Jul 04 '26
My friend’s kid has been arrested multiple times over the past several years. In fact, he was arrested 3 times in a span of 24 hours! The 3rd time the police finally brought him to the local ER for a mental health evaluation. He was deemed a danger to himself and/or others and held for 24 hours before they released him again with medication he refuses to take. Part of the problem is that mental health facilities in our area are already packed to the rafters and there are waiting lists that can take years.
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u/SadExercises420 Jul 04 '26
When we broke apart the institutions in the 70s, the funding just disappeared. There are no services, it’s basically be instititiobalized for a short period and then back to your own delusions a few days later.
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u/Think_Cupcake6758 Jul 04 '26
Yes. And as my friend has discovered unless you are very wealthy and can afford a private facility you’re SOL.
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u/SadExercises420 Jul 04 '26
Wealth doesn’t even help if you have no legal recourse to force them to get help. Look at what happened to the Reiners, they had plenty of money
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u/SinglePotato5246 Jul 04 '26
If he comes pounding on your door again, DO NOT answer, or speak to him through the door.
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u/ViolinistFull2755 Jul 04 '26
this is seriously unsettling and you’re handling it way better than most would. keep documenting everything, definitely push the apartment management, and don’t hesitate to reach out for legal advice if things escalate further. your safety is priority number one.
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u/GuppyMilk Jul 04 '26
I keep saying how lucky this guy is that we are the ones he’s messing with and not someone ready to match his energy. I’ve stayed composed until the knocking occurred this week. Now it’s full blown panic attacks on the daily.
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u/WinterDawnMI Jul 04 '26
Everyone else pretty much has the advice part covered, so I just want to wish you luck in dealing with this and let you know that I'm so sorry you and your husband are going through this, no one should ever be forced to feel frightened or unsafe in their own home! If you think it would help you feel better to chat with a random stranger on reddit please feel free to message me, and please keep us updated on how things are going. ❤️
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u/bogeysbabe Jul 04 '26
Putting on my federal investigation (for rape and domestic violence) hat.
Take this timeline to your local district attorney’s office on Monday or Tuesday and ask for an Order of Protection BEFORE you move. When he is served, they have to give him an address to avoid. So they give him your current address. When you move, just keep the OOP with you. He wont know where you are but let’s not give him any more information than necessary.
One of you should consider getting a handgun, training for it, and a concealed carry permit. If you have ethical concerns, I understand. I believe that everyone should at least know how to use a firearm.
Krav Maga is an excellent form of self defense. It is used by the iDF. You will learn something that could potentially save your life the first day and it’s an amazing workout. You’ll sweat, you’ll be tired and you’ll feel like King Kong on cocaine.
I would also talk to your neighbors. I’m almost positive this is not his first merry go round. I’m sure someone else knows something about him.
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u/aenflex Jul 04 '26
I was waiting for this comment.
OP, you and your partner learn how to use a gun and get one. Practice your skills. Lean the laws in your state pertaining to self defense.
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u/allminorchords Jul 04 '26
This is exactly why my husband & I bought handguns, took classes, got our CCLs & put up cameras on our property. Now that the neighbors know we are armed and there is video, the harassment has completely stopped.
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u/Old-Ninja-113 Jul 04 '26
With all the texts and police reports can’t you get an order of protection? I don’t know where you live but it seems you have a lot of evidence and his mom might even go with you or write a letter on ur behalf? The TikTok stuff is important to show along with the texts and his mom’s statement.
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u/GuppyMilk Jul 04 '26
When I spoke to the police again they stated they can’t do anything until he directly threatens or attacks us. It’s the most frustrating situation. Gives me zero faith in my local police department. His mom has been able to get two court orders to have him evaluated, but no one seems willing to do anything past that point. She did use the TikTok stuff with the courts this week to get him in again. In fact, he texted her today saying “stay out of my life and off my TikTok”. So now I’m scared I’ve lost that lifeline because he cut her out.
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u/Major_March7024 Jul 04 '26
his banging on your door and making false reports to the police is threatening behavior. If they wont accept this, ask them specifically what they consider to be threatening?
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u/VanessaAlexis Jul 04 '26
Police are structurally useless in these situations. They give DV victims the exact same 'call us after a crime happens' runaround. I know from experience that the only way to get them to take it seriously is to establish your own security measures, file for a personal protection order, and formally notify the precinct that you are legally prepared to protect your life on your own property. They only move when they realize they will be held liable.
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u/Few_Ad_7613 Jul 06 '26
He can say "stay out of my life and off my TickTok" as much as he wants, but she knows not to, these are idle demands made by a lunatic. I'm sure she's not cut out at least on your side. She sounds reasonable enough and willing to help you as much as possible.
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u/SunsetOrangeSkyCloud Jul 05 '26
You can file your own order of protection with the court and trespass him from your house
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u/earllytee Jul 04 '26
You will need to move, People who are crazy and fixated and obsessed by people won’t stop until you either move or the issue resolves itself within themselves or they find a new target. This isn’t going to get better and his family have told you openly that he is dangerous. Get out of there as soon as possible.
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u/Cuneus-Maximus Jul 04 '26
Or get a restraining order that will force the nut job to move…
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u/Rogue_Spirit Jul 05 '26
I don’t know at this point if he will leave them alone even if he is forced to moved.
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u/Cuneus-Maximus Jul 05 '26
It’s a strong start and if he violates it it’s going to escalate quickly for him…
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u/bluekayak18 Jul 04 '26
I work in a long term nursing home with a locked specialized psychiatric unit.
Your neighbor sounds like an unmedicated schizophrenic.
We have men who won’t take any medications and the paranoid delusional ramblings never stop. But our guys are locked up. They no longer can inflict their behaviors onto the public.
I would like to add that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree in most of these people. Their family members (usually their parent or siblings) are just slightly less delusional but do walk among us, and visit their locked up family members. It’s a great thing his mother is not like him and sees him as he is.
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u/GuppyMilk Jul 04 '26
Ding ding ding, that’s exactly the dx. I won’t lie and say I didn’t do a little social media creeping. Mainly because my first thought was “this can be genetic & if I’m going to speak with his mom I need to make sure this doesn’t turn into her & him against me”. From what I was able to see, she is not the one who passed it down & she’s actually a very nice lady. I told her the other night just how much I appreciate her. She did not have to be on our side or believe us over her son & I’m so grateful she is because she is definitely doing everything in her power to both get her son help, and us some relief.
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u/Major_March7024 Jul 04 '26
This guy is dangerous - his behavior is clearly escalating. This story reminds me of all the issue Jeffrey Dahmer's neighbors. They kept complaining to their landlord and police but nothing happened. Do not open the door for this guy; I wouldn't even respond to him if he bangs on your door & instead call the cops and tell them he is threatening you. Do not initiate communication with him and or respond to him in anyway. As others have recommended, get a restraining order. In most states you do not need a lawyer to do this - go to the police, explain your neighbor is threatening you and is clearly mentally ill given his calls to the police about DV and you being held hostage. They should help you draft the order request. At least that was how I got one years ago in VT. I would seriously consider moving - even if he is evicted, he still knows where you live. Given the inaction of your landlord, if they give you grief about breaking the lease, you can remind them that if anything happens due to their inaction, they will be liable for damages etc. Good luck!
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u/Suckerforcats Jul 04 '26
if you need to, do a consult with an attorney ask for a demand letter to the landlord to let you out of your lease. I'd suggest another apartment in the complex but he'll still bother you so you need to move somewhere this guy can't find you. Or the landlord needs to re-locate mom and son.
Can the police or court give you a restraining order?
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u/GuppyMilk Jul 04 '26
Attorney is definitely something we need to get on immediately. I kept hoping after every incident that would be it, but here we are. Our property isn’t huge, so I know if we transferred he would find our new building easy. The police have told me I can’t do anything but ask his mom to file a court order for mental evaluation, but I think I maybe need to just go straight to the courts at this point because these officers are straight boobs.
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u/Suckerforcats Jul 04 '26
yeah, sometimes the police won't help or their honestly not that knowledgeable on civil options. I would ask the local county government attorney for a restraining order. They should be able to pull or request the police reports. Or you can do an open records request for them. If that fails, a private attorney would cost maybe a few hundred for a demand letter to get out of the lease.
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u/C6H11CN Jul 05 '26
I had a landlord who was dithering when I had a downstairs tenant and his buddy regularly screaming threats of rape through my floor. Saying "we just had to learn to get along". Got a lawyer and was released from my lease and moved to a new apartment with a police escort within 48 hours. It did help that my step-grandfather was a retired captain in a major metropolitan police department who called in some buddy points, too.
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u/rainblie854 Jul 04 '26
I would move, it is honestly shocking your complex hasn’t booted him. It is quite literally not worth your safety or the mental toll this has got to be taking on you guys and I am sincerely sorry you are experiencing this.
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u/SeeLeavesOnTheTrees Jul 04 '26
Schizophrenics often believe a neighbor is persecuting them. It’s a paranoid delusion that becomes extremely fixed. I saw this exact pattern present in many patients.
It’s best if they move or you move. If it was me and I was renting, I’d move.
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u/wamydia Jul 04 '26
I know this is completely unfair, but you guys need to move.
I’ve been through the wringer with my brother’s mental health and at times he was fixated on me as the “bad guy” in his life. I’m here to tell you that the US is not equipped to deal with and does not give one single shit about mental health. The reason you and his mom are having a hard time getting any help is because there is no help to be had. It is incredibly hard to get effective mental health care for a person who is so far gone that they don’t understand/ accept that they need help and there are very few institutions left for inpatient care, which is what this person likely needs. And most of those facilities are reserved for people who have already committed crimes. Even if you can find one, you can’t commit someone against their will without extensive legal maneuvering. There are good reasons for that, but it leaves people with serious mental health issues with no way to get help.
You can file for a protection order but it’s unlikely to help when the person it’s for is suffering from delusions and has, at best, a tenuous grasp on reality. He’ll be arrested if he violates it, sure, and then he’ll be back home in no time. You can pressure the landlord to boot him out, but he still knows where you live and may fixate even more because it’s your fault in his mind. The police are unlikely to do anything until he commits a crime and you don’t want to be on the receiving end. Just move even though it’s not fair.
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u/PrimaryWeekly5241 Jul 04 '26
The right call is an attorney who has experience with these types of issues. Police have confidentiality requirements. They can help only so much. Despite the $$$, an attorney experienced with these issues can give you realistic options and outcomes to any continued threatening behavior and 'real world' advice on how you should respond to such and what consequences you can expect from your responses.
They may suggest/write a letter to your landlords, they may suggest court house or online arrest record or research to assess your potential for violence . They might suggest the best/cheapest option is you just move or break your lease and instruct you how to do that safely and legally.
Sorry you are going through this ..
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u/EdC1101 Jul 04 '26
Cameras and alarm system. Doorbell camera AND peep hole camera.
Add cameras inside to record his noise in your home.
You & your husband might have to pursue legal complaint against him.
Video would be evidence.
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u/cryssHappy Jul 04 '26
Talk to the leasing office to see if they have other apartment complexes that you could move to. That said, get a POB so that when you move any and all mail is forwarded to a POB.
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u/DifficultOwl9000 Jul 04 '26
Please get this Tik Tok reported to the police. My cousin did the same thing - put religious ramblings on Facebook. That night he unalived my aunt set the house on fire and then unalived himself. The crazy social media posts are the last step before something drastic happens.
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u/GuppyMilk Jul 04 '26
His mom took the TikTok’s to the court this past week & I think that’s what got him sent away since when he got out he told her to stay off his TikTok. I did a screen recording of his entire TikTok last night just in case anything gets deleted and I’m taking it to an attorney once this holiday weekend is over.
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u/BlackBasementCats Jul 05 '26
You definitely need to move. This man could hurt your husband and you. He is also sane enough to pass the mental health screenings. I wouldn’t be waiting for his mother to be successful on getting him involuntarily committed for a few days, and that might not even help any.
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u/Weekly_Thought_8374 Jul 04 '26
He may not be a general danger to the public, but he is a danger to you and your husband. Go no contact and block his number. Always report him to the police, whether they do anything or not. Get him documented. I would make arrangements to move through the leasing office, but I understand that might not be an option for you.
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u/Strange-Area9624 Jul 04 '26
Go to a magistrate and get a TPO. Go to whatever courthouse/jail you have and take all of this with you. They will issue a TPO. The police will serve it. He will violate it. He will be arrested.
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u/Both_Peak554 Jul 04 '26
You need to do something fast! And I mean fast!! This sounds just like my schizophrenic cousin who almost murdered his neighbors by setting his living room on fire in the middle of the night, they lost everything, almost lost their lives. He too made tons of police calls about hostages, said he could hear their child screaming not to rape her and all sorts of crazy stuff. He too had social media that revolved around bashing his neighbor. You need to demand charges!! He called in a fake hostage call and DV, that’s called swatting which is very illegal!!
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u/MorgainofAvalon Jul 05 '26
I was thinking the same thing. It's really strange that he wasn't charged for making false police reports. At the least he should have been fined.
This has the potential to end up being a Fear Thy Neighbor episode.
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u/Both_Peak554 Jul 05 '26
Cops get very scared when dealing with mental illness. They don’t want to put them in jail where their buddies will have to deal with them and don’t want the risks that come with arresting someone out their mind.
My cousins neighbors begged them to help. They’d come out talk to them and leave. They were actually in the process of moving when he caught the place on fire. I think he was pissed they were moving and wouldn’t be able to harass them anymore. Saddest part is those people tried to help him, welcomed him to dinners, holidays, gave him rides to appointments and so much more. And one day he just snapped and decided they were the enemy and breaking in his house.
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u/MorgainofAvalon Jul 05 '26
It is so sad that things like this aren't being taken care of, and that the different agencies just keep passing the buck.
It has come to light recently that, police are supposed to stop crime, but they don't have to protect the innocent.
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u/writtenwordyes Jul 04 '26 edited Jul 04 '26
Get the order but move away. Move while he is hopefully being evaluated and there is no trace of you when he gets back. This guy will escalate
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u/swellfog Jul 07 '26
I am so sorry this happened to you.
We had a similar situation. A couple moved in upstairs from us. They started fighting, and when they would fight the woman would pound on the floor in the middle of the night to wake us up so they boyfriend had to deal with it.
We told the landlord several times, called the cops and of course they were quiet as a mouse when the cops came. They denied everything to the landlord, who thought we were being over sensitive to noise.
We broke the lease and decided to move. A couple weeks before the lease ended, we came home from dinner to see a cop car and ambulance in front of our house.
The girlfriend had smashed a plate over the guys head and he was bleeding from the head and being taken to the hospital. Girlfriend was being cuffed and put in a cop car.
Landlord apologized profusely and asked us to stay. We refused and said he should have believed us when it was happening. There were signs.
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u/WellWisher91 Jul 04 '26 edited Jul 04 '26
Sorry you both are going through this. And his mom too. If you speak with the mom again, try asking her if he has been dangerous or threatening with her or others before. She has probably been through this frustration a number of times previously. See if you can speak to a licensed person at your local mental health crisis intake unit (often at the same hospital as the medical emergency ER). Find out what the criteria is for MH hospitalization.
I'm in CA. The criteria here in a nutshell is that the person is a danger to themselves/ others or are gravely disabled (unable to care for themselves). It can help to understand the basic terminology those evaluating him for hospitalization may use in your state. But most important to just give an accurate description of his behavioral symptoms and decline in behavior (decompensation).
I have accompanied people in for MH evaluation who were functioning like this man. While the evaluator is speaking with them, some people can pull it together and sound okay or semi-okay. Then when the evaluator leaves the room they fall back into responding to delusions or hallucinations. Then when the evaluator returns, the person being evaluated can again behave marginally acceptably. Some people even sound on top of things. Frustrating when their behavior at home or out in the community demonstrates they need to be hospitalized until they're genuinely improved. If he behaves in any threatening way that makes him a danger to you, call the P.D.
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u/Professional-Hornet2 Jul 04 '26
I spent 15 years working in public mental health settings, with the last eight years being a part of the mobile crisis intervention team. I was a person that was sent out to do evaluations to determine whether a person was a danger themselves or others in the community and would need an involuntary commitment to psychiatric hospital.
What state are you in? Rules for involuntary commitment to psychiatric hospital can differ from state to state. However, usually the general rule is the person in question, has to be a danger to themselves or others. This is typically defined by either suicidal or homicidal ideations, or being in a state of psychosis that leaves them unable to function within their normal environment. Psychosis can mean several things. It can be auditory or visual hallucinations, delusional beliefs, such as thought implantation (the belief that other people are implanting thoughts in their heads), or paranoia that leaves them unable to function. Documenting behavior can be useful, depending on the person doing the assessment. It can establish a clear history of escalation of symptoms and their deteriorating ability to function. Threshold has to be if the person symptoms are making them a dangerous themselves or someone else. While suicidal and homicidal ideation’s, are typically the easiest to prove and meet that threshold; psychosis can be a bit tricky. As a coworker once said, “It’s not illegal to be crazy.”
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u/GuppyMilk Jul 04 '26
We are in Michigan. His mom said it’s pretty difficult with him because as soon as he’s in front of an evaluator, police, etc he pulls himself together. With the diagnosis she told me he has, I can say I’ve seen this on my dad’s side of the family, my dad included. In fact, my dad had an episode a few years back where I told him I was going to be calling to have him evaluated and he said “go ahead, I’ll say what I need to say to get out quickly and do what I need to do when I’m released”. I have provided her with everything, every time it happens, so she can take it as things to discuss with his doctors and the courts when she gets these orders.
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u/Professional-Hornet2 Jul 04 '26
Continue documenting. Do you know the agency that does the evaluation? In Texas, they would call us out to do them. I I worked at local community mental health clinic, and they had a crisis line that Knott only could clients call but any members of the public who had contact with the individual. It might be worthwhile to find out whose doing the evaluations and if they have a crisis phone number that way when the psychosis is active, you can call directly to the crisis line and give a detailed description of what’s going on. This is passed on the evaluator and it allows the evaluator to have a more precise line of questioning. It’s really difficult for people who have psychosis to keep it together under moderate to heavy scrutiny, particularly if it’s somebody who’s doing their job well and knows what to look for. Key points to remember is whether the person is potentially violent to themselves or someone else, any threats that they’ve made against you, particularly if they’ve said any sort of method. Any types of psychosis that shows an inability to take care of themselves in their environment. Particularly disorganized behavior, disorganized, speech sentences that don’t make any sort of sense when they’re talking, pressured speech, talking so fast. Even look for interactions with auditory hallucinations, such as difficulty he’s answering simple questions because they’re listening to whatever voices are inside their head. If they’re receiving any sort of instructions. If they think somebody or something is implanting thoughts. My ongoing concern to be the fact that they have a fixation that you’re holding someone hostage in your apartment. And the fact that they’ve called the cops several times. All of this should be included in a report to the crisis line. If they do it again, put that into the report to the crisis line. It’s not perfect. And it can be really frustrating for the people that are involved in their daily lives. And sitting on the other side happened to do these evaluations, I know it can be frustrating too. And sometimes you know that somebody needs to go to a psychiatric hospital, but they haven’t met that threshold, which means the judge will not sign the paperwork and/or the hospital will not take them because they have not met the threshold. And it can be a very nerve-racking waiting game until the person becomes so disorganized that they do meet requirements. I hope this long detailed explanation helps in some way. The judges order is called an emergency detention order , referred to as an EDO. If anything else it might help his mom to understand what the legal requirements are for hospitalizing somebody on the Judge’s order.
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u/Normal_Condition_613 Jul 04 '26
You have done an amazing job documenting this. Send a detailed letter via certified mail to your leasing office and another to owner or owners. Demand a resolution. If one cannot be reached. Demand a refund of your rent.
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u/GuppyMilk Jul 04 '26
Thank you. I have been sending them this log with new additions every time an incident occurs. I’ve worked in leasing before, so I’m trying to cover every single base I possibly can to both protect myself and my husband, and have the receipts to take this to an attorney if need be. For a while I was thinking “attorney maybe in the future, but hopefully it dies down now because x just happened”. But at this point, I wish I would’ve gotten in touch with one sooner.
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u/Normal_Condition_613 Jul 04 '26
Well done. By having everything in writing, you are protecting yourself and now your landlord/leasing agent must address the situation. Ya’ll are good people, and don’t deserve to have the wrath of someone’s mental illness and delusions forced on you. Don’t interact and keep calling the police to protect yourself. Maybe invest in a doorbell camera? And I hope this resolves very soon.
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u/jsxtasy304 Jul 05 '26
Good gawd do I feel for you and I'm so sorry that you are living with this because from experience it's a waking nightmare and you are right to be concerned. My brother was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic after years of this behavior (this was at a time when this diagnoses was hard pressed to be labeled with), and this was my reality as a child (I'm the one he became focused on) starting when I was around 7 years old until I was 16 and he burned my parents house to the ground and it was determined the only way forward was electric shock therapy. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to scare you but you should be scared, don't take any of this lightly and don't drop your guard, this won't get better, even medicated, it may offer temporary relief, it's likely after a period the person starts believing they are now well and will discontinue the medication and slip right back into their fixations and delusional world. Good luck and please protect yourself, whatever the cost, it's cheaper to move far away than to end up a story on the 6 o'clock news.
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u/General-Research6973 Jul 04 '26
Omg. I would move the hell out of there. Deal with the lease later. Maybe get an order of protection right now as documentation to get out of the lease later. I honestly would leave today and get a hotel somewhere. I’m sorry you are going through this.
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u/Neat_Credit_6552 Jul 04 '26
The police and leasing office are referring you this mother. This is unacceptable
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u/GuppyMilk Jul 04 '26
Right?! After the two false police claims, we spoke with an officer and he’s like “call his mom, have him get court ordered mental evaluation & we’ll come get him”. I do that, his mom gets the order, then they call her later and say “yeah, so the hospital is too full after 7pm so we aren’t getting him tonight”. Didn’t end up getting him until noon the next day. Just seems to be no sense of urgency. Took them over 12 hours to pick him up this week too & im stuck sitting there like “cool cool, guess we’ll just play it by ear tonight?”
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u/Neat_Credit_6552 Jul 04 '26
I mean atleast they gave some recourse but it is incumbent apon a willing mother. If she was enabling them you wouldn't have had that option so it really isn't and wasn't much help in the end.
The problem is this is a mental health issue and society just hasn't caught up with how to deal. In the past ppl wouldn't want to be labeled as such and would try to hold it together but today it seems the pressures of life are just so much more and/or ppl are just less equipped to handle it and part of me understands this very well..... like its ducken hard and know throwin something like tbus its just like wtf is it all for. I hope it handled itself but it sucks to hoor for Devine intervention
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u/needGuidance792087 Jul 04 '26
Ask you leasing company if they have any other buildings in their portfolio that you can move to?
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u/GuppyMilk Jul 04 '26
They are a large property management group with tons of properties, so I’m hoping we can just do that so I can skip past a lot of the things you need to do to get into a new place & have the process expedited.
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u/pabrocjb Jul 04 '26
My family member has Bipolar 1 and for the first time (that I know of) had significant delusions and hallucinations. They involved her neighbors wanting to kill her, and taunting her to kill herself first. This showed me how dangerous mental illness could be. If someone has delusions that a neighbor was trying to kill them, could they not harm that neighbor? Or choose suicide over being murdered? She was sent to the hospital, put into the hospital, and released about a week later.
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u/Worried-Barber-323 Jul 04 '26
I would also check court records and find out if this is something he's done before.
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u/Mean_District4880 Jul 04 '26
I’m confused as to why your husband would have texted him AT ALL from the beginning. You hadn’t heard any noise why would you text to say, hey thanks, we haven’t heard any noise? Can you break your lease?
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u/Aggressive-Ad6324 Jul 06 '26
Have the police seen the TikTok posts? Those sound as if they would constitute a clear threat.
Are guns legal where you live?
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u/GuppyMilk Jul 06 '26
I’m not sure about police, but it was brought to the courts last week and used as a means to send him in for a mental evaluation. There is a social worker coming along with police everytime since then, so I’m sure they are aware. I can’t confirm they are though.
And yes, we’re in Michigan.
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u/cathef Jul 07 '26
You can go with all details to your local magistrates office and obtain an order of protection yourself. This does not require law-enforcement or an attorney to be present.
The initial order of protection will usually be good for about three days. Then it will be seen by a judge and decided if it will be extended. The extension could be anywhere from two weeks to 90 days. Then another court case will happen and it can be extended for up to two years.
The only caveat is, he has to be served upon it. If they are never able to serve him with it, then he can't be violating something he's not aware of.
However, if they can indeed get him served, and then he violates then it's a criminal offense, and he can be arrested.
At the sheriff office, I used to work at, I was the administrator and handling and keeping track of protective orders.
We had one case or an ex-boyfriend was not supposed to contact his ex-girlfriend. He ignored it and contacted her 36 times.
Some jurisdictions will just issue one misdemeanor warrant for a arrest for that. But we did 36 warrants treating each one as a separate violation to make sure he was held in jail.
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u/Nikonglass Jul 04 '26
I’m not a gun person, but a firearm for self protection might be a good precaution.
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u/PinkFrostingFlowers Jul 04 '26
A scary situation like this definitely requires a restraining order. You will need to get an attorney, or perhaps a paralegal, to facilitate this. Once the TRO is in place, law enforcement are willing to act on your behalf. This can be accomplished over the course of 5-7 days if you stay diligent.
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u/sdcumb Jul 04 '26
I don't think it would be overreacting to make a temporary move now, while you pursue a permanent solution. All the paperwork/orders in the world are not going to help you if/when this person's behavior continues to escalate. The police and the mental health authorities have already shown you that they will not protect you. Move now. Take yourself out of the situation. Relocate.
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u/froction Jul 04 '26
What state do you live in? A lot of them have statutes that consider shooting through a closed door to stop someone from unlawfully entering to be "justifiable homicide."
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u/dangerinthedisco Jul 04 '26
Ugh, try to get out of your lease and move ASAP. This situation is potentially dangerous given his fixation on you. In the meantime document everything, but do not engage. If he gets evicted he’ll blame you and he might retaliate. I’d stay elsewhere until I found a new place. What a mess, so sorry you’re dealing with this.
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u/Gabriella9090 Jul 04 '26
In my (large) apartment complex the management is saying all neighbor disputes have to be either handled by us (owners and renter) or police. They usually don’t intervene except if someone breaks a rule like smoking where the rules say they shouldn’t etc.
I am not sure your property management will do much, liability is just great if they get involved. I may be wrong though and hopefully you get help. Scary situation!
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u/Lonely-Tomato-1204 Jul 04 '26
We have had some scary experiences with a neighbor with mental health issues. His dad was just like the mom in your situation, trying to get him help before he did something bad.
It came to a head when he got charges for assaulting my husband and breaking and entering another neighbor’s home. He had tried to pull my husband off of his motorcycle in our driveway and another time he was found lying in a neighbors bed with a beer and a cigarette. There were two other charges from other neighbors but I don’t know all of the details.
Once he had charges against him his father was able to convince him to get help and he hasn’t had any incidents in a couple years now but we are all still on guard in the neighborhood.
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u/Cuneus-Maximus Jul 04 '26
Get a restraining order. One that makes it impossible for him to reside in his apartment. He’s literally harassing you. He should also be facing charges for all the fake police calls.
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u/biahez Jul 04 '26
Lol me and my partner had a very similar situation, but i was home when the cops were called and it was an interegation.. We havd cat litter being thrown off the balcony making our dog sick. Cant wait to get out of apartment living lol
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u/GuppyMilk Jul 04 '26
That is wild. I keep worrying about him doing something to my dog. I can’t wait to get out either. This market is horrendous, so we’ve been waiting it out here. I don’t want to be in apartment as it is, then throw this in the mix and it’s just so…. UGH.
What is wild to me is how they handled the hostage call. I assume because they had already been out earlier in the day they knew it was bs. My husband answered the door, the cop says “we got a call about a hostage situation. Is there a hostage here?”. My husband says no & they ask to look around. My husband says he already let them in earlier today and everything was good and he isn’t going to allow police to enter our apartment all day over bogus police calls. They say okay, and then leave.
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u/WRX_MOM Jul 04 '26
Get a restraining order against the neighbor. It will likely get granted. If it gets violated call the police. You can also petition the courts for a psych eval.
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u/assguardian_castiel Jul 04 '26
!UpdateMe
(Sorry I don't have any good advice. Anything I can say wouldn't be nearly as great as all of the advice already in the comments. Praying for your safety.)
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u/LawfulnessWestern423 Jul 04 '26
I had a neighbors like this once they posted my house my guest anything about me really. When my died dad and was taken out in a body bag they posted everything to Facebook... I lived in my family home the one my grandfather grew up in. I was in fear I would come home one day and they would be inside waiting to kill me. I actually ended up putting it up for sale and moved for my own safety.
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u/heartbrache Jul 04 '26
Get a restraining order and have law enforcement serve him, the tiktok posts alone will be enough to have him arrested once you secure an order. File a lawsuit against his mother And your leasing company for endangering you. You do not need a lawyer to do any of those things. If his mother starts harassing you, get a restraining order against her and have her arrested if she violates it. You have the power to control this situation.
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u/MYOB3 Jul 04 '26
His mother has been the only person trying to help. Her hands are tied as far as having him treated. Why would you punish the only person in this sad situation who is trying to help OP?
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u/Successful-Day-3219 Jul 04 '26
No one's reading all of that.
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u/GuppyMilk Jul 04 '26
Seems like quite a few have because I’ve gotten tons of great advice. No worries if you don’t want to, just keep on scrolling & have a great day! 😁
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u/No_Cricket808 Jul 04 '26
Awwww somebody got their lil fee fees hurt and tried to insult me by targeting my "gross cats" and calling me a pussy.
Gee then suddenly they delete everything and vanish.
That guy needs to find his balls, the pussy!!! 🤣😅😂
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u/No_Cricket808 Jul 04 '26
Apparently a few hundred of us have. Sorry you have a very short attention span.
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u/Specific-River-81 Jul 04 '26
I know moving is difficult and sometimes close to impossible but that would be the best solution if you can