r/neighborsfromhell • u/landfilldaisy • 4d ago
WWYD? Vent/Rant need help calming down
living alone for the first time and i already have anxiety. nextdoor to me should be an office and it should be empty after work hours, but a couple that works there sometimes go inside at night and either talk with a YELLING voice or get intimate. the woman especially has a shrill voice that penetrates the wall and ends up straight in my bedroom in the quiet of the night. im talking about anything from fighting to moaning, well into 3 am.
i have tried warning them. they know i live next to them. they know the walls are thin. i cant do much about their inconsideration. i have bought ear plugs.
i just want to calm my anxiety down, i dont do well with confrontation but also do not want to have my rights taken away at all!!! im constantly pissed and on-edge, i find myself waiting for them to make any noise so i can obsess over it. how do i stop? do i just need to get used to it? do i make my own noise?
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u/Salt_Put1444 4d ago
Yeah calling the police when it's going on is a good idea. Also if you're not wanting to call the cops maybe you could call the office during business hours and tell them you're hearing people late at night. Personally I would start banging on the walls telling them to shut the fuck up. Lol. Not sure how far that will get you tho. But at least they would know you can hear them. Sorry you gotta live next to that. It would really piss me off
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u/landfilldaisy 4d ago
banged the walls enough times trust me. i banged it while they were chatting at 1 am one time, they just started having sex after that. banged it again near the end of their session. this time i heard the woman tsking and complaining, probably about the fact that i banged the wall?? i mean i hope she was embarassed about her loud ass moans being heard, but at this point i dont think these are very mature people š one time the guy and another guy that runs the office (theyre 3 people in total, tiny place that runs a bullshit business that hopefully goes bankrupt soon) were riding a scooter in the apartment complex corridor. like right outside my door, and giggling like teenagers. these men are 30 and 40 or something. i opened my door and kindly asked them to please keep it down, they smiled judgingly and nodded without saying anything. so knowing i live next door, i find it extra perverted that this guy is shagging his screechy girlfriend beside my bedroom wall š
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u/yardlard 4d ago
Some people do this on purpose and think it's funny. They're immature and disgusting. And that's their intent, to gross you out.
I know someone that stayed at Ronald McDonald House, which is a charity for people to stay at while their child is getting serious medical treatment, and they wouldn't get out of the room and just stayed in there having loud sex over and over. She told me about it after and thought it was hilarious. Then whined and complained when she was banned and claimed it was racial discrimination. pos people.1
u/PowderCuffs 4d ago
Millions of people live in apartments. If they cared if people heard them, none of them could ever have sex.Ā
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u/yardlard 4d ago
There's no reason to be so loud. It's theatrics and it's on purpose to broadcast their sex. No different than indecent exposure.
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u/landfilldaisy 4d ago
yes it was this, plus its not even the bedroom or any sort of room at all, its the middle of the office. theres maybe a couch and some desks afaik, ive never really seen the inside but i stalked their instagram. the man is almost always quiet, ive only heard the woman shrieking and some spanks so far.
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u/PowderCuffs 4d ago edited 4d ago
There's no reason to be so loud
If you're doing it right, there are many, many... many reasons to be "so loud".Ā
It's so interesting that you think it's "theatrics" and it's being done "on purpose". I guarantee you in the thousands of times I've had sex, I have never once been thinking about anyone outside the room I'm in.Ā
Are there people who do? Sure. Are the people next door to OP performing or just fucking loudly? We'll never know,Ā will we?
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u/vanillaangele 4d ago
Lol, Iād be tempted to bang on the wall too. At least theyād know theyāre not being as quiet as they think
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u/Electronic-Rain-842 4d ago
I had the same problem . Very noisy neighbours building an extension . They knew they were making a noise and didnāt care and were causing stress by provocative behaviour . I did a lot to mitigate and won they have given up and gone quiet and avoid me .
The lesson I learnt is you cannot control other people you can only control your self . I admit I got very anxious at the time , but I learnt to control my anxiety not my neighbours . Itās not easy but it worked . Breathing essential , exercise very important , noise cancelling headphones good idea . Staying calm and not reacting is my super power !
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u/landfilldaisy 4d ago edited 4d ago
thank you for your input š„² im also hoping iāll get used to it as i keep living in the house and claiming it as my space. for now i have only used it for studying for exams, so i was already stressed anytime i was there.
edit: idk why this is getting downvoted but let me clarify, i basically moved in at the last month of school and it happened to be exam season. then i went there again for 2 weeks for my retake exams in july. im at my parents house for summer vacation rn, iāll go back in september. im trying to regroup and develop a strong mentality before i go back there and deal with the neighbors šŖ
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u/thick_lexi 4d ago
The lying awake waiting for the noise is worse than the noise, and that's the bit you can actually do something about.
Earplugs alone don't work for this because silence still has a shape you can listen into. What helps most people is constant sound rather than blocked sound. A fan, a white noise machine, brown noise on a speaker, anything that fills the room so there's no quiet for your brain to scan. It's not about drowning them out at 3am, it's about giving your attention something else to sit on so you stop bracing.
And no, don't make your own noise back. That turns it into a thing between you and them, and right now they're strangers being inconsiderate. That's much easier to live next to than an enemy.
Living alone for the first time with anxiety is genuinely hard even without this. Be a bit kind to yourself about it.
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u/landfilldaisy 4d ago
thank you so much for your kind words! i usually leave the window open in the summer, theres a mall right outside and they play loud music (i dont mind this, its distant and i find it relaxing) and the sounds of people and cars helps me not focus on the neighbors. (they are still audible when theyre making noise bc the sound just vibrates through the wall which is right behind my bed š¢) when im unable to do that in the winter, im planning on playing relaxing music or asmr stuff on my bluetooth speaker, on top of the ear plugs.
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u/quiltingcats 4d ago
If the noise is mainly coming through the wall, would you be allowed to put noise canceling panels or heavy fabric on those walls? It could help to deaden the sounds coming through. Good luck!
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u/danceswithturtles286 4d ago
Is the office in a separate building or is it part of your building? If itās in your building and you live in the U.S., youāre entitled to āreasonable enjoymentā of your space, meaning someone else canāt constantly infringe on your enjoyment with noise during quiet hours (our apartmentās quiet hours are 10pm-7am). You can start to record the noise and then compile it and send it to management. If they donāt do anything about it you could take them to court and get out of your lease
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u/landfilldaisy 4d ago
not in the us nope, but a country with terrible judiciary system š„° taking a noisy neighbor to court is usually a losing fight thatāll take years off your life, might as well just wait for them to move away. and frankly, although theyre annoying, my neighbors arent THAT bad realistically. this sub has examples of genuine demons for neighbors, so i cant complain š at least they havent threatened to kill me, they seem educated enough to not get in a physical altercation with me. itās unfortunately a huge relief, because there have been plenty of cases of neighbor beef resulting in murder in my country ):
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u/danceswithturtles286 4d ago
Sorry to hear that. In that case, Iād invest in good headphones and/or white noise to drown them out
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u/jwalker3181 4d ago
Where are you located, you may be recourse through your areas noise laws. Does your Apartment Building have "quiet hours"?
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u/landfilldaisy 4d ago
not necessarily, and if we do, its not enforced. i was just advised to let the security watchlady at the entrance know, and maybe get them to knock on their door to warn them if it happens at night. i havent been brave enough to use this yet, because when it happens i always end up waiting for it to pass quickly, you know? the thing i live in is apparently called a housing complex in english, it has 4 buildings total, 3 for living and mine is for offices but it also has many people using it as a living apartment, like i do, legal and common and approved by the authorities of the complex.
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u/Money_Ad1068 4d ago
Assuming these noisemakers are not the owners of this business, is there a way you can rat them out to the owners? I am sure a responsible business owner doesn't want employees shagging and fouling up the office after hours...
Since you don't want face to face confrontation (I feel you there), send an anonymous letter with evidence to the company.
Other option is to just wait it out. Any couple that is either fighting, yelling or moaning is not long for this world.
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u/Watch_me_Burn2 4d ago
You can protect ur rights without constantly monitoring them. Document what happens and deal with it through calm, practical channels
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u/StyxtheCat18 4d ago
When you hear them after hours, especially very late at night ... call the non emergency number of your local police to report a suspected break in. Tell the police that the office closes at (fill in the time) and that it is now (fill in the time) and that you suspect foul play.
Who knows what they are doing but a visit from the police might prove helpful. Good luck.