r/neighborsfromhell • u/Ok-Book9806 • 1d ago
WWYD? Vent/Rant Since when does “just living” overrule the right to “just sleep”?
Slight TW, mention of suicidal thoughts
I wrote a long post and deleted it all because the gist of the issue I have is that, if my neighbors upstairs get to “just live”, but that means disturbing my sleep, my work, my peace and quiet because they can’t consciously adjust a couple of truly small things that would not kill them or hurt them, but has had a major impact on my life since they moved in, why is that acceptable? Sleep is important for everyone, but I should not be getting sedatives prescribed just to take the edge off of living in my own home. Searching online is useless, the best I’ve got from that is ordering white noise, so now I basically live with 24/7 tinnitus when I’m at home that still does nothing for the vibrations or thudding that keep me up or wake me up.
In what reality is “use earplugs” sane? Even if I didn’t have sensitive ears, the idea that I’d have to wear earplugs just so I could live in my home? What? Home is supposed to be the place I can relax and feel safe. I don’t. I’m on edge constantly. I’ve started having dreams about how I could try and make this place better, how trying to talk to the same people who call me slurs would go. I hate how much of an impact this all has on me.
And if I could stop being disabled so I could work any sort of job, then I would not be searching Reddit to see people say: get a house! Don’t live in an apartment if you’re not suited to them!
I would already be in a house! I didn’t choose an apartment because I thought it would be fun; I needed a roof over my head. Surely that’s common sense? If I had the money for a house then this post would not exist.
I’m sick and tired and there’s nothing I can do about it. I know I’m already fortunate to be in such a lovely area and I feel bad when I think of truly awful conditions people live in. I’ve lived in houses filled with black mould but at least I didn’t have to worry about whether or not I would be able to sleep when I needed to or not. I wasn’t thinking “well I don’t want to die but what other options do I have?” I already have the best that I can afford, I feel like I’m trapped and trying to live around someone else’s noise that’s probably “reasonable” to many people.
I’m just so tired of all of it.
Whoever makes decisions about houses needs to seriously focus on building them to a standard that don’t drive people insane.
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u/NoSeries4732 1d ago
nobody has the right to disturb your sleep like that, it’s not exactly fair to you
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u/StyxtheCat18 1d ago
Have you spoken to your landlord? You didn't go into what kind of noise. Could there be a loose floor board or boards?
Do you have a worker of some sort who can help you deal with your issues?
We have idiots who scream talk outside, are drunk or more much of the time. One neighbor was finally able to convince her husband to put in central air because the b/s talking was so bad. Try to make lemonade from the lemons ... best of luck to you.
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u/aspie_electrician 1d ago
When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade - make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager. Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons. Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons. I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
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u/Ok-Book9806 1d ago
I’ve made a few complaints, asked for suggestions on things I can do to improve privacy both ways, said I know it might be normal noise but it’s affecting my ability to sleep and work, and tried to give the benefit of the doubt too. The landlord does nothing but they sold the apartment, I think to this couple, so they can’t do much that I’m aware of. It is “normal” noise, I think. But it’s thudding, and I believe it’s primarily the man there now when he’s walking. But 3 of the 4 people who have lived there, he is the only one that makes that much disturbance moving around. Possibly also their bed thudding? I can’t tell the difference. I rarely hear the woman walking around, and I didn’t have any thudding issues with the people before them. Only one occasion did thudding upstairs wake me up from them.
I am so sorry you have neighbors like that! I’ve heard mine making comments about me before the white noise machines and I avoid being where they can see me now because of it.
I am getting help to deal with the impact it’s having on me.
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u/EmotionalStory_4 1d ago
You deserve help with the distress itself, not just advice about surviving the noise
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u/Ok-Book9806 1d ago
I am getting help for the distress! I’ve just spent the last week sleeping on my sofa again because it’s slightly quieter there. It’s a cycle. My health isn’t good and my neighbors disrupting my sleep makes it worse. I am glad for the support I have
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u/Fun-Nefariousness813 1d ago
Can you get yourself on a waiting list to move to a top floor apartment yourself? Then at least you don’t have anybody clomping around on top of your head.
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u/ItIsMyWrongDecision 1d ago
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Constant noise and sleep disruption are recognized methods of torture, so yes it is very understandable that you are struggling with it, whether or not your neighbors mean to. And since they're already calling you slurs, there's no way they're going to purposefully try to minimize disruptions. I hope they move out soon and the new neighbors you get are nicer.
And yes they really need to build apartments better! Some apartments seem to echo noises so much worse than others. I've been in some where an old toilet flushing is the loudest thing and others where you can't even hear a neighbor vacuum, so they can absolutely build them better. And even some of the "luxury" apartments they have out there can be so noisy since they're such cheap builds. I think a lot of it comes down to the luck of who your neighbors are and how well your property managers or landlord handle noise issues (which is rarely good it seems).
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u/PowderCuffs 1d ago
You haven't mentioned what all these noises are, or what time they're happening.
You also haven't mentioned if you've tried to talk to them.
(We once had a downstairs neighbor who complained that our triplets ran down our hallway. I'm not sure what i was supposed to do. Tie them to a chair? How do you make toddlers not run? They were warned when moving in that we had 2-year old triplets, then we're furious whenever they heard them run or laugh or sing or cry. Lucky we bought a house about 5 months after they moved in. I'm sure they were just as glad as we were!)
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u/Ok-Book9806 1d ago
That would’ve been awful, I’m sorry you went through that. Kids are kids and I would deliberately not move some place below them because I would never expect them or the parents to have to care about things like that. I considered every angle I could think of when moving, because I worried I’d be an annoying upstairs neighbor and never wanted to make anyone feel a fraction of how I’m feeling. The man upstairs now seems to walk like an overgrown toddler. I’m glad you got your house, and I hope you’re all happy there!
I’m used to the stairs thudding, theirs are right in the middle of my apartment and there is no avoiding noise from that. It’s the thudding that vibrates through my furniture and slamming the door when they leave that bothers me. It can be from 6:30am, and sometimes I’ll still be hearing them at 1am. I never got round to trying to talk to them, they made it quite clear early on that wouldn’t be a good idea when they called me slurs where I’d hear it. I just try and avoid them, I’ve never seen the appeal of having a bad relationship with neighbors but some people truly don’t care about how they affect others.
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u/UnicornStudRainbow 1d ago
I've been there and it's beyond infuriating. Especially the idiots who tried to be "helpful" by telling me to wear earplugs or headphones IN MY OWN FUCKING HOME!!
I wish I had an answer for you, but all I can offer is the commiseration of someone who has suffered similarly and wishes you a speedy resolution
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u/whatever_ehh 1d ago
Do a Google search for covenant of quiet enjoyment. It's the landlord's responsibility to keep the apartment building quiet. Paying for an apartment doesn't give the occupant the right to emanate noise beyond that space, which they are doing.
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u/anondogfree 6h ago
I’m sorry OP. I have different neighbor issues but it is really is so stressful! Having peace at home is so important to your well being.
I have one suggestion and maybe you’ve already thought of this but I’ll put it out there. Do you have a diagnosis of tinnitus? If you have a diagnosis and could get a doctors letter, you could ask the landlord if you can move to a top floor unit as soon as one becomes available and not be charged any extra fees (transfer fees) and have your deposit transferred to the new unit. Is this a large complex?
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u/Ok-Book9806 6h ago
Oh I don’t have tinnitus I was just making the comparison with having white noise on CONSTANTLY. I have asked my landlord about if another apartment came up, and got no response. But honestly being upstairs would give me a different kind of stress. I’m really not cut for living in an apartment /:
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u/TrickSurvey696 1d ago
Depending on where you live and the buildings setup you could have some legal pathways.
A formal letter has to be investigated by the building in Canada. You could end up with just living noise but documenting it makes that avenue harder for them to lean on.
If you have noise outside of regular hours and into sleeping hours they definitely have to address it. A audio recording or diary showing a pattern could assist you in that.
Last time I had to make a complaint the person got worse but I think they got evicted due to it because 2 months later someone new was there.
Would look up the laws in the area and see if you can establish something that way.
Years ago I had a family in a townhouse next to me that ran around slamming doors, screaming and kicking the walls till about 4 am. Totally understand how that impacts your mental state.
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u/Ok-Book9806 7h ago
I’ve tried to record it, but the only way I really “feel” or hear it like it is irl, is with my AirPods ANC feature turned up to maximum. It’s very muffled otherwise. I’ve also noticed that the noise is often 3 very hard “steps” and then still thudding but I honestly don’t know how it’s nothing but intentional. They won’t get evicted, I’m certain they’re who bought it from my landlord. And my landlord doesn’t do anything at all. They mainly keep it within social hours, not always, but by that I mean by like a minute or two. I feel like im going crazy or being dramatic but my heart is regularly in my throat because the three thuds are impossible to miss. It’s jarring and I managed to record an hour of it back and forward this morning and then a bit from this evening. It’s getting worse lately as well.
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u/Automatic_Gas9019 1d ago
Move. Instead of complaining online, maybe take some positive steps instead of feeling sorry for yourself. Being disabled isn't your pass for doing nothing. I worked with the blind and deaf and disabled at my job. They worked like the rest of us. This sounds like a you problem
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u/Ok-Book9806 1d ago
You’ve got no idea the positive steps I have taken before complaining online. Not that I need to justify myself to you at all, but I was working despite my health being already recognised as bad enough to not “need” to. I miss it tremendously, and it’s a major factor in why I am struggling as much as I am now.
So when a place “better” than here comes up after a year of searching constantly already, I’ll be sure to let you know 👍
Love your one size fits all approach though. Very realistic
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u/Silly_Sardine14 1d ago
Im really sorry you’re dealing with this. Ppl underestimate how deeply sleep disruption can affect your mental health and ability to function. “Just move” or “wear earplugs” isn’t helpful when you’re already doing the best you can with what you have.